The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[staystrong]

Day 10: I think about her all the time it seems. Part of me wants everything to work out, and part of me is so angry she would do me dirty like she did and then have the nerve to tell me she loves me. So last night I just wrote it all out. It was like 3 pages of anger, and it did help. today I'm just going to work all day doming homework and essays. Its hard to not call her, but I know its for the best.

 

[staystrong]

Day 11: last night she skype me saying, can we talk?" ten 10 minutes later she says, " i dont want you hating me." Too late now.

I might see her at school today, I will avoid her and can, but I think she might try to hunt me down, and the last thing i need right now is to physically see her or make eye contact. So avoiding her is todays mission. Also, realize she does this with other guys before me and that it wasn't even about me, shes just selfish and immature.

 

[staystrong]

You're doing a great job. I didn't have the balls to admit to myself that I needed to avoid my oneitis chicks and it always dragged out.


It's not easy, so many times i came this close...
today I could have walked outside the same time she got out of class, but I resisted with everything in me. Today at school a mutual friend handed me a shirt she made me. She made all the club members shirts for a school club we were in before I quit. She asked somebody at the meeting to hand it to me. So filled with rage, but knowing not to go talk to her, and also knowing she still sleeps in my shirt, I found it fitting to hang the shirt in a bag on her car door. HAHA! I don't know if that's cheating no contact because I let her know I'm still angry without physical contact. anyway, so I figured she would get angry and say something, instead she blocks me on Skype! HA! ITS FUNNY TO ME because I can predict this ****. She will be mad for a week at the most, probably say **** to me or call me names or ignore me back. Then call later on saying she doesn't want me mad at her, or even better, realizing she ****ed up. Or maybe just leave me the **** alone and make this a lot easier for me to move on. Whatever, im done anyways.


Also, this blog is helping me a **** ton so i thought I would record every single day to help others because i live to help others. One day at a time bros!

 

[staystrong]

It's late at night, and I just want her back. I will admit it. I cant stay mad forever becuase Im just using my anger to keep me from being needy weak nice guy who doesn't win ever. When I'm not angry I just feel awful, just ****ing awful. I keep asking, why did she say she loved me and then dump me, then be so disrespectful to me?? I just want to call her, go to her house, not even fight, just get answers, and if I can help her stop this pattern for good than maybe I will feel better. Or maybe this is a horrible idea and it will blow up in my face, give me no closure, and leave me wanting what I might not ever have again.

heres a thought, am i really being a man using NC? I know we all think we are, trust me, BUT, I'm just running away from my problems. I still want answers to my questions from her, and not contacting her is rude, doesn't solve anything, and ruins any chance of us ever being anything. I dont want to ignore her, I want to know what the **** is going on in her head.

Honestly if we aren't ever going to be together again fine, I can do better anyways. but i will never heal until I get my questions answered, there's no closure in NC.

any experience posters please help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! dont just tell me to not contact her. Tell me why I should contact her. change it up a little. btw, i wont contact her until I figure all this **** out.

 

[bullethead]

growing pains staystrong... listen you need to move on. Take this as a learning experience and move on... trust me there are way more girls better than her and now you know what to look for. Work on yourself and forget that hoe. Staying no contact is the best punishment to her b/c girls always want reassurance that they are acceptable... staying no contact till you stop caring... and trust me you will stop caring will hurt her more than she hurt you

 

[bullethead]

you should look into studying the laws of attraction...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tn7r6la8qe4&list=PL8926D1710BB63952&feature=mh_lolz

 

[bignick79]

My Ex is starting to contact me again...

Hello Dons!

I have a very interesting situation developing here. My ex and I broke up about 3-4 months ago, we were together about 19 months. After we broke up, I discontinued contact with her for over 2 months, no calls, no texts, nothing! I did break the cardinal rule, I called her about 3 weeks ago. I called to say hello and see how she was, but there was another reason behind it...i was going to vegas and truthfully, i wanted to plant a little seed in her mind that I was going and going to have a great time without her. We talked for 20 mins or so and that was all.

The day before I left, to my surprise, she texted me..."Play some roulette, do a high five bet (00,0,1,2,3). Think of Lola (her dog) and you will be lucky, all she wants in return is Bacon! I waited about an hour, my response was, "i will, if i win she can have all the Bacon she wants." That was that.

So, I went to Vegas and had a blast!!! I had so much fun. Well, sure enough, the day after i got back I received a text from her..."Are you back?" I was slightly surprised, especially that I had called her. I kinda felt like I may have put myself at a disadvantage by calling her and texting her back before. So i waited a while after the text and gave her a call. She asked about the trip initially. I told her how much fun I had, where we all went to drink and party. Then she kinda disguised the reason she called, asking me about the computer I had gotten for her while we were together, asking me about one of the programs...yea, i bet that's why you called!! Again, we talked for about 15 mins and that was that.

I figured that would be it, sure enough, 4 days later, she texts me again..."Are you around?" At this point, I'm kinda shaking my head...I was sure I'd put myself in the friend zone permanently with her, but she's continuing to contact me. Again, i waited a while and called her. She started with small talk, the usual...then she tells me "I have something to tell you." Apparently, an ex of hers made contact with her, he was kind of a stalker, leaving presents at her doorstep, leaving messages and just being overall really creepy. Well, she talked to him and told him she was married just to get him off her back. He says, "to who? Nick?" I was kind of upset that she dragged me into this drama, but I couldn't help laugh a little. The guy is such a royal wuss, begging her and pleading with her. Honestly, i was really creeped out that he knew my name, there is no way he should know who I am, i don't know him, nor have I ever met him. In some ways, I kind of feel like this story might all be bull****, just an excuse to make contact with me again. But the guy is real, she made me aware of him early in our relationship, but I'm thinking the story is just a ploy.

Finally, today, she texts me a picture of her finger with a ring on it saying "my wedding ring" All i can think to myself is oh my god!! what the hell is going on here?? Is this the woman who broke up with me, now she's sending me a picture of her hand with a ring on it. She's wearing it just in case she runs into him and she can corroborate the story that she's married...and apparently, he showed up at a place she often goes, a friend of hers happened to be there and told the guy, "did you hear she got married?"

Something is going on here, guys. I'd like to hear your thoughts. It seems like she definitely misses me, even after I made the initial contact, she's been increasing her contact with me as of late, and the whole marriage story, including me in the drama kind of pisses me off truthfully, but at the same time it all sounds like a cry for my attention. What do you all think?

Big Nick

 

[staystrong]

just got off the skype with my ex after an hour and a half. I broke contact. I couldn't take it anymore. I had to know why she said she loved me, and if this was just a game. Needless to say, its 1 am, and I feel like a ****ing idiot once again. She said she really cares about me and doesn;t want to hurt me and thats swhy she dumped me. Then doesn't really answer my quesitons, just makes excuses like, well I geuss Im just a *****, or i dont know, or well you were ignoring me so i ****ed some guy.

I honestly did this NC becuase I had hope for us, but I also wanted to move on. Guys, take it from me, its not worth it. Im not even talking about breaking no contact, because you will break eventually if you want her back. You have unanswered questions just like i do and it wil get to you. But realize that the answers will never satisfy you, trust me. I sit here jsut angry that not only did I cave, but im stuck here with the same answers as before, and I swill never be with her again. I'm a ****ing idiot. I cant believe I put my self through this for a second go around. I dont really know what to say I'm so confused and angry right now.

She is unbelievable, and her answers dont make any of it ok. She just kept saying sorry and I now she really meant it, but nothing cuts deeper into my heart knowing that she didall these things, and will probably do this to some other guy down the road.


Guys, dont do this to yourself like i did. DOnt give yourself hope to get back together just because your lonely, and listen to your gut above your lonelyness. I feel like a failure for breaking the No contact, but I'm glad i did it now and get my answers instead of dragging this out 49 more days. I'm sorry to everyone who was following this. I hope I was still able to help you.

DOnt do this to yourself, you deserve better. I'm glad I finally realize that I dont want her anymore, and No contact is for getting over someone, not to avoid your feelings or get them back. Life is short, dont waste it waiting like me.

 

[ink_wizard]

i want to know why she feels the need to be best friends with my other ex? i want to know how she could get into another relationship 5 weeks after the break up? im on 12 days NC and it feels like forever since i last spoke to her....i regret breaking up with her but she was nasty to me after i left her and we did so many hurtful things to each other which i regret but she doesnt give a crap about.....i want her back so bad and i wish she'd just wake up and realize that im the one for her

 

[Love's Orphan]

Her answers mean nothing, staystrong. Her actions do. She is no longer with you; it doesnt matter why. She can say she loves you all she wants; but she is not coming back. And even if she did, there is a high chance that you will break up again (the same reasons for the 1st break up). If she really didnt want to hurt you, she would have left you alone. Her answers wont make any sense because she wants to confuse you. The bottom line is that she doesnt love you, if she did she would have never dumped you. You will never forget people, but you can forget the feelings you had for them. Do it, be strong, goor luck.

Now, ink, she is in a new relationship because she likes the other person (assuming she is sane). Again, the "why" or "how" are not important, the "what" is. She doesnt give a crap wbout you. Do likewise, move on.

 

[bullethead]

@staystrong... oh well, you live and you learn. Next time your in a similar situation you know what to do. Life is long, trust me there are better girls out there. Now is the best time to go no contact, don't get into another relationship just out of revenge. Work on yourself, work out, improve your wardrobe, improve your work ethic. Trust me if you do that better girls will come. The next four to six months will be tough. The best thing to do is surround yourself with friends, tell them not to talk about her, improve yourself, get a new hobby and you will get over it. Your heartbroken, and it may be the best thing that ever happened to you. Don't contact her, delete her and her friends from facebook, she will feel bad and left wondering what happened to you. From now on she is dead to you. And you should have acted like this as soon as you broke up. Don't ever contact her again.

 

[staystrong]

SO I called her today after our heated discussion last night. At first all day it was like reality set in, you two aren;t working ever. So then I did what I did when she dumped me, I accepted freindship. Now before you all judge me, listen. I know freind zone after boyfreind is not ideal, but ignoring her isn't how I handle my feelings and problems. I know guys, I know, it sound like im being a little *****. But let my explian. I am NOT AN *******, I dont want to get revenge, i have cooled down lot today. I honestly right now feel like Im thinking clear. I am going to go hang out with her as friends at her house this week. I know you all are going wtf are you thinking. I'm thinking as hard as it is to admit, that we make better freinds than we ever did in a relationship. I do care about her, and she does care about me, being an ******* back is not how I handle my **** no matter how angry I get.

btw, im trying freinds and hanging out, I didnt say i dont have doubts. If i still like her alot then i stop hanging out. If i am just mad at her and want out, then I just leave. But most of all I want to help her help herself so she doesn't keep hurting guys and herself. Dont tell me its not my problem and I need to no contact her. I tried that, and it didn;t solve anything. If freinds is too much or i dont like it, fine, then I leave.

I think her and I will be good freinds, and I hope I can not only help her, but maybe when I find a new girl I can have a good bud to give advice who is NOT a alpha male guy.

anyway, I will keep posting so just in case others are thinking of trying this differently like me, who knows, maybe it will be fine. i used to think that I failed because i got dumped, or that the freind zone was the worst. You know what, its not a failure, its a learning experience and Im sure I will have mood swings for the next couple weeks, but I think the best thing and most mature to do is to be a good freind like I am. I will update the first freind hangout at her house to see if I am right or not. thanks for all the advice guys, dont think I didn't seriously take it just because Im going to try to be no freinds, but I have to try.

 

[Serg897]

Im not judging you staystrong. Many times in my life I've gotten emotionally invested, broken up and acted like a wuss afterwards by breaking NC, accepting friendship, listening to her bullsh!t excuses and trying to believe them. Its hard to resist - its hard to maintain your composure and your dignity when your mind is actively sabotaging itself.

Yet, every single time I wish later I had acted differently.

Trust me, friendship is not in your best interests. You have hidden motives you know it. You still miss her and you hope that maybe keeping her around will rekindle old flames.

Its over man. Maintaining contact will only prolong the pain for you. Don't do it. Move on.

 

[staystrong]

I told my freind and he said Im just going to hurt myself and to be careful. He also said that I may be a very strong person for other people in my life, but for myself, I dont. He said that when I get to her house, sit next to her and her family and just act like everything is fine, I wont be thinking of being strong and I will jsut want to hold her. He said that its my decision and if I want to try it go for it. But if its weird, then dont do it until my feelings are gone.

I figure I might as well get it over with, and no i wont cave at her house. I do just want to be freinds, if she tries begging me back after we hang out a couple times becuase she misses me, I WILL NOT GET BACK TOGETHER WITH HER! I promise this, I might cave in my mind and want to hug her when im there ya duh. But if she tries to get me back, I dont think so, you had me and let me go that ship has sailed and gone.

Being freinds with her isn't an easy decision Serg, but no contact isn't working for me. i dont want to just cut her out, and she doesn't either. i know your not judging me to all you guys saying the same as Serg, and you probably are right about No contact and moving on with my best interest in mind. But i have to try being freinds, because I don't see us back together ever again honestly, but I think we make great friends. I know I know, stupid boy, you know what? maybe I am, but sometimes I learn the hard way. She is just another one of my freinds, period.

 

[SmoothnNerdy]

Staystrong, we've all been down that road. How many days has it been? You've lost that anger and now your fooling yourself into a situation to appease that "missing her" feeling. I know how you feel, I'm feeling it too. I know I've got very little rep but the best advice I can offer you is when making these decisions, sit on them for a few days or even a week before acting on them. Every day that passes I find my perspective changes slightly and at the end of the week it's completely different. I was NCing out of anger the first week, now in the second week I'm NCing out of self preservation. I simply don't have the emotional energy to put up with this crap and I shouldn't even have to.

If you're worried, NC will not hurt her to the point of hating you. If she freaks out and you feel bad about it, just tell her your doing what you need to do right now and your not trying to hurt anyone. If you reconnect later on in life, you can explain it the same way. No SANE woman can ever hold that against you.

Being friends with her will constantly remind you of the good times you spent and I guarantee you'll get sucked into wanting her again...

As soon as one of you starts a new relationship, this "friendship" will end out of necessity.

 

[SmoothnNerdy]

PS - I've seen the friendship sabotage new relationships, not in some deliberate evil way but it messes with everyone's mind/heart involved. You're not making room for somebody new in your life by holding onto someone from the past.

Outside of TV, have you ever heard of a successful marriage where one of them were still friends with an ex?

 

[staystrong]

i dont know what to do anymore guys. i want to be freinds and there for her, but i dont want to hurt myself. So, last night we were type skyping back and forth. She asked waht I want to talk about and I said i just wanted to make sure she knew i will be there for her becuase i know shes going thrugh a lot of ****. She said she was fine, thanked me, and said she does want me there for her. But i couldn;t help think during typing, is she tlaking to another guy, who, why, and on on and on. Maybe freinds is too much right now. Idk, i switch my decision every 5 seconds. I think I definitely shouldn't go hang with her family at her house like old times, somewhere neutral like lunch or school.

but i dont think i should physically see her this week. Ur right nerdy I should sit on this one at least till next week. I care about her, but im angry cuz i just want her to help herself. I know, dont make her problems ur problems, well thats what you do when you love someone. but, i dont know anymore, its just so ****ing confusing. whatever, For now i will just tlak to her by phone or skype.

 

[bullethead]

I know how you feel man, I have been that road before. But trust me being friends with her is NOT the right way to go. Your still not over her. Your heartbroken, right now focus on yourself. Imagine your friends with her and then you find out she is screwing another person. Dude, let that go, she is not worth pursuing, you could do better. You are suffering from a severe case of oneitis, plus I am guessing you are really young, under 23?

 

[staystrong]

i talk to a conselor at my college, i talk to my freinds and family. i literally think about this ALL DAY. i already go to the gym 2 hours and max lift EVERY DAY. the problem is i cant eat AT ALL. I have droped 25 pounds, and it makes me sick to think about all this. i love food so much, i jsut wish my stomach would stop! it makes it that much more painful.

I know who she is screwing, and that doesn't bother me a lot because sex means LITERALLY NOTHING TO HER. it hurts me though, im not gonna lie. what would bother me is if she got a new boyfreind in the next 4 months because she clearly isn't being fair to any guy.

just so we are all clear. she didn't **** some guy to get back at me. Sex literally is like a handshake to her, means absolutely nothing. but dont you think it doesn't tearr me up inside every second. and it doesn't help her deal with her problems, it's just avoiding them, AND THATS WHAT PISSES ME OFF THE MOST! you know what we didn;t work, fine, but dont you put yourself through absolute hell and expect me, mr.help, not to try to help her change herself.

This is so ****ing hard. Its like death, i could do everything right, and GUESS WHAT!?? U STILL LOSE!.

im sorry guys, i wish i could be this strong for myself liek i am for others. and your right, i dont know if im really over her. when im not angry, im just sad inside. but i still want to help her with her problems because i care about her, thats what makes me want to be freinds with her, i want her to change herself. That might be to much right now, i will admit it. and i do have hidden motives no matter how bad i don't want to admit it, even though I know it would never work.

We just had a big family achohol talk for our loved one close to our family, we just put down the dog i have had my whole life, I have no idea how the **** im going to save everyone financially, and this is just the last straw on the camels back. Im 20, and although I am emotional for me, i haven't cried in 3 years, not when people died in the family, not when we put my dog down, not when I thought i was going to die, but I have come very VERY close to letting some tears fall over her. wtf does that mean?? am i just a puny little boy? what is wrong with me? why does this hurt so much if I know we wont ever be together, even if she begged me back and i wasn't over her and would say no? I think you guys are right about one thing, I dont think I can handle hanging with her right now. Maybe i sould do no contact in a nice way, tell her," look, i care about you, and i thought i could just be freinds right now, but it is obviously too much for me. I hope you understand Im just trying to move on. I dont have a time table, i will just text you when Im over you and can be freinds." thats just off the top of my head so tell me what yall think.

 

[bullethead]

growing pains, my dude, it only gets better with time. just keep living an honorable life and you will get out of this a better person