The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[soulforge]

Whoa... Man this girl really had you in a bind. What is troubling me is that even getting on with other girls does not seem to make it better for you. However, I think the rule was that you have to get girls who are essentially more attractive than her... Have you done that?

3 months NC and you seem to be still in limbo... I hope despite the ****ty feelings, you are lifting, flirting and generally improving yourself? Time heals I imagine... Trust the process and the guys here. Doing great with the NC and that is motivating for the rest of us.

I'm lifting like crazy.. and have physically improved a whole lot more since the break up.. i'm pretty much in the gym 5 days a week.

Well i have banged a good few chicks since my ex, but looks wise they are not on the same scale of my ex..

My ex was a good looking woman, also successful.

This is why i feel worse after dating new girls.. i'm thinking maybe I should take a break from dating for a while, and just focus on myself?

I reckon if i met a chick who was better looking than my ex, and fun to be around.. i probably would not feel so bad, like I do right now.

Plus i get days when I think about if she is with another dude.. but its better for me not to find out.

It was me who did the dumping, but I was forced to, because of her chitty behaviour..

I know for a fact I cannot go back to this woman, all I can do is keep fighting the pain.. and remain NC

 

[soulforge]

Dude, I know how you feel. i have been Talking to more girls in the past month than in the Last 10 years. And I feel nearly the same like you. But that does not change the fact that my girl fcuked up big Time and did not even realize what she was doing. Do I want the Girl back I loved? Yes, for sure! WE all want. But: that Girl does not exist anymore and never will. She is forever gone, if her even ever has existed and had not been a mere creation of my mind - an illusion. The Girl I loved would never have behaved the way the Girl Did that I had to dump. Due to that fact there is no going back, even if she wanted to. Do I suffer? Yes I do. Especially Weekends are hard like you stated before - and times when my Health is going to be bad. But does that make me question my decision? Somtimes, but then overthinking it gets me always to the conclusion that I had no choice. Because accepting Bad behavior was and is no choice. There will never be Trust in her anymore.
Apart from that, only that the decision hurts, does not make ist a Wrong decision.

I hear you Mr Addiction..

The truth is my EX was a pretty rude and shallow person towards me from the beginning of the relationship..

Not constantly, but it was a pattern that kept recurring every few months or so.. also she was very immature and not the type to love or feel empathy..

If we had stayed with these woman, they would have treated us like crap.. dumping them was the RIGHT thing to do.

Men with self respect, do not stay with woman who's behaviour is poor..

It is hard, but we have to move on and find better quality woman!

 

[MrAddiction]

It is hard, but we have to move on and find better quality woman!

The First thing (moving on) important - Second is just an addon.

 

[soulforge]

Would you guys consider this incident as disrespectful??

Christmas Eve 2016 my ex invited me to come to her house and spend it with her and her two daughters and there boyfriends.

She said they will be ordering takeaway, and just having drinks.. she didn't go into detail about the takeaway, or how we would pay for it etc..

So I travelled over to her house Christmas Eve, as you can imagine its a very busy period, with many things to do..

Shopping, presents etc.. In my rush I forgot to stop for a cash machine.. and I generally pay by card for most things, so don't always carry cash around with me.

We sat around the table drinking alcohol, chatting etc..

When the takeaway arrived, it suddenly dawned on me, that I didn't take any cash out..

So everyone around the table began to get there money out, to pay towards the food..

My ex went into her purse, and she only had £10.00

She then said to me.. have you got any cash?

I replied, sorry I didn't get chance to stop over at the cash machine.. I felt pretty EMBARRASSED

My ex harshly looked at me and then said to me in front of her daughters and boyfriend

DON'T TELL ME YOU HAVE COME HERE WITH NO MONEY IN YOUR POCKETS!

then my exe's daughters boyfriend paid towards my share of food..

Man i felt embarrassed and didn't even really want to eat the food now.. i felt like a free loader.

I felt somewhat angry that my ex didn't just ask me to go to the cash point instead, or maybe had been a bit more discreet, and saved me the embarrassment.

Later when everyone left, I told her straight that I was not happy about her saying that to me in front of everyone.. it totally embarrassed me

How did she react?

She totally dismissed my feelings & said it was my own fault for not bringing cash with you.. she got quite loud and angry towards me!

She felt she did NOTHING wrong.. i explained, that forgetting to go to the cash machine was a genuine mistake on a busy day like Christmas eve.

I was quite tipsy from drinking alcohol at this point, so i got quite angry and told her I don't like how she is talking to me.. i also threw a plastic cup on the floor (MY BAD)

I did it just out of sheer frustration.. i then went upstairs to bed.. she stayed downstairs and she didn't even bother speaking to me.

She stayed downstairs and played very loud music till 4am in the morning and kept me awake all night..


Do you guys think this was disrespectful behaviour???

 

[Charmaine]

It sounds like a result of poor communication. She didn't communicate to you what her expectation was but expected you to automatically behave according to her expectation.

It is interesting she ordered takeaway without having any cash herself but didn't see it as a problem, while very unforgiving to you for not having brought any cash.

If she was not generally like that to other people other than to you, it is either she had been spoiled by you, or she was simply using this an excuse to start an argument for everything else she wasn't happy about the relationship.

 

[soulforge]

It sounds like a result of poor communication. She didn't communicate to you what her expectation was but expected you to automatically behave according to her expectation.

It is interesting she ordered takeaway without having any cash herself but didn't see it as a problem, while very unforgiving to you for not having brought any cash.

If she was not generally like that to other people other than to you, it is either she had been spoiled by you, or she was simply using this an excuse to start an argument for everything else she wasn't happy about the relationship.

Well this is true, she did not have enough money herself either..

Later on she claimed, that I was expecting her to pay for the food, and I had ruined Christmas, because we argued.

I forgot to use the cash point, and as a result was embarrassed infront of people, and according to my ex this is entirely my own fault..

And her embarrasing me was justified.

 

[MrAddiction]

Well this is true, she did not have enough money herself either..

Later on she claimed, that I was expecting her to pay for the food, and I had ruined Christmas, because we argued.

I forgot to use the cash point, and as a result was embarrassed infront of people, and according to my ex this is entirely my own fault..

And her embarrasing me was justified.

It is plain simple bytchy behaviour. Double standards at it's best.
Especially her thinking it's all your fault and nor hers.
Yes, you forgot to get money, that was your mistake, but that does nor legitimize her being an angry bytch.
Guy this is disrespectful behaviour at it's best.
Is falsly mistook such such manners as ****test, and reacted in a teasing way. Means: she say: you did come without Money? I would have replied: yes, and while talking I just remember that I Even forgot your chrismaspresent. (While smiling in a way that she does bot knwo wether is was serious)
But, either that would have been the wrong reaction, all you tell about you ex, she is a typical BPD - didn't you mention that before?
I do not know if I would have the Ball if the Situation was real, but applying all Knowledge from this Bord, the right reaction would have been. To react the way I Said but then tell her you will leave to get it. Get Off the table and Do not return anymore.
Reaction on disrespectful behaviour should always be to leave. Why don't we do that? Because wie are afraid to lose the one Girl we love, but that in Reality does not love us. Instead we stay and set us up for further abuse

 

[Roober]

Well this is true, she did not have enough money herself either..

Later on she claimed, that I was expecting her to pay for the food, and I had ruined Christmas, because we argued.

I forgot to use the cash point, and as a result was embarrassed infront of people, and according to my ex this is entirely my own fault..

And her embarrasing me was justified.

Disrespectful yes! You need to really work on your inner game dude. 3 months of no contact and it seems like you are still holding on. This woman was a single mom and an older one to boot. She was no gem or diamond or anything special. A woman should never embarss or ridicule you like that in front of others. That is aweful and you basically just took it...

 

[soulforge]

It is plain simple bytchy behaviour. Double standards at it's best.
Especially her thinking it's all your fault and nor hers.
Yes, you forgot to get money, that was your mistake, but that does nor legitimize her being an angry bytch.
Guy this is disrespectful behaviour at it's best.
Is falsly mistook such such manners as ****test, and reacted in a teasing way. Means: she say: you did come without Money? I would have replied: yes, and while talking I just remember that I Even forgot your chrismaspresent. (While smiling in a way that she does bot knwo wether is was serious)
But, either that would have been the wrong reaction, all you tell about you ex, she is a typical BPD - didn't you mention that before?
I do not know if I would have the Ball if the Situation was real, but applying all Knowledge from this Bord, the right reaction would have been. To react the way I Said but then tell her you will leave to get it. Get Off the table and Do not return anymore.
Reaction on disrespectful behaviour should always be to leave. Why don't we do that? Because wie are afraid to lose the one Girl we love, but that in Reality does not love us. Instead we stay and set us up for further abuse

I really should have walked away that night, but I had no mode of transport back to my own town, plus it was late and I had a few drinks..

I should have actually dumped her for this incident, because prior to this, she had been rude to me, on a few other occasions..

When this incident took place, she had already moved in with me.. and we where looking at properties together..

So i was deep in the relationship with her.. heavily invested.. I knew I needed to walk away, but it was difficult.. plus the FEAR of being alone again.

She took no responsibility at all, and blamed me entirely.

I should have quietly walked away and never looked back, but alcohol can sometimes make you feel upset or angry, when you are being pushed by someone.

I finally decided enough was enough.. ended the relationship... blocked her completely and have been in NC ever since!

 

[soulforge]

Disrespectful yes! You need to really work on your inner game dude. 3 months of no contact and it seems like you are still holding on. This woman was a single mom and an older one to boot. She was no gem or diamond or anything special. A woman should never embarss or ridicule you like that in front of others. That is aweful and you basically just took it...

I agree with you.. disrespect should be dealt with harshly.. she embarrasses you in front of people... WALK AWAY

And you are right, i need to take this woman off the pedelstal, and realise she was toxic and low quality, and move the fuk on!

 

[Roober]

I agree with you.. disrespect should be dealt with harshly.. she embarrasses you in front of people... WALK AWAY

And you are right, i need to take this woman off the pedelstal, and realise she was toxic and low quality, and move the fuk on!

So quit talking, start doing!

Make a list of what you need to do. Start approaching more women, find the strength inside you to understand she was a $hitty human being, girlfriend, etc.

Something I did that helped...

Make a list of good qualities
Make a list of bad qualities
Look at all the good qualities and write 1 of 3 words next to it... ALL, most, some, none. This is determined by how many other women have these qualities.

For example, for good I had these for my ex...
What I do like
-she is fun to spend time - MOST women are fairly fun to be around, at least women you will actually end up on a date with. Actually, more fun than she was
-sex is good - MOST women are good in the sack. I only had my exwife for perspective, which was aweful. My new plate puts my exgf to shame badddd
-she is pretty - SOME. I would say she was a solid 7.5 , hottest I had dated unfortunately. Not all women are hot
-she challenges me - MOST decent women will challenge you and keep you on your toes
-she values family - MOST women value their family
-She is okay with splitting bills - MOST women are okay with this

As you see, you can easily knock a women off her pedestal. It is even more fun when you do this for the negatives. You realize she has more bad qualities of a low quality woman, a woman you will not get near any more!

 

[Reboot2017]

ell i have banged a good few chicks since my ex, but looks wise they are not on the same scale of my ex..

My ex was a good looking woman, also successful.

This is why i feel worse after dating new girls.. i'm thinking maybe I should take a break from dating for a while, and just focus on myself?

I guess you know the problem man. I think the concept only works if you bang someone hotter than your ex. Otherwise, you feel worst because she becomes even more valuable in your eyes. But I agree with everyone on this board. You can do better man. For the moment, maybe lay off the chicks and concentrate on becoming the best version of yourself. I came to the conclusion the reason why I am so into my ex was because I was not happy with my life. I imagine if I had an amazing life which made me fulfill, her leaving or me booting her out would not affect me much at all.

 

[Reboot2017]

Day 16 of NC. Generally quite depressed but I can rationalize it out so not too bad. Been holding on to my program of keeping busy but at the same time I have stopped denying myself from feeling the negative emotions. Better to embrace it and really feel the pain to overcome it. Despite that, there are moments of clarity about life and I have started to look at this as an opportunity to rebuild myself. After a year of being in the doldrums with her with almost zero effort on self improvement, I suddenly find ample time and opportunity to work on myself. That is a blessing.

I had a thought which resonated with me this morning... It is the same advice they give on the redpill whereby to concentrate on creating an awesome life rather than hunting for chicks. When you have a legendary life, you can then choose to invite girls to share in it if they qualify for it. And regardless of whether they stay or not, you do not really care because you realize the truth of it all. They do not matter. You do.

 

[soulforge]

So quit talking, start doing!

Make a list of what you need to do. Start approaching more women, find the strength inside you to understand she was a $hitty human being, girlfriend, etc.

Something I did that helped...

Make a list of good qualities
Make a list of bad qualities
Look at all the good qualities and write 1 of 3 words next to it... ALL, most, some, none. This is determined by how many other women have these qualities.

For example, for good I had these for my ex...
What I do like
-she is fun to spend time - MOST women are fairly fun to be around, at least women you will actually end up on a date with. Actually, more fun than she was
-sex is good - MOST women are good in the sack. I only had my exwife for perspective, which was aweful. My new plate puts my exgf to shame badddd
-she is pretty - SOME. I would say she was a solid 7.5 , hottest I had dated unfortunately. Not all women are hot
-she challenges me - MOST decent women will challenge you and keep you on your toes
-she values family - MOST women value their family
-She is okay with splitting bills - MOST women are okay with this

As you see, you can easily knock a women off her pedestal. It is even more fun when you do this for the negatives. You realize she has more bad qualities of a low quality woman, a woman you will not get near any more!

I already did this list man..and the negatives did outweigh the positives..

The fundementals that make a relationship work are not there..

Yes she is good looking..

Yes she is successful..

Yes the sex is good..

But putting up with disrespect is not even an option.. always blaming, never accepting responsibility.. A healthy relationship can never work under these circumstances..

I think its just difficult, when you feel you cannot get a hot woman like that again..

But hey, who knows.. I may look back in time and be absolutely glad i kicked her to the curb..

One thing i do know is... getting back with this chick is NOT an option.. only moving on is the way forward

 

[Roober]

I already did this list man..and the negatives did outweigh the positives..

The fundementals that make a relationship work are not there..

Yes she is good looking..

Yes she is successful..

Yes the sex is good..

But putting up with disrespect is not even an option.. always blaming, never accepting responsibility.. A healthy relationship can never work under these circumstances..

I think its just difficult, when you feel you cannot get a hot woman like that again..

But hey, who knows.. I may look back in time and be absolutely glad i kicked her to the curb..

One thing i do know is... getting back with this chick is NOT an option.. only moving on is the way forward

You recognize the problem, now it is a matter of accepting it and embedding it in your brain. Attractive women are a dime a dozen. Your problem now is finding an attractive "good" woman, your ex was not that woman. She was in fact, very ugly!

 

[resilient]

What's up DJ brothers?

Day 30
Feels awesome to have made it thirty days NC. I'm halfway there on this challenge. On day one I blocked her number and email address so I couldn't receive any messages of any kind.

For the first week, I was able to get nearly eight hours of sleep every night. Sleep has been off and on since then, yet worlds better than it was the last few weeks leading up to the breakup. If anyone is having trouble sleeping immediately following a breakup, I strongly recommend "Sleep Hypnosis for Letting Go of Past Relationships" by Michael Sealey. I played that video every night before sleep during week 1.

I bought a kick @ss electric guitar that I play daily and have gone to three weekly lessons. I'm learning how to play tabulatures, practice chord progressions, and learn more about different styles of guitars and techniques.

I gained 10 pounds of muscle. Went from 136 -> 146. I still want to bulk up another 20-30. The gains aren't as noticeable yet... the good news is my face doesn't look so boney when I was depressed at 136.

I became an event organizer for a social group of a few hundred members where I live, so I'll be responsible for putting on more get togethers this summer, which will help for social proof building and a nice break from studies.

Still transitioning my career. I'll graduate with my undergrad in July and start applying for grad school. I have to shadow an expert in my field for 40~80 hours before I can apply...

I've been seeing my old therapist the last few weeks to work through lingering issues of rejection that's going well. I realized I'm no where near ready for a LTR and that's perfectly fine as I get my house in order. There are more pressing matters right now than spinning plates, so plates can wait.

 

[soulforge]

You recognize the problem, now it is a matter of accepting it and embedding it in your brain. Attractive women are a dime a dozen. Your problem now is finding an attractive "good" woman, your ex was not that woman. She was in fact, very ugly!

Thanks man.. my goal and mission is to remove everything about this woman out of my life..

Untill a day comes, where I don't give a single fuk about her..

It is true.. I could never say that this was a good woman.. even if i get a lesser attractive girl..i would prefer that over a nasty remorseless hag like her..

By the way.. what is the sexual market value of a 52 year old woman? Who is also a bar girl.. it she pretty much pump and dump material in younger guys eyes?

 

[soulforge]

Do you know what drives me crazy..

My ex actually believes it is me he treated her bad.. she claims to be the victim.

She actually does not see any wrong doing carried out by her at all...

And this is why its not possible to be with someone like her.. the gaslighting and blaming and the disrespect will leave you mind fuked or just very ANGRY and RESENTFUL

Seriously if you meet a girl.. and she behaves inappropriately.. do NOT take it lightly.. if its something serious or it is disrespect.. WALK the fuk away

 

[Roober]

Thanks man.. my goal and mission is to remove everything about this woman out of my life..

Untill a day comes, where I don't give a single fuk about her..

It is true.. I could never say that this was a good woman.. even if i get a lesser attractive girl..i would prefer that over a nasty remorseless hag like her..

By the way.. what is the sexual market value of a 52 year old woman? Who is also a bar girl.. it she pretty much pump and dump material in younger guys eyes?

That woman is the lowest SMV. I am guessing you are in your 30's or 40's. Should always try to look younger. She was pump and dump that you kept around too long. Keep in mind, she will never leave your mind. It is a matter of accepting that you guys were not a good fit, she is hot garbage, and you are way better off without her. You will laugh at yourself one day that you even went through this.

Do you know what drives me crazy..

My ex actually believes it is me he treated her bad.. she claims to be the victim.

She actually does not see any wrong doing carried out by her at all...

And this is why its not possible to be with someone like her.. the gaslighting and blaming and the disrespect will leave you mind fuked or just very ANGRY and RESENTFUL

Seriously if you meet a girl.. and she behaves inappropriately.. do NOT take it lightly.. if its something serious or it is disrespect.. WALK the fuk away

My exwife did this a ton, hence why I left. To this day, she still blames me for tons of random $hit. Some women refuse to take ownership and are masters of deflection. It does play a game on your mind...

 

[hesh]

I just found this forum and reading your posts makes me feel better and less alone, knowing that others are in the same situation. Thank you all!

So......
DAY 15 of NC
DAY 20 since breakup

Longest NC during the relationship was 10 days 2 months ago, until she contacted me.

If you want the back story, I wrote it on another forum when she just left me..when I was freshly heart-broken

http://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=128&t=203613&view=unread#unread

First week was horrible! Don't want my worst enemy to feel that way!
But then after the forum thing, I slapped myself and said to myself what the fukc am I doing?!

Since then I've tried to stay busy, friends and gym and family. When I'm alone, I still think about her all the time, but less when I'm with other people.

Since the slap, I've been finding myself again and realizing what kind of AFC I became... I kind of needed this breakup to wake up.

But I'm not gonna lie, I still miss her like hell!
I still have a hard time accepting this...
I still want her back.

Next week is my birthday. I don't know if she will send me that "happy birthday" text, what do you think?
If she doesn't, I might think about accepting life as it comes.....

Some might say I use NC for the wrong purpose and it will hurt me more... But I don't know, guess I have to find that out the hard way.... Still love her..