The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Krueg]

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[Reboot2017]

Day 12 of NC. Today has been a bit hard. I dropped out of a whatsapp group where we share common friends and "accidentally" saw her profile picture. More of a compulsion than anything else. She had a picture of her skiing and looking really happy with her group of friends including the Ex. Tried not to focus too much about it but damn, it went straight to the gut. I mean, I did read the stuff on the thread about guys feeling like crap when they realize they have been sort of replace or how little they actually meant to their Ex but actually being on receiving end of this is damn painful to say the least.

The odds of getting back with her is zip. I know that. She is history and I am moving on. But the pain of her loss is not lessening. In fact, I feel its becoming more intense by the day as the mind misses the dopamine hit more and more. I have restarted lifting, dancing and fundamentally everything I can to take my mind of it... Despite that, I am still grieving. Hope things are better for you guys.

 

[Carpathian]

Broke NC after almost 3 months I sent the "Happy birthday, wish you the best, peace" text.
Feels better than I expected whether she responds or not.

Lets see if I still dont regret it tomorrow though.

You *will* regret it dude. There is a reason we say block them - you want her out of you life in every possible way. You do not *want* her reaching out to you, man. Why? She dumped you! She thought she could do better? Well, fukk her, let her.

We all make mistakes though, as did I. Try to learn from it.

I have all my exes totally blocked.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

Day 12 of NC. Today has been a bit hard. I dropped out of a whatsapp group where we share common friends and "accidentally" saw her profile picture. More of a compulsion than anything else. She had a picture of her skiing and looking really happy with her group of friends including the Ex. Tried not to focus too much about it but damn, it went straight to the gut. I mean, I did read the stuff on the thread about guys feeling like crap when they realize they have been sort of replace or how little they actually meant to their Ex but actually being on receiving end of this is damn painful to say the least.

The odds of getting back with her is zip. I know that. She is history and I am moving on. But the pain of her loss is not lessening. In fact, I feel its becoming more intense by the day as the mind misses the dopamine hit more and more. I have restarted lifting, dancing and fundamentally everything I can to take my mind of it... Despite that, I am still grieving. Hope things are better for you guys.

It will pass. Man, pictures can be hard...Somewhere in this thread there is a post of mine...saying that after 3 months of NC I was doing some cleaning around my place and found a picture of her. And you know what? I was like "well, she was no that pretty", put it where it was and continued with my day. Things will get better, I can promise you that. Gve yourself some time to heal and then go after a new girl, that's the fastest way! Stay strong!

 

[QuadDeuces]

You *will* regret it dude. There is a reason we say block them - you want her out of you life in every possible way. You do not *want* her reaching out to you, man. Why? She dumped you! She thought she could do better? Well, fukk her, let her.

We all make mistakes though, as did I. Try to learn from it.

I have all my exes totally blocked.

Nah man no regrets actually felt really good to have made peace.
Got my validation when she apologised and told me that it was hard for her too. Smashed my new plate last night without my ex in mind for a change.
Actually still feel good to have made peace. Not planning on further interaction though.

 

[soulforge]

Having a really tough couple of days.. been on a few dates, but non of these chicks seem to compare to my ex..

Also banged a couple of plates, but feels kinda meaningless..

My thoughts wonder off to, how it could be if I got back with her.. there are some things I would do differently..

The problem is.. I cannot change how she behaves.. I cannot fix her..

It will only be a matter of time, when she does something or says something rude or disrespectful and jeopardises the relationship again..

And some months down the line.. i will be back on here, in the NC thread..

Just seems like getting her out of my life is the only option.

The dating game seems to be kicking my ass right now, that might also be a factor adding to me missing her

 

[soulforge]

To be honest..

I feel regret more than anything else.. the first few occasions she treated me with contempt.. dismissed my feelings..

I should have straight up dumped.. now 18 months later, i feel like its going to be really tough getting over her.

2 or 3 months in, if i had rid of her.. I wouldn't even be giving her a 2nd thought now

 

[MrAddiction]

To be honest..

I feel regret more than anything else.. the first few occasions she treated me with contempt.. dismissed my feelings..

I should have straight up dumped.. now 18 months later, i feel like its going to be really tough getting over her.

2 or 3 months in, if i had rid of her.. I wouldn't even be giving her a 2nd thought now

Guy I can feel you. I am in a similar Situation with my Cluster B Ex. I am out 11 month. NC 5month, with on Interruption one month ago because of her going crazy and starting to call every quarter of an hour.

It feels at the Moment als if I Do miss her more than the first months after leaving her. WE were togehter nearly 8years. But I know ist is my mind playing Tricks on me and fogetting about the bad things and only remembering the good things, which I Do miss. But I always try to actively remember the bad things. To be true, that does bot make me feel better, but it prevents me from wanting to reach out to her. But I Must admit there had been some hard times the last days, but maybe that is only because it is a year now when the **** started to go down.
Like you I dumped her and did bot really want it but saw myself forced to.
Due to that I believe what Caraptian says is also true for us.
"You *will* regret it dude. There is a reason we say block them - you want her out of you life in every possible way. You do not *want* her reaching out to you, man. Why? She dumped you! She thought she could do better? Well, fukk her, let her."
I think the fact that WE were forced to Do the break up is the same as if she would have broken up: she thought she could Do better - otherwise she would have treated us in a nicer way and not have fcuked it up.
It is like fcuking heroin. I always have to remember that to keep myself on track. And I am far away from being satisfied with the Progress I made the Last month.
I had one lay, but noticed that is bot going to help me. Like you I Do Miss the Same things WE had in the resltionship- or I thought that we had - apart from the sex: somebody being there, the "trust ", somebody caring etc.
But that is exactly where our mind in playing tricks on us. The thing/ Woman we do miss so much does not exist anymore - if ever existed. There is no going back. We are like heroin addicts, wanting back the good times / highs we had During our shots. But that fun Will Never ever occur again. Stay clean - writing that maybe more for me than for you.

 

[soulforge]

Guy I can feel you. I am in a similar Situation with my Cluster B Ex. I am out 11 month. NC 5month, with on Interruption one month ago because of her going crazy and starting to call every quarter of an hour.

It feels at the Moment als if I Do miss her more than the first months after leaving her. WE were togehter nearly 8years. But I know ist is my mind playing Tricks on me and fogetting about the bad things and only remembering the good things, which I Do miss. But I always try to actively remember the bad things. To be true, that does bot make me feel better, but it prevents me from wanting to reach out to her. But I Must admit there had been some hard times the last days, but maybe that is only because it is a year now when the **** started to go down.
Like you I dumped her and did bot really want it but saw myself forced to.
Due to that I believe what Caraptian says is also true for us.
"You *will* regret it dude. There is a reason we say block them - you want her out of you life in every possible way. You do not *want* her reaching out to you, man. Why? She dumped you! She thought she could do better? Well, fukk her, let her."
I think the fact that WE were forced to Do the break up is the same as if she would have broken up: she thought she could Do better - otherwise she would have treated us in a nicer way and not have fcuked it up.
It is like fcuking heroin. I always have to remember that to keep myself on track. And I am far away from being satisfied with the Progress I made the Last month.
I had one lay, but noticed that is bot going to help me. Like you I Do Miss the Same things WE had in the resltionship- or I thought that we had - apart from the sex: somebody being there, the "trust ", somebody caring etc.
But that is exactly where our mind in playing tricks on us. The thing/ Woman we do miss so much does not exist anymore - if ever existed. There is no going back. We are like heroin addicts, wanting back the good times / highs we had During our shots. But that fun Will Never ever occur again. Stay clean - writing that maybe more for me than for you.

I hear what you say man... i have to admit my EX did not treat me horrendously throught the whole 18 month relationship..

She was some what immature and fiery.. for the majority of time she would behave..

We would get through 3 months of good times, then BHAM she would drop some drama on me.. something rude or something I found disrespectful..

Worst of all.. no aknowledgment of her chitty behaviour!

We cannot continue in relationships like this man.. this kills off yourself esteem..

She was a selfish person... and you are right.. even tho I pulled the trigger and Dumped her.. we where pretty much forced to do this..

Here is the thing tho... I knew my ex was a pretty shallow uncaring individual within 2 months of dating.. and this gut feeling grew months into the relationship..

But we didn't walk away?? Big huge fuking red flags, and we stayed with her... BIG MISTAKE

We cannot turn back the time now right? We both dumped her, and that is a step in the right direction!

We are addicts.. and we will suffer up untill her poison leaves us.. we have no choice!

Going back to them, is not an option.. think how chitty it has been so far.. It will be more of the same all over again.

I have changed my mobile number.. but kept my old sim card..

In the first month of the break up, i was always tempted to check this sim card, just to see if she has tried texting..

But that urge is not so strong now.. i just want to feel indifference and be free of the pain!!

And you are right, as the months go by.. it seems harder..

We need to keep strong!!

 

[soulforge]

Guy I can feel you. I am in a similar Situation with my Cluster B Ex. I am out 11 month. NC 5month, with on Interruption one month ago because of her going crazy and starting to call every quarter of an hour.

It feels at the Moment als if I Do miss her more than the first months after leaving her. WE were togehter nearly 8years. But I know ist is my mind playing Tricks on me and fogetting about the bad things and only remembering the good things, which I Do miss. But I always try to actively remember the bad things. To be true, that does bot make me feel better, but it prevents me from wanting to reach out to her. But I Must admit there had been some hard times the last days, but maybe that is only because it is a year now when the **** started to go down.
Like you I dumped her and did bot really want it but saw myself forced to.
Due to that I believe what Caraptian says is also true for us.
"You *will* regret it dude. There is a reason we say block them - you want her out of you life in every possible way. You do not *want* her reaching out to you, man. Why? She dumped you! She thought she could do better? Well, fukk her, let her."
I think the fact that WE were forced to Do the break up is the same as if she would have broken up: she thought she could Do better - otherwise she would have treated us in a nicer way and not have fcuked it up.
It is like fcuking heroin. I always have to remember that to keep myself on track. And I am far away from being satisfied with the Progress I made the Last month.
I had one lay, but noticed that is bot going to help me. Like you I Do Miss the Same things WE had in the resltionship- or I thought that we had - apart from the sex: somebody being there, the "trust ", somebody caring etc.
But that is exactly where our mind in playing tricks on us. The thing/ Woman we do miss so much does not exist anymore - if ever existed. There is no going back. We are like heroin addicts, wanting back the good times / highs we had During our shots. But that fun Will Never ever occur again. Stay clean - writing that maybe more for me than for you.

Out of curiosity man, why did she go crazy ringing you?

Also do you think, me changing my number is too extreme?

I have blocked her completely 100%..

Other than her coming to my house.. or sending me a letter in the post

 

[MrAddiction]

Out of curiosity man, why did she go crazy ringing you?

Also do you think, me changing my number is too extreme?

I have blocked her completely 100%..

Other than her coming to my house.. or sending me a letter in the post

Here is way she went Crazy.
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/i-need-advice-on-bpd-npd-ex-and-hoovering.239337/
It is radio silence since then.

I think blocking her completely is the right thing which you did - there is no way of overdoing NC or doing ist to extreme. But this thoughs you have about being too rude to her by doing so, shows you still care what she is thinking - though she still has a spell on you. Believe me I Do exactly know about that stuff, realize myself thinking in this patern sometimes. WE have to learn to get more selfish and put ourselfs first. If it is not good for you - just do not care. Fcuk what she might/could/would think. If that should be important to you, she had her Chance to behave the Time when you were togehter.

Why did I not change my number? Simple fact: That is MY number and I am not willing to change a number I had for more than 15years just because some chick that happend to be my ex can not behave herself.

 

[Carpathian]

We would not be humans with a heart if we did not miss exes guys. It will happen. I miss mine as well sometimes.. . But to those readers lost in the past, seeking refuge in yesteryear, be warned, it does not help to linger with those thoughts. Progress is made moving forward, not backward. Look to the future and all the love and happiness that will eventually prevail as sure as the sun will shine again in the deep blue sky.

Do not dwell on the past! Onwards and upwards!

 

[Carpathian]

Here is way she went Crazy.
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/i-need-advice-on-bpd-npd-ex-and-hoovering.239337/
It is radio silence since then.

I think blocking her completely is the right thing which you did - there is no way of overdoing NC or doing ist to extreme. But this thoughs you have about being too rude to her by doing so, shows you still care what she is thinking - though she still has a spell on you. Believe me I Do exactly know about that stuff, realize myself thinking in this patern sometimes. WE have to learn to get more selfish and put ourselfs first. If it is not good for you - just do not care. Fcuk what she might/could/would think. If that should be important to you, she had her Chance to behave the Time when you were togehter.

Why did I not change my number? Simple fact: That is MY number and I am not willing to change a number I had for more than 15years just because some chick that happend to be my ex can not behave herself.

I agree with every letter dude.
What is the alternative to NC and blocking her?? More reaching out and begging/pleading with her?????. There is one word for that - pathetic. Indeed, fukk what she thinks. It is what you think and what is right for you that matters.
And agreed it is your number. WTF should you change it?!!!! Text her back that you are going to the police if she does not stop. Stalking is a terrible thing but strange isn't it that when a man does this to a woman it is "stalking" and a restraining order is sought and yet when a woman (who dumped us) can seem to do this to a man without fear of retribution.

 

[Reboot2017]

It will pass. Man, pictures can be hard...Somewhere in this thread there is a post of mine...saying that after 3 months of NC I was doing some cleaning around my place and found a picture of her. And you know what? I was like "well, she was no that pretty", put it where it was and continued with my day. Things will get better, I can promise you that. Gve yourself some time to heal and then go after a new girl, that's the fastest way! Stay strong!

Frankly, I wished I was a bit more patient with that like you. I was holding out really well until the night. Was debating whether to post some photos of my trip (generally me having a good time with a lot of social proof). For some reason she follows me on Instagram. In a weak moment, I said screw it and did post it up. It is my life after all and even better if she felt hurt. I think the effect was immediate. She immediately started liking and commenting on it. Said that I fooled her and that sort of nonsense. I blocked her on Instagram and removed her comments.

I did not break no contact but hearing from her after 2 weeks reopened some old wounds again. I regret doing it... It was better when I was oblivious. Anyway, I have to clean up this mess in my head again. Honestly, sometimes I miss her and other times, I just want to hurt her... Thinking back on how she treated me and how easily she replaced me now, it just brings out the worst in me. And yet, after I do get my "revenge", it feels so meaningless. F*cked up emotions.

 

[soulforge]

Man i just don't feel like i will find a connection like that again, or a good looking chick..

I know man.. makes u feel low, can't imagine anything worse than settling for any old chick!

 

[MrAddiction]

Man i just don't feel like i will find a connection like that again, or a good looking chick..

I know man.. makes u feel low, can't imagine anything worse than settling for any old chick!

Dude, I know how you feel. i have been Talking to more girls in the past month than in the Last 10 years. And I feel nearly the same like you. But that does not change the fact that my girl fcuked up big Time and did not even realize what she was doing. Do I want the Girl back I loved? Yes, for sure! WE all want. But: that Girl does not exist anymore and never will. She is forever gone, if her even ever has existed and had not been a mere creation of my mind - an illusion. The Girl I loved would never have behaved the way the Girl Did that I had to dump. Due to that fact there is no going back, even if she wanted to. Do I suffer? Yes I do. Especially Weekends are hard like you stated before - and times when my Health is going to be bad. But does that make me question my decision? Somtimes, but then overthinking it gets me always to the conclusion that I had no choice. Because accepting Bad behavior was and is no choice. There will never be Trust in her anymore.
Apart from that, only that the decision hurts, does not make ist a Wrong decision.

 

[MrAddiction]

Man i just don't feel like i will find a connection like that again, or a good looking chick..!

This seems to be some kind of Post LTR oneitis.

Due to this fact let me quote an old post about oneitis, that seems to apply in some kinda way.


the_great_gaia wrote:

"okay you had one-itis.

i had a terrible case of one-itis in the past; and the make matters worse.. I wore my heart on my sleeve, y'know.. easily able to fall for any chic that has any remote interest in me.

But I overcame this, and this is how:

You have one-itis probably because you're searching for a closure or something serious with a certain girl. You're afraid of rejection too. Not even the BEST DJ gets the job done every time, because getting over with the girl isn't the point. It's how you are. Self-control plays a very important role to you now.

Look, any girl below the age of 28 has a tendency to cheat on you because they have raging hormones like we do. They way we look at T&A, is the exact same way they look at masculinity in other guy. Females are rebels, basically.

They want what they DON'T think they want, and they DON'T want what they think they want.. that's why they change their minds all the time. They'll tell you ANYTHING to manipulate you and to convince themselves. Truth is... they all want to be naughty.

You wanting a relationship with a girl is perfectly normal (which you one-itis exists), but you'd be a fool to take it serious. They don't care about your feelings, their goal is to step on your heart and THEN walk all over it. They want to tell anyone, especially their friends how "sprung" you are over them, your emotions for them gives them ultimate satisfaction, because they know its there.

They're gonna use it against you to get what they want because they know you'll give it to them. You can't say no, you can't stand up to them, because if you even try it.. they'll threaten you with an ultimatum to leave if you don't let them get their way; that they can find someone who will do it that's better than you.

Oh, they're gonna leave you anyway, but your one-itis mind won't let you see that for yourself. You'll be under the cover with goosebumps and misery, wondering "WHY? WHY? WHY?" Then you're gonna blame yourself thinking that you couldn't been better; that you could've did what she said, perhaps even with a smile. She doesn't call you or be a friend like she tells you she will. She only calls you when she needs something, like to use your car or some $hit. While you're thinking about her, she's off somewhere f*cking some other guy she met over the weekend at the club or something...

What are you doing? Thining about her... you even attempt to call her, hoping that you'll get to hear her say "hello..", which you'll hang up, but she knows its you. You feel worse and worse, and you feel like $hit. All up until you get over her.

Want a short-cut? Stop giving a f*ck right now!! DON'T WAIT. I know what I'm talking about, this has happened to me, many, many times. You have to be mean and cruel to women. They aren't better than you, you're what they need! be confident, believe that you're the BEST DAMN THING in the world. CHANGE!!

I hope this can help aid your deadly virus... because if this doesn't affect you, the above will happen. Trust me! And YESS! I'm crazy, but I'm wiser. Thanks.okay you had one-itis.

i had a terrible case of one-itis in the past; and the make matters worse.. I wore my heart on my sleeve, y'know.. easily able to fall for any chic that has any remote interest in me.

But I overcame this, and this is how:

You have one-itis probably because you're searching for a closure or something serious with a certain girl. You're afraid of rejection too. Not even the BEST DJ gets the job done every time, because getting over with the girl isn't the point. It's how you are. Self-control plays a very important role to you now.

Look, any girl below the age of 28 has a tendency to cheat on you because they have raging hormones like we do. They way we look at T&A, is the exact same way they look at masculinity in other guy. Females are rebels, basically.

They want what they DON'T think they want, and they DON'T want what they think they want.. that's why they change their minds all the time. They'll tell you ANYTHING to manipulate you and to convince themselves. Truth is... they all want to be naughty.

You wanting a relationship with a girl is perfectly normal (which you one-itis exists), but you'd be a fool to take it serious. They don't care about your feelings, their goal is to step on your heart and THEN walk all over it. They want to tell anyone, especially their friends how "sprung" you are over them, your emotions for them gives them ultimate satisfaction, because they know its there.

They're gonna use it against you to get what they want because they know you'll give it to them. You can't say no, you can't stand up to them, because if you even try it.. they'll threaten you with an ultimatum to leave if you don't let them get their way; that they can find someone who will do it that's better than you.

Oh, they're gonna leave you anyway, but your one-itis mind won't let you see that for yourself. You'll be under the cover with goosebumps and misery, wondering "WHY? WHY? WHY?" Then you're gonna blame yourself thinking that you couldn't been better; that you could've did what she said, perhaps even with a smile. She doesn't call you or be a friend like she tells you she will. She only calls you when she needs something, like to use your car or some $hit. While you're thinking about her, she's off somewhere f*cking some other guy she met over the weekend at the club or something...

What are you doing? Thining about her... you even attempt to call her, hoping that you'll get to hear her say "hello..", which you'll hang up, but she knows its you. You feel worse and worse, and you feel like $hit. All up until you get over her.

Want a short-cut? Stop giving a f*ck right now!! DON'T WAIT. I know what I'm talking about, this has happened to me, many, many times. You have to be mean and cruel to women. They aren't better than you, you're what they need! be confident, believe that you're the BEST DAMN THING in the world. CHANGE!!

I hope this can help aid your deadly virus... because if this doesn't affect you, the above will happen. Trust me! And YESS! I'm crazy, but I'm wiser. Thanks."

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/overcoming-afc-oneitis.60828/#post-536451

 

[Reykhel]

Turn ****e into sugar.

Reframe your breakups: there's opportunity to be found in every perceived "negative situation".

It's up to you to dwell on the "bad" or find the "good".

 

[soulforge]

Yes i had serious oneitis for her.. i just wish I can break free frim her addiction..

Just over 3 months of NC now... I keep telling myself, in another 3 months i will be over her...

Just another 3 months.. i hope this is true

 

[Reboot2017]

Yes i had serious oneitis for her.. i just wish I can break free frim her addiction..

Just over 3 months of NC now... I keep telling myself, in another 3 months i will be over her...

Just another 3 months.. i hope this is true

Whoa... Man this girl really had you in a bind. What is troubling me is that even getting on with other girls does not seem to make it better for you. However, I think the rule was that you have to get girls who are essentially more attractive than her... Have you done that?

3 months NC and you seem to be still in limbo... I hope despite the ****ty feelings, you are lifting, flirting and generally improving yourself? Time heals I imagine... Trust the process and the guys here. Doing great with the NC and that is motivating for the rest of us.