The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[J4m1e]

A new beginning

Hi guys,

First day of my no contact period is today and I'm looking for some advice.

Complicated situation as most relationships are. I dated this girl a couple of years back but it wasn't for me and I left her pretty sharply. Unknown to me but it hit her hard and she suffered with depression over the break and seeing my subsequent behaviour with other girls over Facebook etc.

She takes another relationship as a rebound moves in with him and it eventually falls apart at her will but she suffers over this also.

We reconnected about a year ago through music. We played together in a ska band. We have ended up living round the corner to each other and became really close that she tried to hide her previous hurt and make another relationship.

Being the fool I am I never fed her the compliments and security she needed, instead playing jack the lad and making comments that she perceived as cruel. She has now chosen to end our relationship because she does not trust how I feel about her. I know she cares for me and finds me attractive it's purely a protection issue.

Consequently I have realised how much she means to me. I am unreservedly in love.

She is already dating someone else. Much older (which I think she connects to a father figure, as her father is very ill with dementia and is lost to her in kind). She has stayed at his, him at hers.

I've been through the pleading to no avail. She is stubborn.

I drop her a letter stating "as tragic as it is for my heart you will pleased to hear that I have accepted that our old relationship is over. We both needs some time apart to understand our hearts and get our heads straight. I hope your barbering course goes well xxx". Get a text that night saying "I got your note. I understand". Be strong! I don't respond.

My first day of no contact and she just sends me another message. "I just want to check - you're not leaving town are you? Xx"

I'm not sure that I should ignore it because it's rude. Thinking of responding "I need to do what's right for me now".

Advice please guys. I need to do this right as I want her back in my life because I know we can be good for each other if the trust issues can be worked out.

Thanks, J

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Don't reply. Your princess is in another castle man!

 

[J4m1e]

Thanks for your opinion man but I'm not convinced it's the right thing to do. There are plenty of castles with plenty of princesses; I've ransacked enough. But this girl is special to me.

 

[Oregano]

@J4m1e

Don't reply. I've come to realize for me that this is the better decision, as well.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

I'm losing it boys. Someone who knows both me and my ex told me he ran into her and asked how's it going between us (he didn't know we broke up), she said we broke up and prefers not to talk about it.

What the fck does that mean?

 

[Shaka]

that she is not over you, but you shouldn't care.
Stay strong my friend

 

[Dtsm3]

Hi guys,

First day of my no contact period is today and I'm looking for some advice.

Complicated situation as most relationships are. I dated this girl a couple of years back but it wasn't for me and I left her pretty sharply. Unknown to me but it hit her hard and she suffered with depression over the break and seeing my subsequent behaviour with other girls over Facebook etc.

She takes another relationship as a rebound moves in with him and it eventually falls apart at her will but she suffers over this also.

We reconnected about a year ago through music. We played together in a ska band. We have ended up living round the corner to each other and became really close that she tried to hide her previous hurt and make another relationship.

Being the fool I am I never fed her the compliments and security she needed, instead playing jack the lad and making comments that she perceived as cruel. She has now chosen to end our relationship because she does not trust how I feel about her. I know she cares for me and finds me attractive it's purely a protection issue.

Consequently I have realised how much she means to me. I am unreservedly in love.

She is already dating someone else. Much older (which I think she connects to a father figure, as her father is very ill with dementia and is lost to her in kind). She has stayed at his, him at hers.

I've been through the pleading to no avail. She is stubborn.

I drop her a letter stating "as tragic as it is for my heart you will pleased to hear that I have accepted that our old relationship is over. We both needs some time apart to understand our hearts and get our heads straight. I hope your barbering course goes well xxx". Get a text that night saying "I got your note. I understand". Be strong! I don't respond.

My first day of no contact and she just sends me another message. "I just want to check - you're not leaving town are you? Xx"

I'm not sure that I should ignore it because it's rude. Thinking of responding "I need to do what's right for me now".

Advice please guys. I need to do this right as I want her back in my life because I know we can be good for each other if the trust issues can be worked out.

Thanks, J

I Sympathise with you my good man, Really do!

I met someone, and never for a second expected to like her, I wasnt attracted to her at all, and she didnt seem my type. But we became friends very quickly, and suddenly we were spending all our free time together, and I quickly realised how much I loved just being with her. Attraction followed.

Problem was we rushed into things head first, and when issue arose (as they always do in all relationships) we were unable to cope with them and turned against each other.

She had serious trust issues, and it ended on a very sad note.

When I think about her I think about how I've lost a friend, my best friend, and I feel deeply sad about it.

I have contemplated messaging her etc, as everyone on here has, but I also know she is very very stubborn, and any attempt by me to talk to her will not be appreciated by her and I will simply end up hurting.

My point being and message to you is this, She does still care about you, of course she does! However sometimes this isnt enough for people, they need more. If you contact her in anyway at this point, it may do more harm then good, it may drive her further out of reach. You are far far better to leave the ball in her court, and get on with your own life.

Take me and the girl I dated. I miss her company very much. But there is nothing I can do. If I message her I will only hurt myself. So I have said goodbye in my mind, and if our paths are to cross again it will be up to fate to make it happen.

Stay Strong my friend, and enjoy life! Theres soo much more then women out there!

 

[Cerwin Vega]

that she is not over you, but you shouldn't care.
Stay strong my friend

Yeah I guess so. I wish I could just switch everything off in a press of a button.

 

[Ruleit]

she said we broke up and prefers not to talk about it.

What the fck does that mean?

Q: When does a woman ever not want to talk about anything?
A: When she knows that her response will incriminate her.

i.e. Talking about it would mean:
- She'd have to think about it.
- Thinking about it would lead to her facing herself.
- Facing herself would mean questioning all her rationalizations and justifications for dumping you
- Questioning those would mean having to admit that she is a slvt.

Better not to talk about it. No?

 

[Oregano]

I ended up resetting my NC. I was only a couple days in, but just wanted the last thing I said to be something a sane person would say, not some AFC crap. That I need time. She acknowledged it, and said she was happy I am getting over her.

About an hour later she said she would have to block me off of social media. It was in Line, so I saw the text preview but didn't open it so it would never show up as me reading it. I'm keeping her hidden on there in case of emergencies on either end. I can't see her unless she sends me a message first, and unless its an emergency, I'll just delete it before opening.

I guess I can now tell it hurts her to see me going out, taking pics with my lady friends, and seeing that I am doing relatively well without her.

I'm glad she got the last message, and not me. It shows me she is still weak and hurting just as much as I am even though shes the independent, constantly surrounded by guys and girls, always partying and traveling, experimenting with new things type.

I'm sure I'll bump into her in the club again (I already did once since our break up - not planned, but I follow my friends to the club and she is at the table right next to mine. Made stuff kinda weird but I just danced it off, shook hands with all her friends and told her to have a great night.) I'll just play it off like shes an old acquaintance, say hey, and go back to dancing with friends.

I wish I would have done this 2 months earlier.

 

[J4m1e]

@dtsm3

Thanks for your thoughts friend.

Unfortunately I have already responded to her text "please, I need to think about myself now xx".

Clearly it has got me thinking about her constantly waiting for her to respond. Just a simple "ok" would help. I know she is thinking about me and is really confused about what she really wants and whether she has the courage. She's gone for the safe option with this other guy and I know it won't last. It's still like a knife in the heart though.

Free will is overrated

 

[J4m1e]

Ok, so that didn't go well.
She responds to my text, hinting that it isn't easy for her and I fall back into explaining and pleading which returns a just accept it response.

Back to square one.

That's it now for sure. Time to move on boy!

Day one again tomorrow.

 

[rawson-1992]

Day One - women I have been seeing for four months has now admitted she likes my best friend.

Absolutely disgusting if you ask me. Work with her which is an absolute nightmare but am totally going to cut any contact with her that I can and avoid her at all costs at work.

 

[Mr. Kalikoat]

Day 54:

Almost 60 days. I plan on keeping the NC up even after 60 days. I have to admit I'm not fully recovered yet. I still feel a bit of regret, sorrow and sometimes even anxiety over my ex. It has become severely less though and I'd say I'm doing fine, I just need more time to get her completely out of my head.

In the meantime I was browsing on the Roosh V forum and found this:

http://www.rooshvforum.com/thread-37284.html

I advice everyone in here to read this before looking for a new girlfriend. It´s a real eye opener. Christian McQueen is a good man.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Day 49:

About the same as the above post. I'll keep the NC going beyond the 60 days as I have no reason to make this person a part of my life again.

 

[J4m1e]

Well done guys on getting into the high 40-50's. ^^

Day 1 (for me again)

Following yesterdays debacle and her "I want to remain close but we can't if you won't allow either of us to move on" I closed the matter again with a text "How can I remain close and watch the girl I love fall for someone else? I have more self respect than that. It's for the best that we don't speak again unless you decide that we can try to work this out".

She responds with a nasty text followed quickly by an apology stating that she's sorry she just doesn't want me to leave town. As she knows this is a high risk.

I feel very shaky and lost today and didn't make it into work again but at least I feel like I have a little portion of power back.

My current aim is to work this through to get her back because I know it is just her confidence that has taken a hit. But I will try to suppress my instincts, follow the limited NC rules and get myself in a better place.

This forum really does help

 

[Cerwin Vega]

You shouldn't have answered her text. I know how you felt man, like if only you'd explain yourself clear enough she would understand, but for some reason that stupid little head of hers just won't process things logically.

Fellas, we're all in the same boat, hit me up with your # if you want to join the NC WhatsApp group!

 

[petitefri]

Ok, so that didn't go well.
She responds to my text, hinting that it isn't easy for her and I fall back into explaining and pleading which returns a just accept it response.

Back to square one.

That's it now for sure. Time to move on boy!

Day one again tomorrow.

from experience, i think you should have listened to the advice from these good men above. am a gal and in this case, of you just didn't reply, she will stay worried and min most cases want you back. anyways, stay strong

 

[J4m1e]

She still is worried and sent the last text. I've held out since 16.43 yesterday so more than 1 day NC now Hahaha lets see how I feel after 5 days.

I appreciate the advice but fvck this ****

 

[Rave18]

Day 54:

In the meantime I was browsing on the Roosh V forum and found this:

http://www.rooshvforum.com/thread-37284.html

I advice everyone in here to read this before looking for a new girlfriend. It´s a real eye opener. Christian McQueen is a good man.

Please post it in the Tips section. Really nice read