"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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the nervous girl

J

jonesly

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Hola DJs, since this is my first post, I'll give a little introduction. I am Jonesly, a once, but now recovering, total AFC. I started reading various books, and websites on seduction about a year ago in order to change my ways. My life has since changed, but I still have a long long way to go. I found these forums about a week or so ago, and have read about half of the bible. I think this site has some excellent material.

Now to my question. About a week ago I met this girl when out with a couple of friends. Things felt like they went almost perfectly that night, we talked much, built rapport, got her phone number, had some kino going. I thought this one was a sure bet.

The next weekend, I get her to my place to watch a DVD, and have her cook me dinner. This time though, she looked extremely nervous all day. I got kino, she didn't back off, but she didn't respond with any inititave of her own either. She wouldn't look me in the eyes much, and she moved her body so it was facing away from me. I'll usually go for a kiss or more in this situation, but she looked like she was terrified or something. So, I let her go without even trying for the kiss.

I thought I'd blown it, but she called me, and it seems we'll go out again. Now the question: what kinds of things have DJs done to make girls feel less nervous, less intimidated, and more comfortable?
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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L

locarius

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In his Advanced series, DeAngelo suggests just taking her hand and looking her in the eyes and say "Don't be nervous... everything is going to be fine."
 
B

biker_gixxer

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Maybe there was something going on with her that day. Don't automatically think it's something you did or said.
 
T

tmpgstx

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You just have to lean in an do it Dawg. She'll go with the flow.
 
Desdinova

Desdinova

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Was this a first date?

Perhaps you should have taken her out to do an activity instead of inviting her over. She's still seeing you as a stranger, and may have been more comfortable after "getting to know you better" after a few dates.

Women will put up a shield if they haven't been on at least one actual date with a guy. They seem to need that so that they feel the guy doesn't just want sex.

Next time, go out on a date before you bring her back to your place for supper. She'll be much more comfortable.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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