The "Just Got Dumped" GUIDE

[Lion1985]

Update, after 2 weeks of NC, I haven't heard from her, I don't think she'll come back, so I'm starting to being me again... going out, eating, drinking, exercise, my Motorcycle. One day I didn't want to go out, but I did it... and I met someone, even if we are not dating, it make me feel that I can get in to the game as soon as I want...

Dude, you should be already at week ~ 5-6 of NC, what happened?

 

[Mrperferct]

Dude, you should be already at week ~ 5-6 of NC, what happened?

No. I got dumped June 25th (2 weeks ago), after that day we haven't talked at all, she actually sent me an email that day and I didn't bothered to reply back... I'll keep you update with how it goes with my NC...

 

[Mrperferct]

Update, after 2 weeks of NC, I haven't heard from her, I don't think she'll come back, so I'm starting to being me again... going out, eating, drinking, exercise, my Motorcycle. One day I didn't want to go out, but I did it... and I met someone, even if we are not dating, it make me feel that I can get in to the game as soon as I want...

NC for 3 weeks, and I haven't heard from her... I miss her kid and her sister (both 7 yrs old, you should NEVER GET ATTACHED to others people kids...) my next update will be in 2 weeks... I'll keep the NC

 

[Mrperferct]

Last update and I said bye guys, Thank you for your support. AFTER 5 weeks of NC. (all the communication was by mail)
she supposed to leave my apt keys in my lobby which never did, always sent an email saying "this weekend" or "tomorrow", I got tired and asked her if I can go to her house (yesterday at night), she agreed and said she will leave the keys in the balcony, as soon I got there (9.40 pm), she heard my baby sound (my motorcycle) and ran to her car to get my keys and give it to me in person, we spoke 3 min stupid things, like you have lose weight and that crap, we both turn around and bye... SURPRISE today I received an email from her saying "it was nice to see you, I hope you are doing well", OF COURSE I DIDN'T reply and I wont, NC works to keep moving, if she wants me back, she has to beg, if not, I'll keep on my way, I don't need her anymore. Good luck guys, keep moving forward, there are plenty of pretty women, but please, if you are not Brad Pitt, take care of yourself, get dressed, get in shape if you want to women see you... BTW, remember it takes around 3-4 weeks to break a routine, for that reason I believe NC will help you if you move your butt and do something for you. THANKS FOR EVER

 

[YeeZus]

Advise needed

Metaphysical: If you could advise on whats the next move: -

1) She broke up with me this January.
2) Begged and pleaded for about 2 months
3) Went for no contact straight 3 months.
4) Got a new job in the same company where she works.
5) She got in contact when she knew I was joining the company but I din't bother to reply. And she repeatedly tried to contact me.
6) Joined the new company after 2 days saw her in cafeteria. She came and had small talks with me which I showed no interest.
7) She found out my desk was just nearby she started visiting regularly.
8) Started hanging out with her and also other things followed (hugs, kiss, sex) but no relation
9) Her parents found a guy for her and just for her parents sake she is getting married to him (that's what she told me compromising for parents)
11) Started uploading engagement pictures online (Friends told me this)
10) I went on NC after that its been 8 days now.

I need some good advice/suggestion how to move forward. A mentor who can help me out please PM me.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Move on! Plain and simple! That ship is gone my friend!

"Judge by actions, not by words" is your friend in this case!

There ain't much mentoring to be done!

 

[adam225]

Yep, forget and moved on. Other than that you're chasing an illusion.

 

[captain55]

I disagree with the OP. Whether or not a chick comes back to you in the future after she dumps you has more to do with how the breakup went down. If she left the relationship emotionally weeks before she dumped you, she won't come back period. Regardless of how much you improve yourself and how many pictures of you with hot women you post on Facebook.

If she had doubts about the breakup, cried about the breakup and there was still uncertainty in her heart then yes she may come back but truth is it doesn't matter anyways. Because only a loser with no pride takes back a woman after she has sampled other ****. If it feels better try to look at it like this. No matter what guy she ends up with, you had her first and he'll be getting your sloppy seconds. helps me anyway..

 

[cfdagola]

I disagree with the OP. Whether or not a chick comes back to you in the future after she dumps you has more to do with how the breakup went down. If she left the relationship emotionally weeks before she dumped you, she won't come back period. Regardless of how much you improve yourself and how many pictures of you with hot women you post on Facebook.

If she had doubts about the breakup, cried about the breakup and there was still uncertainty in her heart then yes she may come back but truth is it doesn't matter anyways. Because only a loser with no pride takes back a woman after she has sampled other ****. If it feels better try to look at it like this. No matter what guy she ends up with, you had her first and he'll be getting your sloppy seconds. helps me anyway..

gonna have to disagree with you here.

chick i was messing around with was living with her then boyfriend and later fiance. she would go out onto the balcony and text me. she was emotionally cheating on him for months. finally broke it off.

then broke it off with me and back to him.

if a girl distances herself and checks out emotionally doesn't always mean she won't come back. granted they do work the same schedule the same place and his parents also work with her to. so i'm pretty sure that had some influence.

 

[captain55]

gonna have to disagree with you here.

chick i was messing around with was living with her then boyfriend and later fiance. she would go out onto the balcony and text me. she was emotionally cheating on him for months. finally broke it off.

then broke it off with me and back to him.

if a girl distances herself and checks out emotionally doesn't always mean she won't come back. granted they do work the same schedule the same place and his parents also work with her to. so i'm pretty sure that had some influence.

The girl who just broke it off with me for example, l there was so much fighting and drama over the past two months that she told me she couldnt even remember the good times we had. To be honest the good times were so long ago I don't remember them either.

I don't really believe in getting back with ex's. Even if you DO get her back how do you come to terms with the fact that someone you once cared for chose to walk out on you for someone else? It's not worth the heartache. better off just to forget about her and move on. ITs incredibly beta to take back a woman after she's been with someone else.

 

[cfdagola]

The girl who just broke it off with me for example, l there was so much fighting and drama over the past two months that she told me she couldnt even remember the good times we had. To be honest the good times were so long ago I don't remember them either.

I don't really believe in getting back with ex's. Even if you DO get her back how do you come to terms with the fact that someone you once cared for chose to walk out on you for someone else? It's not worth the heartache. better off just to forget about her and move on. ITs incredibly beta to take back a woman after she's been with someone else.

i totally agree with you on that point.

all i was saying was just because a woman checks out emotionally for weeks/months/years doesn't mean she won't come back to you.

shoot she may have exhausted all her options and will just go back to what's familiar because its safe and cozy and prep herself for another outing a few months down the road once the honeymoon phase is over.

exactly what happened to my friend. She was with a guy. he cheated on her even left her. dated his new girl for a few months. No offense to my friend but his new girl was way cuter.

His upgrade decided to dump him and upgrade herself. and he went back to my friend again. which lasted almost a year and then he upgraded again on her. this time she said no more.

that's just one of many types of scenarios that can play out.

THE ONLY Way i would take back an ex. was if she was cool as hell and i had no more hidden feelings and just wanted some social proof to use as an asset when i'm at the bars.

 

[captain55]

i totally agree with you on that point.

all i was saying was just because a woman checks out emotionally for weeks/months/years doesn't mean she won't come back to you.

shoot she may have exhausted all her options and will just go back to what's familiar because its safe and cozy and prep herself for another outing a few months down the road once the honeymoon phase is over.

exactly what happened to my friend. She was with a guy. he cheated on her even left her. dated his new girl for a few months. No offense to my friend but his new girl was way cuter.

His upgrade decided to dump him and upgrade herself. and he went back to my friend again. which lasted almost a year and then he upgraded again on her. this time she said no more.

that's just one of many types of scenarios that can play out.

THE ONLY Way i would take back an ex. was if she was cool as hell and i had no more hidden feelings and just wanted some social proof to use as an asset when i'm at the bars.

this is the thing we all miss the most after getting dumped by a hot chick but lets be real Its not like we could ever do anything with these other women because we had our girlfriends right up our throat.

 

[OtisSeldon]

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[SoSuave666]

this is the thing we all miss the most after getting dumped by a hot chick but lets be real Its not like we could ever do anything with these other women because we had our girlfriends right up our throat.

I used to get blatantly hit on in the presence of my gf. Definitely used to flirt with other women even when my gf was around. Nothing serious, just letting her know I had options and any time I wanted I could be out of there and getting with other women.

 

[ZTIME]

Saw It Coming!

So I read through all of these posts and I must say they are quite enlightening. I wanted to share my current story with everyone to see your thoughts.

I dated a Girl for the last 3.5 years. As with all relationships, mine started off great! This girl was attractive, loving, and nice.

After the first four months of us dating, I allowed this girl to move into my house. Here's the kicker', she has 3 children which she had part time custody. (3 days a week). I accepted it as I truly felt that she was "The One". For 2 years things were fine.

After 2 years things started to go down hill. You see, I helped her to get full custody of her 3 children because she said that this was what she wanted. We took these kids and did everything for them. They quickly became straight A students, and got into sports programs. All on my time and my dime. But that's ok!! I thought that she was "The 1".

Her work schedule and mine never really matched up. I have my own company which I run from 10am - 7pm. She works for someone from 8am-5pm. Due to this schedule I was being told that I didn't spend enough time with everyone, and that I didn't make it to the kids events enough, or that I was not involved with her life enough. (Keep in mind that all of these things were fine before she had full custody). So in an effort to compromise I decided to take off from my business every Sunday to spend time with the family and to leave work 1hr. early twice a week to make some of those practices. This worked for 2 months.

After 2 months went by, Nothing I could do was ever good enough. I would constantly get phone calls telling me that I didn't care because I wasn't home early every night. She would go through my cell phone asking me who I was talking to. She would stalk my e-mail and my face book, (often logging in as me since she had the passwords) she would accuse me of cheating and try to embarrass me in front of my friends and employees.

Things were miserable!! My self esteem was as low as it's ever been. I gained weight, I became depressed, I couldn't go to my own home and relax out of fear for the way I would be treated when I got there. Totally horrible.

In September, This girl ignored me for 3 entire days and on the third day texted me that she was moving out because she has tried too hard and things just didn't work out. So I decided to do some snooping......She has been texting another (single dad) that she met at those football practices I couldn't make. She has been e-mailing, and facebook messaging. So I got mad and DRUNK!!

I went home and as she was sleeping in another room other than mine I started texting her about exactly how I felt. I told her that I couldn't believe she would cheat on a guy who was working to support her and her children (As you can imagine, I used a lot of CRAZY language)! She wouldn't respond! so I yelled that if she wanted to move out I'd help her. I went to the closet grabbed all of her hanging clothes and dropped them over the balcony to the front foyer. Then I went to bed.

I woke up the next morning to a girl who told me she doesn't love me and that she just wants to leave and this is the happiest day of her life. I tried to explain my feelings, but that didn't work. I left and wished her luck.

When I got home that evening, I walked into a house with a lot of missing furniture. Beds, tables, bar stools, lamps, wall hangings, desks, and cabinets. Funny thing was she didn't own any of it. She took every towel, every bed sheet and blanket, and anything else she could put in the moving truck she rented. It was insane.

10 minutes after I got home she walked through the door. I said "Wow, you took a lot of my stuff!" She started to cry and replied, "You're leaving me with nothing!, I had to put all of that furniture in storage and leave with 3 kids! You get your house and everything else in it. You're loosing nothing" My response was, "Today I have lost my best friend, my lover, and my family, and yes I consider them my family". he cried and left.

Exactly 1hr. later she calls my cell phone bawling her eyes out saying something along the lines of she doesn't know what she's doing and hangs up.

You're now up to date on the story!

I'm good at not begging, or calling, texting, or e-mailing even if I'm torn up inside. I did break down exactly 2 weeks after the break up and sent a text. the text said "I've lost my lover and my family and today I feel worse then I ever had in my life" she responded with "Pain is temporary, and You're jus afraid of change. Keep your head up and you'll be fine. I'm always here as a friend if you need me." She further stated that she has lost all love for me and that she wants me to have closure with no pain but things just didn't work.

So I'm now past my first week of NC after that text. It's been 3 weeks that I have not seen this girl. I'm pretty sure that she is now living with the guy from the football field and her 3 children. (5 kids total). She has gone to friends and family and said horrible things about me. (when she left I had to shut down our shared account which she left -$1000. She told everyone she deposited a check into that account and I shut it down leaving her with no money...CRAZY!)

I'm doing this NC for myself, with no hope of trying to win her back. My confused emotions have run the scenario of her coming back, but to be honest I'm not in a good place with myself to even make a rational decision.

Reply how you like folks!! I could use the feedback.

 

[Lotus Effect]

This is what you get from dating single moms.

Anyway, read this post
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=134995

It will help you clarify things up...

But besides all of that, the one single thing I can guarantee you is.

THE ONE DOES NOT EXISTS

 

[YawataNoKami]

So I read through all of these posts and I must say they are quite enlightening. I wanted to share my current story with everyone to see your thoughts.

I dated a Girl for the last 3.5 years. As with all relationships, mine started off great! This girl was attractive, loving, and nice.

After the first four months of us dating, I allowed this girl to move into my house. Here's the kicker', she has 3 children which she had part time custody. (3 days a week). I accepted it as I truly felt that she was "The One". For 2 years things were fine.

After 2 years things started to go down hill. You see, I helped her to get full custody of her 3 children because she said that this was what she wanted. We took these kids and did everything for them. They quickly became straight A students, and got into sports programs. All on my time and my dime. But that's ok!! I thought that she was "The 1".

Her work schedule and mine never really matched up. I have my own company which I run from 10am - 7pm. She works for someone from 8am-5pm. Due to this schedule I was being told that I didn't spend enough time with everyone, and that I didn't make it to the kids events enough, or that I was not involved with her life enough. (Keep in mind that all of these things were fine before she had full custody). So in an effort to compromise I decided to take off from my business every Sunday to spend time with the family and to leave work 1hr. early twice a week to make some of those practices. This worked for 2 months.

After 2 months went by, Nothing I could do was ever good enough. I would constantly get phone calls telling me that I didn't care because I wasn't home early every night. She would go through my cell phone asking me who I was talking to. She would stalk my e-mail and my face book, (often logging in as me since she had the passwords) she would accuse me of cheating and try to embarrass me in front of my friends and employees.

Things were miserable!! My self esteem was as low as it's ever been. I gained weight, I became depressed, I couldn't go to my own home and relax out of fear for the way I would be treated when I got there. Totally horrible.

In September, This girl ignored me for 3 entire days and on the third day texted me that she was moving out because she has tried too hard and things just didn't work out. So I decided to do some snooping......She has been texting another (single dad) that she met at those football practices I couldn't make. She has been e-mailing, and facebook messaging. So I got mad and DRUNK!!

I went home and as she was sleeping in another room other than mine I started texting her about exactly how I felt. I told her that I couldn't believe she would cheat on a guy who was working to support her and her children (As you can imagine, I used a lot of CRAZY language)! She wouldn't respond! so I yelled that if she wanted to move out I'd help her. I went to the closet grabbed all of her hanging clothes and dropped them over the balcony to the front foyer. Then I went to bed.

I woke up the next morning to a girl who told me she doesn't love me and that she just wants to leave and this is the happiest day of her life. I tried to explain my feelings, but that didn't work. I left and wished her luck.

When I got home that evening, I walked into a house with a lot of missing furniture. Beds, tables, bar stools, lamps, wall hangings, desks, and cabinets. Funny thing was she didn't own any of it. She took every towel, every bed sheet and blanket, and anything else she could put in the moving truck she rented. It was insane.

10 minutes after I got home she walked through the door. I said "Wow, you took a lot of my stuff!" She started to cry and replied, "You're leaving me with nothing!, I had to put all of that furniture in storage and leave with 3 kids! You get your house and everything else in it. You're loosing nothing" My response was, "Today I have lost my best friend, my lover, and my family, and yes I consider them my family". he cried and left.

Exactly 1hr. later she calls my cell phone bawling her eyes out saying something along the lines of she doesn't know what she's doing and hangs up.

You're now up to date on the story!

I'm good at not begging, or calling, texting, or e-mailing even if I'm torn up inside. I did break down exactly 2 weeks after the break up and sent a text. the text said "I've lost my lover and my family and today I feel worse then I ever had in my life" she responded with "Pain is temporary, and You're jus afraid of change. Keep your head up and you'll be fine. I'm always here as a friend if you need me." She further stated that she has lost all love for me and that she wants me to have closure with no pain but things just didn't work.

So I'm now past my first week of NC after that text. It's been 3 weeks that I have not seen this girl. I'm pretty sure that she is now living with the guy from the football field and her 3 children. (5 kids total). She has gone to friends and family and said horrible things about me. (when she left I had to shut down our shared account which she left -$1000. She told everyone she deposited a check into that account and I shut it down leaving her with no money...CRAZY!)

I'm doing this NC for myself, with no hope of trying to win her back. My confused emotions have run the scenario of her coming back, but to be honest I'm not in a good place with myself to even make a rational decision.

Reply how you like folks!! I could use the feedback.

A real white knight in shining armor.
Lurkers read this 3-4 times , there is a reason you do not date single mothers.

 

[Last Don]

Long time lurker. This is by far the best thread on this board. I won't get into boring details, but I had a complicated relationship that ended (her decision, saying we're at two different points in our lives, and that she can't be with anyone right now) on Sunday. I went no contact and within 24 hours she was texting, calling, emailing. I replied just enough to not seem mean or hateful. I do want her back. It got to a point yesterday where she asked if I was ignoring her, and was already over her. It was working perfectly.

That's where I screwed up.

I replied to her latest email that it wasn't my decision to break up, and that I'm not the one who caused all this. She replied back rather heatedly. So I messed up further. I could tell everything was bothering her (she's very emotional) and actually got worried it would hurt her, and I thought it'd be good to call her and meet up after work, also assuming no-contact had worked all the way, that quickly.

She said OK. Then 10 minutes later she emailed asking if we could do it later on in the night, or even tomorrow, as she had things she "had" to get done.

I was enraged. I never get enraged.

I called her and let her have it for 30 minutes. It was logical. It was well thought out. It was correct in facts. It was emotional.

It was stupid.

I knew better but was so pissed I couldn't stop myself. She apologized that she can't give me what I want right now. I was beaten.

I've gone back to no contact. And have gotten 3 straight texts from her saying that I'm "obviously not talking to her any more" and she "gets it but hates it." But I'm not going to fall for that trap again.

Learn from my mistakes. I did the hard way. Stay the course until you're sure.

 

[captain55]

Went no contact and started dating other women....word got out I was seeing someone pretty hot and my ex starts contacting me again. Finally wants to see me and hang out with me. In my mind to reassure herself that she made the right decision in letting me go.

The date didn't go well though. I could just tell that her feelings were gone for me and the attraction was never coming back. I didn't even try to make a move on her, I just knew...and it hurt.

as much as i wanted to grab her and start making out with her, tell her I still have feelings for her, I didn't see the point in risking rejection from a chick I already banged a hundred times. so I just walked away and ended it on good terms.

 

[helmut2014]

Does an ex who leaves me for her best-friend has any chance of come back? Ever?

It was a 3.5 year long-term relationship between us and now she left. I'm a broken NC because she was calling like hell. She even called my neighbour to know if I am ill or not.



Is it impossible for her to come back?