The "Just Got Dumped" GUIDE

[adam225]

A chance with what ? If a close friend screwed you over would you case after him and try and win his approval back as a friend ? You're focus needs to entirely on moving on, nothing else.

 

[December_in_NY_1978]

Does an ex who leaves me for her best-friend has any chance of come back? Ever?

It was a 3.5 year long-term relationship between us and now she left. I'm a broken NC because she was calling like hell. She even called my neighbour to know if I am ill or not.



Is it impossible for her to come back?

No. She'll come back when she is dumped and has no other options. Why would you want her back?

 

[mikey2012]

Okay may be it doesn't make sense. I'm just asking you people, if there is any chance.

Why would you give her a chance or want there to be a chance? Chance to dump you again. Remember she left you. Let you go. In her mind you mean nothing. If not she would still be with you. So what logic is there to give her a chance?

 

[Mrperferct]

She is Back after 5 months... now I have no clue what to do..hey guy I'm back after A LOT OF TIME!... life have been crazy!... after months after she broke up with me, my life have been up and down, I kept thinking on her every day even if it doesn't hurt anymore. I started the gym again and to learn how to play the guitar, I learned I can pick any girl... for that reason prefer to be single.. I don't want "ANY" girl next to me... I dated with some girls and I broke some hurts (I'm not proud of it)... last night I decided to take a ride and eat a burger so I met another girl.. it's a 6/10 but the biggest surprise was when I check my email... SHE EMAIL ME BACK AFTER 6 months... just saying if I was there... I replied 2 hours later saying "yes, are you ok?" and today she started a chat saying "to apologize her for contacting me she was drunk and started to thinking on me since the day that her friend saw me on the street"... her best friend saw me like 3 weeks ago, I lost like 10 pounds and my muscle got bigger (since she left me I started eating propertly).... Now I have no Idea what to do... but any decision I can make it without losing my head!... good luck to all.... keep your head up all the time...

 

[Lozboss]

Gents,

I'd welcome your advice here.

I broke up with my Ex (I dumped her) in December. We've been NC for two months and in March we picked up again.

It was back and forth and on the 22nd March she told me she only found me attractive as a friend 'at the moment'.

I went NC again, she whatsapped twice, one on the 26th and one on the 30th. i read, ignored and deleted.
I replied to the second yesterday afternoon on whatsapp and we had a good exchange before i ended it saying 'have a good easter, catch up next week' - her response was- 'Sure sounds good etc x'

Now Its her turn to come back to me again. I'm not going to make contact.

What I need for you guys is Advice on next steps. I want to try again with her (please don't just spam- why?) and get myself out of the friendzone.

When she gets back in touch next week- what do I do? Ignore? Reply 24-48 hours later and be civil but cold?

thanks,

 

[Last Don]

Let her keep contacting you. Go out with another girl, and make sure she finds out (Instagram, Facebook, whatever). But don't be obvious about it.

Also, genuinely have fun with the girl you go out with. You may end up liking her better anyway. But at least you'll be authentic when replying to old girl when she gets all pissy and tries to make you feel bad for having the audacity to go out with someone else, when you should be pining away and begging her for attention. :yes:

Also, I noticed you said "catch up next week". Don't say that. Let her wonder if you'll even care to. The key is to make her brain work in trying to figure out what you're doing, who you're with. Why you aren't contacting her.

Whenever texting, keep it short and fun. You want to convey that you're having a good time that she's missing out on, and that some other beeotch is getting the pleasure of. But you can't just come out and say that, obviously! She's got to come to that conclusion, and let it drive her crazy.

Good luck!

 

[Lozboss]

Let her keep contacting you. Go out with another girl, and make sure she finds out (Instagram, Facebook, whatever). But don't be obvious about it.

Also, genuinely have fun with the girl you go out with. You may end up liking her better anyway. But at least you'll be authentic when replying to old girl when she gets all pissy and tries to make you feel bad for having the audacity to go out with someone else, when you should be pining away and begging her for attention. :yes:

Also, I noticed you said "catch up next week". Don't say that. Let her wonder if you'll even care to. The key is to make her brain work in trying to figure out what you're doing, who you're with. Why you aren't contacting her.

Whenever texting, keep it short and fun. You want to convey that you're having a good time that she's missing out on, and that some other beeotch is getting the pleasure of. But you can't just come out and say that, obviously! She's got to come to that conclusion, and let it drive her crazy.

Good luck!

Thanks Buddy,

Should I ignore some of her texts? (read them so she sees they are read then delete without reply)
eg. If she texts next week- then do i just read and ignore- force her to come back to me again in a few days.

I'm just concerned if we keep speaking I'll never break out of friendzone and back into BF zone.

I am dating others and enjoying it, just early days.

 

[Last Don]

Maybe ignore one. With any luck, she'll crack and send you another one asking why you didn't respond. She'll be assuming it's bc you were with someone else, having fun without her. If you were, great. Tell her what you were doing. But don't make it sound like you're throwing it in her face. To borrow a term from "Friends", be breezy. If you weren't out having fun, don't lie and say it was why. But also don't say too much, to the point she loses that assumption.

Again, the key is to keep conversations fun, light, and short. Make your time valuable, and she'll want some more of it each time she gets her small dose from you.

Think about it as if it were reversed. What would drive YOU crazy? Her being casual with you when talking about all the fun she's having with all these cool people. Just don't over-do it to the point it becomes obvious you're essentially playing a game. That's worse than coming off as overtly-desperate. I hope that makes sense.

I know it's not easy. In fact, it's counter-intuitive to how most of us are wired. It just takes practice and trust that it'll work. I still struggle with it, after years of reading/researching, as well as applying the techniques. But it gets easier when you start seeing that it works. It's sad they we as guys have to do this for a lot of women. It's just that certain people's personality types crave challenge and/or what they can't have. And usually those personality types are attached to the most desirable females. Damned evolution..

 

[ggg123]

Awesome post man. Ironically I just went through something similar, except I'm the one that broke up with her.

After the breakup she called me non-stop for about 6 hours! I couldn't believe it. She also sent lots of texts between then begging me to at least speak to her. I spoke and assured her that it was definitely over.

After about a week, she's literally begging to see me. I was quite busy so didn't end up getting up with her for another week. Finally, I thought what the hell and a week after that, we met up and I fvcked her.

Did I lose? Not IMO. I think I gained a valuable FB that I won't invest any emotions into. I think when a girl is so into you and you can go from being in a "relationship" to simply FB's that a testament to inner game and her perceived value in you.

PLEASE tell me in more detail how you got to the FB phase? Are you still in contact?

 

[Peterholm]

Thanks

Seriously, AWESOME post. I read it 10 times now and will continue to read it 10 times more to remind myself and have this in the back of my head. Wish I knew about this before, been almost 4 months now since ive been dumped and we had a bumpy road.

I didnt agree to be friends with my ex but since I live in a small town, when I bumped into her I would chase. I find it immature to ignore someone in real life and I usually went up to her and tried having somewhat of an conversation and I could feel that she still cares alot and likes me but her initial decision was to dump me and shes sticking with it.

I think from now onwards I have to go COMPLETE NC, that means nothing not even approaching and if I see her out I say just "Hi" and continue walking. I would obviously want her back in my life as ****buddy or maybe even get together again but im moving on, enjoying my life and seeing new girls too.

I had a situation 2 weeks ago with my ex, I was at the club with another girl and my ex saw us together and her anxiety levels SKYROCKETED. She texted me saying I look good, she ran around the club not knowing what to do and I never seen her stare at me like that ever before (we had the biggest VIP area in middle of the club, everyone could see us).
Unfortunately I handled the situation wrong (I learned this after reading this post, thanks again) and after seeing my ex going bananas I approached her at the club and started saying I care so much about her and we started kissing. She hugged me saying "I dont deserve this", I was a bit alpha and we made out a bit more and I tried get her home but she was a bit skeptical and I looked at my phone and saw the other girl bombarded me with texts so I decided to leave it there.

I didnt text her or say anything after this night, 5 days after I saw my ex at the gym and she was superflirty, I invited her to come to my birthday party the day after and kissed her again at the gym. On my birthday she just sent a lousy skype message saying happy birthday and said she was tired and had a long week and didnt show up, I got flaked.

I saw her now a few days ago and asked if she wanted to grab a drink together (I assumed in my logical mind since we made out and she said she cares about me 2 weeks ago she might want me back?) and she said she was busy and didnt even mention a counteroffer. She had the arrogant look when shes "above" someone and I felt like a complete idiot. I took it well and said: "alright let me know when ur free then" and left.

What I want to say is though, its like the original post says, once they know they can have you easy, you LOST. I am 100% sure this girl loved me to death, and still have strong feelings for me. My chasing caused her to be more sure of her decision and I might even have chased her away for good now. I know she is seeing other guys, and this is stupid to say but we have a very strong natural attraction and I can see how her anxiety and jealousy rises to sky levels when im with other women, even if she doesnt say it I "belong" to her, but more like a dog or toy and not her man at the moment...

Anyway, thought I share my thoughts and proof that this post is SOLID. Im gonna go back to strong NC now and move on with my life, this time shes gonna have to work to get me back and if she doesnt put in the effort then it wasnt meant to be anyway.

Thanks guys and good luck!

 

[Cartman008]

Going with the NC is the best idea. Going with the NC for the reason you are doing it, to try to get her back, is a bad idea. Get the whole thing out of your head that she may come back to you. Keep busy, keep working other girls. Do as much positive stuff for YOU not for "her" so she will come back. Its all about YOU remember that. I too am a believer of "if its meant to be" and that's just what it is, if its meant to be.

 

[Peterholm]

Thanks Cartman

I have one more question though, I still have her on my facebook although I dont have her in my newsfeed I sometimes look at her profile (I know bad idea). Now she started dating a new guy who lives close to me and I saw her car parked on the street close to me when I walked home.

This is really a big mind****, its been 6 months since she told me she doesnt want to see me anymore and we met up some during this time and last time I had sex with her was 4 months ago.

I moved on and met new girls, as I stated earlier in the post I met her and we kissed a month ago but it feels like she "made her choice" and is now seeing this new guy on a regular basis.

I dont want anything to do with her anymore at the moment, deep down I still want her back and have a "closure" though. I have a strong mind and im not as weak as I might seem in these posts but im thinking if its any point to delete her from facebook now 6 months later? For my healing I guess it is. But if I want to potentially reconnect with her in the future, should I keep facebook there and still go complete NC or should I just block her and maybe that way she also realises that im done and moving on.

Best regards

 

[Peterholm]

Fair enough, its not easy deleting someone now when a long time has passed and we have been in NC for a while. I think it has a very big impact when you do it directly after being dumped, it shows the girl you have the guts to truly walk away and they will miss you as described earlier and if there was any interest they will contact you again.

Now shes seeing this new guy on regular basis and has the "new relationship feelings" with him and im just thinking it would look immature to delete her now since it wouldnt have the same impact as a few months earlier.

Im moving on though so probably its for the best, I would love to reconnect with her some time in the future when im healed/over her and obviously I still hope things **** up with this new guy but its really a mind**** when you get constant reminders of her in every day life...

But I guess emotions needs to be run with an ironhand now, out of sight out of mind and time to move forward and if she ever contacts me or I run into her in the future then so be it.

Thanks

 

[Shugo]

This is great stuff. Remarkable detail lm intrigued with how much l learnt in this post and yearn that l should have read this information way sooner. I feel dumb, used and useless.

Here is my story. I have been dating my girlfriend ex girlfriend is appropriate for 3 years. She has been in a lot of relationships and for me she was my first. In these 3 years we have had our on and offs but we never argued much ld say we argued just about 4 or 5 times.
I wanted to marry her and even made her known to my family and her too she introduced me to hers. I often had problems with her cause she always had secrets and always put her friends before me. And whenever she does something that displeases me l confronted and in most cases it ended up with her asking for a break or space as she sometimes referred to it as. School was always a priority so for 2 years we've been dating apart and we would travel and meet each other often. When we argued she would always have a reason that my family stresses her. She dumped me a lot of times and l often begged l won't lie. I never thought it was wrong cause l felt l was wrong all the time. The breakup could last a few minutes until twice recently when she dumped me for a month. I first begged as usual thought it was the right thing to do. But l eventually told her it's fine. I blocked her on whatsapp. Within a few days she started calling and asking me how l was and so on. I told her not to call me again then she called after a month and came to my place. We made up and started dating again. Today she dumped me again saying the same reason. I begged her and she told me she'll give a chance but now she needs space. That's she is still my girlfriend but she wants space. I confronted her about her friends and she said l should not compete with them cause they were there before me. Because l did that l got dumped after l begged l got a chance of the relationship again but was put on mute till she feels we can work things out. I did some thinking and l told her of the mistakes she did that l never considered because l believed they could be corrected without anything happening to our relationship l mean we are from different worlds and we correct each other to suit each other right? But then after doing all that l eventually told her than lm done with the space thing if she wants to leave me go ahead lm ok with it.
I don't know what you all think but help me with commenting on my story. I have never had a girlfriend besides her and for 3 years l loved her even though she left me 10 times and l accepted her back in those times. We aren't together anymore but the feeling is tearing cause l loved her beyond measure and l had great plans for us and she said the same thing about me although she said she has failed to make me happy because of my family but she loves me so much, so she said.

 

[parkthebus]

Look forward to the future. Take comfort in the knowledge that you will find a relationship even better than this one. Focus on yourself and making yourself happy outside relationships with women.

 

[Shugo]

Thank you very much. I still get the feeling that l was wrong. Is this normal. Like l said before this was my first relationship

 

[parkthebus]

Thank you very much. I still get the feeling that l was wrong. Is this normal. Like l said before this was my first relationship

Why do you think you were wrong?

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

Thank you very much. I still get the feeling that l was wrong. Is this normal. Like l said before this was my first relationship

Bruh she left you ten times and you always accepted her back. Time for you to step away from her COMPLETELY, because SHE'S the one hurting YOU. She treated you like a dog.

 

[Shugo]

I think lm wrong because l get the feeling that my getting angry in the course of our argument about making me second to her friends, not doing what l tell her to do but if it were her friends she would run to do it without hesitating, and the like, drove her away. That's why to be honest. I feel like l shouldn't have confronted her in the first place. That's the honest story behind this feeling

 

[Shugo]

Stack****EmUp your words are exceptionally correct. I'm realizing it now that you have mentioned it. My sincere gratitude