The idea that rejection is nothing personal

[BaronOfHair]

Lolz Baron, way to let @oOh Nasty's post go right over your head.

He has a point regarding sociopaths. Their callousness and fridgidity gives them an edge over "normal" folks. Good news is: EVERYONE can strengthen those muscles, without becoming the next Ted Bundy or Osama Bin Laden. Google The Wisdom Of Psychopaths by Kevin Dutton

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

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If a woman rejects me because of my looks, that's personal.

 

[YourGreatestFear]

There are many instances, however, where the rejection is personal. Many times, a rejection happens because of something the guy said or did (and the rejection wouldn't have happened if he didn't say/do whatever thing drove her to reject him). It's been discussed in length on the forum about how all it takes to get rejected (or to make the woman quickly lose interest) is for the guy to say/do even one thing that gives her the ick factor.

It's just a skill issue. Good game isn't when a woman never reacts negatively. Good game is when you can control her reactions and emotions, when you can deal with negative reactions without being reactive yourself and changing her state without losing your value. What most guys consider as "rejections" are just **** tests or temporary bad reactions.

As for me, I'd much rather get rejected for my looks, height, or ethnicity than get rejected for saying or doing the "wrong" thing. At least with a looks/height/ethnic rejection, it doesn't mean the woman thinks there's anything flawed with me personally. Alas though, I'd venture to guess way more of my rejections (as well as instances where the woman quickly loses interest) have been of the personal variety.

You're basically a slave to a woman's validation. A woman wants to see if she can control you. A man who's easily controlled by her reactions is a weak, low value man. Thus, she loses her interest. It's not what you do, but how you react to what she does.

You're basically a Pavlov's dog. Women control your mood, they control your state, and your thoughts, as well as your self-esteem. Can't you see how ridiculous it is? SHE DOESN'T KNOW YOU. And YOU know YOU. So why would you put her opinion about you above your own opinion about yourself? This makes no sense. It's like someone talking crap about your favorite game without even playing it, or dropping it after playing for 5 minutes, and you instantly agreeing with them and putting their opinion above yours, lmao.


Everything you do, you do to please her. And she feels it. Compare it to being authentic - you do something because that's WHO you are. She reacts negatively. But you don't care. You're a man who knows who he is. You know better how you should act. So you don't care if she's frowning and tells you that you're lame. Because you aren't saying or doing things to please her, but because they authentically come from your core being. A self-assured man burps. The woman tells him, "it's disgusting". He burps again, this time right into her face, and then laughs. He doesn't care what she thinks of him or his actions, he knows better who he is and how he should or shouldn't act. And she's even more attracted to him after that, even if she pretends to be offended.

Rejection is never truly personal. And even if it is - why should you care?

p.s. There's a video on youtube that covers this topic rather well, though the guy is a bit too soft and nice in his interpretations.

 

[GoodMan32]

It's just a skill issue. Good game isn't when a woman never reacts negatively. Good game is when you can control her reactions and emotions, when you can deal with negative reactions without being reactive yourself and changing her state without losing your value. What most guys consider as "rejections" are just **** tests or temporary bad reactions.

You're basically a slave to a woman's validation. A woman wants to see if she can control you. A man who's easily controlled by her reactions is a weak, low value man. Thus, she loses her interest. It's not what you do, but how you react to what she does.

You're basically a Pavlov's dog. Women control your mood, they control your state, and your thoughts, as well as your self-esteem. Can't you see how ridiculous it is? SHE DOESN'T KNOW YOU. And YOU know YOU. So why would you put her opinion about you above your own opinion about yourself? This makes no sense. It's like someone talking crap about your favorite game without even playing it, or dropping it after playing for 5 minutes, and you instantly agreeing with them and putting their opinion above yours, lmao.


Everything you do, you do to please her. And she feels it. Compare it to being authentic - you do something because that's WHO you are. She reacts negatively. But you don't care. You're a man who knows who he is. You know better how you should act. So you don't care if she's frowning and tells you that you're lame. Because you aren't saying or doing things to please her, but because they authentically come from your core being. A self-assured man burps. The woman tells him, "it's disgusting". He burps again, this time right into her face, and then laughs. He doesn't care what she thinks of him or his actions, he knows better who he is and how he should or shouldn't act. And she's even more attracted to him after that, even if she pretends to be offended.

Rejection is never truly personal. And even if it is - why should you care?

p.s. There's a video on youtube that covers this topic rather well, though the guy is a bit too soft and nice in his interpretations.

It's been said on the forum that my wardrobe could use an overhaul.

Guess what though? I dress the way I do because that's how I want to dress. I dress this way for me; not for a woman.

Couldn't that be interpreted as an attractive character trait (as I'm doing something many a woman might not like, yet I have an "I don't give a flip" attitude...in other words, I'm not going to let a woman's preferences impact my wardrobe)? Talk about not caring about a woman's approval.

 

[YourGreatestFear]

It's been said on the forum that my wardrobe could use an overhaul.

Guess what though? I dress the way I do because that's how I want to dress. I dress this way for me; not for a woman.

Couldn't that be interpreted as an attractive character trait (as I'm doing something many a woman might not like, yet I have an "I don't give a flip" attitude...in other words, I'm not going to let a woman's preferences impact my wardrobe)? Talk about not caring about a woman's approval.

I talked about behaviors first and foremost. But you're right, if you love your style and think that it expresses you as a person - good for you, and who cares about other people. But if you're just lazy to get something that's more stylish, then it's another problem altogether. Or if let's say a guy stinks, it's not his self-expression or "who he is", he can totally change without "doing it for a woman", I mean, who would want to stink or look like a hobo and think this is their genuine self-expression? Lol. Everything should come from the place of self-love, not "you damn people piss off, I'll be stinky hobo if I want to".

 

[GoodMan32]

I talked about behaviors first and foremost. But you're right, if you love your style and think that it expresses you as a person - good for you, and who cares about other people. But if you're just lazy to get something that's more stylish, then it's another problem altogether. Or if let's say a guy stinks, it's not his self-expression or "who he is", he can totally change without "doing it for a woman", I mean, who would want to stink or look like a hobo and think this is their genuine self-expression? Lol. Everything should come from the place of self-love, not "you damn people piss off, I'll be stinky hobo if I want to".

I dress perfectly fine; not like a hobo.

I've just been told (when I posted a picture of my outfit on the forum) I apparently dress like a grandpa.

 

[SW15]

I dress perfectly fine; not like a hobo.

I've just been told (when I posted a picture of my outfit on the forum) I apparently dress like a grandpa.

There's a difference between dressing for general social settings or the workplace and dressing in a way that will attract women.

Married guys (usually older) can wear styles that might not be the most sexually alluring. They aren't out in the market trying to get new women.

Single, unattached men need to dress in a sexually exciting manner in more scenarios.

If you were neurotypical, the advice for you would be 13-15% body fat and more muscle.

As an autist, that might still work. You are trying to get to sex fast. Nothing gets to sex faster than a top tier physique.

Outfit choices can make a difference but physique is #1.

 

[GoodMan32]

There's a difference between dressing for general social settings or the workplace and dressing in a way that will attract women.

Married guys (usually older) can wear styles that might not be the most sexually alluring. They aren't out in the market trying to get new women.

Single, unattached men need to dress in a sexually exciting manner in more scenarios.

If you were neurotypical, the advice for you would be 13-15% body fat and more muscle.

As an autist, that might still work. You are trying to get to sex fast. Nothing gets to sex faster than a top tier physique.

Outfit choices can make a difference but physique is #1.

Keep in mind, this forum is vast majority male. In other words, it's been mostly (possibly entirely) men criticizing my outfit on that thread (There are only 2 female posters I know of on this forum; I don't recall if they posted on that thread)

There's a woman I chat with on a just friends basis from a different workplace in my office building. She told me I'm an 8/10, I dress well, and I'm pretty confident around her. She said she doesn't get why I struggle romantically.

I told her I'm confident around her because neither of us are trying to date each other...I then went on to say "if I was trying to date you, I'd fall apart"

Anyway, there's a reason I mentioned her (and a reason I bolded the part about her telling me I dress well). A woman (my preferred gender), who actually knows me, doesn't think I'm doing anything wrong (including my wardrobe)

 

[SW15]

Keep in mind, this forum is vast majority male. In other words, it's been mostly (possibly entirely) men criticizing my outfit on that thread (There are only 2 female posters I know of on this forum; I don't recall if they posted on that thread)

The males that are criticizing your outfits are doing so from a place of knowing what females respond to in the market.

You are getting the opinions of fishermen on how they catch fish.

There's a woman I chat with on a just friends basis from a different workplace in my office building. She told me I'm an 8/10, I dress well, and I'm pretty confident around her. She said she doesn't get why I struggle romantically.

I told her I'm confident around her because neither of us are trying to date each other...I then went on to say "if I was trying to date you, I'd fall apart"

Anyway, there's a reason I mentioned her (and a reason I bolded the part about her telling me I dress well). A woman (my preferred gender), who actually knows me, doesn't think I'm doing anything wrong (including my wardrobe)

You are not an 8/10. You received a Sub 5 rating from Wheat Waffles. Most women would rate you sub 5.5. When you have self-assessed yourself a 7/10, this is a wild overrating of your looks level. You have an overinflated sense of your own looks tier.

In fairness, it is easier to be confident around the opposite sex without the sexual tension element.

 

[GoodMan32]

The males that are criticizing your outfits are doing so from a place of knowing what females respond to in the market.

You are getting the opinions of fishermen on how they catch fish.



You are not an 8/10. You received a Sub 5 rating from Wheat Waffles. Most women would rate you sub 5.5. When you have self-assessed yourself a 7/10, this is a wild overrating of your looks level. You have an overinflated sense of your own looks tier.

In fairness, it is easier to be confident around the opposite sex without the sexual tension element.

In the opinion of the woman I chat with from another office in my building, I'm an 8.

In the opinion of Wheat Waffles, I'm a 4.

In the opinion of a girl I had 2 dates with from OkCupid in college, I'm an 8 and a half.

AI raters rate me mostly in the 6 range, with some 7's and some 5's.

A live human rating site I'm on rated 2 of my images as 6.3; 1 image as 5.8

All in all, the 6-7 that I rate myself as appears to be a realistic average of various ratings I've gotten (and the fact it was a man who rated me a 4, while the opposite sex tends to rate me higher, is very telling)

But yeah, it's easier to be confident around the opposite sex without the sexual tension element. That's why female coworkers, relatives, etc often fail to see what the problem is when a guy tells her he struggles romantically.

 

[SW15]

In the opinion of the woman I chat with from another office in my building, I'm an 8.

Have you ever approached women for sexual purposes in that office building or any office building where you've worked since college graduation? Interactions with baristas in the building cafe/restaurant are not counted here unless it was a direct ask out for a social outing.

Multi-story office buildings with multiple companies in them are a great place to do approaches. I have done approaches and arranged dates in previous office buildings where I have worked.

Approaching women in the office building is good. They will eventually move on to other jobs and you will move on to another job.

In a 5+ story building, it's pretty rare to run into the same woman regularly. The crossing paths factor is minimal after a failed first date or failed approach.

I think it is a good thing to ask out immediately with very little conversation. You find out that she's interested right away or that she's not interested/unavailable. That's good to know within 3 minutes on the first interaction.

I've taken rejections in an office building before.

it's easier to be confident around the opposite sex without the sexual tension element. That's why female coworkers, relatives, etc often fail to see what the problem is when a guy tells her he struggles romantically.

Female co-workers are usually also married or in an LTR. They haven't been on the market in a long time.

Female relatives can rarely relate either.

 

[GoodMan32]

Have you ever approached women for sexual purposes in that office building or any office building where you've worked since college graduation? Interactions with baristas in the building cafe/restaurant are not counted here unless it was a direct ask out for a social outing.

Multi-story office buildings with multiple companies in them are a great place to do approaches. I have done approaches and arranged dates in previous office buildings where I have worked.

Approaching women in the office building is good. They will eventually move on to other jobs and you will move on to another job.

In a 5+ story building, it's pretty rare to run into the same woman regularly. The crossing paths factor is minimal after a failed first date or failed approach.

I think it is a good thing to ask out immediately with very little conversation. You find out that she's interested right away or that she's not interested/unavailable. That's good to know within 3 minutes on the first interaction.

I've taken rejections in an office building before.



Female co-workers are usually also married or in an LTR. They haven't been on the market in a long time.

Female relatives can rarely relate either.

The closest thing I've done to shooting my shot with a woman in my office building was back in 2021 when I slipped my number to a female coworker at the same company as me.

At a store I worked at before this job (but after college), I would comment on a female coworker's body (directly to her)

I tend to stay at a job for a while (so the "you'll change jobs quickly anyway" thing doesn't really apply to me)

 

[SW15]

At a store I worked at before this job (but after college), I would comment on a female coworker's body (directly to her)

You are fortunate HR didn't fire you for that. That sounds like a policy violation to me.

The closest thing I've done to shooting my shot with a woman in my office building was back in 2021 when I slipped my number to a female coworker at the same company as me.

I doubt that resulted in a date because you didn't directly ask her out and then ask for her number. Also, doing that within your own company is a bad idea.

You didn't have the guts there to take a direct rejection from a co-worker.

I tend to stay at a job for a while (so the "you'll change jobs quickly anyway" thing doesn't really apply to me)

Millennials and Generation Z (the women you're interested in) are changing jobs every 2-4 years.

Also, you could get laid off this afternoon or by the end of the week.

In case you haven't been paying attention to the employment world, there are massive layoffs going on right now. That's been the case since mid-2023. Most of the time, the employee did nothing to deserve it. It's the fault of incompetent senior management.

If you approach a woman working at another company in that building, chances are that she's gone before the end of the year. She's either going to get laid off, change jobs voluntarily, or you will get laid off.

You might as well show her some charisma and ask her out for a drink at a bar.

AI raters rate me mostly in the 6 range, with some 7's and some 5's.

A live human rating site I'm on rated 2 of my images as 6.3; 1 image as 5.8

Did those AI raters and live human raters see the lack of muscle definition on your chest/stomach/arms in that one thread you posted on here? That would affect those numbers.

 

[BaronOfHair]

I dress the way I do because that's how I want to dress

Couldn't that be interpreted as an attractive character trait (as I'm doing something many a woman might not like, yet I have an "I don't give a flip" attitude...in other words, I'm not going to let a woman's preferences impact my wardrobe)? Talk about not caring about a woman's approval.

That's the equivalent of walking into the boxing ring with both arms at your sides, getting your clock cleaned in over a dozen matches, and trying to whitewash incompetence as "style", as opposed to emulating what the highly successful do

 

[GoodMan32]

You are fortunate HR didn't fire you for that. That sounds like a policy violation to me.



I doubt that resulted in a date because you didn't directly ask her out and then ask for her number. Also, doing that within your own company is a bad idea.

You didn't have the guts there to take a direct rejection from a co-worker.



Millennials and Generation Z (the women you're interested in) are changing jobs every 2-4 years.

Also, you could get laid off this afternoon or by the end of the week.

In case you haven't been paying attention to the employment world, there are massive layoffs going on right now. That's been the case since mid-2023. Most of the time, the employee did nothing to deserve it. It's the fault of incompetent senior management.

If you approach a woman working at another company in that building, chances are that she's gone before the end of the year. She's either going to get laid off, change jobs voluntarily, or you will get laid off.

You might as well show her some charisma and ask her out for a drink at a bar.



Did those AI raters and live human raters see the lack of muscle definition on your chest/stomach/arms in that one thread you posted on here? That would affect those numbers.

The store I worked at was an extremely relaxed environment. Even the store manager made sexual innuendo comments to the coworker whose body I'd comment on.

The staff in that store merely accepted the unprofessional environment as a fact of life.

The female coworker in that store I made comments to would make comments to me too (even if not to the same degree of severity)

You're right, I wasn't going to risk a rejection from a coworker. I've mentioned many times on the forum I refuse to risk a rejection from a woman I have reason to believe I'm going to run into again (Which is also my rebuttal to your claim that I should shoot my shot with a woman from a different workplace in my office building. The fact I might get laid off soon, or the woman might change jobs soon, isn't a good enough reason to do an askout)

I haven't asked out a woman I had valid reason to believe I'd cross paths with again since 2012. That's how severe my phobia is.

Millennials and Gen Z aren't my target market. Gen X as well as younger Baby Boomers are my preference.

The AI raters rate solely based on facial features.

As for the live human raters, 1 picture is a full body shot. The other 2 show me from the chest up.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Gen X as well as younger Baby Boomers are my preference.

Why not go all in, by swiping a mummy or 3 from The AMONH https://www.amnh.org/exhibitions/mummies/egypt , and using THEM as bed mates? Chances of pregnancy are zero, unless Imhotep drops by to re-animate them

 

[SW15]

The store

Retail store locations have a bit less strict of a work environment with harassment claims than corporate office locations.

I've mentioned many times on the forum I refuse to risk a rejection from a woman I have reason to believe I'm going to run into again

Neurotypical males usually don't want to run into a woman after a failed approach or a failed first date.

You've taken one common practice from neurotypicals to the most extreme level possible.

Neurotypical males will try to avoid running into a woman after a failed approach or failed first date. Neurotypical males won't let it interfere with their lives.

In a big city, it doesn't take much effort to avoid running into a woman after a failed approach or failed first date.

Neurotypical males will also try to avoid seeing ex-girlfriends to some extent as well. They won't let it interfere with their lives, but they might make changes.

As an example, let's say that a neurotypical male and neurotypical female end a 1 year long dating relationship where they met in an LA Fitness gym location. One of the two people will stop going to that particular LA Fitness location. One person is likely to get a gym membership elsewhere to avoid that negative situation.

my rebuttal to your claim that I should shoot my shot with a woman from a different workplace in my office building. The fact I might get laid off soon, or the woman might change jobs soon, isn't a good enough reason to do an askout)

For a neurotypical man, it would be a good reason to ask a woman on a date.

In bigger office buildings/complexes (10+ stories or more), it's highly unlikely to run into any one specific woman in the building lobby or building parking area more than once every couple of months. If a man can get a good 3-5 minute conversation in these areas and the elevator, then he should ask her on a date and not worry about the future if there is a rejection. If a man doesn't ask a woman out in that moment, he also risks not seeing her for months at a time and not getting a second chance to ask her on a date.

Layoffs and job changes also help with not seeing the same woman regularly.

 

[GoodMan32]

Retail store locations have a bit less strict of a work environment with harassment claims than corporate office locations.



Neurotypical males usually don't want to run into a woman after a failed approach or a failed first date.

You've taken one common practice from neurotypicals to the most extreme level possible.

Neurotypical males will try to avoid running into a woman after a failed approach or failed first date. Neurotypical males won't let it interfere with their lives.

In a big city, it doesn't take much effort to avoid running into a woman after a failed approach or failed first date.

Neurotypical males will also try to avoid seeing ex-girlfriends to some extent as well. They won't let it interfere with their lives, but they might make changes.

As an example, let's say that a neurotypical male and neurotypical female end a 1 year long dating relationship where they met in an LA Fitness gym location. One of the two people will stop going to that particular LA Fitness location. One person is likely to get a gym membership elsewhere to avoid that negative situation.



For a neurotypical man, it would be a good reason to ask a woman on a date.

In bigger office buildings/complexes (10+ stories or more), it's highly unlikely to run into any one specific woman in the building lobby or building parking area more than once every couple of months. If a man can get a good 3-5 minute conversation in these areas and the elevator, then he should ask her on a date and not worry about the future if there is a rejection. If a man doesn't ask a woman out in that moment, he also risks not seeing her for months at a time and not getting a second chance to ask her on a date.

Layoffs and job changes also help with not seeing the same woman regularly.

When there's a scenario I really don't want to be in, I take extreme measures to avoid it. A common trait of autists.

The fact it's been more than a decade since I've asked out a woman I had reason to believe I'd cross paths with again is only one example.

The fact my phobia of pregnancy has led me to bag a lot of much older cooches is yet another example.

I'm aware it's possible I might not see any given woman in my office building for a while (so I might miss a possible chance if I don't ask her out right then and there). But then there's also a decent chance I will cross paths with her soon (since my office building is significantly smaller than 10 floors). The risk of crossing paths with her again scares me out of an askout. I'd rather risk missing an opportunity than risk crossing paths with a rejecter.

I've probably missed a decent amount of opportunities through the years because of this fear. Oh well. As much as it sucks to think of all the opportunities I've missed, crossing paths with rejecters sucks way more.

My fear isn't entirely unfounded. Nearly every time I've done an askout offline, I've been rejected.

 

[SW15]

I'd rather risk missing an opportunity than risk crossing paths with a rejecter.....As much as it sucks to think of all the opportunities I've missed, crossing paths with rejecters sucks way more.

Crossing paths with a person that rejects a first date is often a non-event. It's unpleasant. Most of the time, both the male and the female don't want to acknowledge it. It does depend upon the situation surrounding the rejection.

Crossing paths with a person that ghosts/flakes after a first or second date without sex is also unpleasant. It's mainly a non-event. In a big city, this is also improbable.

I don't like either of these scenarios but I won't let those scenarios interfere with my life. I've seen rejectors of my first date offers at my gym for a time until they changed gyms.

The absolute worst one is seeing a longer term ex-girlfriend and it ended badly.

The best thing about big cities is that these interactions can be minimized.

The fact my phobia of pregnancy has led me to bag a lot of much older cooches is yet another example.

There are plenty of neurotypicals who don't want to get women pregnant. A good portion of SoSuave forum participants aren't wanting to get women pregnant.

Neurotypical males will use condoms to prevent pregnancy and STDs.

Additionally, it's very common for younger women to use birth control. There are many interactions where a neurotypical man uses a condom while having sex with a neurotypical female using birth control.

You have way overblown a fear of pregnancy. You've taken it to the most extreme and most ridiculous level possible.

My fear isn't entirely unfounded. Nearly every time I've done an askout offline, I've been rejected.

That's a combination of not demonstrating enough value in a roughly 5 minute in-person interaction with a stranger. Value is demonstrated through looks, money, status, and personality.

Your looks are #1. Your looks aren't top tier. Being 6'0"+ and fit/muscular is the ideal.

Your personality is turning off women, sometimes very quickly.

Approaching women in real life is challenging. Women in bars/nightlife venues are usually seeking new penis, but are very guarded and defensive. Biatch shields are way up there. In non-bar venues, the majority of women between ages 18-49 aren't seeking new penis at the moment they are approached in a non-bar setting. Non-bar approaching is inefficient by design (see video below). You have also compounded the problem by selecting a target market (women far older than you are) who are not inclined to have sexual interactions with younger men.

- YouTube

Enjoy the videos and music you love, upload original content, and share it all with friends, family, and the world on YouTube.

www.youtube.com

Additionally, you have a small sample size of offline askouts and offline approaches in general. Guys like @nicksaiz65 (who does 30+ approach nights) and I have way bigger sample sizes on women we've approached in real life. @nicksaiz65 often approaches more women in one night at a bar than you have approached in real life in the last 15 years.

NightGame Lay Report

I went out to do a solo Nightgame session. My wing/roommate is currently burnt out of the game and wasn't really feeling it. He wants to focus more on himself, his business, etc. Still, there was a 0% chance I was staying in the house on Saturday. I decided to keep doing what I've been doing and...

www.sosuave.net

 

[BaronOfHair]

When there's a scenario I really don't want to be in, I take extreme measures to avoid it

And that's flatlining your social life faster than a burka obliterates a stripper's prospects for breaking the bank