The idea that rejection is nothing personal

[New_Journey]

women are often looking for a cookie cutter rich, fit guy.

Women want everything, all the time, forever.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Golden Retriever energy has nothing to do with pet ownership status.

IYKYK

 

[CoolWave1331]

Is personal - When she rejects she is saying you're not good enough (in her eyes)

This is okay, you're not going to be everyone's cup and you should expect that. Even if really handsome guy and people have told you many times, it doesn't mean every woman you see will worship you.

Think the only way to really avoid pain is to only give time to the women who actually want to meet/talk to you. Know guys in situations where they've been chasing specific girls for many months, no progress and always seem stressed out and complaining. This is really stupid, why would guys do this? If seems very difficult it is because she doesn't like you, she doesn't have interest. Supposed to be fun when you like each other.

If no girls like you - I have one friend who says only fat girls like him (LOL), you have to make yourself better. As example: I was very skinny teen years, like 130-140lbs. I did wrestling so I exercised a little bit but was not something I took very seriously at the time. Some girls liked me but I notice the "bigger" guys had an easier time.

 

[Mike32ct]

Know guys in situations where they've been chasing specific girls for many months, no progress and always seem stressed out and complaining. This is really stupid, why would guys do this? If seems very difficult it is because she doesn't like you, she doesn't have interest. Supposed to be fun when you like each other.

Fully agree. There is no “long game” with women.

Generally, things either get off the ground (romantically/sexually) in a relatively short amount of time or they never do.

 

[SW15]

Fully agree. There is no “long game” with women.

Generally, things either get off the ground (romantically/sexually) in a relatively short amount of time or they never do.

I agree with this. I believe in making the first move and setting a sexual tone for the interaction immediately. Caleb Jones (aka Alpha Male 2.0 / Blackdragon) has called this the Early Frame Announcement (EFA).

It's not ideal to give off any indicators of being a beta male in the early part of an interaction. When beta tells are made, women start treating men like betas and it creates a negative vibe.

 

[oOh Nasty]

This is the name of the game. Rejection, no matter what, is personal . Well, at the very least, we're wired to take things personally. People who act like they don't feel a thing after being rejected are either borderline sociopathic or have reached levels of enlightenment that not even 007 can acquire.

Some men deal with it better than others and that's what separates those with emotional tenacity and those that turn into trainwrecks when their one-itis ends up picking his homie instead of him. At the end of the day, there's definitely a "sting" no matter what. Like others have said, we just have to not over-think it and recalibrate ourselves to move on from it as soon as possible.

Rejection from a one-itis is going to sting for any man, no matter what. Rejection from random girls, well, I don't know because I'm not a cold approacher, but I'm sure there's still an initial "wtf was I missing?" element of thought that happens after the rejection.

But all of these thoughts go back to the same point: that perhaps one was not "Man" enough or "Alpha" enough or masculine enough. Not tall enough, not enough hair. Not built enough. Cared too much. Too old. Displayed too much simpish behavior. Was too desparate. Not cool enough. Whatever it is.

And it makes dudes have deep introspection on self, because deep down inside (if your testosterone levels are normal), women that you find highly attractive also being highly attracted to you is important to you. That's why men come up with systems to become "holistically Alpha" to lessen their chances of rejection. At the end of the day, if we had our way, we'd want to be a version of ourselves that makes our ideal woman look at us and have uncontrollable admiration and lust that makes her lose all sense of logic.

And, for lots of us, if we get rejected, we realize how far away from that ideal we are. Not saying that it's mentally healthy by any means.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Comparable to an audience either not laughing at a joke you've worked really hard on, or merely chuckling: The crowd COULD be sh-t, the joke might need fine tuning, or excision from your act altogether

It only hurts as much as you allow it to though

 

[BillyPilgrim]

It only hurts as much as you allow it to though

So true. And if you try hard enough, you can eliminate your emotions altogether.

#selfimprovement4life247365

Lolz Baron, way to let @oOh Nasty's post go right over your head.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Lolz Baron, way to let @oOh Nasty's post go right over your head.

He has a point regarding sociopaths. Their callousness and fridgidity gives them an edge over "normal" folks. Good news is: EVERYONE can strengthen those muscles, without becoming the next Ted Bundy or Osama Bin Laden. Google The Wisdom Of Psychopaths by Kevin Dutton

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

.

If a woman rejects me because of my looks, that's personal.

 

[YourGreatestFear]

There are many instances, however, where the rejection is personal. Many times, a rejection happens because of something the guy said or did (and the rejection wouldn't have happened if he didn't say/do whatever thing drove her to reject him). It's been discussed in length on the forum about how all it takes to get rejected (or to make the woman quickly lose interest) is for the guy to say/do even one thing that gives her the ick factor.

It's just a skill issue. Good game isn't when a woman never reacts negatively. Good game is when you can control her reactions and emotions, when you can deal with negative reactions without being reactive yourself and changing her state without losing your value. What most guys consider as "rejections" are just **** tests or temporary bad reactions.

As for me, I'd much rather get rejected for my looks, height, or ethnicity than get rejected for saying or doing the "wrong" thing. At least with a looks/height/ethnic rejection, it doesn't mean the woman thinks there's anything flawed with me personally. Alas though, I'd venture to guess way more of my rejections (as well as instances where the woman quickly loses interest) have been of the personal variety.

You're basically a slave to a woman's validation. A woman wants to see if she can control you. A man who's easily controlled by her reactions is a weak, low value man. Thus, she loses her interest. It's not what you do, but how you react to what she does.

You're basically a Pavlov's dog. Women control your mood, they control your state, and your thoughts, as well as your self-esteem. Can't you see how ridiculous it is? SHE DOESN'T KNOW YOU. And YOU know YOU. So why would you put her opinion about you above your own opinion about yourself? This makes no sense. It's like someone talking crap about your favorite game without even playing it, or dropping it after playing for 5 minutes, and you instantly agreeing with them and putting their opinion above yours, lmao.


Everything you do, you do to please her. And she feels it. Compare it to being authentic - you do something because that's WHO you are. She reacts negatively. But you don't care. You're a man who knows who he is. You know better how you should act. So you don't care if she's frowning and tells you that you're lame. Because you aren't saying or doing things to please her, but because they authentically come from your core being. A self-assured man burps. The woman tells him, "it's disgusting". He burps again, this time right into her face, and then laughs. He doesn't care what she thinks of him or his actions, he knows better who he is and how he should or shouldn't act. And she's even more attracted to him after that, even if she pretends to be offended.

Rejection is never truly personal. And even if it is - why should you care?

p.s. There's a video on youtube that covers this topic rather well, though the guy is a bit too soft and nice in his interpretations.

 

[GoodMan32]

It's just a skill issue. Good game isn't when a woman never reacts negatively. Good game is when you can control her reactions and emotions, when you can deal with negative reactions without being reactive yourself and changing her state without losing your value. What most guys consider as "rejections" are just **** tests or temporary bad reactions.

You're basically a slave to a woman's validation. A woman wants to see if she can control you. A man who's easily controlled by her reactions is a weak, low value man. Thus, she loses her interest. It's not what you do, but how you react to what she does.

You're basically a Pavlov's dog. Women control your mood, they control your state, and your thoughts, as well as your self-esteem. Can't you see how ridiculous it is? SHE DOESN'T KNOW YOU. And YOU know YOU. So why would you put her opinion about you above your own opinion about yourself? This makes no sense. It's like someone talking crap about your favorite game without even playing it, or dropping it after playing for 5 minutes, and you instantly agreeing with them and putting their opinion above yours, lmao.


Everything you do, you do to please her. And she feels it. Compare it to being authentic - you do something because that's WHO you are. She reacts negatively. But you don't care. You're a man who knows who he is. You know better how you should act. So you don't care if she's frowning and tells you that you're lame. Because you aren't saying or doing things to please her, but because they authentically come from your core being. A self-assured man burps. The woman tells him, "it's disgusting". He burps again, this time right into her face, and then laughs. He doesn't care what she thinks of him or his actions, he knows better who he is and how he should or shouldn't act. And she's even more attracted to him after that, even if she pretends to be offended.

Rejection is never truly personal. And even if it is - why should you care?

p.s. There's a video on youtube that covers this topic rather well, though the guy is a bit too soft and nice in his interpretations.

It's been said on the forum that my wardrobe could use an overhaul.

Guess what though? I dress the way I do because that's how I want to dress. I dress this way for me; not for a woman.

Couldn't that be interpreted as an attractive character trait (as I'm doing something many a woman might not like, yet I have an "I don't give a flip" attitude...in other words, I'm not going to let a woman's preferences impact my wardrobe)? Talk about not caring about a woman's approval.

 

[YourGreatestFear]

It's been said on the forum that my wardrobe could use an overhaul.

Guess what though? I dress the way I do because that's how I want to dress. I dress this way for me; not for a woman.

Couldn't that be interpreted as an attractive character trait (as I'm doing something many a woman might not like, yet I have an "I don't give a flip" attitude...in other words, I'm not going to let a woman's preferences impact my wardrobe)? Talk about not caring about a woman's approval.

I talked about behaviors first and foremost. But you're right, if you love your style and think that it expresses you as a person - good for you, and who cares about other people. But if you're just lazy to get something that's more stylish, then it's another problem altogether. Or if let's say a guy stinks, it's not his self-expression or "who he is", he can totally change without "doing it for a woman", I mean, who would want to stink or look like a hobo and think this is their genuine self-expression? Lol. Everything should come from the place of self-love, not "you damn people piss off, I'll be stinky hobo if I want to".

 

[GoodMan32]

I talked about behaviors first and foremost. But you're right, if you love your style and think that it expresses you as a person - good for you, and who cares about other people. But if you're just lazy to get something that's more stylish, then it's another problem altogether. Or if let's say a guy stinks, it's not his self-expression or "who he is", he can totally change without "doing it for a woman", I mean, who would want to stink or look like a hobo and think this is their genuine self-expression? Lol. Everything should come from the place of self-love, not "you damn people piss off, I'll be stinky hobo if I want to".

I dress perfectly fine; not like a hobo.

I've just been told (when I posted a picture of my outfit on the forum) I apparently dress like a grandpa.

 

[SW15]

I dress perfectly fine; not like a hobo.

I've just been told (when I posted a picture of my outfit on the forum) I apparently dress like a grandpa.

There's a difference between dressing for general social settings or the workplace and dressing in a way that will attract women.

Married guys (usually older) can wear styles that might not be the most sexually alluring. They aren't out in the market trying to get new women.

Single, unattached men need to dress in a sexually exciting manner in more scenarios.

If you were neurotypical, the advice for you would be 13-15% body fat and more muscle.

As an autist, that might still work. You are trying to get to sex fast. Nothing gets to sex faster than a top tier physique.

Outfit choices can make a difference but physique is #1.

 

[GoodMan32]

There's a difference between dressing for general social settings or the workplace and dressing in a way that will attract women.

Married guys (usually older) can wear styles that might not be the most sexually alluring. They aren't out in the market trying to get new women.

Single, unattached men need to dress in a sexually exciting manner in more scenarios.

If you were neurotypical, the advice for you would be 13-15% body fat and more muscle.

As an autist, that might still work. You are trying to get to sex fast. Nothing gets to sex faster than a top tier physique.

Outfit choices can make a difference but physique is #1.

Keep in mind, this forum is vast majority male. In other words, it's been mostly (possibly entirely) men criticizing my outfit on that thread (There are only 2 female posters I know of on this forum; I don't recall if they posted on that thread)

There's a woman I chat with on a just friends basis from a different workplace in my office building. She told me I'm an 8/10, I dress well, and I'm pretty confident around her. She said she doesn't get why I struggle romantically.

I told her I'm confident around her because neither of us are trying to date each other...I then went on to say "if I was trying to date you, I'd fall apart"

Anyway, there's a reason I mentioned her (and a reason I bolded the part about her telling me I dress well). A woman (my preferred gender), who actually knows me, doesn't think I'm doing anything wrong (including my wardrobe)

 

[SW15]

Keep in mind, this forum is vast majority male. In other words, it's been mostly (possibly entirely) men criticizing my outfit on that thread (There are only 2 female posters I know of on this forum; I don't recall if they posted on that thread)

The males that are criticizing your outfits are doing so from a place of knowing what females respond to in the market.

You are getting the opinions of fishermen on how they catch fish.

There's a woman I chat with on a just friends basis from a different workplace in my office building. She told me I'm an 8/10, I dress well, and I'm pretty confident around her. She said she doesn't get why I struggle romantically.

I told her I'm confident around her because neither of us are trying to date each other...I then went on to say "if I was trying to date you, I'd fall apart"

Anyway, there's a reason I mentioned her (and a reason I bolded the part about her telling me I dress well). A woman (my preferred gender), who actually knows me, doesn't think I'm doing anything wrong (including my wardrobe)

You are not an 8/10. You received a Sub 5 rating from Wheat Waffles. Most women would rate you sub 5.5. When you have self-assessed yourself a 7/10, this is a wild overrating of your looks level. You have an overinflated sense of your own looks tier.

In fairness, it is easier to be confident around the opposite sex without the sexual tension element.

 

[GoodMan32]

The males that are criticizing your outfits are doing so from a place of knowing what females respond to in the market.

You are getting the opinions of fishermen on how they catch fish.



You are not an 8/10. You received a Sub 5 rating from Wheat Waffles. Most women would rate you sub 5.5. When you have self-assessed yourself a 7/10, this is a wild overrating of your looks level. You have an overinflated sense of your own looks tier.

In fairness, it is easier to be confident around the opposite sex without the sexual tension element.

In the opinion of the woman I chat with from another office in my building, I'm an 8.

In the opinion of Wheat Waffles, I'm a 4.

In the opinion of a girl I had 2 dates with from OkCupid in college, I'm an 8 and a half.

AI raters rate me mostly in the 6 range, with some 7's and some 5's.

A live human rating site I'm on rated 2 of my images as 6.3; 1 image as 5.8

All in all, the 6-7 that I rate myself as appears to be a realistic average of various ratings I've gotten (and the fact it was a man who rated me a 4, while the opposite sex tends to rate me higher, is very telling)

But yeah, it's easier to be confident around the opposite sex without the sexual tension element. That's why female coworkers, relatives, etc often fail to see what the problem is when a guy tells her he struggles romantically.

 

[SW15]

In the opinion of the woman I chat with from another office in my building, I'm an 8.

Have you ever approached women for sexual purposes in that office building or any office building where you've worked since college graduation? Interactions with baristas in the building cafe/restaurant are not counted here unless it was a direct ask out for a social outing.

Multi-story office buildings with multiple companies in them are a great place to do approaches. I have done approaches and arranged dates in previous office buildings where I have worked.

Approaching women in the office building is good. They will eventually move on to other jobs and you will move on to another job.

In a 5+ story building, it's pretty rare to run into the same woman regularly. The crossing paths factor is minimal after a failed first date or failed approach.

I think it is a good thing to ask out immediately with very little conversation. You find out that she's interested right away or that she's not interested/unavailable. That's good to know within 3 minutes on the first interaction.

I've taken rejections in an office building before.

it's easier to be confident around the opposite sex without the sexual tension element. That's why female coworkers, relatives, etc often fail to see what the problem is when a guy tells her he struggles romantically.

Female co-workers are usually also married or in an LTR. They haven't been on the market in a long time.

Female relatives can rarely relate either.

 

[GoodMan32]

Have you ever approached women for sexual purposes in that office building or any office building where you've worked since college graduation? Interactions with baristas in the building cafe/restaurant are not counted here unless it was a direct ask out for a social outing.

Multi-story office buildings with multiple companies in them are a great place to do approaches. I have done approaches and arranged dates in previous office buildings where I have worked.

Approaching women in the office building is good. They will eventually move on to other jobs and you will move on to another job.

In a 5+ story building, it's pretty rare to run into the same woman regularly. The crossing paths factor is minimal after a failed first date or failed approach.

I think it is a good thing to ask out immediately with very little conversation. You find out that she's interested right away or that she's not interested/unavailable. That's good to know within 3 minutes on the first interaction.

I've taken rejections in an office building before.



Female co-workers are usually also married or in an LTR. They haven't been on the market in a long time.

Female relatives can rarely relate either.

The closest thing I've done to shooting my shot with a woman in my office building was back in 2021 when I slipped my number to a female coworker at the same company as me.

At a store I worked at before this job (but after college), I would comment on a female coworker's body (directly to her)

I tend to stay at a job for a while (so the "you'll change jobs quickly anyway" thing doesn't really apply to me)