Text Strategy

[Barrister]

I see a lot of these texting questions on here right now so sorry to ask another. Typically I like to ask women out face to face or at the very least on a phone call, but in this particular instance I had a chick initiate and ask me via text and was wondering what everyone's opinion is on how to proceed when my counter is met with silence. We were in the middle of discussing some unrelated business and then I started giving her a hard time and she states:

Her: Are you going to be in [city] later today to grab a drink?
Me: No - I actually just left. But I am free on day X or Y.

Then nada after this point. My initial thought is I will say nothing further for a few days then ask her out on a completely different day maybe next week. I am trying to balance not coming off too desperate by immediately texting again and asking "do either of those dates work?" with letting it go too long and just losing out completely. Thoughts from the DJs?

 

[flowtheory]

I see a lot of these texting questions on here right now so sorry to ask another. Typically I like to ask women out face to face or at the very least on a phone call, but in this particular instance I had a chick initiate and ask me via text and was wondering what everyone's opinion is on how to proceed when my counter is met with silence. We were in the middle of discussing some unrelated business and then I started giving her a hard time and she states:

Her: Are you going to be in [city] later today to grab a drink?
Me: No - I actually just left. But I am free on day X or Y.

Then nada after this point. My initial thought is I will say nothing further for a few days then ask her out on a completely different day maybe next week. I am trying to balance not coming off too desperate by immediately texting again and asking "do either of those dates work?" with letting it go too long and just losing out completely. Thoughts from the DJs?

Yea man, you have it. Message a day or two later and gather her thoughts on the proposed outing. If you hear nothing again after following up, move on. If she ignores the date question but responds, steer back towards date suggestion.

 

[Red Legg]

I text nasty ass Sh!t about sex and all kinds of perversion...she either likes it or doesn't who gives a fvck. Red Leggs text -If you make daddy wait any longer I will spank ur ass when I see you...naughty lil girl.

 

[flowtheory]

Here this just happened to me.... good example

Me: Sure, we can reschedule. What would be a better day?
Her: Is Friday good for you?
Me: Yes. Friday at 6:30pm; (Location and Location)
— 2 days later (today 1pm) —-
Me: Does that time work?
Her: Yes!
Me: See you then

 

[Serenity]

It's weird not to get confirmation shortly after. It makes no sense for them to wait if they're not playing the same stupid game men are playing, which I suspect many of them do. The waiting game is retarded if you ask me.

Anyways, to answer your question. You could the day before or on day X or Y (whichever comes first) send a message asking if she'll come for that drink. I wouldn't expect much though, didn't respond after you proposed not only one, but two times you were available.

 

[marmel75]

It's weird not to get confirmation shortly after. It makes no sense for them to wait if they're not playing the same stupid game men are playing, which I suspect many of them do. The waiting game is retarded if you ask me.

Anyways, to answer your question. You could the day before or on day X or Y (whichever comes first) send a message asking if she'll come for that drink. I wouldn't expect much though, didn't respond after you proposed not only one, but two times you were available.

Not really...its likely she is waiting on another offer or offers from guys she would rather meet up with and will accept OPs if the other ones don't pan out. The day she offered likely meant she had no plans that day.

Typically when a woman doesn't answer it's because she is waiting on other answers first.

 

[Serenity]

Not really...its likely she is waiting on another offer or offers from guys she would rather meet up with and will accept OPs if the other ones don't pan out. The day she offered likely meant she had no plans that day.

Typically when a woman doesn't answer it's because she is waiting on other answers first.

Still not a good thing though. Whatever the case is I would begin to lose interest. Guys are way too forgiving when put on hold if you ask me.

 

[marmel75]

Still not a good thing though. Whatever the case is I would begin to lose interest. Guys are way too forgiving when put on hold if you ask me.

Yeah i agree, its not a good thing. It means you aren't her first choice and thats a bad place to be.

If guys would simply work until they found 4 to 5 women where they were their first choice ,90% of the problems we read about on this forum would disappear.

 

[Barrister]

Not really...its likely she is waiting on another offer or offers from guys she would rather meet up with and will accept OPs if the other ones don't pan out. The day she offered likely meant she had no plans that day.

Typically when a woman doesn't answer it's because she is waiting on other answers first.

Hadn't considered this to be honest. Maybe ask once more next week and if she doesn't commit call it good? Or should I just move on now?

 

[Barrister]

Still not a good thing though. Whatever the case is I would begin to lose interest. Guys are way too forgiving when put on hold if you ask me.

I don't disagree with you at all. However, considering I am coming out of a divorce after 7 years I have literally nothing going right now outside of 2-3 possibilities. This woman is one of them. So I am reluctant to just give in especially when she initiated. But maybe it is the right thing to do anyway.

 

[Serenity]

I don't disagree with you at all. However, considering I am coming out of a divorce after 7 years I have literally nothing going right now outside of 2-3 possibilities. This woman is one of them. So I am reluctant to just give in especially when she initiated. But maybe it is the right thing to do anyway.

Do not let go of standards, even (or especially) in desperate times. Act out of abundance even if you do not have it right now, more opportunities will arise and this one will fade into insignificance. It is not as important as you may think it is now.

Hadn't considered this to be honest. Maybe ask once more next week and if she doesn't commit call it good? Or should I just move on now?

No harm in another attempt, but never for relationship. Send the text next week, move on if no reply. Might as well take advantage if you can, but don't risk your heart for her.

 

[flowtheory]

Her: Are you going to be in [city] later today to grab a drink?
Me: No - I actually just left. But I am free on day X or Y.

Re-read your OP and I realized you’re not leading dominantly. You didn’t suggest a specific time or date. It was two options and just two days. I always say choose one specific day over giving options. The first is stronger whereas the latter seems weaker. Should say: “No - I just left. I’m free on (day) at 7:30pm for a drink at (Location). Does this work for you?”

Don’t wait a week. Just make a play now and suggest something specific and let her react. Then you’ll have your answer.

 

[marmel75]

I don't disagree with you at all. However, considering I am coming out of a divorce after 7 years I have literally nothing going right now outside of 2-3 possibilities. This woman is one of them. So I am reluctant to just give in especially when she initiated. But maybe it is the right thing to do anyway.

OP, you dont need to next her, simply work on finding new women and then circle back to her in a week or so and act like nothing ever happened.

You will bang a lot of chicks like this. When you dont play their game, but then circle back later as if nothing happened.

 

[Barrister]

OP, you dont need to next her, simply work on finding new women and then circle back to her in a week or so and act like nothing ever happened.

You will bang a lot of chicks like this. When you dont play their game, but then circle back later as if nothing happened.

Well you and flowtheory just gave different advice - he said don't wait but make a play now. Although I feel like that makes me seem somewhat desperate to reach out again when she has said nothing in response to my original query earlier today. I think I will try what you say and just touch base next week with her. If little to no response I will just move on at that point.

 

[marmel75]

Well you and flowtheory just gave different advice - he said don't wait but make a play now. Although I feel like that makes me seem somewhat desperate to reach out again when she has said nothing in response to my original query earlier today. I think I will try what you say and just touch base next week with her. If little to no response I will just move on at that point.

You never want to make yourself appear like she is your only option, even if she is, especially before you've even met.

That's not a good play and will not work out in your favor far more than it will. Whats the point of sending another text? Its not like she didn't get the first one you sent.

 

[ohrein]

Not really...its likely she is waiting on another offer or offers from guys she would rather meet up with and will accept OPs if the other ones don't pan out. The day she offered likely meant she had no plans that day.

Typically when a woman doesn't answer it's because she is waiting on other answers first.

I think this is potentially accurate and in which case I'd search for better offers yourself and just wait it out. Personally, I don't chase at all. I think if an offer is ignored and I sent the last text then that's the last text I'll send until I get a reply.

 

[Spaz]

Her: Are you going to be in [city] later today to grab a drink?
Me: No - I actually just left. But I am free on day X or Y.

Her: Are you going to be in [city] later today to grab a drink?
Me: I've business to attend, it's unavoidable. Join me for dinner/drinks on day X ?

When declining a women's offer it has to be something that's unavoidable and important, you'd be protecting her ego, hence "busy with business" and then make a counter on your terms.

You'll have better chances of getting yes for an answer.

 

[flowtheory]

Well you and flowtheory just gave different advice - he said don't wait but make a play now. Although I feel like that makes me seem somewhat desperate to reach out again when she has said nothing in response to my original query earlier today. I think I will try what you say and just touch base next week with her. If little to no response I will just move on at that point.

Hasn’t it already been two days or something; when’s the last time you were in contact?

And plus! You haven’t even met the woman yet right? So nothing really matters until you meet the woman.
If you wait a week, in my mind, and haven’t even met her yet.. she’ll forget about you even further especially if she didn’t even respond to your previous message.

I would rather send the text after two days of that previous text and see what’s going on, for my own clarity and organization of mind. And meanwhile still pursue other interested women. All this waiting a week business seems pointless because in either scenerio; are you on her mind? Maybe not. The point is she doesn’t feel anything towards you substantially at the moment; waiting two days a week or a month, won’t change that until she has a different emotional connection to you.

You’re afraid to look desperate. So you’re desperate not to look desperate. Which to me is desperate. Just be cool, directed and go for what you want in a non-needy way.
Waiting a week won’t make her want to respond more, because if she actually wanted to respond or reach out, she would.

So right now, I would just be looking to sort my own self out and either move past or forward with this. Looking after myself.
That’s what I would do. And there is no correct formula. Ever. Do what you feel is right based on all the information given and known from your experiences. Because waiting a week could not be congruent with your personality and therefore would show you’re gaming which could inevitably work against you.

 

[guru1000]

Her: Are you going to be in [city] later today to grab a drink?
Me: No - I actually just left. But I am free on day X or Y.

Then nada after this point.

"Nada" is the message. This is your exit. Onus is on her to reignite.

Never choose second place on her roster.

 

[marmel75]

Hasn’t it already been two days or something; when’s the last time you were in contact?

And plus! You haven’t even met the woman yet right? So nothing really matters until you meet the woman.
If you wait a week, in my mind, and haven’t even met her yet.. she’ll forget about you even further especially if she didn’t even respond to your previous message.

I would rather send the text after two days of that previous text and see what’s going on, for my own clarity and organization of mind. And meanwhile still pursue other interested women. All this waiting a week business seems pointless because in either scenerio; are you on her mind? Maybe not. The point is she doesn’t feel anything towards you substantially at the moment; waiting two days a week or a month, won’t change that until she has a different emotional connection to you.

You’re afraid to look desperate. So you’re desperate not to look desperate. Which to me is desperate. Just be cool, directed and go for what you want in a non-needy way.
Waiting a week won’t make her want to respond more, because if she actually wanted to respond or reach out, she would.

So right now, I would just be looking to sort my own self out and either move past or forward with this. Looking after myself.
That’s what I would do. And there is no correct formula. Ever. Do what you feel is right based on all the information given and known from your experiences. Because waiting a week could not be congruent with your personality and therefore would show you’re gaming which could inevitably work against you.

Nah, it goes beyond getting the date. Asking a followup to get a date puts you in a weak position on the date itself whereas circling back after ignoring her for a week puts you in a much stronger position.

This is called finesse. Her perception of a guy who repeatedly asks for a date is that he has no options, her perception of a guy who circles back after going ghost for a week is that he simply found someone else to go out with him and he has other options. Like it or not, her perception is what ends up making most of the decisions in regards to you in the first month.

Women don't want a guy who is dating them because she is their only options, they a want a guy who picks them out of all the options they have. A very important and overlooked point when dealing with women. As women upon first meeting a guy will read the tea leaves to basically infer a lot of things from very little information which often times has no basis in reality, in many cases this will be enough to get nexted even if they go on a date with you.

So the point is, your goal should be to get the date, but more importantly get the date while maintaining the best outcome for yourself and the stongest position possible.