Study: Men Become Happier Than Women by Midlife

[Rollo Tomassi]

If college girls actually swooned over 40 year olds, you'd see them ALL dating 40 year olds...lord knows they'd have plenty of willing partners!

First off, don't make the mistake of just pegging 40 y.o.s in this demographic, there are plenty of early to mid thirties guys that can and do pull girls 5 to 8 years younger than themselves regularly. It's not the physical age so much as what the age represents (or is perceived to) - maturity, accomplishment, better provisioning capacity, status, etc. Do ALL men actually realize this by this time? Of course not, but it's the perception that they SHOULD have actualized this that is the attractant in comparison to younger guys who haven't nor would be expected to. This is exactly why you see late 20's women exiting their 'party years' settling down with the late 30s to early 40s. They represent this perception of accomplishment and security.

Second, also understand that the incidence of 30-40 y.o. men remaining single up to this time of life is far lower. Most guys (AFCs in particular) are already engaged by 28 y.o. and or have been serial monogamists up to this point. Rare is the guy who remains single into his late 30s. At this point he's either divorced once or on marriage #2. Still fewer come into the realization of their own vastly increased sexual marketability if they've managed to stay in shape and accomplish things financially, emotionally and maturity-wise up to this point and THEN use this to their own advantage.

Now add to that a constant feminine social contrivance telling them they have "fragile egos" or shames them for dating young chippys (i.e. future trophy brides) instead of mature women (generally single mothers) with all their accompanying baggage and you begin to see why the young coeds aren't flocking to 40 somethings.

 

[MrLuvr]

Rico, and another thing, to which I've already addressed before in the past...why do so many wealthy men pay for sex and frequent strip clubs? If their large bank accounts really helped them get the babes, then why the f*ck would they be paying for it? You do realize that the majority of an escorts clientelle are "wealthy" men like you describe, right?

Of course the majority of escorts clientele are wealthy men.. lol.. who do you think can afford to indulge in it on a regular basis. As to why do they do it? Because they can. Charlie Sheen for example. Famous movie star, could date any hottie wants, well at least 10 year ago, now he looks like a turkey, yet he was racking tens of thousands of dollars in escort bills. Many of these wealthy guys have hot young wives at home, but for many men one pvssy is never enough and the easiest way to get some is to pick up the phone and have one at your hotel in an hour. Or in many cases a lot of these wealthy guys are AFCs, they got married young and are now stuck with some fat, ugly, nagging *****. What do they do? Divorcing at this stage can be quite costly. Get an escort.. Easy. They have the money, so why not?

 

[MrLuvr]

And by the way Rico, there's a name for the woman that goes for the types of guys that you describe..they're called "GOLDIGGERS". Ever hear of 'em before? You actually want that type of woman who could give 2 f*cks about you? Who is not in lust/love with you, but in lust/love with your money? Pretty superficial relationship there, wouldn't ya say? And when and if you do get burned, and have to pay your ex half your earnings for the rest of your life, we'll all be laughing.

"Golddiggers" is another one of those terms that seems to be popular with ugly, older women. There is nothing wrong with a woman who exchanges her looks and youth for the best deal she can get in life. Beautiful women and wealthy men have been doing this for centuries. A woman wants a man who can take care of her and her offspring. It is as simple as that. There is nothing "golddigger" about it. Are there real golddiggers out there who take a man for all that he is got and leave him? Sure! But, the majority just want a man who can be a good provider. That is it. Some day if you have a daughter, are you gonna want her to marry a guy who flips burgers at McDonalds? Or a Doctor?

 

[mrRuckus]

There is nothing wrong with a woman who exchanges her looks and youth for the best deal she can get in life. Beautiful women and wealthy men have been doing this for centuries.

Is it okay if I use what I have (intelligence and skills in the deceptive arts), to have sex whenever I please with whomever I please (the best deal I can get in life).

"Sure i'm a doctor. Vastus medialis! Iliotibial Band Syndrome! See?"

 

[MrLuvr]

For the guys talking about Brazil and Eastern Europe I have been to both places and the reason Americans are so popular is because we are perceived to be rich and most of the women are poor. Bring her here and in a few years she'll be just as demanding as girls here because she will compare herself to other hot girls and what they can get.

When I referred to Brazil, I was not even talking about 18 year old Brazilian women chasing older American men. This is what happens in their own culture. I was talking about Brazilian men. There is no stigma there of age difference.

As for Eastern Europe, I was talking about their maturity level. A 21 year old Euro girl, in my experience has a much higher level of maturity than a 21 year old N American girl, making a relationship with a girl that age quite feasible. The economic factors and whether one should go for a route of marrying a foreign woman and bringing her back is another issue altogether.

A friend of mine is Russian and goes back home twice a year on biz. He's early 30's .tall and good looking. He says the beautiful girls there under 30 are all about money. They can smell it. He thinks AW are way less materialistic than RW. Women are the same everywhere. Money counts.

This is true in the bigger cities from what I have heard. Moscow and St Petersburg specially. Russians have a lot of money now and there are many very rich Russian men throwing their money around and attracting these women. Yeah, if you are an average American guy making 60k-70k, you dont have a chance in hell of attracting these super hotties.

 

[MrLuvr]

Regarding my Brazil comment, as I said, where feminisn is weak and men still enjoy their status in society:

Also, please be aware Brazilian women treat men like kings and men will expect this from you. Also, beware there is no age difference stigma in Brazil and Brazilian men love young women, the younger the better. So, if you're like 35 years old and want a 40 year old Brazilian, you're going to have a tough time competing against the gorgeous 18-20 year olds that hit on him regularly.

Brazilian men of all ages seem to prefer girls under 21 years old. Anything over 25 is considered old and not as desirable as younger.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20071014151747AArV8TE

 

[Jeffst1980]

First off, don't make the mistake of just pegging 40 y.o.s in this demographic, there are plenty of early to mid thirties guys that can and do pull girls 5 to 8 years younger than themselves regularly.

If we're going to make this about a 33 year old man scoring a 28 year old woman, then obviously that is not rare. Thing is, that isn't necessarily in my target demographic. I am talking about younger girls--some of the other posters are asserting that older guys regularly "steal" girls in the 20-24 year old demographic from guys around my age--and I just don't see this larger age gap very often.

I think the idea of increased sexual marketability in a man's mid 30's-40's has to do with the accomplishment and financially security as you mentioned, and coupled with the fact that a single, childless man in this age group may not be as common, I can see them being great prospects for women in their late 20's-early 30's that are in a race to the altar. I don't see any of this being applicable to a woman fresh out of college and in the midst of her party years, however, and that is the demographic guys my age tend to go for. This is why I see the "high rollers" fail with young girls--most of them simply don't CARE about some older guy with money at that age. Of course, maybe this is just NYC. Most of the girls here come from wealth themselves, or on their way to successful careers.

 

[MrLuvr]

MrL,

I agree. When in Brazil the women will behave the way they all do. So you will get great treatment since competition for a good guy is fierce.But when in the U.S. the Brazilians girls quickly behave differently and don't date older Brazilian guys anymore. I have family in NJ and my cousin and I would take the train to the Portuguese section(Down Neck) all the time. The young hot Brazilian girls who just got to the U.S. could barely speak English knew they were now in the drivers seat. most will begin stripping and earn 300-500 a night. So they are now economically free to choose who they want to date. The older Brazilian men are now not so hot to them anymore. They aim much higher now.

The reason many young Brazilian women will be mistresses and treat the men well is because of money.There most older men have more money than younger men. Men are supposed to "pay" for mistress. Rent,clothes,etc. The girls not being in a position to afford many things think it's a great deal. Same young girl who now comes to live in the U.S. wouldn't give the time of day to the guys she would have back in Brazil. Since now she can easily afford to get her own luxuries or have a bunch of guys wanting her attention. The power has shifted once she gets here.

Proof all women are the same everywhere. Only lack of oppurtunity makes them behave differently.

Same as men. Given opportunity and easy beautiful women throwing themselves at him most men will cheat. But most American guys are not given those opportunities so many will stay faithful not because of will. But because there is little opportunity. Yet American guys have a reputation for being faithful and foreign guys have the reputation of cheaters. Ultimately we would act just like Foreign guys if we lived in their country long enough. Opportunity makes it hard to settle for what you once would have been happy with.

Kuddos to you though for understanding age has nothing to do with attraction. A man in his 40's who stayed single, is educated,does well financially, has no child support or alimony to pay,keeps in shape is a catch to any woman.

Maybe on the whole you are right, there are quite a few generalizations there, that is for sure. I know of N American men who have married much younger Brazilian women and are living in Brazil full time. Now, if the women were as you say, why would they not pressure the guy into moving to the US where she could dump him and get a younger man?

Talking about strippers, I knew a HOT Cuban stripper once, easily the hottest girl in the club, would take home $500 plus a night on most nights. She live in Canada. She could have gotten any guy, but her boyfriend was a guy 26 years older than her.

I am sure a lot of what you say also goes on, but on the whole, I think there is a less of a stigma of age difference among latin women. My original point related to someone asking why all 20 year olds are not dating men much older and one of the reasons is societal and the stigma attached to it. In countries where there is no such stigma, it happens frequently. Brazilian women in the US are bound to be affected by the prevalent culture. Their 18 year old American friends are dating 20 year old guys. So, if she tells them she has a 30 year old boyfriend.. they might just go "ewwww", so she conforms. Where as in Brazil, if she had a 30 year old boyfriend, no one would think twice about it.

 

[MrLuvr]

If we're going to make this about a 33 year old man scoring a 28 year old woman, then obviously that is not rare. Thing is, that isn't necessarily in my target demographic. I am talking about younger girls--some of the other posters are asserting that older guys regularly "steal" girls in the 20-24 year old demographic from guys around my age--and I just don't see this larger age gap very often.

This is why I see the "high rollers" fail with young girls--most of them simply don't CARE about some older guy with money at that age. Of course, maybe this is just NYC. Most of the girls here come from wealth themselves, or on their way to successful careers.

I dont know why you keep insisting it is not happening when I have even posted a NY Times article highlighting this exact same phenomenon. I really dont get your continued insistence on this. Just because you dont see it, it doesnt mean it is not happening. As I said, you are basing it solely on what you see in the club. The club scene is not the be all and end all.

 

[ketostix]

MrL,

I agree. When in Brazil the women will behave the way they all do. So you will get great treatment since competition for a good guy is fierce.But when in the U.S. the Brazilians girls quickly behave differently and don't date older Brazilian guys anymore. I have family in NJ and my cousin and I would take the train to the Portuguese section(Down Neck) all the time. The young hot Brazilian girls who just got to the U.S. could barely speak English knew they were now in the drivers seat. most will begin stripping and earn 300-500 a night. So they are now economically free to choose who they want to date. The older Brazilian men are now not so hot to them anymore. They aim much higher now.

The reason many young Brazilian women will be mistresses and treat the men well is because of money.There most older men have more money than younger men. Men are supposed to "pay" for mistress. Rent,clothes,etc. The girls not being in a position to afford many things think it's a great deal. Same young girl who now comes to live in the U.S. wouldn't give the time of day to the guys she would have back in Brazil. Since now she can easily afford to get her own luxuries or have a bunch of guys wanting her attention. The power has shifted once she gets here.

Proof all women are the same everywhere. Only lack of oppurtunity makes them behave differently.

This is what I've been saying. Women have as much or more economic opportunity than men in the US so they behave like b!tches. If it weren't for women having so much economic power and other advantages they wouldn't be like this. They would be like the girls in Brazil or where ever else similar.

A college girl figures she's going to get a good job soon anyway with preferential hiring and isn't really hurting for money anyway with all the loans and scholarships and daddy pitching in. Why does she need a 30-something to 40-something guy? She's not trying to settle down at this poiint anyway. She doesn't particular care if the 20 year old guys are broke for now. And being a 20-40 comfortably middle-class guy doesn't give you any real status. You're going to have to be a smooth operater just to get a ONS with these girls, so in a way being comfortable economically really isn't ncessary.

Who do you really see in their mid-30's and 40's getting 21 year old girls? Guys with celebrity level money and status, guys like Christopher Knight, Jerry Seinfeld to name a few. Again, so that were not talking apples in oranges, I'm not really talking about the 30 year old that looks 20's that has a social circle with mid-20 year old girls. I'm talking about being a 30-40 year old guy going out and PU 21 year olds. You don't see that much.

 

[STR8UP]

Who do you really see in their mid-30's and 40's getting 21 year old girls? Guys with celebrity level money and status, guys like Christopher Knight, Jerry Seinfeld to name a few. Again, so that were not talking apples in oranges, I'm not really talking about the 30 year old that looks 20's that has a social circle with mid-20 year old girls. I'm talking about being a 30-40 year old guy going out and PU 21 year olds. You don't see that much.

I will concur that status is a HUGE motivator in a younger woman being attracted to an older man.

What I think you are not understanding is that none of us are saying that it is common for a guy in his 30's to be mackin' early 20's women, but at the same time it is not unusual.

The other point we are trying to make is that an older man's success has much more to do with his own self perception and the limitations he places on himself than it does with what a woman will actually act upon.

In other words, if you're a loser in your own mind, other people will see you as a loser. I'm not saying older guys who don't get younger women are losers, I'm just saying that if you think you can't, you CAN'T, and that's the mindset that most guys my age have.

 

[STR8UP]

Yeah but most HB will choose the top %20 of men regardless of age. It's not like HB's settle more for younger guys. HB's DO NOT SETTLE at all!

My awakening came when I was 31. One day i asked my 21 yr old g/f if before we got together she ever thought in a million years she would be with a guy 10 years older. She said "NEVER!"

That showed me a couple of things.

First of all, it showed me that I could indeed attract a HOT woman who is ten years my junior.

It also showed me that what women actually SAY they want and what they actually respond to are completely different most of the time. Big news there, huh?

Most women that age will SAY they won't date a guy who is over 26,27,29, WHATEVER. But when it comes down to it, (just as they may consciously KNOW better than to get involved with the ex-convict) they have little control over their attraction mechanism. If a DJ comes along of an age that they can "rationalize", they will be all over it. A guy in his 30's can easily make a young chicks panties wet and most women can easily rationalize breaking their own rules as long as their friends will accept him, and even this sometimes isn't that much of an issue. If the social stigma isn't too great (in other words a 55 yr old guy is going to face a bigger challenge than a 35 yr old guy) then age doesn't matter....it's GAME ON.

 

[Knight's Cross]

Perfect example: I'm 37, in shape, make over 6 figures, moving up rapidly in company, fly contract for 2 billionaire's. To put it simple(and I'm not trying to sound arrogant here) I've got my game together.
We recently hired a fresh out of college redhead that is in customer support ( she works the front desk). She's got a great body, and is at least a 8. I never would have thought it but Ms. 24 YO has tried to get my attention repeatedly over the last couple of weeks. I've basically ignored her. So today after I replied to a e-mail of hers for some client stuff, she stopped by my desk to," ask some questions". Now there was 0 need for her to do that, e-mail would have been fine. Nope, she wants my attention, no doubt about it. The little visit/ body cues gave it away.
I never would have thought, then again why the h@ll not right? As STR8UP says, they can't help overcome their attraction mechanism.
The difficult part is, other than the work issue I'd take the shot. I hate that, but it's always been a rule of mine. Not to mix work with pleasure.

KC

 

[ketostix]

Perfect example: I'm 37, in shape, make over 6 figures, moving up rapidly in company, fly contract for 2 billionaire's. To put it simple(and I'm not trying to sound arrogant here) I've got my game together.
We recently hired a fresh out of college redhead that is in customer support ( she works the front desk). She's got a great body, and is at least a 8. I never would have thought it but Ms. 24 YO has tried to get my attention repeatedly over the last couple of weeks. I've basically ignored her. So today after I replied to a e-mail of hers for some client stuff, she stopped by my desk to," ask some questions". Now there was 0 need for her to do that, e-mail would have been fine. Nope, she wants my attention, no doubt about it. The little visit/ body cues gave it away.
I never would have thought, then again why the h@ll not right? As STR8UP says, they can't help overcome their attraction mechanism.
The difficult part is, other than the work issue I'd take the shot. I hate that, but it's always been a rule of mine. Not to mix work with pleasure.

KC

But see I don't know where the disagreement is. A guy "37, in shape, make over 6 figures, moving up rapidly in company" attracting a 24 YO entry-level woman out in a work enviroment wouldn't come as a surprise to me at all and I'm not sure why you'd be surprised. You have status being a coworker and obviously I presume way higher up than her in the totem pole. I'm not splitting hairs but there is a difference between a 21 year old a 24 year old out of college. But like you said you don't want to date at work, and not to say she's not attracting to you, but she knows there's a buffer there.

Now what I'm saying is, take that 37 year old guy and put him in a club with 21 year old girls and guys and you will see attracting these girls isn't easy for the 30-something guy. I've been out many, many times and been the oldest guy in the bars. Most of the other older guys tried and failed. Someone like LookYoung could probably back up what I'm saying. If you don't think clubs are a good example, then substitute some other enviroment to CA in, the mall, coffee shop, Target, where ever. What I'm getting at is it comes down to looks and being smooth for an older guy when he's not in a position that displays his status. To say a 30-something guy can get a 20's girl isn't really saying much.

 

[MrLuvr]

Why would a beautiful girl with lots of suitors with PHD's or Masters degrees who have a great future going for them choose an "average" older guy? By average I mean the 70% percent who are not exactly George Clooney, but more Ray Romano with 3 kids and average income.He may be more mature. But he will age quickly, his health will deteriorate,his salary after child support can hardly guarantee she will be able to stay home and raise kids if she wants.

There is a lot of room between George Clooney and a Ray Romano type hen-pecked AFC with 3 kids. Also, I think you are grossly over estimating the amount of young, rich, good looking and available men out there. There is only so many of them to go around. And the majority of them are players. There are lots of 8s and 9s out there who dont even get a crack at these guys because the 10s have got them.

Now as to they "why would she want an older man if she can have a younger one" question. First off, there are actually, believe it or not, women who prefer to be with a man 10 to 15 year or more older. Now, secondly, "why" is something that is hard to explain when it comes to attraction. It is like asking.. why does she want a black guy when she can a white one.. or why does she want a muslim guy when she can find a christian.. or why she is with that fat guy when she can have a hard body..etc.. etc. we can go on forever.

 

[MrLuvr]

Now what I'm saying is, take that 37 year old guy and put him in a club with 21 year old girls and guys and you will see attracting these girls isn't easy for the 30-something guy. I've been out many, many times and been the oldest guy in the bars. Most of the other older guys tried and failed. Someone like LookYoung could probably back up what I'm saying. If you don't think clubs are a good example, then substitute some other enviroment to CA in, the mall, coffee shop, Target, where ever. What I'm getting at is it comes down to looks and being smooth for an older guy when he's not in a position that displays his status. To say a 30-something guy can get a 20's girl isn't really saying much.

Firstly, you are making an assumption that they failed because they were older. How do you know this is the case? Maybe they failed because they didnt have what it takes to pick up in a club. And besides a very small percentage of regular club going guys the VAST MAJORITY of men, from 18 to what ever age do not have the skills to pick up 20 year old hotties in a club. I would say 90% of guys out there couldnt do it. Does that mean 90% of guys out there are single? No, it just means they meet their partners through other outlets. Work, school, activities etc.. So, why do you discount it when it is a 37 year old guy? It is alway, "Yeah, but you couldnt do it in a club." So what? Most 20 something guys with hot girlfriends would probably get shot down by those very same girls in a club environment. So what does it prove? I dont know why you are so hung up on what happens in a club. The vast majority of relationships are formed outside the club environment. Even if we go beyond that to your other venues, coffee shop, target or what ever. I have seen a 20 something guy succesfully get a number off a girl maybe twice or thrice in these outside environments. That is it! So I dont get your point.

 

[Jeffst1980]

A NY Times article from EIGHTEEN YEARS AGO that interviews an AFC blaming his lack of a girlfriend on older men is hardly a credible supporting document.

No one says that an older guy CAN'T or even SHOULDN'T be able to score young girls, but to believe that being 10-20 years older is an advantage is a bit delusional. It's a handicap that can be overcome by status, social intelligence, etc. However, guys in their twenties can have little status or social intelligence and still get laid. Whether or not it is biologically "correct," a lot of young girls ARE going to feel the social pressure of dating a much older man as a deterrent.

 

[MrLuvr]

It's a handicap that can be overcome by status, social intelligence, etc. However, guys in their twenties can have little status or social intelligence and still get laid. Whether or not it is biologically "correct," a lot of young girls ARE going to feel the social pressure of dating a much older man as a deterrent.

Listen man, if you want that to be your reality that is up to you. I can look at you and pick apart each aspect of your appearance and your life and say that this is a handicap or that is a handicap or what ever. Something is a handicap only if you make it. I can honestly say that I am a better man now then I was at 25 years old. I have travelled, accomplished things, learned new skills etc.. If you think that is a "handicap" then go ahead and think that way. If one has not grown as a man since their mid 20s then yes, you could say it is a handicap. Some men dont progress, they just grow old. Maybe you are referring to those men. But, personally I think I have a lot more to offer a 20 something than I did 10 or 15 years ago.

Read the forums, we have bald men, short men, Asian men, all posting here with the same issue. I am bald/short/fat/Asian/black/whatever and girls dont like me because of it. How many of these "handicaps" is one supposed to worry about??

 

[Ballie]

Bit of confusion here. People say I BS when I say I can pick up young chicks. I can, but choose not do do so - for the simple reason that they are the same age as my own kids - that would be like incest to me.

Nee ek smaak hulle 20 jare jonger than my. En fir die lesbians wat dink ek kaan hulle nie naai, hier is an article van a womens magazine

http://www.iol.co.za/html/frame_babynet.php?art_id=iol1215497192493M622&newslett=0

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

The other point we are trying to make is that an older man's success has much more to do with his own self perception and the limitations he places on himself than it does with what a woman will actually act upon.

In other words, if you're a loser in your own mind, other people will see you as a loser.

Excellent point. So within, as without. The older men get, the more they tend to realize this, the happier they get. Women would to, but they got that whole "Use by Date" thing to deal with.

Sucks to be them.