"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

Read more...

Some great comebacks!

P

PeterCrouch

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Jun 7, 2005
Messages
291
Reaction score
0
>Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
> >Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
> >Man: Really? I heard it was because everyone there calls you a fat slut!
> >
> > Man: Is this seat empty?
> > Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
> > Man: There's no need to get on your knees and suck me off just yet
> >
> > Man: Your place or mine?
> > Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
> > Man: That's cool, cause after I'm done shagging you in the back of > mycar, I don't give a sh*t where you go.
> >
> > Man: So, what do you do for a living?
> > Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
> > Man: That explains the moustache then!
> >
> > (CLASSIC!!!!)
> > Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
> > Woman: Unfertilised.
> > Man: No problem, I'll just shoot my load up your ars*.
> >
> > Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
> > Woman: But would you stay there?
> > Man: Probably, cause you seem like the kind of chick that is >

>impossible to shake off once you've been sha*ged.
> >
> > Man: Would you like to dance?
> > Woman: I'd rather eat glass.
> > Man: I think you mis-heard me. I said you look fat in those pants
> >
> > Man: Where have you been all my life?
> > Woman: Fortunately, somewhere else.
> > Man: Just as well cos I've been shag*ing your mum while your dad >

>watches.
> >
> > Man: You're pretty
> > Woman: Piss off.
> > Man: Don't interrupt, You're pretty... ugly, you fat b*tch.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

Read more...

T

thefonz

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 14, 2004
Messages
1,143
Reaction score
13
Age
44
Location
Pittsburgh
Very very funny

My fav. is #1
 
T

transporter

Don Juan
Joined
Aug 28, 2005
Messages
15
Reaction score
0
Location
upstate NY
Originally posted by silverwex
Are you serious?!

Do you guys actually use this stuff? :eek:
Click to expand...
Are YOU serious?

Astonishing the number of guys on this site who have absolutely no sense of humor.
 

"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

Read more...

C

Climax

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 2, 2004
Messages
2,329
Reaction score
5
LOL!!:crackup:
 
S

silverwex

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 27, 2003
Messages
1,306
Reaction score
5
Age
44
Location
Eire
Are YOU serious? Astonishing the number of guys on this site who have absolutely no sense of humor.
Click to expand...
I have a great sense of humour - i actually thought the guy was serious.

Scary thing is - some guys on this site might actually use these lines thinking they'll work...
 
A

AudiTy

Don Juan
Joined
Nov 16, 2005
Messages
187
Reaction score
2
Age
36
lol those were damn funny.

Why would anyone think they would 'work' to pick up girls though?

These are INSULTS!!!

Obviously the only reason you would use them is to have yourself some fun at her expense after she blatently shot you down, not try and make her feel attraction for you...
 
M

Microphone Fiend

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 30, 2003
Messages
2,300
Reaction score
17
Location
Where I be at
Originally posted by AudiTy
lol those were damn funny.

Why would anyone think they would 'work' to pick up girls though?

These are INSULTS!!!

Obviously the only reason you would use them is to have yourself some fun at her expense after she blatently shot you down, not try and make her feel attraction for you...
Click to expand...
yup

I liked #1 the most
 
D

DJ_in_making

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 20, 2004
Messages
924
Reaction score
2
Age
38
Location
Big Ole apple
I'm so printing that crap out! :crackup: It made me freakin' laugh
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

Read more...

D

diablo

Master Don Juan
Joined
Mar 2, 2004
Messages
4,678
Reaction score
9
Location
Louisiana, USA
Originally posted by PeterCrouch
> > Man: You're pretty
> > Woman: Piss off.
> > Man: Don't interrupt, You're pretty... ugly, you fat b*tch.
Click to expand...
From the language (Piss off.) I'm assuming this was spoken by a Brit to a Brit.

To quote "Family Guy" - Lois Griffin specifically, "The British are a lovely people. Not physically, of course, but inside.".

Because of this, I know that the first comment from the man... "You're pretty"... is actually a lie.
 
C

Climax

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 2, 2004
Messages
2,329
Reaction score
5
Re: Re: Some great comebacks!

Originally posted by diablo
From the language (Piss off.) I'm assuming this was spoken by a Brit to a Brit.

To quote "Family Guy" - Lois Griffin specifically, "The British are a lovely people. Not physically, of course, but inside.".

Because of this, I know that the first comment from the man... "You're pretty"... is actually a lie.
Click to expand...
I take it ur bored diablo?:D


Laterz...
 
S

Scrumtulescence

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 23, 2004
Messages
947
Reaction score
3
Age
45
Location
Inyurvij Eina
The new and improved version, just for the DJ crowd!


Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Really? I heard it was because everyone there calls you a fat slut!

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Good, I don't want to sit next to a fat slut!

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: What, did you think I wanted to go home with a fat slut?

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: More like a fat slut impersonator.
(CLASSIC!!!!)

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilised.
Man: That must be hard, being a fat slut.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man: Probably. Anything to get away from a fat slut.

Man: Would you like to dance?
Woman: I'd rather eat glass.
Man: I think you mis-heard me. I said you look like a fat slut.

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Fortunately, somewhere else.
Man: Just as well cos I've been shag*ing your mum while your dad watches. She's a real fat slut.

Man: You're pretty
Woman: Piss off.
Man: Don't interrupt, You're pretty...fat, for a slut.
 
D

Dimebag_Darrell

Banned
Joined
May 28, 2003
Messages
1,519
Reaction score
2
Age
40
Location
Nodferatu's Lair
I've never found written comebacks funny. EVER. I dont know why. I've gotta hear the emphasis used and in context for it to be funny. This sh*t aint funny.
 

"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

Read more...

T

thefonz

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 14, 2004
Messages
1,143
Reaction score
13
Age
44
Location
Pittsburgh
BUMP.....good for a laugh

lighten up *****es
 
S

ShizamDaMan

Master Don Juan
Joined
Mar 26, 2003
Messages
1,113
Reaction score
3
Quick f*cking around and just sock her one in the eye.

A real Don Juan shows, not tells :)
 
W

wunnaBsmooth

Don Juan
Joined
Sep 14, 2005
Messages
144
Reaction score
2
Location
Ohio
I'm laughin'

That is the best rephrasing of a post yet! ------lol

Originally posted by Scrumtulescence
The new and improved version, just for the DJ crowd!


Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Really? I heard it was because everyone there calls you a fat slut!

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Good, I don't want to sit next to a fat slut!

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: What, did you think I wanted to go home with a fat slut?

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: More like a fat slut impersonator.
(CLASSIC!!!!)

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilised.
Man: That must be hard, being a fat slut.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man: Probably. Anything to get away from a fat slut.

Man: Would you like to dance?
Woman: I'd rather eat glass.
Man: I think you mis-heard me. I said you look like a fat slut.

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Fortunately, somewhere else.
Man: Just as well cos I've been shag*ing your mum while your dad watches. She's a real fat slut.

Man: You're pretty
Woman: Piss off.
Man: Don't interrupt, You're pretty...fat, for a slut.
Click to expand...
 
W

WORKEROUTER

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 9, 2003
Messages
1,514
Reaction score
9
Location
WA
Man: Would you like to dance?
Woman: I'd rather eat glass.
Man: I think you mis-heard me. I said you look like a fat slut

So brutal, so great. So ridiculously obnoxious.
 

"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."

Attraction runs on a clock.

She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.

The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."

One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.

Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.

Read more...

You must log in or register to reply here.
22 Rules for Massive Success With Women
Top