So my son is getting married...

[howardalex]

ouch

 

[Wyldfire]

can somebody please cue the banjo music.

one nice thing about this is that mobile homes have come a long way in the past 20 years. not as many flats as they once had.

Here we go with the ignorant trailer park comments again...I live in a 2 story 4 bedroom home with a garage, thank you very much.

dork...



They are currently living at his girlfriend's house while she finishes school. He's going to get an additional job (right now he does odd maintenance jobs for the town on an as needed basis). He went to job corps and got training in landscaping, basic maintenance and he has experience roofing and doing concrete. He's also been shoveling out driveways when there is snow for the town's housing complexes. He saved up and already bought her a diamond. Before he got involved with her he was actually pretty lazy and unmotivated. This is the most focused and motivated I have ever seen him...and if it took a baby on the way and getting married to inspire such positive changes in him then perhaps this will be good for him.

As for the counseling suggestion...I don't think they really need relationship counselling...but parenting classes and classes on communication, conflict resolution, budgeting, financial planning, etc...those are all being looked into.

 

[doctoroxygen]

Why the hell did he buy her a diamond? That money could've been better used in any number of things, from a car to a down payment on a house to starting a college fund for the baby. Buying diamonds at this stage is irresponsible. It's romantic (I guess; I hate diamonds with a passion [read about the engagement ring mythology for an idea why]), but foolish.

Congratulations and good luck are still in order though!

 

[howardalex]

wow...he's been pwned

 

[( . )( . )]

Edit: What DJDamage said.

 

[WaterTiger]

Congrats on your impending "Granny-dom"!!!! Hope things turn out well for them. (Does this mean you'll now be "Tamefire"?????)

 

[spider_007]

can somebody please cue the banjo music.

one nice thing about this is that mobile homes have come a long way in the past 20 years. not as many flats as they once had.

HA HA HA HA HA, They got inside toalets too:rockon:


anyways

congradulations!!!!

granny ehh??? don't it sound good

I wish them luck

 

[Latinoman]

He and his girlfriend stopped by today to inform me that they are going to have a baby. He's 18 and she is 17. She's a nice girl and I like her. I've raised my son to take responsibility for his choices and/or mistakes and that is what he's doing. I would have preferred that he wait for marriage, but under the circumstances I'm proud of him for standing up and being a man instead of running away like a lot of guys would do. Her mother offered to give them an out and said if they didn't feel they could deal with this that she would adopt the baby and they could still be as involved as they wanted to be. My son didn't want that...he wants to do what he feels is right. He and his girlfriend love each other and and based on what I see from them they encourage each other to follow their goals and dreams.

Where I live, it's very common for couples to get married very young, and oddly enough, they do quite well. There is less divorce here than you see nationally and people stay together far more often. I actually think this will be positive for my son because he's been sort of unmotivated to do much of anything, but all of a sudden he is very motivated to make some positive changes that will serve him well. He seems very excited about becoming a father. If getting married and having a child inspires him in a positive way then I suppose I can live with becoming a Grandma.

I wish your son the best.

Personally, I feel he just threw his life away.

He can be as motivated as he wants. But it takes two to tango. A 17-year-old girl will get the "itch" to go party...especially when she turns into her early 20s and see all her friends doing the same.

If she goes to college or develop a career...as she reaches her early 20s...she is going to be exposed to more mature men. Men with established careers.

And if she is good looking, she will feel the itch.

I hope your son work very hard on his life too. Because the high rate of divorce in the U.S. is mostly because of divorces initiated by women.

He is doing the honorable thing. So, I wish him luck.

 

[Latinoman]

By the way...I can tell that you are a great mom.

 

[djbr]

He can be as motivated as he wants. But it takes two to tango. A 17-year-old girl will get the "itch" to go party...especially when she turns into her early 20s and see all her friends doing the same.

From my experience, not always. I know some (early 20s) who are pretty content with being at home and not doing the "party all nite" stuff. These are girls who study hard, praise their families and friends and really have a good attitude. There is a chance. But it is VERY, VERY slim. Definitely most do what you're describing.

If she goes to college or develop a career...as she reaches her early 20s...she is going to be exposed to more mature men. Men with established careers.

And if she is good looking, she will feel the itch.

Unfortunately, you're spot on.

I hope your son work very hard on his life too. Because the high rate of divorce in the U.S. is mostly because of divorces initiated by women.

He is doing the honorable thing. So, I wish him luck.

If I were to have a child, I would be very inclined to marry (edit: cohabitate). Why? I want my children to have a mother and a father. If, even after my best efforts, the marriage fails, I would make sure I keep the relations as good as they can be for them to have both role models.

Best wishes to you and your son Wyldfire.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

can somebody please cue the banjo music.

one nice thing about this is that mobile homes have come a long way in the past 20 years. not as many flats as they once had.

Salty....

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Why the hell did he buy her a diamond? That money could've been better used in any number of things, from a car to a down payment on a house to starting a college fund for the baby. Buying diamonds at this stage is irresponsible. It's romantic (I guess; I hate diamonds with a passion [read about the engagement ring mythology for an idea why]), but foolish.

Another example of allowing society to dictate the rules of marriage. The problem with marriage is that people spend more time preparing for the wedding than on the marriage itself. The get into debt by following "the rules" without being concerned that finances is usually the root to the majority of marital problems. I still say that counselling up front is going to do much more good compared to getting counseling if there are other problems.

 

[Holland]

So this wyldfire... it's a troll, right?
If not. WTF are you doing on a board like this?

 

[Desdinova]

First of all, congratulations on entering Grannydom! I'm not going to lecture you on doing a 5hitty job on raising your child. He's 18 and he's been set free. It's now time to learn from his own mistakes, and he took no time at all in making them...

He and his girlfriend stopped by today to inform me that they are going to have a baby. He's 18 and she is 17.

It almost reminds me of myself in my stupid younger years. Yeah, I bought the ring and wanted to marry her when I was in my early 20s. It didn't work out though. When she entered her early 20s, she wanted nothing to do with a LTR and wanted to party with her friends. I've seen this happen with so many young couples who were under 25 years old.

Second, marrying to "do the honorable thing" (in other words, marrying because he knocked her up) is a very bad choice. He's marrying this girl for the wrong reason. Here's a question to ask: If she wasn't pregnant, would he be scurrying to get an extra job and buying her a diamond? Probably not because he wouldn't have an excuse to marry her. The marriage should be based on the love that they share, the similar plans for the future, and common interest. Unfortunately, those things are FORCED to be created because she's pregnant. None of it is developing naturally.

Let me tell you a story about a friend of mine who did "the honorable thing". Right after she found out she was pregnant, he proposed and bought her a ring. Two months later, they had a big expensive wedding and the bill was paid for by her family. The wedding was an absolute mess because it was thrown together in such little time. The bride was in no condition to be getting married because she was nauseaus and hot (and four months pregnant). It was probably the most disorganized and messy wedding I've ever attended.

Within a year, the two got into a fight and the neighbours called the cops. They hauled my friend off to the slammer (of course they didn't touch her even though she's the psycho one) and she had put a restraining order on his ass. He didn't see his wife, nor his child for about five months. They're back together now, but he's stuck in a marriage with a wife who hates him.

Another friend I know got another girl pregnant. They had the child without getting married, and decided to try seeing if they would work out. After having the child and living together for 1 1/2 years, they decided to get married. The wedding was nice, and they're both doing very well together.

I would STRONGLY advise the boy not to get married just because she's pregnant. The only thing he's doing by "doing the honorable thing" is pleasing everyone else - most likely her parents. Sorry Wyld, but your son has no direction of his own. He's doing what's going to make everyone else happy while sacrificing his own happiness.

I also have raised all of my kids not to buy into feminist messages

It amazes me how much you complain about the anti-feminism on this board, but you have no problem introducing the topic.

 

[A-Unit]

Re;

Sosuave, once again showing their immaturiy and youth. Something that is enjoyed, as much as it is hated.

Maine, for those NOT from the Northeast, is quite, rural. Kids that attend college, generally go locally, and then return to their hometowns. UMO, 1 of the colleges I attended for a brief stint, has mostly Vermont, Canadian, and Maine attendees. Many of these attendees return home after completing their degree. As someone from MASS, during the time attended, my "style" was considered ahead of the curve, yet I was only inline with current trends relative to my state.

My own cousin was married at 18/19, to her husband 21 at the time. They have 5 acres and are now expecting a child 1 year into marriage. Marriages DO last longer up there, and divorce is LOWER because...

-they don't have the distractions we do.
-per capita income is lower, so quality of life is more important than quantity of possessions.
-people are friendlier and more community-oriented.
-more self-employed people, with more time control.
-less professional education.
-less of a "nightlife."

When you go to back, you're away from the "buzz" that is EVERYWHERE else. I've gone up there since I was 8, and it's a place away from everything else. Their motto is...something like...THE WAY LIFE IS SUPPOSED TO BE. And I'd say so. I've had many long conversations with residents. Maine residents...

-are more inclined to stop by after work and have a few beers.
-attend every function possible.
-develop strong relationships because it's more about WHO you are, than WHAT YOU DO.
-friends live next to friends
-people have more land generally
-houses are more affordable, even with blue collar work
-they're closer to bodies of water, beaches and the mountains.

There are fewer mobile homes and trailer parks up there, than you'd expect, and probably LESS than the midwest, florida, or places like TENN, etc. You may find a smaller home, but it has more land, i.e, more room for future expansion.

I personally love Maine. And despite ALL the emphasis on being better people, more mature, self-improved, dj's, most guys hit this post with a negative wave of thunder. Why? That speaks alot about you as a person and your spirit.

High divorce rates for an 18y.o are irrelevant. What's he got to lose at this point? And, if he accumulates anything from 18 onward, wouldn't the wife have a right, since she probably did SOMETHING, such as not working, raising the child, or caring for the home? IF she does none of those things, then he didn't have the conversation on WHO is going to DO WHAT around here, and needs to learn DIVISION of LABOR.

You guys jump at marriage and divorce like it's AUTOMATIC. And like you're bitter. Don't get married if you don't believe in it. Funny, many guys here or not still here, have parents, WHO, if not married, would never have had you so you could come here and complain about marriage all over again. And even if their split, were they not here, you'd not be saying "The divorce rate is..."

Aren't those meaningless stats for young and middle aged guys? Go learn something about finance, cars, health, football, etc. Pssh, I'd rather talk with a WoW geek about stats and the game, than hear more crap about Divorce rates and negativity. You're hopefully NOT those people. Spouting divorce rates only means you feel like you're SOME statistic that has NO control or SAY over his own life and you feel like you'll follow that path. If you didn't feel like a stat, mentioning it so reflexively wouldn't be habitual as it has become for the 18 year olds and even 25 year olds here.

Must be great dinner conversation and pick lines. I guess I missed the boat.

Congrats on the marriage. Personally, I'm all for people who passionately FOLLOW their wants and their heart, without consideration for other people's advice. And no one can confirm or deny he doesn't want this, you're not him, so reserve your stats for college classes and pickup lines.


A-Unit

 

[WesCottII]

Good luck to him, but I assume it was unplanned? Did he not know about contraception?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...I would STRONGLY advise the boy not to get married just because she's pregnant. The only thing he's doing by "doing the honorable thing" is pleasing everyone else - most likely her parents. Sorry Wyld, but your son has no direction of his own. He's doing what's going to make everyone else happy while sacrificing his own happiness....

But marriage proves to the woman and everyone else in the world that you are committed. Even if you don't act committed, if you aren't the best father, mother, husband or wife you are still married and it was the right thing to do. Honor doesn't begin before marriage anyway, the only thing that matters is that you get married. Everything that happens before the wedding is a gimme and so is everything after, it doesn't count...

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

But marriage proves to the woman and everyone else in the world that you are committed. Even if you don't act committed, if you aren't the best father, mother, husband or wife you are still married and it was the right thing to do. Honor doesn't begin before marriage anyway, the only thing that matters is that you get married. Everything that happens before the wedding is a gimme and so is everything after, it doesn't count...

As soon as I hit the submit button I realize that I should have prefaced my message as being sarcasm for the benefit of those who enjoy finding things to morally fly off the hook about.

 

[Desdinova]

Good point, Francisco. I hereby retract everything I've ever written on sosuave.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Alright, I'm on a roll...

[rant=WAY_ON]
Ever wonder why situations such as this are announced primarily as "So-and-so is getting married" and the underlying reason why either isn't mentioned or is mention as a secondary item? Some would say that the secondary item isn't important but I would ask them whether or not so-and-so would marry this person if the secondary item had not have happened? If they would marry the person, why didn't the wait to do the secondary thing until after the marriage? :woo:
[/rant=off]

Alright I'm done....