Should I apologize a former lover for pumping and dumping? (I have no feelings for her)

Lotus Effect

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Hi guys.

As the title says, should I do it?

backstory
Met this chick Adri in early February, and kept a mini relationship with her up until end of March.

in the beginning I kind displayed some affection towards her, strung her along for the time being, but then I’ve begun to lose attraction, met a new chick Dydy and pretty much vanished from the other chick.

D!ck move, that I wouldn’t want that someone did to me. She chased me, and eventually I said we had nothing, so that’s why it ended like that. Even more cruel.

Anyway. Since karma is a b!tch, Dydy did the exact same thing to me, which made me realize how much of jerk I was to Adri.

I know it’s not going to solve anything for adri, since it’s been to long now. But I know I’ve hurt the chick, and going through pain opened my eyes of how disrespectful with someone other feelings I was.

Definitelly the kind of guy that I would chase and beat down if it some lame thing like that to my sister for example

key points:
-I don’t have any intentions in getting this girl again
-I live in Portugal now, and she is Brazil so there’s no hope for her as well
-And I have zero feelings and zero attraction for her

thanks guys!
cheers
 

SW15

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Let bygones be bygones
 

taiyuu_otoko

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in the beginning I kind displayed some affection towards her, strung her along for the time being, but then I’ve begun to lose attraction, met a new chick Dydy and pretty much vanished from the other chick.
Did you know you were stringing her along when you were stringing her along?

Did you know that it was only short term and you were purposely and consciously leading her to think it was long term?

Or were you more just kind of playing it by ear and hoping for the best?
 

BackInTheGame78

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Get some testosterone. Stop thinking like a woman. There is nothing to apologize for, except to yourself for thinking like this.
 

obelisk

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No. It's low value talk and serves zero purpose and decrease your value in her eyes as less masculine.
 

Solomon

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Hi guys.

As the title says, should I do it?

backstory
Met this chick Adri in early February, and kept a mini relationship with her up until end of March.

in the beginning I kind displayed some affection towards her, strung her along for the time being, but then I’ve begun to lose attraction, met a new chick Dydy and pretty much vanished from the other chick.

D!ck move, that I wouldn’t want that someone did to me. She chased me, and eventually I said we had nothing, so that’s why it ended like that. Even more cruel.

Anyway. Since karma is a b!tch, Dydy did the exact same thing to me, which made me realize how much of jerk I was to Adri.

I know it’s not going to solve anything for adri, since it’s been to long now. But I know I’ve hurt the chick, and going through pain opened my eyes of how disrespectful with someone other feelings I was.

Definitelly the kind of guy that I would chase and beat down if it some lame thing like that to my sister for example

key points:
-I don’t have any intentions in getting this girl again
-I live in Portugal now, and she is Brazil so there’s no hope for her as well
-And I have zero feelings and zero attraction for her

thanks guys!
cheers
If you want to apologize to clear your conscious I don't see anything wrong with that, I think people don't realize how sometimes these "Tactics" and "Techniques" people utilize can also hurt other people that they are being used on. One thing @Slickster would always talk about in the past is to transcend Good or bad and rise above the negativity
 

Black Widow Void

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Lotus Effect I'm not sure if I believe in "karma" or not... but I can tell you that any time I've wronged someone, I eventually end up in the 'passenger seat' (getting a dose of my own medicine).

Some say that this "karma" thing is "payback" or punishment." If such a thing actually exists, then I'd disagree. From my own experiences, I'd say that it's an opportunity for personal growth. When I have experienced (first hand) the same offenses that I unjustly inflicted onto another, this would prompt me to self-reflect. Afterward, I not only regretted my offense , but learned and evolved from it.

Should you contact her?
It depends.
If doing so would re-open an old wound to her ...then the outcome isn't worth coming clean. However, if you weren't her first and she has good self-esteem, then go for it. I've done it and it's like a (for lack of a better word) "cleansing." You'll leave the offended feeling better about themselves and you'll feel better about yourself too.


Get some testosterone. Stop thinking like a woman. There is nothing to apologize for, except to yourself for thinking like this.
When I read responses like the above (from a "Mod" no less...if you can believe it) ... I envision BackInTheGame78's past consisting of being that fat 5th grader that failed a grade or two.
You all know the type.
He's on the elementary school playground thumping his chest among the age appropriate well adjusted 5th graders.

--- Funny thing.... this time around, I'd considered becoming a mod, but now I wonder...
If this is SoSuave's moderating example of raising the bar and providing a higher example... I'm thinking that I might need to rescind.
 
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zekko

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I agree with @Black Widow Void above, it might be opening an old wound for her. Your apologizing doesn't change any of it, you didn't have feelings for her, so you can't apologize for that. What are you going to apologize to her for then, having sex with her? Nah, I'd leave it be, learn your lessons, and move on. And let her do the same.
 

BackInTheGame78

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Lotus Effect I'm not sure if I believe in "karma" or not... but I can tell you that any time I've wronged someone, I eventually end up in the 'passenger seat' (getting a dose of my own medicine).

Some say that this "karma" thing is "payback" or punishment." If such a thing actually exists, then I'd disagree. From my own experiences, I'd say that it's an opportunity for personal growth. When I have experienced (first hand) the same offenses that I unjustly inflicted onto another, this would prompt me to self-reflect. Afterward, I not only regretted my offense , but learned and evolved from it.

Should you contact her?
It depends.
If doing so would re-open an old wound to her ...then the outcome isn't worth coming clean. However, if you weren't her first and she has good self-esteem, then go for it. I've done it and it's like a (for lack of a better word) "cleansing." You'll leave the offended feeling better about themselves and you'll feel better about yourself too.




When I read responses like the above (from a "Mod" no less...if you can believe it) ... I envision BackInTheGame78's past consisting of being that fat 5th grader that failed a grade or two.
You all know the type.
He's on the elementary school playground thumping his chest among the age appropriate well adjusted 5th graders.

--- Funny thing.... this time around, I'd considered becoming a mod, but now I wonder...
If this is SoSuave's moderating example of raising the bar and providing a higher example... I'm thinking that I might need to rescind.
And I envision you as being the person who people see walking into the room at a party and immediately try to sneak out without being seen so they don't have to listen to you blab about yourself for hours and hours.

There is always one at every party and seems like that is likely your role.
 

The Duke

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I had a girl I went on a few dates with. Basically told her I was out unless she put out. She finally did. I fuhked her that one time and I was gone. She knew she shouldn't. I Blew her off. Several years later I saw she was getting married. I told her congrats and I always appreciated that she was a solid chic. She told me she was surprised that i reached out and very much appreciated it.

If you can right a wrong with a few words and let some one know they are a good person you should do it. It doesn't take much and might mean the world to her.

We all have hearts, show a little kindness if you can to the ones who deserve it.
 

Bokanovsky

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If you want to apologize to clear your conscious I don't see anything wrong with that, I think people don't realize how sometimes these "Tactics" and "Techniques" people utilize can also hurt other people that they are being used on. One thing @Slickster would always talk about in the past is to transcend Good or bad and rise above the negativity
The real question is, what exactly is he trying to accomplish with this apology? To make himself feel better (as you say, to clear his conscience) or to make her feel better?

If this was a long time ago, I doubt she gives a sh!t about his apology at this point. All he’s going to do is bring back unpleasant memories. And if he’s doing it to make himself feel better (at her expense), it’s even more lame.
 

All_Kindz_Of_Gainz

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Why you're feeling is guilt, but for what? You gotta be honest with yourself first. Why sid you pump and dump her? You didn't like her as much? She was pushing to a relationship and you weren't ready? Then you should've told her "Hey I like you and we had a good thing but I'm just not ready for a relationship"

I think you want to apologize to try to rekindle things. If that's what you want, hit her up and try to make a date with her, but don't apologize, she can either go out with you or she already moved on, but without apologizing.

Definitelly the kind of guy that I would chase and beat down if it some lame thing like that to my sister for example
That's White Knight behavior, nobody forced your sister to sleep with that guy.
 

Manure Spherian

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No one owes anyone shlt in such unserious, mostly sexually-charged, childless situations involving no long-term agenda or family involvement.

Speaking of brothers, male authority in families ended in homes long ago. Women wanted to be “liberated” from the thumb of fathers and family members who could screen men intending to pump and dump. So this is what they get. The average brother (man) is a wimp himself, likely has no woman, and wouldn’t step to a man intending to pump and dump his sister anyway.
 

kavi

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Its obvious you want to apologise, so you should. There is no need to ask mens opinion on here if thats what you FEEL like doing. Alpha Males dont ask permission lol. You do what you feel like doing and its obvious what that is.
 

Lotus Effect

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thanks for all different perspectives!

I think I won’t do anything for now. If I end up bumping into her, maybe I’ll do it. But it’s unlikely I bump into her.

I don’t know why I have to repeat myself

I don’t want nothing with the girl.

I am in another continent!

She is in Brazil im in Portugal

it was just to fix some wrong I now realized I’ve made with her

but yes. It’s risky to open some wounds on her part

and no, no attraction whatsoever
 

BackInTheGame78

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thanks for all different perspectives!

I think I won’t do anything for now. If I end up bumping into her, maybe I’ll do it. But it’s unlikely I bump into her.

I don’t know why I have to repeat myself

I don’t want nothing with the girl.

I am in another continent!

She is in Brazil im in Portugal

it was just to fix some wrong I now realized I’ve made with her

but yes. It’s risky to open some wounds on her part

and no, no attraction whatsoever
Let's be real...this would only be to benefit YOU. Because you feel bad about it and you want to absolve your conscious of it. Why, who knows? It's a normal part of dating someone you aren't really into. Get easy sex while looking for something better. Every guy has done it. Stop holding yourself hostage over it and let it go and move on. There isn't anything to fix.

She likely hasn't given you another thought for a long time. She doesn't need it.
 

BeExcellent

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Advice from the old lady:

No. Do not contact.

Be a better human being going forward. People have feelings. Be kind. It is hard to reconcile being a cold hearted ass hole to a woman you’d never date with being a good man.

Best NOT to sport fvck chicks in that case. Why waste your time & effort on a girl you’d never date? Is your ego that fragile?

Rather, reserve your time for women you might actually be interested in. Now, if you’ve never had real abundance with women & never been able to get laid easily I can understand the curiosity of the conquest. But for guys who can get laid easily? It becomes an empty waste of time, particularly when said chick you don’t give a crap about actually really likes you. It’s mean to simply use someone like that and it harms others.

If you don’t want your sister or daughter treated a certain way? Refrain from treating any woman that way. Just because you can doesn’t make it a good idea.
 

The Duke

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Advice from the old lady:

No. Do not contact.

Be a better human being going forward. People have feelings. Be kind. It is hard to reconcile being a cold hearted ass hole to a woman you’d never date with being a good man.

Best NOT to sport fvck chicks in that case. Why waste your time & effort on a girl you’d never date? Is your ego that fragile?

Rather, reserve your time for women you might actually be interested in. Now, if you’ve never had real abundance with women & never been able to get laid easily I can understand the curiosity of the conquest. But for guys who can get laid easily? It becomes an empty waste of time, particularly when said chick you don’t give a crap about actually really likes you. It’s mean to simply use someone like that and it harms others.

If you don’t want your sister or daughter treated a certain way? Refrain from treating any woman that way. Just because you can doesn’t make it a good idea.
Youre applying the female mindset to the situation.

Men enjoy and are perfectly capable of having sport sex with no issues and no further expectations. It's not waste of time to a man.

It's only a waste of time for a woman that is looking to acquire something more by having sex and not getting it. If a woman isn't ok with taking that chance then she shouldn't engage. Men don't look to gain something thru sex.

As long as the guy is honest it's on her if she wants to engage.

Women seem to struggle with holding themselves accountable. We have all this women's power/rights bullschit but want to remove her power to say no to sex because she might like the guy and want more when he doesn't.

Either be a modern day woman or let's go back to 1955. You cant have it both ways.
 
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