"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Short story. Would be glad to hear your opinions

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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wootapotky

Senior Don Juan
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You need to find your voice. That's the most important thing besides a good story. Right now your writing is kind of generic, grammar and the minor tweaks here and there can be fixed with an editor, but you need to find your voice.

Unless you come up with an amazing story there's nothing that is captivating, nothing that's hooking the reader in to your story. If you find that voice you probably could be a professional writer.
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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SinJester

Master Don Juan
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Held my interest, but it's too short to judge, not that I am sure how much my criticism would be worth in any case. It's intriguing thats for sure, but it's left wide open to interpretation.

I figure I've got the wrong audience here XD
LOL yes I think so! I'm sure there's much better forums for this type of thing :p


One short story I found very interesting is by Neil Gaiman (author of Stardust) here.
 
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