Short story. Would be glad to hear your opinions

[Gubby]

http://gubby.deviantart.com/art/The-Hall-of-Candles-85021816

I wrote it, just wanna see what people think.

Professional writer, yes or no?

 

[wootapotky]

You need to find your voice. That's the most important thing besides a good story. Right now your writing is kind of generic, grammar and the minor tweaks here and there can be fixed with an editor, but you need to find your voice.

Unless you come up with an amazing story there's nothing that is captivating, nothing that's hooking the reader in to your story. If you find that voice you probably could be a professional writer.

 

[Gubby]

Hmm, not the most enthusiastic review I've had... next?

 

[Fluffy]

I dont get it, is it a pua metaphor?

As wootapotky said its written a little generically, needs a better hook and punchline.

I read this short story by Isaac Asimov earlier today its fantastic:

http://www.multivax.com/last_question.html

 

[Gubby]

I dont get it, is it a pua metaphor?

http://www.multivax.com/last_question.html

Naw, nothing to do with pua man, just imagery.

I figure I've got the wrong audience here XD

 

[SinJester]

Held my interest, but it's too short to judge, not that I am sure how much my criticism would be worth in any case. It's intriguing thats for sure, but it's left wide open to interpretation.

I figure I've got the wrong audience here XD

LOL yes I think so! I'm sure there's much better forums for this type of thing


One short story I found very interesting is by Neil Gaiman (author of Stardust) here.