"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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Short story. Would be glad to hear your opinions

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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wootapotky

Senior Don Juan
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You need to find your voice. That's the most important thing besides a good story. Right now your writing is kind of generic, grammar and the minor tweaks here and there can be fixed with an editor, but you need to find your voice.

Unless you come up with an amazing story there's nothing that is captivating, nothing that's hooking the reader in to your story. If you find that voice you probably could be a professional writer.
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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SinJester

Master Don Juan
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Held my interest, but it's too short to judge, not that I am sure how much my criticism would be worth in any case. It's intriguing thats for sure, but it's left wide open to interpretation.

I figure I've got the wrong audience here XD
LOL yes I think so! I'm sure there's much better forums for this type of thing :p


One short story I found very interesting is by Neil Gaiman (author of Stardust) here.
 
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