"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Short story. Would be glad to hear your opinions

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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wootapotky

Senior Don Juan
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You need to find your voice. That's the most important thing besides a good story. Right now your writing is kind of generic, grammar and the minor tweaks here and there can be fixed with an editor, but you need to find your voice.

Unless you come up with an amazing story there's nothing that is captivating, nothing that's hooking the reader in to your story. If you find that voice you probably could be a professional writer.
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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SinJester

Master Don Juan
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Held my interest, but it's too short to judge, not that I am sure how much my criticism would be worth in any case. It's intriguing thats for sure, but it's left wide open to interpretation.

I figure I've got the wrong audience here XD
LOL yes I think so! I'm sure there's much better forums for this type of thing :p


One short story I found very interesting is by Neil Gaiman (author of Stardust) here.
 
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