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She is driving me nuts. Need some advice

LARaiders85

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Had a proof of that this week. She broke up with me, I stopped talking to her. She came back calling me. The momento I was vulnerable and wanted to get back she just walk away. Even deleted my name on her Instagram bio and we scheduled to talk yesterday but she found an excuse and stopped talking to me.

I should have broke up with her earlier.
You dodged a bullet. Like I said, she has narcissistic traits.
 

Blacksheep

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You dodged a bullet. Like I said, she has narcissistic traits.
Yep, and Im ended up feeling like trash. Feeling like she played with me, messed with my emotions until I lost control.

Doing that, she just discarded. And when I go NC she start to text me. Whenever I answer she cut down contact and get in silence.

This is confusing and evil.
 

LARaiders85

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Yep, and Im ended up feeling like trash. Feeling like she played with me, messed with my emotions until I lost control.

Doing that, she just discarded. And when I go NC she start to text me. Whenever I answer she cut down contact and get in silence.

This is confusing and evil.
Been there, done that. With time you will be fine, that I promise you.
 

Davidlima

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That was the same girl I've made a post of intense feelings. I would like to point some stuffs here that damn, its making me feel really sad and mad.

1 - Everytime we are discussing something, and I ask her something she NEVERRRR answer me directly. Her answers seems to be subjective almost all the times and I have to keep repeating the answer until she answer it.

2 - It seems she make some little games to test my feelings. Sometimes I say good morning to her and I also say "I love you" and she just reply "Good morning" and no "I love you too". I seems silly, but I really thing this small gesture is important to show that someone just fcking care.

3 - When we have fights most of times she is using the phrase: "I thought about broke up", "You're losing me doing that", or similar phrases about breaking up.

4 - It seems I'm the only one making a huge effort to spend free time with her. Today I asked her which time we would see each other. She started to gave a lot of excuses to date at night. Knowing that our time on weekends are limited and at night she always become asleep and we don't enjoy as much. She told she had some stuffs from work to do, then she wants to sleep a bit. But damn, she stays in another town the whole weekend. And those job stuffs she have time to do that for sure. She can do it on sunday when she arrive at this town.

5 - A girl called me, I told her and she asked me to call her back. I called her back, told I was dating and asked her to not call me anymore. Also blocked that girl anywhere without the need of her asking me. Now, a guy texted her, she saw me. I asked her: "What are you going to do about it?" - she asked me back: "What do you want me to do?" - I replied: "I wanna hear from you?". Then she just said: "I will just ignore him.". So basically I made a huge effort to make her feel secure blocking that other girl, and showing my worry for her. And she just gonna ignore him. Then I have to ask why is she not blocking him too... When I ask that to her, she say that she is gonna do that then. But I have to fckinggg say it. She is unable to demonstrate any decency that she cares about the relationship.

6 - I found out she always erase her instagram history. Asked her and she doesnt gave me any relative answer. I also found out some 2 guys just appeared on her instagram. And I found out that its possible to delete notifications. One of the guys had a tattoo studio on this town she lives on weekend. I asked her, and she said she doesnt know this guy (this was after she deleting guys on her instagram as we agreed to not allow such a thing on social media). I thought this profile just reactivated but then I saw that base on the date that profile post stuffs, it wasnt possible. So how the fck that appeared there? And its weird she doesnt know that guy since when she cleaned her instagram she told me that she only left people she knew. The same as me, she can ask me about everyone on my IG, I can tell where I know which of the people I have there, that are few.

Isso está começando a me consumir de uma forma muito negativa. Eu sei que estou em uma posição muito ruim aqui neste relacionamento porque parece que sou eu quem tem mais sentimentos e parece que ela está brincando com isso. É como a iluminação a gás. A pessoa faz algumas coisas sutis para mexer com suas emoções, quando você se sente mal é você que está perdendo a cabeça.

Eu agradeceria qualquer conselho. Estou a um passo de terminar com ela, mas ainda me questiono se estou cometendo algum erro.
[/CITAR]
eI'm thinking the woman in the relationship is you, not her.
 

CaptFinnBad

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That was the same girl I've made a post of intense feelings. I would like to point some stuffs here that damn, its making me feel really sad and mad.

1 - Everytime we are discussing something, and I ask her something she NEVERRRR answer me directly. Her answers seems to be subjective almost all the times and I have to keep repeating the answer until she answer it.

2 - It seems she make some little games to test my feelings. Sometimes I say good morning to her and I also say "I love you" and she just reply "Good morning" and no "I love you too". I seems silly, but I really thing this small gesture is important to show that someone just fcking care.

3 - When we have fights most of times she is using the phrase: "I thought about broke up", "You're losing me doing that", or similar phrases about breaking up.

4 - It seems I'm the only one making a huge effort to spend free time with her. Today I asked her which time we would see each other. She started to gave a lot of excuses to date at night. Knowing that our time on weekends are limited and at night she always become asleep and we don't enjoy as much. She told she had some stuffs from work to do, then she wants to sleep a bit. But damn, she stays in another town the whole weekend. And those job stuffs she have time to do that for sure. She can do it on sunday when she arrive at this town.

5 - A girl called me, I told her and she asked me to call her back. I called her back, told I was dating and asked her to not call me anymore. Also blocked that girl anywhere without the need of her asking me. Now, a guy texted her, she saw me. I asked her: "What are you going to do about it?" - she asked me back: "What do you want me to do?" - I replied: "I wanna hear from you?". Then she just said: "I will just ignore him.". So basically I made a huge effort to make her feel secure blocking that other girl, and showing my worry for her. And she just gonna ignore him. Then I have to ask why is she not blocking him too... When I ask that to her, she say that she is gonna do that then. But I have to fckinggg say it. She is unable to demonstrate any decency that she cares about the relationship.

6 - I found out she always erase her instagram history. Asked her and she doesnt gave me any relative answer. I also found out some 2 guys just appeared on her instagram. And I found out that its possible to delete notifications. One of the guys had a tattoo studio on this town she lives on weekend. I asked her, and she said she doesnt know this guy (this was after she deleting guys on her instagram as we agreed to not allow such a thing on social media). I thought this profile just reactivated but then I saw that base on the date that profile post stuffs, it wasnt possible. So how the fck that appeared there? And its weird she doesnt know that guy since when she cleaned her instagram she told me that she only left people she knew. The same as me, she can ask me about everyone on my IG, I can tell where I know which of the people I have there, that are few.

This is starting to consuming me on a very negative way. I know I'm on a very bad position here in this relationship cause it seems I'm the one who have more feelings and it seems she is playing with that. It's like gaslighting. The person do some subtle things to mess with your emotions, when you feel bad you are the one losing your mind.

I would appreciate any advice. I'm at one step of breaking up with her, but I still question myself if I'm making some mistake.
I was in a similar situation in a past relationship. It drove me nuts!

I don't know if you are willing to go through with this bit of advice but it's the best I can give.

Break up with her. She's not worth this and this relationship is going to eat away at you.

It's easier said that done but I believe this relationship is going to drag you down to a place you don't want to go and I'm getting the picture that you two are going to break up with each at some point anyways.

I think you need to ask yourself honestly.... Do you want to be treated like this for the rest of your life?

Do you want to be with a girl that does not value you for the rest of your life?

That's your answer.
 
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CaptFinnBad

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Yep, and Im ended up feeling like trash. Feeling like she played with me, messed with my emotions until I lost control.

Doing that, she just discarded. And when I go NC she start to text me. Whenever I answer she cut down contact and get in silence.

This is confusing and evil.
Good! Hurts like **** brother, but at least now that nut job of your ex isn't in your way **** blocking you from meeting women that will actually value you !

Stay strong.
 

Blacksheep

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I was in a similar situation in a past relationship. It drove me nuts!

I don't know if you are willing to go through with this bit of advice but it's the best I can give.

Break up with her. She's not worth this and this relationship is going to eat away at you.

It's easier said that done but I believe this relationship is going to drag you down to a place you don't want to go and I'm getting the picture that you two are going to break up with each at some point anyways.

I think you need to ask yourself honestly.... Do you want to be treated like this for the rest of your life?

Do you want to be with a girl that does not value you for the rest of your life?

That's your answer.
That makes a lot of sense man! And I have to be strong and keep my word and wont come back.

The only thing that sabotages me is that I always think I might be wrong and its all in my head. That I'm the one causing all those problems to sabotage the relationship
 

Blacksheep

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Good! Hurts like **** brother, but at least now that nut job of your ex isn't in your way **** blocking you from meeting women that will actually value you !

Stay strong.
Thanks man! Do you think its a good idea to start talking to other women?
 

CaptFinnBad

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That makes a lot of sense man! And I have to be strong and keep my word and wont come back.

The only thing that sabotages me is that I always think I might be wrong and its all in my head. That I'm the one causing all those problems to sabotage the relationship

Litrerally I was you a year ago. Exactly same situation with the same type of women.

I went back and forth a few times. Exact same results. Complete **** show!

"That I'm the one causing all those problems to sabotage the relationship"

Mate there can be bad women. Your ex is one of them. No matter what you did or do, it's just going to be the end **** show and you're going to relive this again... And again....

You're done with her. She's no good for you. It's almost 100% likely to be horrible of you get back with her.
 

CaptFinnBad

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Thanks man! Do you think its a good idea to start talking to other women?


I lived this around last time last year.

**** knows... Probably not a good idea? I don't know. Do what you want.

When I was with my nut job. We broke up, had so many ups and downs, the emotions of a break up seemed like normality (just another day in the life with her). I was able to bounce back pretty quickly.

I locked myself away, allowed myself to feel like **** for a few days. Made a list, focused on things I needed to improve my current circumstances.

Focused on training that week like my life depended on it.

By the end of the week I was talking to other women. I wanted **** different women to feel.

Ended up talking to this one women, lost interest in wanting to **** lots of women. We've been together almost a year.

I'm 38 been with quite a few women and different relationships, Was with a women playing house for almost a decade.

What I have now blows all past relationships out the water.
 
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BillyPilgrim

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This isn't contributing anything, but I could not phucking imagine living on a CONTINENT (S. America) that has nothing but Catholic Women.

That's as bad as Australia. Granted some catholic women are sweet, but they are very rarely straight up.
 

BackInTheGame78

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She knows it doesn't take much to get you all riled up because you are so insecure and needy.

She is playing games with you. Why? Because it's fun having that much control over another person.

She doesn't respect you and that is the kiss of death.
 

CaptFinnBad

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Thanks man! Do you think its a good idea to start talking to other women?

I think there is a trap though!

Watch out you don't get involved with another nut job just to fill the void your feeling. Could quite easily work out that way!

There is a danger you might subconsciously seek out the familiar.
 

CaptFinnBad

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She knows it doesn't take much to get you all riled up because you are so insecure and needy.

She is playing games with you. Why? Because it's fun having that much control over another person.

She doesn't respect you and that is the kiss of death.
Not necessarily. It's possible but there isn't enough information available to make a conclusion.

Perhaps he was drawn to cluster b and the problem is why he choose to seek that particular relationship in the first place.

She could have always destined to treat any guy she's with like this.
 

Blacksheep

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Litrerally I was you a year ago. Exactly same situation with the same type of women.

I went back and forth a few times. Exact same results. Complete **** show!

"That I'm the one causing all those problems to sabotage the relationship"

Mate there can be bad women. Your ex is one of them. No matter what you did or do, it's just going to be the end **** show and you're going to relive this again... And again....

You're done with her. She's no good for you. It's almost 100% likely to be horrible of you get back with her.
Now that my mind is coming back to right place I think I should kept my word when I just met her and she did that:

"She had a party that she bought some months ago... And we just started to date 2 week before this party. She said to me she doesnt want to go to stay with me, but she had to do it because she made a commit with her friend. On the week of the party I told her that I would like if she doesnt went to that party (I know what happens on parties). She asked me how I would feel with that, and I told her that I would not feel good because of that but it was her decision. I asked her back and she told me she wasnt like if I did that in her place. Anyways she went to the party and I was decided to just move on. Ignored her, and next day she texted me telling she was coming at my place so we could talk. She told that she regret and that she wanted to stay with me.

But she changed the subject and told that some girls on that party gossip about me, that I wasnt a good person and that I was agressive to a ex gf I had in the past. Im sure she used it to destabilize me in that moment, cause I know it wasnt true and I felt bad with that. So it got into my emotions.

After that she sat on my lap with a sexual connotation and asking me to excuse her and give her one more chance.

She guarantee me that she didn't kissed anyone. That some guys went to talk to her and she just said she didnt want to talk. I don't know if that is true."

For me, being only rational it was reason enough to just leave. A woman who says that wants to be your gf and was not able to give up of a party to stay with the guy isn't worth the time. I know some people might think different than that. But as she told me she wanted to be a priority into a man's life... She did the opposite with this action.
 

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Blacksheep

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This isn't contributing anything, but I could not phucking imagine living on a CONTINENT (S. America) that has nothing but Catholic Women.

That's as bad as Australia. Granted some catholic women are sweet, but they are very rarely straight up.
Which country do you live?
 

Blacksheep

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She knows it doesn't take much to get you all riled up because you are so insecure and needy.

She is playing games with you. Why? Because it's fun having that much control over another person.

She doesn't respect you and that is the kiss of death.
Yes, I have those insecurities and it still very hard for me to deal with them. I learned a lot and in some situations I can deal quite well.

With this one I didn't. I've spotted some weird behaviors and some stuffs that my intuition was telling me to move away, but I always give the benefit of doubt to check if I'm right or not. The fact was those behaviors and games she did was accumulating and increasing my levels of insecurity and needy.

She definitely doesn't respect me.
 

CaptFinnBad

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Now that my mind is coming back to right place I think I should kept my word when I just met her and she did that:

"She had a party that she bought some months ago... And we just started to date 2 week before this party. She said to me she doesnt want to go to stay with me, but she had to do it because she made a commit with her friend. On the week of the party I told her that I would like if she doesnt went to that party (I know what happens on parties). She asked me how I would feel with that, and I told her that I would not feel good because of that but it was her decision. I asked her back and she told me she wasnt like if I did that in her place. Anyways she went to the party and I was decided to just move on. Ignored her, and next day she texted me telling she was coming at my place so we could talk. She told that she regret and that she wanted to stay with me.

But she changed the subject and told that some girls on that party gossip about me, that I wasnt a good person and that I was agressive to a ex gf I had in the past. Im sure she used it to destabilize me in that moment, cause I know it wasnt true and I felt bad with that. So it got into my emotions.

After that she sat on my lap with a sexual connotation and asking me to excuse her and give her one more chance.

She guarantee me that she didn't kissed anyone. That some guys went to talk to her and she just said she didnt want to talk. I don't know if that is true."

For me, being only rational it was reason enough to just leave. A woman who says that wants to be your gf and was not able to give up of a party to stay with the guy isn't worth the time. I know some people might think different than that. But as she told me she wanted to be a priority into a man's life... She did the opposite with this action.
I'm getting some red flags both your end and hers.

She's your ex now. Forget about her and focus on you. Try reading "nice guys finish last" amoung other things.

Keep a curious mind. Put yourself on a journey to becoming a better man .

I think that you have an incredible amount of potential that is still locked up inside you, you just haven't found the key yet.
 

Blacksheep

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I think there is a trap though!

Watch out you don't get involved with another nut job just to fill the void your feeling. Could quite easily work out that way!

There is a danger you might subconsciously seek out the familiar.
True. I'm gonna try to be careful with that. Or maybe just give a break on that before start talking to other women.
 

Blacksheep

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I'm getting some red flags both your end and hers.

She's your ex now. Forget about her and focus on you. Try reading "nice guys finish last" amoung other things.

Keep a curious mind. Put yourself on a journey to becoming a better man .

I think that you have an incredible amount of potential that is still locked up inside you, you just haven't found the key yet.
Could you share what red flags do you saw on my side?

Asking that cause if there is anything I did wrong I wanna learn from it and mature mysefl.
 
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