She does bite back!

A

AJ84

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My point is that women do those things with no repercussions. It's an expected occurrence in relationships. "Sh!t Tests" wouldn't be a term otherwise. Secksual frustration also wouldn't be a one sided thing. The majority of silence and distance and breakups in relationships wouldn't be so one sided. I guarantee you have done these things as well, and us men are just supposed to sit there and take it.

OP overreacted a bit in my opinion. But it's no different than a female acting like a female in a relationship. Men are allowed to fvck up too. However it's just not nearly as commonly accepted. The thing now is that OP cannot do anything about his past actions. He has no ability to go back and change what he has done. So he needs to wait for his GF to come to him. Anything overtly (like apologize, buy flowers to say sorry, over pursue to see her and "make it up") he does now will only serve to lose attraction in her.

Hit the reset button. OP was probably frustrated originally with her forgetting to do what he asked, but he wasn't willing to break up with her for it. He probably still really likes her, which is where the frustration comes from. Now, if she breaks up with him for his frustration then she never really cared all that much.

That's the thing about communication in relationships. If attraction levels are high, you can communicate all you want. Attraction levels are high (or even increasing) even if she is angry, upset, crying, yelling, etc. A man should intuitively know if she still has high attraction. Sit her down and tell her why/how she messed up or vice versa. But if attraction levels are low or lowering (which is what I gather from the female perspective in this situation) then overt communication will only continue the trend. And if any man wants to know when attraction levels are decreasing, just trust your gut. I could tell you to watch out for any number of signs, but your best indicator is your instinct.
So forgetting to do something for him and apologizing (which she did) means low attraction to him?

There should always be repercussions for bad behaviour, next a girl who shows disrespect and doesn’t care that it bothers you. Withholding sex to control behaviour is a sign of disrespect for sure. So is withholding affection to control behaviour. If any man or woman does that in a relationship as a first response rather than communicating, that man or woman is not ready to be in a relationship.

And if you expect everything to be a sh*t, then guess what, everything will seem like a sh*t test lol.

I’m not saying don’t be mindful but there has to be a balance between being mindful and assuming that her actions are automatically sh*t tests.

In this case. His gf, who he himself said does everything for him, forgot to do one thing, apologized, and he continued to be mad. He even acknowledged himself that he may have overreacted.

If your gf continued to be mad after you forgot to do something and you apologized, honestly, how would you feel and what would you say to her?
 

SoSuave666

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So forgetting to do something for him and apologizing (which she did) means low attraction to him?

There should always be repercussions for bad behaviour, next a girl who shows disrespect and doesn’t care that it bothers you. Withholding sex to control behaviour is a sign of disrespect for sure. So is withholding affection to control behaviour. If any man or woman does that in a relationship as a first response rather than communicating, that man or woman is not ready to be in a relationship.

And if you expect everything to be a sh*t, then guess what, everything will seem like a sh*t test lol.

I’m not saying don’t be mindful but there has to be a balance between being mindful and assuming that her actions are automatically sh*t tests.

In this case. His gf, who he himself said does everything for him, forgot to do one thing, apologized, and he continued to be mad. He even acknowledged himself that he may have overreacted.

If your gf continued to be mad after you forgot to do something and you apologized, honestly, how would you feel and what would you say to her?
I said he overreacted. He cannot change how he reacted it is done and over with. How he operates now is what we should be talking about. I think everyone agrees he overreacted. All he can do now is let her interest level rise. When she texted him "oh so you're going to give me the silent treatment" or whatever she said, that's an opportunity to set up some time and meet with her and be playful and have a quick conversation that lets her get her feelings out and then move on. "Ok baby I understand how you feel, let's work together to make sure we grow from this." Then it is DONE. She knows why he's angry, so he should have taken the opportunity at that time to work it out.

I also do not expect everything to be a sh!t test I said the term would not exist if it weren't so commonly accepted.

People saying things like "emotionally stable women won't stand for it!" and distance and silence will never work obviously are one of two things:

1. Not dating top form SMV women 22-28
2. Women past the wall

I don't mean any of that as an insult to anyone although I know it will come off that way.
 

RangerMIke

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If this is how the OP is... well then that is who he is... if he doesn't tolerate ANY deviation from expectation, then he should behave the way he has. I'm sure there is some woman out there that will not mind this, and work harder to keep him. I would say women like this are very rare, and the OP is going to have to date a lot of chicks to find one that is okay living in a zero tolerance relationship, but he should not compromise what he wants.

If he is doing this a means of 'gaming' a relationship, well.... that's just weak behavior, and masks insecurity... which chicks can sniff out like dog poo.

Clearly the women he is with now doesn't like this, and he should just dump her, either that, or she should dump him. Because if he tries to make this work, with this chick that clearly is pushing back... this relationship is just going to be an ongoing stupid sh!t-show.
 
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AJ84

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I said he overreacted. He cannot change how he reacted it is done and over with. How he operates now is what we should be talking about. I think everyone agrees he overreacted. All he can do now is let her interest level rise. When she texted him "oh so you're going to give me the silent treatment" or whatever she said, that's an opportunity to set up some time and meet with her and be playful and have a quick conversation that lets her get her feelings out and then move on. "Ok baby I understand how you feel, let's work together to make sure we grow from this." Then it is DONE. She knows why he's angry, so he should have taken the opportunity at that time to work it out.

I also do not expect everything to be a sh!t test I said the term would not exist if it weren't so commonly accepted.

People saying things like "emotionally stable women won't stand for it!" and distance and silence will never work obviously are one of two things:

1. Not dating top form SMV women 22-28
2. Women past the wall

I don't mean any of that as an insult to anyone although I know it will come off that way.
I agree that a one time conversation about it to come to a mutual understanding and then moving on is the best bet.
 
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AJ84

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O
If this is how the OP is... well then that is who he is... if he doesn't tolerate ANY deviation from expectation, then he should behave the way he has. I'm sure there is some woman out there that will not mind this, and work harder to keep him. I would say women like this are very rare, and the OP is going to have to date a lot of chicks to find one that is okay living in a zero tolerance relationship, but he should not compromise what he wants.

If he is doing this a means of 'gaming' a relationship, well.... that's just weak behavior, and masks insecurity... which chicks can sniff out like dog poo.

Clearly the women he is with now doesn't like this, and he should just dump her, either that, or she should dump him. Because if he tries to make this work, with this chick that clearly is pushing back... this relationship is just going to be an ongoing stupid sh!t-show.
I think it’s safe it’s say that most women are not going to be 100% subservient in a relationship, even women from the most tradional and female oppressed countries are not like that so anyone who expects that is going to be in for some disappointment. That’s unicorn thinking very similar to Prince Charming thinking.

Best bet is to find something as close to that from a woman who actually wants to do that, without expecting 100% service.
 

RangerMIke

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O

I think it’s safe it’s say that most women are not going to be 100% subservient in a relationship, even women from the most tradional and female oppressed countries are not like that so anyone who expects that is going to be in for some disappointment. That’s unicorn thinking very similar to Prince Charming thinking.

Best bet is to find something as close to that from a woman who actually wants to do that, without expecting 100% service.
Well I agree, there are VERY few women that would put up with this, but if it is what you want and expect, then you should not settle... But if you are like this, then expect to be alone most of your life. There is NOTHING wrong with not having a chick in your life, in fact it is MUCH better to be alone than to live with a woman that makes you miserable.
 

sazc

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And yet women withholding sex, showing minor disrespects, and giving the silent treatment isn’t blackmail at all! It’s just something us stupid men need to put up with. And if it really bothers us we should overtly communicate how you are hurting our feelings! Maybe we should cry a bit too.

There’s nothing passive about silence and distance. You try and withhold sex from me? I’m out, I’m withholding my attention from you. You know what you’re doing and when I walk you have no one to blame but yourself.
Agreed. Petty games have no place in a relationship. Always have standards and never lower yourself to accept disrespectful treatment.
 

sazc

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My point is that women do those things with no repercussions. It's an expected occurrence in relationships. "Sh!t Tests" wouldn't be a term otherwise. Secksual frustration also wouldn't be a one sided thing. The majority of silence and distance and breakups in relationships wouldn't be so one sided. I guarantee you have done these things as well, and us men are just supposed to sit there and take it.

OP overreacted a bit in my opinion. But it's no different than a female acting like a female in a relationship. Men are allowed to fvck up too. However it's just not nearly as commonly accepted. The thing now is that OP cannot do anything about his past actions. He has no ability to go back and change what he has done. So he needs to wait for his GF to come to him. Anything overtly (like apologize, buy flowers to say sorry, over pursue to see her and "make it up") he does now will only serve to lose attraction in her.

Hit the reset button. OP was probably frustrated originally with her forgetting to do what he asked, but he wasn't willing to break up with her for it. He probably still really likes her, which is where the frustration comes from. Now, if she breaks up with him for his frustration then she never really cared all that much.

That's the thing about communication in relationships. If attraction levels are high, you can communicate all you want. Attraction levels are high (or even increasing) even if she is angry, upset, crying, yelling, etc. A man should intuitively know if she still has high attraction. Sit her down and tell her why/how she messed up or vice versa. But if attraction levels are low or lowering (which is what I gather from the female perspective in this situation) then overt communication will only continue the trend. And if any man wants to know when attraction levels are decreasing, just trust your gut. I could tell you to watch out for any number of signs, but your best indicator is your instinct.
I have NO idea why you, or any man, or any woman for that matter, would choose to stick around when a when their partner is actively disrespecting them.

Step 1 COMMUNICATE what you are upset about (stay on topic)
Step 2 come to an agreement about the resolution. If your partner won't actively look for a for resolutions, and just wants to argue and be ugly, it's time to ditch that partner.
Step 3 follow thru

It's simple to type but really hard to do in the moment/with emotions hanging.

This is with the understanding that you can't change anyone. If you've hitched your wagon to someone who sucks at communication, most likely that will never change, no matter how many silence and distance games you run on them. It will continue to come up

Good luck
 

sazc

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O

I think it’s safe it’s say that most women are not going to be 100% subservient in a relationship, even women from the most tradional and female oppressed countries are not like that so anyone who expects that is going to be in for some disappointment. That’s unicorn thinking very similar to Prince Charming thinking.

Best bet is to find something as close to that from a woman who actually wants to do that, without expecting 100% service.
What's crazy is that, the whole idea that a woman is going to be/can be 100% supplicating is the male fantasy of wanting to BE Prince charming, her savior, her knight in shining armor. So as much as they ***** about women only looking for this outdated disney fantasy model male, they, themselves, actually WANT to play that male disney fantasy role.
 

marmel75

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Sounds pretty lame to me. Guys somehow manufacturing in their mind they have to "be respected at all times" and anything a woman does is somehow disrespectful...

So she is out doing a bunch of stuff for you and forgot one thing. This is disrespectful exactly how? OP you are taking this stuff way past too far. Sounds like an overreaction to nothing to me.

Respect is given not demanded. When you specifically seek out respect in the way you did ironically thats when you get it least.
 
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AJ84

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What's crazy is that, the whole idea that a woman is going to be/can be 100% supplicating is the male fantasy of wanting to BE Prince charming, her savior, her knight in shining armor. So as much as they ***** about women only looking for this outdated disney fantasy model male, they, themselves, actually WANT to play that male disney fantasy role.
Yeah.
Some guys seem to be focused on everything she can for him (sex on demand, cook, clean, be sweet and submissive etc) just because she as a female should do that, yet rag on women who have the same sense of entitlement from a man because she feels he as a male should buy her gifts, expensive dinners dote on her etc.

No one wants a one sided relationship where it’s all about the other persons needs and wants.

Men and women who expect that are best to stick with causal dating.
 

HankHill

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Settle down kids, OP here. I'll provide an update but first let me correct some things that many of you guys didn't get right:

1. I didn't get upset because she forgot something. I got upset when she chose to ignore me being irritated. She went and started making dinner etc rather than sitting down with me to COMMUNICATE! <- capitalizing for you sazc lol Sure I could've said 'hey broad come sit over here so we can communicate about how I'm irritated right now' but that sounds lame. I instead went into another room hoping that she'd sense that I'm upset and would want to come and talk to me. It's not rocket science. If I sensed she was upset I wouldn't ignore her and go play in the garage or something and let her stew I'd ask 'are you ok? have something on your mind you want to talk about?'. COMMUNICATION goes both ways. So again, not upset at her for forgetting something it was because she ignored me afterwards and that's where the disrespect part came in.

2. Yes, I already admitted I overreacted and I even said I don't know why I couldn't get past it. I'm human too! But as stated above her disregard for my irritation was probably the reason for this whole flare up. I'm still not sure though.
 

HankHill

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UPDATE:
So last night I got home, threw some food in the instant pot and started working out in my gym room. 20mins later the door bell rings and guess who it is in a sexy outfit, lipstick, make up, push up bra etc? if you guessed a hooker you guessed wrong lol She had a pissed off look on her face though but I smiled, said "hey!! come in!" so she smiled back, came in and said 'WE NEED TO TALK'. I said sure we can do that...one sec. Then I went off to turn off the music, etc, asked her if she wanted something to drink. Then sat down on the couch next to her told her to go ahead and talk. Long story short she complained about the silent treatment, she complained that she has to always be the one to reach out to me when there's a disagreement, we need to communicate, she gets uncomfortable when someone gets mad at her etc. I said 'ok' but then she said what I had to say about all that. I tried to dodge it by saying 'I understand what you're saying' but she was adamant that I talked about it so I told calmly told her how I felt, why I felt it and that I want to be in a relationship with a submissive chick, I have to feel that I'm cared for, loved and respected etc. She said she'll try to do a better job of communicating when she notices that I'm upset (as expected she knew that I was upset but she chose to ignore it). After that from 6-8:30ish we had the usual wild sex, it was messy because she was still on her period. I point that out because that time of the month may have had something to do with her moody behavior perhaps. After that we talked, had dinner etc then she told me 'I didn't expect to have sex tonight, in fact, I brought over your stuff from my house in case you didn't want to be with me anymore. I just had to find out as I couldn't sleep and was in a down mood'. Then when she got home and sent me the Jason Mars song 'I won't give up on us' or something like that. And this morning she sent the usual good morning txt that she does with emojis etc.

I have to say...may be it's me but while I did get some great advice from the ladies and I appreciated them taking the time to write all they did but I also sensed some irritation at me, perhaps it's because you ladies are not the submissive type (which is fine) and some how see being submissive as a weak thing so you're rooting for her to be strong (otherwise she must have low self esteem etc). However, her and I have had many conversations and she likes being submissive and believes in gender roles. She said in the past she had to step up because the guys she was with never did. It's like an omega dog who tries to become alpha but is neurotic and unsure but since the alpha's not around he tries to do his best but he's not happy in his core. You see this with dogs and dog owners all the time where they can't control their neurotic dog. Yes, there are alpha females too but not many and guys like me don't want to be with those women.

Lastly, I posted this here for feedback to see if I need to change something within myself but I need to be selective in who's advice I choose. Guru1000 was 100% correct on the attraction being counter intuitive, I've seen this in my own and other's relationships. Women want the guys that treat them poorly for some reason, I'm talking super alpha females too! Yet the nice guys who bend, apologize etc get cheated on and only thrown scraps. I will post about this in a separate thread because this is actually happening to someone I know right now.

Also, RangerMike said if this is me then this is me, that's what I said earlier too...I know what i want, she needs to decide if that's who she is or not.
 

jaymbrs

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Settle down kids, OP here. I'll provide an update but first let me correct some things that many of you guys didn't get right:

1. I didn't get upset because she forgot something. I got upset when she chose to ignore me being irritated. She went and started making dinner etc rather than sitting down with me to COMMUNICATE! <- capitalizing for you sazc lol Sure I could've said 'hey broad come sit over here so we can communicate about how I'm irritated right now' but that sounds lame. I instead went into another room hoping that she'd sense that I'm upset and would want to come and talk to me. It's not rocket science. If I sensed she was upset I wouldn't ignore her and go play in the garage or something and let her stew I'd ask 'are you ok? have something on your mind you want to talk about?'. COMMUNICATION goes both ways. So again, not upset at her for forgetting something it was because she ignored me afterwards and that's where the disrespect part came in.

2. Yes, I already admitted I overreacted and I even said I don't know why I couldn't get past it. I'm human too! But as stated above her disregard for my irritation was probably the reason for this whole flare up. I'm still not sure though.
Not going to lie Hank, it sounds like you were being a total chick about this. She made you mad, you then walked away from the situation hoping she'd check in on you, then you got more mad when it didnt happen. This is what women do. As a man, you either address the situation or you tell her to give you some time to get over it.
 

HankHill

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Not going to lie Hank, it sounds like you were being a total chick about this. She made you mad, you then walked away from the situation hoping she'd check in on you, then you got more mad when it didnt happen. This is what women do. As a man, you either address the situation or you tell her to give you some time to get over it.
I didn't have to tell her anything as there was no argument going on. I wanted to know that I was her priority not the dinner or whatever. Yeah I was being an attention ***** and as sazc said I wanted her to kiss my @ss, is that wrong? lol
 

sazc

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Settle down kids, OP here. I'll provide an update but first let me correct some things that many of you guys didn't get right:

1. I didn't get upset because she forgot something. I got upset when she chose to ignore me being irritated. She went and started making dinner etc rather than sitting down with me to COMMUNICATE! <- capitalizing for you sazc lol Sure I could've said 'hey broad come sit over here so we can communicate about how I'm irritated right now' but that sounds lame. I instead went into another room hoping that she'd sense that I'm upset and would want to come and talk to me. It's not rocket science. If I sensed she was upset I wouldn't ignore her and go play in the garage or something and let her stew I'd ask 'are you ok? have something on your mind you want to talk about?'. COMMUNICATION goes both ways. So again, not upset at her for forgetting something it was because she ignored me afterwards and that's where the disrespect part came in.

2. Yes, I already admitted I overreacted and I even said I don't know why I couldn't get past it. I'm human too! But as stated above her disregard for my irritation was probably the reason for this whole flare up. I'm still not sure though.
@HankHill why is your girlfriend now responsible for reading your moods and, then, reacting accordingly? I'm pretty sure that's a dysfunctiobal expectation to have in a relationship.

have you ever dated, or known someone who has dated, a man or a woman who constantly checks in with them, like obsessively?

"Are you okay?" "How are you feeling?" "Did I so something wrong?"

Obsessively

It's gets smothering. Yet this is exactly the behavior you expect her to do. How is she to know when you are happy, sad, miffed, etc?

I get back to my original point. The onus is on YOU to figure out what is really going on and communicate that to her. And yes, you are allowed to call her over saying "that's still really bothering me, can we talk it thru?" And, since she cares, she will stop what she is doing and come sit with you to figure it out.

She sounds like a good girl who is human. Don't be a passive aggressitve a$$hole and screw this up.

So, have you ended the stalemate? Or are you two still in your Mexican standoff?
 

Roober

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You sound like a boss, not a leader. I'm sure it will work temporarily, but most good employees dont stick by their bosses for very long. Anyone can bark out orders and make demands. That is the easiest method of getting people to do things for you. And while necessary at times, it is often not sustainable.

The best method which also yields the best results is to let the women make their own decisions.

Try not asking for anything for a couple weeks and see how much she voluntarily does for you. See what she will do without the worry of upsetting you, without your expectations of her servitude. Your words and actions should plant seeds, which she will water and grow herself. Dont be the guy that plants the seeds and tells her to take care of it.

And when she finally does things for you voluntarily, you praise the h3ll out of her.

If she doesnt do things naturally, without expectations, then she is not a giver or does not respect your leadership. Neither of which are good.
 

logicallefty

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Some of these women (not LYD) are feminizing some men in the forum.

Come on guys, step up your game. This isn’t Loveshack.

Good job Hank.
It’s been an interesting thread for sure in that regard if you take a few of the posts and read between the lines.
 

HankHill

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She just sent me this:

2563

We're not anywhere close to retirement age but we have investment properties and she's always looking to invest more. My plan has always been to retire on some acreage and build a nice big workshop etc for my hobbies. She wants to build a guest house and do airbnb or a bed and bfast. Anyway, so that's the background on this txt.
 
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