She confessed..

[zekko]

She friendzoned him for YEARS. I dont even wanna get in to if he would hit it or not. He would.

He has DEEP feelings for this woman. She knows, he knows. Now she comes circling back to give him some more of that bitter sweet friendzone pie. And he is ready to munch it up!!

So you're saying the OP is lying. He said to him, she was a female friend, nothing more.
I'm not saying you're wrong, but if what you say is true, then he is lying.

 

[Bokanovsky]

If a women wants to make it known, she can make it known (see that scene in varsity blues with the wipped cream).

imho, she liked the OP but not enough to take it to the next level. She is just bored or wants drama or something. Her current marriage isnt going well...

red flag. Don't mess with this situation.

You can't generalize. Some women are good at making it known, others aren't. Just like some men are good at picking up women and others are not.

But I agree that it's not worth giving her attention now. There is a reason why she reached out to he OP at this moment in time. Things are not going well in her marriage.

 

[Gamisch]

So you're saying the OP is lying. He said to him, she was a female friend, nothing more.
I'm not saying you're wrong, but if what you say is true, then he is lying.

Thats blunt but perhaps ..true. Let me say it like this;
This is the kinda lie we as men way too often tell ourselves!

We all been in situations( predicaments)where we played it safe, and went along with the storyline that " me and her, are just friends ". While all along we knew damn well that IF the opportunity to sleep with her would present itself we would pull the trigger immediately!

If an ex contacts you after many years it already ...questionable whether you should entertain the idea of building a new form of contact/ communication. If its a female friend you had feelings for while you lingered in the friendzone? Imo that's even worse!

If she was a fat ,ugly hb 0,5 why would OP make a thread that reads like a romcom? Imo this is the kinda thing that keeps a man from becoming the best version of himself.

So without saying that OP isn't trustworthy or anything, it still is a subtle form of lying , a typical white lie a man tells to himself.

 

[zekko]

So without saying that OP isn't trustworthy or anything, it still is a subtle form of lying , a typical white lie a man tells to himself.

If true, it would be more like a self delusion. Still a lie, I guess.
Perhaps he never thought he had a chance with her, therefore he never allowed himself to think of anything more with her, so just pursued the friendship.

 

[zekko]

Why is he in touch with a married chick? She's not available, and he does not have enough social acumen or "game" to make this work. She is not the test case to figure it out with either.

Maybe I'm playing devil's advocate here, but he said they were friends for 10 years. You said yourself you have male friends (that you used to be intimate with, in fact). Why is this guy so different? Now maybe the woman is looking to cheat with him, so that would be one thing. But are we sure she wants to cheat with him? Maybe she just admitted she used to be attracted to him, maybe she's not saying she wants something now. She is married, after all. Or maybe they're playing with fire. In any case, sounds like she wasted 10 years with him.

 

[BeExcellent]

Maybe I'm playing devil's advocate here, but he said they were friends for 10 years. You said yourself you have male friends (that you used to be intimate with, in fact). Why is this guy so different? Now maybe the woman is looking to cheat with him, so that would be one thing. But are we sure she wants to cheat with him? Maybe she just admitted she used to be attracted to him, maybe she's not saying she wants something now. She is married, after all. Or maybe they're playing with fire. In any case, sounds like she wasted 10 years with him.

You are correct, it could just be that....I will say this. Other than my first husband, who is the father of my children, I do not communicate with ex lovers regularly....maybe a text or two during the year, or every couple of years. Do I consider these men to be friends? Yes, I hope they are doing well in their lives and I might wish them happy birthday, merry christmas or happy fathers day....but I'm not building in depth emotional connection with them. One I've known 35+ years, another 25+.....so I've known them for years - but my in depth friendship and connection is reserved for my husband.

In other words I'm not discussing my current life day to day with old flames....now I do have a number of male friends who were always strictly platonic, those friendships ebb & flow between periods of more or less contact, and my husband has met, or at least spoken with those men, and knows there is no threat to him or us from those guys. I don't go run around out & about with single male friends anymore, I'm very respectful of my husband's position as the man & lover & best friend in my life. All my friends know this.

That is not the situation with OP. This woman is seeking attention from OP that should be reserved for her husband. She is not respecting her husband's position in her life. Its a big difference.

 

[Sega Genesis]

That is not the situation with OP. This woman is seeking attention from OP that should be reserved for her husband. She is not respecting her husband's position in her life.

Totally agree. IF anything this woman is orbiting him. From what @Pumax has shared, he never even responded to her. Which was/is the correct course of action.

There is no evidence he has "deep" feelings for her, none that I've read on this thread. That is speculation. He stated they were always just friends in same social circle.

I am 100% with @zekko on this.

 

[revannt]

don't think this is worth it. messing with married women can sometimes bring a gun to your head.

 

[Doctor Europeo]

Curious about hearing from you, and your experiences on this

Crazy Betty

When I was about 20 years old I started dating this HB9. There were some good things about her (parents still together, religious family, likes to clean & cook, etc), things that are not easy to find today. But boy, were there cons, a lot of them. Unfortunately the cons outweighted the...

www.sosuave.net

 

[Pumax]

Because the energy that comes out of this is negative.

She friendzoned him for YEARS. I dont even wanna get in to if he would hit it or not. He would.

He has DEEP feelings for this woman. She knows, he knows. Now she comes circling back to give him some more of that bitter sweet friendzone pie. And he is ready to munch it up!!

I'll be nice. So I'll word it as following; OP needs to man the F up , get more women and dates and at most show this woman he is a completely different man so he gets a " pity victory " by making her regret her decision to leave him jerking off and fantasizing about her for almost a full decade.

Well that is actually the opposite of everything I see written here.
So it's more like "she" it's fantasizing about me for a full decade

 

[Pumax]

Crazy Betty

When I was about 20 years old I started dating this HB9. There were some good things about her (parents still together, religious family, likes to clean & cook, etc), things that are not easy to find today. But boy, were there cons, a lot of them. Unfortunately the cons outweighted the...

www.sosuave.net

Thanks for this!

Thanks anyone who came across by sharing their thoughts!

 

[Gamisch]

Well that is actually the opposite of everything I see written here.
So it's more like "she" it's fantasizing about me for a full decade

I strongly disagree.

Look, she might have had a fantasy here and there, but if you know women you'd know she WILL sleep with who she wanna sleep with and FAST. Gullible men believe their " shot will come" even if ot takes years. But that's not how the game works!

If she keeps you close ,like really close and yet does NOT put out, its a simple nono. She never viewed it as sexual, but strictly platonic. And yes that hurts. So its the EGO that wants to set things straight and sleep with her to wash away years of humiliation and friendzone.

I personally wouldn’t like to linger in that way of thinking. But the worst thing imo is to be the man and ALSO been faking this " friendship " for years. YEARS.

This women is nothing but a big humiliation ritual. Forget about her ASAP. And please learn that this mindset is FAR from the abundance mindset a man must have . There are so many women, why bother gambling with one ( married at that)while the situation remains unclear??????i

 

[Desdinova]

This woman and I spent about ten years together, going out, attending events, and going to school, just being in the same circle, but never kissed or had s3x with her.

Years later, she confesses to me that she'd always been attracted to me, and only now found the courage to tell me.

This is high score theory, but you're not at the top. You're somewhere in the middle. You're sitting somewhere amongst the celebrities that she's had a crush on.

 

[Pumax]

@Desdinova Given that theory, a woman romantic life depends of her first 25 years.
There is no more chance to get a first place in her 40's, 50's, 60's?

Then, what define a celebrity? Status, Looks, Money or a memory of just being intimate in her childhood?


I don't know.. this could mean that as a man you have zero chanches with women after their 30's

 

[Prepostereax]

Nope.

Women aren't usually this direct.
Some are, sure, but not this type.

She's telling you that she had a crush on you, past tense.

The unspoken message is "I'm over you now, so it's safe to admit it. Teehee"
and "You had years to take your shot.."

She won't say that bit out loud, because it's implied (does she know that you're on the spectrum?)

 

[Pumax]

Nope.

Women aren't usually this direct.
Some are, sure, but not this type.

She's telling you that she had a crush on you, past tense.

The unspoken message is "I'm over you now, so it's safe to admit it. Teehee"
and "You had years to take your shot.."

She won't say that bit out loud, because it's implied (does she know that you're on the spectrum?)

I simply can't imagine the work it would take if every time I spoke to women I had to figure out the ulterior motives behind everything they said or the unspoken messages. When you speak to women, does this come naturally to you?
So you guys actually have a switch in your mind you can turn on and off when there is a woman in front of you

Some are, sure, but not this type.

So for you, a woman who says it and means it is the one who tells you right away, rather than waiting and telling you later.

does she know that you're on the spectrum?

?

 

[Prepostereax]

?

I'm a bit on the autism spectrum

There's literally dozens of "quiet parts" that aren't spoken out loud in almost any conversation, not just women..

Even this conversation we are having now, there's implications and unspoken assumptions
(Ok. Like, so we have to go eli-R mode now. And so on..)

But women definitely speak far less directly.

When you speak to women, does this come naturally to you?
So you guys actually have a switch in your mind you can turn on and off when there is a woman in front of you

LOL
There's no "switch", at least not for me.
Men & women communicate differently, so it's easy to miss all the nuances.
See here:

I'd recommend the "Obvious come ons that were missed" thread. Speaks a lot to that.

Most obvious come-on that was missed

I have a topic I think may give us a laugh. What is the most obvious come-on that a chick has told you, but that you didn't get at the time? For example, when I was 17, I had this chick tell me "Kristin and I were talking, and I told her that I thought you'd be good in bed". Being 17, I...

www.sosuave.net

Perhaps what she wanted most from her revelation, is to hear from you whether you had any feelings for her in all that time

Why?
Who knows?
People like to fantasize. And it's safe for her to do so now.

 

[Giovanni SouthSide]

Time is a foreign concept for some women.
If you are alive in her thoughts and feelings, you are with her in the eternal now. For them, years later is as good as a day later. In an equally magical vein, who could ever forget them?
Women do not want you to demystify anything.
They want you to create a fantasy for them and then follow as you lead them through it
Don't riddle over it. She is in an alternative dimension. It makes no sense.

How far is your player mentally wanting to exploit the situation and potentially face some dire consequences if you don’t play your cards right? Cause let’s be straight up here, you should have smashed her cervix when you had the chance.
Hit her back up if you feel like it but act less interested than her.
Get her talking and in her feelz.
If you ever become engaged in an affair, you will find that it's the best sex you have ever had. It creates ecstasy highs nothing else can touch, and it's addictive like some uncut pink cocaine.
Nevermind..this is the old me talking. Listen to the wiser men on here.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Perhaps I should reword. Why does OP care/give this any mental or emotional bandwidth? Why are these two communicating?

This woman is demonstrating lack of character & making herself look bad at the very least, certainly being disrespectful of the husband (who would be hurt or angry or both).

Now. If OP can suspend his character/value judgements just to get laid? Perhaps he could get laid....but if anything this girl is planting seeds looking potentially to monkey branch or fool around outside the marriage, and with their previous history it would get messy quickly.

The woman will be unlikely to leave her husband without another lily pad to leap to, that will entail far more drama than its worth and OP seems to be "Meh" about her from a sexual standpoint.

So OP is wise to digest her stance as a compliment from a woman without too much character, be flattered, feel some sympathy for the poor guy who wifed her up and move on.

Why is he in touch with a married chick? She's not available, and he does not have enough social acumen or "game" to make this work. She is not the test case to figure it out with either.

Paging @The Duke and @Scaramouche for further perspective.....

Cheers lads.

The woman is expressing what many women who choose a "safe" option end up with after 5-10 years.

Regret.