She confessed..

[Pumax]

A few days ago I received a message from a woman I hadn't heard from in a while.

This woman and I spent about ten years together, going out, attending events, and going to school, just being in the same circle, but never kissed or had s3x with her.
This between17 and 27.
Then we lost touch...

Here we are, five years later, she confesses to me that she'd always been attracted to me, and only now found the courage to tell me.
She told me that is currently married and has one child with her partner (she met him at 22. I think he's her number 7).
Also that she'd always thought I was attractive and made it clear to me in every way (unaware of this, like many men, I must have ignored many signs), and how she'd always thought of me, how I'd always been on her mind, and that in the meantime she'd had to move on with her life.

In fact, she's gotten a good job, has become a mother, and lives in the house she shares with him.


Now, this has got me thinking a lot lately, about two things:

1) I'm really terrible at picking up on women's signals (like most men, who are simply focused on their own lives).
2) Women can really bring a man inside their minds, think about him every day, and live a different life in the meantime.

Also, another point: in this case, if most of the experiences I've read on the forum were true, then it also means I could win this woman over at any time, simply by stepping up and asking her out (which I wouldn't do anyway).
But it's another point worth highlighting.


Curious about hearing from you, and your experiences on this

 

[RoadKing_Rabbit]

I'd recommend the "Obvious come ons that were missed" thread. Speaks a lot to that.

Most obvious come-on that was missed

I have a topic I think may give us a laugh. What is the most obvious come-on that a chick has told you, but that you didn't get at the time? For example, when I was 17, I had this chick tell me "Kristin and I were talking, and I told her that I thought you'd be good in bed". Being 17, I...

www.sosuave.net

Usually in my experience, It's not likely for much to develop anything with women from our past, especially if we were never intimate. Although funnily enough, my first GF ever has been stalking my FB as well as several girls who went to church with me in my teens. I was a late bloomer turned into what I am now.

I'll tell you this though, man. It's GREAT for the self esteem or confidence! IDK, man. It won't hurt anything if you want to keep talking to her at least. Just keep your goals in mind. Not that you wouldn't.

 

[Mike32ct]

Women do have secret crushes. There are plenty of times where they don’t make it overly obvious.

It might seem obvious after the fact when the cat is out of the bag, but that doesn’t really count lol.

 

[Slowhandluke]

If a women wants to make it known, she can make it known (see that scene in varsity blues with the wipped cream).

imho, she liked the OP but not enough to take it to the next level. She is just bored or wants drama or something. Her current marriage isnt going well...

red flag. Don't mess with this situation.

 

[zekko]

Also that she'd always thought I was attractive and made it clear to me in every way (unaware of this, like many men, I must have ignored many signs).

Lol, I confess I am completely oblivious. But if you spent that much time together, chances are someone had some feelings at some point.
What about you, did you ever harbor any interest in this girl, beyond a platonic relationship? Either sexual or romantic?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

This is the classic case of what I talked about in another thread...

A woman who marries someone she has "settled for" that isn't her first choice because she thinks he is safe and will be a good husband and father to her kids.

But eventually that knowledge that she has buried or rationalized keeps gnawing and gnawing a hole in here and here we are...

Usually it takes about 10 years...apparently it's gnawing at her even earlier.

Most likely outcome is she wants to fvck you but will not leave her husband or kids and will try to have her cake and eat it too.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I wouldn’t even respond back to her. You’re asking for a lot of drama and potentially trouble.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Curious about hearing from you, and your experiences on this

Asking out a wife with a kid is super pathetic and a husband upon finding out about this should deal with a man who does this, not to mention a child who could be affected by this.

2) Women can really bring a man inside their minds, think about him every day, and live a different life in the meantime.

As they should.

 

[Gamisch]

When you start to feel like and actually embody that you are the price, responses like this will be happening more often. More and more women will think you are "the one".

And if you DO feel like you're the prize, you should shrug your shoulders and move on. Use that confidence with your next encounters with women, while you will be even oozing more confidence and a more" take it or leave it" attitude.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

OP it seems you're attracting shy women looking for nice guys who are then somehow expecting things to "magically happen". You might want to revisit your presentation, maybe add some edge to your appearance and vibe.

 

[Pumax]

Lol, I confess I am completely oblivious. But if you spent that much time together, chances are someone had some feelings at some point.
What about you, did you ever harbor any interest in this girl, beyond a platonic relationship? Either sexual or romantic?

From my POV, She was just a female friend, nothing more

 

[Pumax]

A woman who marries someone she has "settled for" that isn't her first choice because she thinks he is safe and will be a good husband and father to her kids.
But eventually that knowledge that she has buried or rationalized keeps gnawing and gnawing a hole in here and here we are...
Usually it takes about 10 years...apparently it's gnawing at her even earlier.

She won't have her cake.. I'm sorry...

Well, as you've said, look like when She's actually scraping the bottom that she remembers her companion it's not her first choice...

And others said, many women actually get into this situation.. for real..

I don't think we man have the same problems.
If we don't want her anymore, we actually end that.

 

[Beyond It]

What do you really want to know? Just a bunch of words so far.

 

[Gamisch]

A few days ago I received a message from a woman I hadn't heard from in a while.

This woman and I spent about ten years together, going out, attending events, and going to school, just being in the same circle, but never kissed or had s3x with her.
This between17 and 27.
Then we lost touch...

Here we are, five years later, she confesses to me that she'd always been attracted to me, and only now found the courage to tell me.
She told me that is currently married and has one child with her partner (she met him at 22. I think he's her number 7).
Also that she'd always thought I was attractive and made it clear to me in every way (unaware of this, like many men, I must have ignored many signs), and how she'd always thought of me, how I'd always been on her mind, and that in the meantime she'd had to move on with her life.

In fact, she's gotten a good job, has become a mother, and lives in the house she shares with him.


Now, this has got me thinking a lot lately, about two things:

1) I'm really terrible at picking up on women's signals (like most men, who are simply focused on their own lives).
2) Women can really bring a man inside their minds, think about him every day, and live a different life in the meantime.

Also, another point: in this case, if most of the experiences I've read on the forum were true, then it also means I could win this woman over at any time, simply by stepping up and asking her out (which I wouldn't do anyway).
But it's another point worth highlighting.


Curious about hearing from you, and your experiences on this

You need more volume. More game.

This should be shrugged off due to having pmenty of other women in your life. This shouldn't register beyond a tiny blip on the radar.

 

[BeExcellent]

You need more volume. More game.

This should be shrugged off due to having pmenty of other women in your life. This shouldn't register beyond a tiny blip on the radar.

This. Gee that's nice, but she married & reproduced with the man she is with. Why are you orbiting a married "friend"?

 

[zekko]

This. Gee that's nice, but she married & reproduced with the man she is with. Why are you orbiting a married "friend"?

Why do you think he's orbiting her? He said he doesn't want any sort of romantic or sexual involvement with her, unless I've missed something. If anything, it sounds like she's orbiting him.

 

[BeExcellent]

Perhaps I should reword. Why does OP care/give this any mental or emotional bandwidth? Why are these two communicating?

This woman is demonstrating lack of character & making herself look bad at the very least, certainly being disrespectful of the husband (who would be hurt or angry or both).

Now. If OP can suspend his character/value judgements just to get laid? Perhaps he could get laid....but if anything this girl is planting seeds looking potentially to monkey branch or fool around outside the marriage, and with their previous history it would get messy quickly.

The woman will be unlikely to leave her husband without another lily pad to leap to, that will entail far more drama than its worth and OP seems to be "Meh" about her from a sexual standpoint.

So OP is wise to digest her stance as a compliment from a woman without too much character, be flattered, feel some sympathy for the poor guy who wifed her up and move on.

Why is he in touch with a married chick? She's not available, and he does not have enough social acumen or "game" to make this work. She is not the test case to figure it out with either.

Paging @The Duke and @Scaramouche for further perspective.....

Cheers lads.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Perhaps I should reword. Why does OP care/give this any mental or emotional bandwidth? Why are these two communicating?

This woman is demonstrating lack of character & making herself look bad at the very least, certainly being disrespectful of the husband (who would be hurt or angry or both).

Now. If OP can suspend his character/value judgements just to get laid? Perhaps he could get laid....but if anything this girl is planting seeds looking potentially to monkey branch or fool around outside the marriage, and with their previous history it would get messy quickly.

The woman will be unlikely to leave her husband without another lily pad to leap to, that will entail far more drama than its worth and OP seems to be "Meh" about her from a sexual standpoint.

So OP is wise to digest her stance as a compliment from a woman without too much character, be flattered, feel some sympathy for the poor guy who wifed her up and move on.

Why is he in touch with a married chick? She's not available, and he does not have enough social acumen or "game" to make this work. She is not the test case to figure it out with either.

Paging @The Duke and @Scaramouche for further perspective.....

Cheers lads.

OP is frustrated because he mainly attracts wallflowers in addition to lacking game himself. This one only works up the courage once she is unavailable and not worth it.

Maybe she'll let him hold her hand while hubby's calling up the hit man.

 

[RoadKing_Rabbit]

I mean, if you WANT some drama, maybe try to seduce her. To what end though? Just to get your jollies off and then bounce? You COULD skip that part and get the jollies with someone jolly. Which would be.... well, jolly! She wouldn't be a lady wondering why her husband isn't more exciting than a guy she used to know who she saw in the past as (poindexter, nerd, AFC, beta, LJBF, not in that way, like a brother,) take your pick, really.

If she's HONESTLY a friend and nothing more, that would make sense to me 15 years ago. However, look at things from this husband's point of view. If you knew she was talking to a "friend" that she hasn't spoken to in ages, what then? Wouldn't it be a little sus?

 

[Gamisch]

Why do you think he's orbiting her? He said he doesn't want any sort of romantic or sexual involvement with her, unless I've missed something. If anything, it sounds like she's orbiting him.

Because the energy that comes out of this is negative.

She friendzoned him for YEARS. I dont even wanna get in to if he would hit it or not. He would.

He has DEEP feelings for this woman. She knows, he knows. Now she comes circling back to give him some more of that bitter sweet friendzone pie. And he is ready to munch it up!!

I'll be nice. So I'll word it as following; OP needs to man the F up , get more women and dates and at most show this woman he is a completely different man so he gets a " pity victory " by making her regret her decision to leave him jerking off and fantasizing about her for almost a full decade.