I've been going out with my girlfriend for 8 months. Throughout this 8 months, she's been complaining that I couldn't provide fer with the feeling of being protected. She desperately needs the sense of security. Can someone tell me how I could provide that feeling?
"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"
When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.
Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.
Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.
The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.
Sense of Security
- Thread starter Roundup
- Start date
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
earthshyne
Senior Don Juan
You cannot make her feel secure - or make her feel anything else. You can have input on some of her circumstances, but how she relates them to certain feelings is entirely up to her. The best you can do in this situation is to provide her with the opportunity and give her reason to feel secure with you. If, when you're out together, you're ogling other wimmen, then that's probably not a good thing. But my sense is that her issue has more to do with what happened to her long before you were in the picture.
Best advice: As in all things, be yourself.
Best advice: As in all things, be yourself.
earthshyne
Senior Don Juan
I don't think there are any specifics that I can tell you because I don't know you, I don't know her and I don't know the dynamic that takes place between you two. So all I can suggest are some broad brush-strokes:
- Be present to her. By that, I mean when you're with her, focus on the fact that you're together. If, for instance, you go to the mall and you want to spent a chunk of your day in the fishing tackle store, go ahead, but remember that she's there to be with you, not with fishing tackle;
- Listen. Not just "hear" her, but actually listen to her. Wimmen talk to express emotions, so once you understand that you'll have a better idea of where she's coming from;
- Pay attention. When you're together, it's probably not a good time to be ogling other chicks. Besides, that's my job.
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
Err, right.
Anyways, I wouldn't bite on this stupid story. What the **** does she need to be 'protected' from? The big bad wolf?
Thinking about this really hurts. What is she really trying to say? And then it came to me!
WHO CARES!?
Anyways, I wouldn't bite on this stupid story. What the **** does she need to be 'protected' from? The big bad wolf?
Thinking about this really hurts. What is she really trying to say? And then it came to me!
WHO CARES!?
Michael Chief
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 18, 2004
- Messages
- 424
- Reaction score
- 222
Maybe you aren't beng confident enough with your mannerisms.
Be THE MAN...and a damn confident one at that - and she'll feel like a princess under her knight's protection
Be THE MAN...and a damn confident one at that - and she'll feel like a princess under her knight's protection
paraguayandj
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Mar 6, 2004
- Messages
- 232
- Reaction score
- 0
when you say secure. do you mean secure as in relationship secure or as in safety secure?
Disconnect
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 3, 2004
- Messages
- 524
- Reaction score
- 0
- Age
- 38
Get really built and show a sense of confidence.
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
VIVAlasVEGASBaby
Senior Don Juan
Sir Lancelot
Don Juan
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2003
- Messages
- 141
- Reaction score
- 0
I don't think she desperately needs the feeling of security, since she's stayed with you for 8 months now. Don't change yourself or your behavior to try to make her feel more protected.
I think Lik's right, it sounds like a cry for attention.
I think Lik's right, it sounds like a cry for attention.