I've been going out with my girlfriend for 8 months. Throughout this 8 months, she's been complaining that I couldn't provide fer with the feeling of being protected. She desperately needs the sense of security. Can someone tell me how I could provide that feeling?
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Sense of Security
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“The 22 Rules That Flip the Script With Women… And How You Can Use Them Tonight”
Most guys accidentally kill attraction before they even speak. They assume they need a bigger bank account, a better physique, or smoother lines. They miss the point.
Female desire operates on a specific set of psychological triggers. Break them, and you're invisible. Follow them, and you become magnetic.
I learned this the hard way. Years of freezing up. Getting friend-zoned. Watching other guys walk away with the girl I wanted. Then I discovered a set of 22 simple rules that rewired my entire approach.
earthshyne
Senior Don Juan
You cannot make her feel secure - or make her feel anything else. You can have input on some of her circumstances, but how she relates them to certain feelings is entirely up to her. The best you can do in this situation is to provide her with the opportunity and give her reason to feel secure with you. If, when you're out together, you're ogling other wimmen, then that's probably not a good thing. But my sense is that her issue has more to do with what happened to her long before you were in the picture.
Best advice: As in all things, be yourself.
Best advice: As in all things, be yourself.
earthshyne
Senior Don Juan
I don't think there are any specifics that I can tell you because I don't know you, I don't know her and I don't know the dynamic that takes place between you two. So all I can suggest are some broad brush-strokes:
- Be present to her. By that, I mean when you're with her, focus on the fact that you're together. If, for instance, you go to the mall and you want to spent a chunk of your day in the fishing tackle store, go ahead, but remember that she's there to be with you, not with fishing tackle;
- Listen. Not just "hear" her, but actually listen to her. Wimmen talk to express emotions, so once you understand that you'll have a better idea of where she's coming from;
- Pay attention. When you're together, it's probably not a good time to be ogling other chicks. Besides, that's my job.
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
Err, right.
Anyways, I wouldn't bite on this stupid story. What the **** does she need to be 'protected' from? The big bad wolf?
Thinking about this really hurts. What is she really trying to say? And then it came to me!
WHO CARES!?
Anyways, I wouldn't bite on this stupid story. What the **** does she need to be 'protected' from? The big bad wolf?
Thinking about this really hurts. What is she really trying to say? And then it came to me!
WHO CARES!?
Michael Chief
Senior Don Juan
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Maybe you aren't beng confident enough with your mannerisms.
Be THE MAN...and a damn confident one at that - and she'll feel like a princess under her knight's protection
Be THE MAN...and a damn confident one at that - and she'll feel like a princess under her knight's protection
paraguayandj
Senior Don Juan
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when you say secure. do you mean secure as in relationship secure or as in safety secure?
Disconnect
Master Don Juan
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Get really built and show a sense of confidence.
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
VIVAlasVEGASBaby
Senior Don Juan
Sir Lancelot
Don Juan
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I don't think she desperately needs the feeling of security, since she's stayed with you for 8 months now. Don't change yourself or your behavior to try to make her feel more protected.
I think Lik's right, it sounds like a cry for attention.
I think Lik's right, it sounds like a cry for attention.