I've been going out with my girlfriend for 8 months. Throughout this 8 months, she's been complaining that I couldn't provide fer with the feeling of being protected. She desperately needs the sense of security. Can someone tell me how I could provide that feeling?
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
Sense of Security
- Thread starter Roundup
- Start date
"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"
When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.
Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.
Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.
The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.
earthshyne
Senior Don Juan
You cannot make her feel secure - or make her feel anything else. You can have input on some of her circumstances, but how she relates them to certain feelings is entirely up to her. The best you can do in this situation is to provide her with the opportunity and give her reason to feel secure with you. If, when you're out together, you're ogling other wimmen, then that's probably not a good thing. But my sense is that her issue has more to do with what happened to her long before you were in the picture.
Best advice: As in all things, be yourself.
Best advice: As in all things, be yourself.
earthshyne
Senior Don Juan
I don't think there are any specifics that I can tell you because I don't know you, I don't know her and I don't know the dynamic that takes place between you two. So all I can suggest are some broad brush-strokes:
- Be present to her. By that, I mean when you're with her, focus on the fact that you're together. If, for instance, you go to the mall and you want to spent a chunk of your day in the fishing tackle store, go ahead, but remember that she's there to be with you, not with fishing tackle;
- Listen. Not just "hear" her, but actually listen to her. Wimmen talk to express emotions, so once you understand that you'll have a better idea of where she's coming from;
- Pay attention. When you're together, it's probably not a good time to be ogling other chicks. Besides, that's my job.
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
Err, right.
Anyways, I wouldn't bite on this stupid story. What the **** does she need to be 'protected' from? The big bad wolf?
Thinking about this really hurts. What is she really trying to say? And then it came to me!
WHO CARES!?
Anyways, I wouldn't bite on this stupid story. What the **** does she need to be 'protected' from? The big bad wolf?
Thinking about this really hurts. What is she really trying to say? And then it came to me!
WHO CARES!?
Michael Chief
Senior Don Juan
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Maybe you aren't beng confident enough with your mannerisms.
Be THE MAN...and a damn confident one at that - and she'll feel like a princess under her knight's protection
Be THE MAN...and a damn confident one at that - and she'll feel like a princess under her knight's protection
paraguayandj
Senior Don Juan
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when you say secure. do you mean secure as in relationship secure or as in safety secure?
Disconnect
Master Don Juan
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Get really built and show a sense of confidence.
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
VIVAlasVEGASBaby
Senior Don Juan
Sir Lancelot
Don Juan
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I don't think she desperately needs the feeling of security, since she's stayed with you for 8 months now. Don't change yourself or your behavior to try to make her feel more protected.
I think Lik's right, it sounds like a cry for attention.
I think Lik's right, it sounds like a cry for attention.