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Second date apathy - advice for tonight

BJP1991

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So last Friday I was supposed to have a second date with a girl I met through a mutual friend. First date was fun - just drinks and conversation. She was cute enough and actually had a pretty fun personality.

Two nights before last Friday, she asked to reschedule to this week due to a work party. I went along with it and we moved date 2 to this Friday - tonight.

I personally had a long week and today I’m feeling completely 100% apathetic about seeing her tonight. I simply don’t give a shyte and honestly don’t even know if I find her cute anymore. I simply don’t care to see her, even though I know if I did, it would be an okay time, maybe I’d bring her back to my place even, who knows.

Should I just call it off entirely and cancel? Or go against my apathy and preference to lay low tonight and go out with her?

Im sure others have been here before. She isn’t hot enough to make that alone be enough to want to see her. She’s a 6.5 or 7 on a good day, funny personality, but I simply don’t feel any drive to go out, like I did 1-2 weeks ago after we first met


Thoughts/suggestions? If I bail on her, I’d plan to chill with some homies and do stuff I enjoy with them.
 

Black Widow Void

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Your next move will be measured... depending on your upbringing (and not justified upon how some women treat men) .
Reneging happens. It's a part of life.
However...
canceling a few hours before a date (that you agreed to) isn't exactly a class move.
 
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Bible_Belt

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Maybe she's a great fvck, or maybe not, but there is only one way to find out.
 

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BJP1991

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I agree with the others. Everyone on here complains about women flaking, don't add to that statistic.
So, in general, I agree. However my mindset is already too negative about it, and I believe it would only come to the surface during the date.

To play devil’s advocate: why are men expected to adhere to rules and “Manning up” and holding fast to commitments, yet our female counterparts are not held to the same standards? In the end, we’re all humans - can we not do and say as we please, to serve ourselves better than someone who we barely even know? Call it selfish, but I relate it to being “no more mr nice guy” mentality - I am putting myself first by not following through on a date with a girl, who (1) has done nothing to win me over yet, (2) cancelled/rescheduled on me once already, and (3) is already someone I’d consider being “on the fence about” in the first place, in terms of being someone I want to continue seeing. It’s rude, I get that part.


I find it super ironic at times on this site. We all back each other up, tell each other that “you’re the prize/great catch”, yet if we decide to cancel a date with a girl, we are less than that suddenly?

I’m honestly just looking to hear what you all think. Am I crazy to think this way? Putting myself and my own mindset (not to mention, my money) first, above following through on a commitment to a girl who I genuinely no longer care for?

Am I being too cynical here? Does anyone see what I’m getting at?

I understand men should be “true to their word” but, in reality, it’s 2020 almost. Shouldn’t we be doing what we want, when we want to do it? Rather than conforming to a rule (or in this case, a date) that we aren’t even sure we want to do or even care about anymore? Why do we have this moral obligation to fulfill commitments with women who all to often drop us because their pet snail is trying to get pregnant and tonight’s the only night it will work to meet with the snail breeder? For real, guys. What gives - why are we so black and white here.

Asking for a friend - thanks.
 
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BJP1991

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Maybe she's a great fvck, or maybe not, but there is only one way to find out.
Maybe, but honestly I don’t even care. Is it wrong that I don’t care to find out? I mean, I’ll get laid again soon, just maybe not tonight.
 

BackInTheGame78

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So, in general, I agree. However my mindset is already too negative about it, and I believe it would only come to the surface during the date.

To play devil’s advocate: why are men expected to adhere to rules and “Manning up” and holding fast to commitments, yet our female counterparts are not held to the same standards? In the end, we’re all humans - can we not do and say as we please, to serve ourselves better than someone who we barely even know? Call it selfish, but I relate it to being “no more mr nice guy” mentality - I am putting myself first by not following through on a date with a girl, who (1) has done nothing to win me over yet, (2) cancelled/rescheduled on me once already, and (3) is already someone I’d consider being “on the fence about” in the first place, in terms of being someone I want to continue seeing. It’s rude, I get that part.


I find it super ironic at times on this site. We all back each other up, tell each other that “you’re the prize/great catch”, yet if we decide to cancel a date with a girl, we are less than that suddenly?

I’m honestly just looking to hear what you all think. Am I crazy to think this way? Putting myself and my own mindset (not to mention, my money) first, above following through on a commitment to a girl who I genuinely no longer care for?

Am I being too cynical here? Does anyone see what I’m getting at?

I understand men should be “true to their word” but, in reality, it’s 2020 almost. Shouldn’t we be doing what we want, when we want to do it? Rather than conforming to a rule (or in this case, a date) that we aren’t even sure we want to do or even care about anymore? Why do we have this moral obligation to fulfill commitments with women who all to often drop us because their pet snail is trying to get pregnant and tonight’s the only night it will work to meet with the snail breeder? For real, guys. What gives - why are we so black and white here.

Asking for a friend - thanks.
Because as a man you should hold yourself to high standards. What other people allow themselves to do or not do should not factor into what you allow YOURSELF to do. Be better.
 

GrowingPains

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If you really arent feeling up to it then dont go.

Others here, including myself, would probably feel some moral obligation. However, you already seem to have made up your mind about how you feel about her. So why waste either of your time?

Life's too short to givethis any fvcks Just tell her you aren't feeling up for it but it was nice meeting her. Nothing wrong with that. I would overpower my 'moral obligation' on this one.

I think a man is true to himself and honest with others.
 

GrowingPains

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People complain about women flaking because they don't have options. So they get really butthurt about it.

Personally, if I get flaked on sure I'll be a bit frustrated. But I'm over it in 20 mins and texting my friends/plates to see what the move is.
 

Kotaix

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You need to make your own choices. What is right for you isn't right for anyone else. As long as you stay true to yourself then that's all that matters because, frankly, no one else really cares.
 

EyeOnThePrize

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So, in general, I agree. However my mindset is already too negative about it, and I believe it would only come to the surface during the date.

To play devil’s advocate: why are men expected to adhere to rules and “Manning up” and holding fast to commitments, yet our female counterparts are not held to the same standards? In the end, we’re all humans - can we not do and say as we please, to serve ourselves better than someone who we barely even know? Call it selfish, but I relate it to being “no more mr nice guy” mentality - I am putting myself first by not following through on a date with a girl, who (1) has done nothing to win me over yet, (2) cancelled/rescheduled on me once already, and (3) is already someone I’d consider being “on the fence about” in the first place, in terms of being someone I want to continue seeing. It’s rude, I get that part.


I find it super ironic at times on this site. We all back each other up, tell each other that “you’re the prize/great catch”, yet if we decide to cancel a date with a girl, we are less than that suddenly?

I’m honestly just looking to hear what you all think. Am I crazy to think this way? Putting myself and my own mindset (not to mention, my money) first, above following through on a commitment to a girl who I genuinely no longer care for?

Am I being too cynical here? Does anyone see what I’m getting at?

I understand men should be “true to their word” but, in reality, it’s 2020 almost. Shouldn’t we be doing what we want, when we want to do it? Rather than conforming to a rule (or in this case, a date) that we aren’t even sure we want to do or even care about anymore? Why do we have this moral obligation to fulfill commitments with women who all to often drop us because their pet snail is trying to get pregnant and tonight’s the only night it will work to meet with the snail breeder? For real, guys. What gives - why are we so black and white here.

Asking for a friend - thanks.
If I was in your shoes just one of those three reasons is enough for me to cancel the date. You have absolutely no obligation to see someone that you feel isn't up to your standards or is expecting you to do all the legwork when they're doing none themselves.

It sounds like she's a 6-7 AND entitled, expecting you to do all the seduction. I happily let the conversations flop with these types, speaking in statements and leaving them to rekindle my interest. My behavior is what provides them the necessary feedback to change their behavior for the better. This 'moral obligation' bologna that others are shilling in this thread will do the exact opposite. It will only exaserbate her already entitled attitude.

Sometimes you are the one meant to be the constructive feedback in a woman's life. Don't shy away from that, for the sake of all men. It's tough love, and it's much better than resentment and loss of dignity.
 

Black Widow Void

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Because as a man you should hold yourself to high standards. What other people allow themselves to do or not do should not factor into what you allow YOURSELF to do. Be better.
It would seem redundant if I posted something identical, so I'll just say cheers!
 

Black Widow Void

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You have absolutely no obligation to see someone that you feel isn't up to your standards or is expecting you to do all the legwork when they're doing none themselves.
Did we overlook the part where he was held at gunpoint; explaining why he made a commitment to her in the first place?

Sometimes you are the one meant to be the constructive feedback in a woman's life.
Yes, it's called "not accepting a date with someone of this nature ... in the first place"

. It's tough love, and it's much better than resentment and loss of dignity.
The only "loss of dignity" I see here is when a guy decides to cancel just hours before he previously committed to the date. It's rare that I'll defend a female, but according to the OP's posting... his gal had the dignity to give him two days notice when she had to cancel. The OP was thoughtless enough to cancel a few hours beforehand.
 

ubercat

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Hmm sorry I think you do have to exert yourself. Always remember men built civilization women just live in it. Point is you should take charge of the date. If she s yapping on change the topic. Let free a side of your personality you normally play safe on (as long as it's not your American psycho side). Change the venue. Lead damnit. You r as you train.
 

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EyeOnThePrize

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Did we overlook the part where he was held at gunpoint; explaining why he made a commitment to her in the first place?
What are you referring to and what is your point?


Yes, it's called "not accepting a date with someone of this nature ... in the first place"
Absolutely. But OP is already wading through it.


The only "loss of dignity" I see here is when a guy decides to cancel just hours before he previously committed to the date. It's rare that I'll defend a female, but according to the OP's posting... his gal had the dignity to give him two days notice when she had to cancel. The OP was thoughtless enough to cancel a few hours beforehand.
There is no loss of dignity in being honest with yourself and your date. I can't tell if you're expressing pity for OP's date or if you truly believe he has an obligation to sit around with someone he has no interest in or attraction to. He would be wasting both of their time, how is that a good thing? How is that helping anyone?

What difference does it make whether he cancels 5 minutes before a date or a week out? Where does 'high standard' come into play? When is the cutoff between high and low standard in terms of how soon before the date someone cancels? Are you assuming her understanding of reality is so frail that OP should compensate for it by going on a date he doesn't want to go on? Better question, WHY should he compensate for that?

I fail to see a good argument for going on this date. You and the other posters in this thread do not sound very pragmatic at all, otherwise you would have solid reasons for why he should go. Instead it all seems vague and coming from a place of guilt or pity. I'd argue your mentality is what is fueling women to use men for meals on dates, among other things. If you maintain such an attitude you'll only attract women that are looking to exploit this 'white knight' mentality for their own benefit.
 

Mauser96

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So last Friday I was supposed to have a second date with a girl I met through a mutual friend. First date was fun - just drinks and conversation. She was cute enough and actually had a pretty fun personality.

Two nights before last Friday, she asked to reschedule to this week due to a work party. I went along with it and we moved date 2 to this Friday - tonight.

I personally had a long week and today I’m feeling completely 100% apathetic about seeing her tonight. I simply don’t give a shyte and honestly don’t even know if I find her cute anymore. I simply don’t care to see her, even though I know if I did, it would be an okay time, maybe I’d bring her back to my place even, who knows.

Should I just call it off entirely and cancel? Or go against my apathy and preference to lay low tonight and go out with her?

Im sure others have been here before. She isn’t hot enough to make that alone be enough to want to see her. She’s a 6.5 or 7 on a good day, funny personality, but I simply don’t feel any drive to go out, like I did 1-2 weeks ago after we first met


Thoughts/suggestions? If I bail on her, I’d plan to chill with some homies and do stuff I enjoy with them.


To be quite honest? This is garbage. A garbage attitude. What the hellll happened to people's morals and pride in keeping their word?

We complain about women being flakey - I am beginning to see men doing it too. This is weak behavior.
 

Mauser96

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I am in bold
So, in general, I agree. However my mindset is already too negative about it, and I believe it would only come to the surface during the date. That is a weak excuse

To play devil’s advocate: why are men expected to adhere to rules and “Manning up” and holding fast to commitments, yet our female counterparts are not held to the same standards? They ARE or SHOULD be.

In the end, we’re all humans - can we not do and say as we please, to serve ourselves better than someone who we barely even know? Call it selfish, but I relate it to being “no more mr nice guy” mentality - I am putting myself first by not following through on a date with a girl, who (1) has done nothing to win me over yet, (2) cancelled/rescheduled on me once already, and (3) is already someone I’d consider being “on the fence about” in the first place, in terms of being someone I want to continue seeing. It’s rude, I get that part. My bigger concern,. is that you would even consider it. It shows lack of character, and that your word means nothing.


I find it super ironic at times on this site. We all back each other up, tell each other that “you’re the prize/great catch”, yet if we decide to cancel a date with a girl, we are less than that suddenly? You are trying to justify your decision. You only answer to yourself. But hear this, this weak, low commitment attitude WILL bleed over to other areas of your life, and you WILL pay for it. It will affect your career and friendships with men. I had a friend who was as flakey as the flakiest woman you have ever met. With everyone. Guess what? now no one hangs around with him. Not men, Not women. People get tired of being fvcked over and having their time wasted.

I’m honestly just looking to hear what you all think. Am I crazy to think this way? Putting myself and my own mindset (not to mention, my money) first, above following through on a commitment to a girl who I genuinely no longer care for? You are trying to justify your decision. You only answer to yourself. But hear this, this weak, low commitment attitude WILL bleed over to other areas of your life, and you WILL pay for it. It will affect your career and friendships with men. I had a friend who was as flakey as the flakiest woman you have ever met. With everyone. Guess what? now no one hangs around with him. Not men, Not women. People get tired of being fvcked over and having their time wasted.

Am I being too cynical here? Does anyone see what I’m getting at? You are trying to justify your decision. You only answer to yourself. But hear this, this weak, low commitment attitude WILL bleed over to other areas of your life, and you WILL pay for it. It will affect your career and friendships with men. I had a friend who was as flakey as the flakiest woman you have ever met. With everyone. Guess what? now no one hangs around with him. Not men, Not women. People get tired of being fvcked over and having their time wasted.

I understand men should be “true to their word” but, in reality, it’s 2020 almost. Shouldn’t we be doing what we want, when we want to do it? Rather than conforming to a rule (or in this case, a date) that we aren’t even sure we want to do or even care about anymore? Why do we have this moral obligation to fulfill commitments with women who all to often drop us because their pet snail is trying to get pregnant and tonight’s the only night it will work to meet with the snail breeder? For real, guys. What gives - why are we so black and white here.

Asking for a friend - thanks.

I don't tolerate flakers, either men or women. It shows weakness, lack of judgement, poor character. I wouldn't hire these types, nort hang around with them. Tell your friend that
 

Mauser96

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@Mauser96

He was rescheduled - it's a bad sign, perhaps his intuition tells him IOI's were not there and some women pretty much accept second date just to stall you or mix out of it later on to don't hurt your feelings. It really happens.

So perhaps his attitutde is just adequate to what he thinks about level of attraction between him and that woman.
He was re-scheduled TWO days in advace due to a work function. Very valid reason. Listen, I don't really care what he does with this chick.

Here is the thing - people that flake on others (and it gets to be a habit) will find themselves friendless, mateless and never reaching their full potential at work. IT SHOWS LACK OF CHARACTER. As I said before, I have an aquaintance, used to be a friend. He flaked on everybody. CONTINUOUSLY. Guess who hangs out with him now? No ONE. People got tired of having their time disrespected.
 

BJP1991

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He was re-scheduled TWO days in advace due to a work function. Very valid reason. Listen, I don't really care what he does with this chick.

Here is the thing - people that flake on others (and it gets to be a habit) will find themselves friendless, mateless and never reaching their full potential at work. IT SHOWS LACK OF CHARACTER. As I said before, I have an aquaintance, used to be a friend. He flaked on everybody. CONTINUOUSLY. Guess who hangs out with him now? No ONE. People got tired of having their time disrespected.
White knight alert
 
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