Screwed up badly

[ink_wizard]

Hey all,

so I’m now officially on day 1 of NC with this chick I’ve been seeing for the past 2-3months who has given me nothing but headaches. You can refer back to my previous thread for more info but basically we had about 5 dates in total which all went really well, lots of chemistry, laughter, good times…..it took a while for her to get physical with me like 3 dates but I persisted and we had secs which was great not gonna lie. However the problem I’ve been having with her is outside the dates. I met her through Instagram which I know isn’t a recommended thing. She’d have to be one of the hottest girls I’ve dated at least 7.5/8 and as you know these girls have options, get unlimited male attention etc…..Well I had noticed that when we used to text (mind you she did all the initiating) she would at times take hours to reply to my messages but yet she would be active and posting sh1t on Instagram whilst totally ignoring my messages. Now I don’t expect her to be glued to her phone and be her main priority but I actually find this to be rude and sent out a red flag to me……

We also never got to see each other much, maybe like once every two weeks because she had a “busy schedule”. She did inform me a month into this whole thing that she wasn’t ready for a relationship as she had a lot going on in her personal life with family, work etc…..however she gave out signals during our interactions like making comments a few times here and there how she wants me and likes me and has told her friends about me and wanted to see where things go between us as she saw us having “potential”. Silly me believed all of this and kept engaging with her. Biggest mistake I ever did. After our last date even though it went well, she seemed a little off as in she started getting a bit distant and taking hours to respond to my messages again….I sense what’s up and she tells me she’s got sh1t going on with her family and it’s been stressing her out but she apologies and she’s good for another few days……..But I start to get the feeling that I was being played here and felt like I was just one of her options and got the impression that she was juggling other men because towards the end we didn’t see each other for over a month because she was “super busy” and stressed with work etc…..but yet she still managed to post photos and stories on Instagram of her out with her friends having a good time, yet she couldn’t make time for me? Also I always had this feeling that I was playing second fiddle to someone else….which is another thing that irked me.

So I snap and call her out on her BS and basically have it out with her. We get into a heated argument with her denying the whole thing saying she warned me she wasn’t ready for a relationship and doesn’t appreciate me keeping tabs on her when she’s online. Says she’s got too much stress going on in her personal life and doesn’t appreciate being accused and attacked, she gets angry and blocks me on everything……whether this is all true or not I don’t know….personally in my experience it’s just a soft blow to say she didn’t want anything with me and was too guilty to admit it, so she gave me this story instead….

I’m sitting here angry at myself for getting too invested in her when I knew better after I saw all these warning signs from the beginning show up that I should of just got the lay and be done with it. I guess she has a right to hate me, I shouldn’t have called her out on it, I should of just shut up and left her but I got fu**ing tired of it all and snapped.

I guess there’s no chance of ever getting her back. I’m conflicted, angry and need some honest feedback! I feel like she lead me on a bit too but refuses to take any responsibility for it and would rather turn this whole thing on me an make me look like the bad guy

 

[samspade]

You cared too much and now you feel like a chump. She told you she didn't want anything serious so I can't blame her for getting angry, because there was nothing to "call her out" on. You're saying she "refuses to take any responsibility." Yet she was responsible enough to tell you directly that she wasn't ready for a relationship. What more do you expect?

 

[Bingo-Player]

this is why its important to always be spinning more than one girl in the background

You are just a fragment of this chicks life and she sounds like she is your entire world

There is your first and last problem

 

[Clamslammer]

Hey all,

so I’m now officially on day 1 of NC with this chick I’ve been seeing for the past 2-3months who has given me nothing but headaches. You can refer back to my previous thread for more info but basically we had about 5 dates in total which all went really well, lots of chemistry, laughter, good times…..it took a while for her to get physical with me like 3 dates but I persisted and we had secs which was great not gonna lie. However the problem I’ve been having with her is outside the dates. I met her through Instagram which I know isn’t a recommended thing. She’d have to be one of the hottest girls I’ve dated at least 7.5/8 and as you know these girls have options, get unlimited male attention etc…..Well I had noticed that when we used to text (mind you she did all the initiating) she would at times take hours to reply to my messages but yet she would be active and posting sh1t on Instagram whilst totally ignoring my messages. Now I don’t expect her to be glued to her phone and be her main priority but I actually find this to be rude and sent out a red flag to me……

We also never got to see each other much, maybe like once every two weeks because she had a “busy schedule”. She did inform me a month into this whole thing that she wasn’t ready for a relationship as she had a lot going on in her personal life with family, work etc…..however she gave out signals during our interactions like making comments a few times here and there how she wants me and likes me and has told her friends about me and wanted to see where things go between us as she saw us having “potential”. Silly me believed all of this and kept engaging with her. Biggest mistake I ever did. After our last date even though it went well, she seemed a little off as in she started getting a bit distant and taking hours to respond to my messages again….I sense what’s up and she tells me she’s got sh1t going on with her family and it’s been stressing her out but she apologies and she’s good for another few days……..But I start to get the feeling that I was being played here and felt like I was just one of her options and got the impression that she was juggling other men because towards the end we didn’t see each other for over a month because she was “super busy” and stressed with work etc…..but yet she still managed to post photos and stories on Instagram of her out with her friends having a good time, yet she couldn’t make time for me? Also I always had this feeling that I was playing second fiddle to someone else….which is another thing that irked me.

So I snap and call her out on her BS and basically have it out with her. We get into a heated argument with her denying the whole thing saying she warned me she wasn’t ready for a relationship and doesn’t appreciate me keeping tabs on her when she’s online. Says she’s got too much stress going on in her personal life and doesn’t appreciate being accused and attacked, she gets angry and blocks me on everything……whether this is all true or not I don’t know….personally in my experience it’s just a soft blow to say she didn’t want anything with me and was too guilty to admit it, so she gave me this story instead….

I’m sitting here angry at myself for getting too invested in her when I knew better after I saw all these warning signs from the beginning show up that I should of just got the lay and be done with it. I guess she has a right to hate me, I shouldn’t have called her out on it, I should of just shut up and left her but I got fu**ing tired of it all and snapped.

I guess there’s no chance of ever getting her back. I’m conflicted, angry and need some honest feedback! I feel like she lead me on a bit too but refuses to take any responsibility for it and would rather turn this whole thing on me an make me look like the bad guy

She isn't your wife or girlfriend so why do you care how long she takes to get back. If you had other options or things going on in your life you would not have time to worry about it. All her blabbing about not being ready for a relationship is bs. If you were a man and showed up as one she would have locked yiu down.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Hey all,

so I’m now officially on day 1 of NC with this chick I’ve been seeing for the past 2-3months who has given me nothing but headaches. You can refer back to my previous thread for more info but basically we had about 5 dates in total which all went really well, lots of chemistry, laughter, good times…..it took a while for her to get physical with me like 3 dates but I persisted and we had secs which was great not gonna lie. However the problem I’ve been having with her is outside the dates. I met her through Instagram which I know isn’t a recommended thing. She’d have to be one of the hottest girls I’ve dated at least 7.5/8 and as you know these girls have options, get unlimited male attention etc…..Well I had noticed that when we used to text (mind you she did all the initiating) she would at times take hours to reply to my messages but yet she would be active and posting sh1t on Instagram whilst totally ignoring my messages. Now I don’t expect her to be glued to her phone and be her main priority but I actually find this to be rude and sent out a red flag to me……

We also never got to see each other much, maybe like once every two weeks because she had a “busy schedule”. She did inform me a month into this whole thing that she wasn’t ready for a relationship as she had a lot going on in her personal life with family, work etc…..however she gave out signals during our interactions like making comments a few times here and there how she wants me and likes me and has told her friends about me and wanted to see where things go between us as she saw us having “potential”. Silly me believed all of this and kept engaging with her. Biggest mistake I ever did. After our last date even though it went well, she seemed a little off as in she started getting a bit distant and taking hours to respond to my messages again….I sense what’s up and she tells me she’s got sh1t going on with her family and it’s been stressing her out but she apologies and she’s good for another few days……..But I start to get the feeling that I was being played here and felt like I was just one of her options and got the impression that she was juggling other men because towards the end we didn’t see each other for over a month because she was “super busy” and stressed with work etc…..but yet she still managed to post photos and stories on Instagram of her out with her friends having a good time, yet she couldn’t make time for me? Also I always had this feeling that I was playing second fiddle to someone else….which is another thing that irked me.

So I snap and call her out on her BS and basically have it out with her. We get into a heated argument with her denying the whole thing saying she warned me she wasn’t ready for a relationship and doesn’t appreciate me keeping tabs on her when she’s online. Says she’s got too much stress going on in her personal life and doesn’t appreciate being accused and attacked, she gets angry and blocks me on everything……whether this is all true or not I don’t know….personally in my experience it’s just a soft blow to say she didn’t want anything with me and was too guilty to admit it, so she gave me this story instead….

I’m sitting here angry at myself for getting too invested in her when I knew better after I saw all these warning signs from the beginning show up that I should of just got the lay and be done with it. I guess she has a right to hate me, I shouldn’t have called her out on it, I should of just shut up and left her but I got fu**ing tired of it all and snapped.

I guess there’s no chance of ever getting her back. I’m conflicted, angry and need some honest feedback! I feel like she lead me on a bit too but refuses to take any responsibility for it and would rather turn this whole thing on me an make me look like the bad guy

Desperate dudes do desperate things. Don't be desperate.

 

[ink_wizard]

I can accept that I got too invested in her and this probably isn't salvageable. I just don't know whether I believe her whole spiel about not being ready for a relationship is the truth when at times I felt like some of her comments and actions suggested otherwise.....I should of just bowed out when I saw she was taking hours to reply to text messages but active on social media.
Never mind, live and you learn I guess

 

[GreatHornedOwl]

Your problem is simple. Your emotions got stirred up before hers did.

Wondering why it took her so long to respond, thinking you're being played, calling her out on "BS". The woman should be doing these things, NOT you.

A woman who tells you she isn't ready for a relationship, and is super busy, is already hinting that you're coming off too strong. So what do you do? You come off even stronger and get into an argument with her about how distant she's been.

She's cool, calm, collected. Telling you she doesn't want anything serious. Can't see you every week because her schedule is busy. Gives you signals here and there to keep you interested. Hanging out with her friends, posting pictures on social media that make you jealous, This woman has GAME. Everything she is doing to you, is what you should be doing.

The only way to win, is to beat them at their own game.

 

[ink_wizard]

Your problem is simple. Your emotions got stirred up before hers did.

Wondering why it took her so long to respond, thinking you're being played, calling her out on "BS". The woman should be doing these things, NOT you.

A woman who tells you she isn't ready for a relationship, and is super busy, is already hinting that you're coming off too strong. So what do you do? You come off even stronger and get into an argument with her about how distant she's been.

She's cool, calm, collected. Telling you she doesn't want anything serious. Can't see you every week because her schedule is busy. Gives you signals here and there to keep you interested. Hanging out with her friends, posting pictures on social media that make you jealous, This woman has GAME. Everything she is doing to you, is what you should be doing.

The only way to win, is to beat them at their own game.

Yeah man and this is where I went wrong. I now realise all of my mistakes but it's too late. She played me well and won. I don't know if she was really interested in me or I was just one of her plates. Either way these things she was doing spelt out low interest. Should of just ended things after I got the lay. At least I got that I guess.

 

[SirBigBell]

Yeah man and this is where I went wrong. I now realise all of my mistakes but it's too late. She played me well and won. I don't know if she was really interested in me or I was just one of her plates. Either way these things she was doing spelt out low interest. Should of just ended things after I got the lay. At least I got that I guess.

Bro i hope you learn from this and dial down your settings. This girl afforded you the courtesy that many broads dont even bother to extend to a guy : she told you she was not looking for anything serious, i.e. it was just a casual fling to be enjoyed while it lasted. Instead of rolling with the flow with her and expanding your opportunities with other chicks, you went on to behave in a way that was contrary to the honest position she had given you.

The error here was yours. Unless you recalibrate your mental configuration, you are bound to get your fingers burnt again and again and again

 

[samspade]

Bro i hope you learn from this and dial down your settings. This girl afforded you the courtesy that many broads dont even bother to extend to a guy : she told you she was not looking for anything serious, i.e. it was just a casual fling to be enjoyed while it lasted. Instead of rolling with the flow with her and expanding your opportunities with other chicks, you went on to behave in a way that was contrary to the honest position she had given you.

The error here was yours. Unless you recalibrate your mental configuration, you are bound to get your fingers burnt again and again and again

This. It's not a game you win or lose. It's a mindset you have to work on until you absorb it completely. If the OP had had the right sensibility and sense of value, she might have been more "ready" for a relationship. Though that's because he might not have been.

 

[ink_wizard]

Yeah and whilst this may be true, I've also learnt through my time in dating for so many years is that when someone says they aren't ready for a relationship it usually means WITH YOU....so we can't be totally sure if she really wasn't ready for a relationship and was just playing game and wasn't that into me

 

[cola]

Just wanted to notate:
It’s perfectly normal in 2021 for people to not respond to texts for hours, I do it all the time.
This isn’t a red flag, it’s someone with a life.

 

[ink_wizard]

Just wanted to notate:
It’s perfectly normal in 2021 for people to not respond to texts for hours, I do it all the time.
This isn’t a red flag, it’s someone with a life.

Yeah I get this, but if you’ve got someone on social media that’s written you a message and you ignore it whilst posting sh1t on your social media and continue being active on it, totally ignoring the message, in my eyes it’s a bit rude.

 

[GreatHornedOwl]

Have you listened to any of the advice we've given you?

Now you're going on about how she ignored your message while posting on social media. Who says she has to get back to you first before doing something else?

I'm telling you man, you better change the way you think or you're going to repeat this again with a different woman.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

You gotta read the DJ Bible, advice alone isn't going to help you here

 

[Tilex]

You want a relationship
She doesn't want a relationship

The dynamics between the two of you = You vs Her
You can't win if both of you aren't on the same team.

You need to step away from her because you're having a strong case of oneitis.

 

[cola]

Have you listened to any of the advice we've given you?

Now you're going on about how she ignored your message while posting on social media. Who says she has to get back to you first before doing something else?

I'm telling you man, you better change the way you think or you're going to repeat this again with a different woman.

Exactly.
You’ve been on 5 dates, this isn’t your wife. Why can’t she post before she texts you back? How is this rude? Who the hell are you?
(no offense)

It’s super needy and the fact you called her out about this is just cringe. I wouldn’t even notice something like this, and if I did i wouldn’t care

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I can accept that I got too invested in her and this probably isn't salvageable. I just don't know whether I believe her whole spiel about not being ready for a relationship is the truth when at times I felt like some of her comments and actions suggested otherwise.....I should of just bowed out when I saw she was taking hours to reply to text messages but active on social media.
Never mind, live and you learn I guess

What she says is irrelevant. Stop worrying about whether what a woman says is right or wrong and trying to argue with them logically.

It's a waste of time. It won't work. Not now, not if she is your girlfriend of a year, 3 years, 5 years or even your wife of 20 years.

Women will usually not come right out and tell you why they do something and many times it's because they don't even know. They go by how you make them feel and their emotions, and the way you acted really weirded her out and I can see why. You placed an inordinate amount of importance on her and what she did. Why? Because you have no other options, so you are afraid of losing her. Anytime a woman senses you are afraid to lose her she will start backing away and testing you more and more because confident, self assured men will never be afraid to lose a woman.

Bottom line is you acted needy and desperate and like you had no other options in your life and you made her far more important then she should have been at that stage, and she realized it very quickly. That is a HUGE turnoff to women and they see it a mile away because it is all too common behavior from guy's these days.

My advice is find something to do that you are passionate about in your life that keeps you busy and distracted so if a woman doesn't message you back for a while you honestly don't even realize it.

 

[The Duke]

Hey all,

so I’m now officially on day 1 of NC with this chick I’ve been seeing for the past 2-3months who has given me nothing but headaches. You can refer back to my previous thread for more info but basically we had about 5 dates in total which all went really well, lots of chemistry, laughter, good times…..it took a while for her to get physical with me like 3 dates but I persisted and we had secs which was great not gonna lie. However the problem I’ve been having with her is outside the dates. I met her through Instagram which I know isn’t a recommended thing. She’d have to be one of the hottest girls I’ve dated at least 7.5/8 and as you know these girls have options, get unlimited male attention etc…..Well I had noticed that when we used to text (mind you she did all the initiating) she would at times take hours to reply to my messages but yet she would be active and posting sh1t on Instagram whilst totally ignoring my messages. Now I don’t expect her to be glued to her phone and be her main priority but I actually find this to be rude and sent out a red flag to me……

We also never got to see each other much, maybe like once every two weeks because she had a “busy schedule”. She did inform me a month into this whole thing that she wasn’t ready for a relationship as she had a lot going on in her personal life with family, work etc…..however she gave out signals during our interactions like making comments a few times here and there how she wants me and likes me and has told her friends about me and wanted to see where things go between us as she saw us having “potential”. Silly me believed all of this and kept engaging with her. Biggest mistake I ever did. After our last date even though it went well, she seemed a little off as in she started getting a bit distant and taking hours to respond to my messages again….I sense what’s up and she tells me she’s got sh1t going on with her family and it’s been stressing her out but she apologies and she’s good for another few days……..But I start to get the feeling that I was being played here and felt like I was just one of her options and got the impression that she was juggling other men because towards the end we didn’t see each other for over a month because she was “super busy” and stressed with work etc…..but yet she still managed to post photos and stories on Instagram of her out with her friends having a good time, yet she couldn’t make time for me? Also I always had this feeling that I was playing second fiddle to someone else….which is another thing that irked me.

So I snap and call her out on her BS and basically have it out with her. We get into a heated argument with her denying the whole thing saying she warned me she wasn’t ready for a relationship and doesn’t appreciate me keeping tabs on her when she’s online. Says she’s got too much stress going on in her personal life and doesn’t appreciate being accused and attacked, she gets angry and blocks me on everything……whether this is all true or not I don’t know….personally in my experience it’s just a soft blow to say she didn’t want anything with me and was too guilty to admit it, so she gave me this story instead….

I’m sitting here angry at myself for getting too invested in her when I knew better after I saw all these warning signs from the beginning show up that I should of just got the lay and be done with it. I guess she has a right to hate me, I shouldn’t have called her out on it, I should of just shut up and left her but I got fu**ing tired of it all and snapped.

I guess there’s no chance of ever getting her back. I’m conflicted, angry and need some honest feedback! I feel like she lead me on a bit too but refuses to take any responsibility for it and would rather turn this whole thing on me an make me look like the bad guy

You lost me about half way thru...but she isn't that into you. Simple. Move on.

 

[samspade]

Yeah I get this, but if you’ve got someone on social media that’s written you a message and you ignore it whilst posting sh1t on your social media and continue being active on it, totally ignoring the message, in my eyes it’s a bit rude.

You're assigning narratives to her behaviors and judging her because she's not acting the way you would like. Meanwhile she's out living her life and doing things her way. Maybe she read the DJ Bible, lol.

This is not about etiquette or rudeness. It's about you and how you live your life. If this were 1960 you'd be sitting next to the phone waiting for it to ring. Nobody owes you a DM.