question for those of you who have dated BPD girls

[usscrum]

when did she start to show signs of the "hate" stage, and how long into your relationship did you determine she had BPD? how was the relationship like initially?

 

[Cinamon]

BPD, Do you mean Bi-polar disorder?

If your seeing a woman with BPD good luck to you. its bad enough being in a relationship with the monthly hormonal cycle and all its side effects, but with BPD added on to that.... you poor thing.

 

[kayman79]

when did she start to show signs of the "hate" stage, and how long into your relationship did you determine she had BPD? how was the relationship like initially?

My advice to you is STAY AWAY from girls with bipolar disorder. It's not worth the grief. You can usually see the sign VERY quickly. One girl I dated took a few months. I guess they wait until there's a certain comfort level because they remove the curtain. She'd start arguments for no reason, things would set her into "hate mode" easily. For example if she saw something on TV that she didn't like or that she found offensive it would set her into a *****y mood for the rest of the night. It's not worth in bro.

I forgot to mention that it basically made her a sexually eradic. Sometimes she'd have a healthy sexual appetite and sometimes she wouldn't let you touch her for WEEKS.

 

[usscrum]

My advice to you is STAY AWAY from girls with bipolar disorder. It's not worth the grief. You can usually see the sign VERY quickly. One girl I dated took a few months. I guess they wait until there's a certain comfort level because they remove the curtain. She'd start arguments for no reason, things would set her into "hate mode" easily. For example if she saw something on TV that she didn't like or that she found offensive it would set her into a *****y mood for the rest of the night. It's not worth in bro.

I forgot to mention that it basically made her a sexually eradic. Sometimes she'd have a healthy sexual appetite and sometimes she wouldn't let you touch her for WEEKS.

I'm referring to borderline personality disorder.

I've been dating my girl for just about 2 months now and everything is going fine. She is super affectionate, she doesnt nag me about anything, and we have sex all the time. A few days ago she told me she loved me. She didnt put any pressure on me to say it back (I wouldn't have anyways...) but told me that she had never felt this way about any guy, etc. etc. Even her boyfriend of 4 years who she broke up with a few months back.

It almost seems too good to be true. We don't argue, she will bend over backwards to please me, and she always wants to talk but has no problem if I don't want to.

But something doesn't feel right. When I met her she played the whole "good girl" card and told me she had only had sex with 4 people. Well, a couple weeks ago we were laying in bed after a night out and she started crying and told me that her number was actually 16. (she's 19 years old and has been sexually active for about 5 years...yikes). Keep in mind she had been dating the same guy all throughout highschool off and on. He was controlling, manipulative, and abusive but he was always the guy she went back to. Her reason for having sex with so many people is because she never felt loved by anyone and she felt that was the only way to form a "connection" with a guy.

I bet after reading that you already know that she has daddy issues. Her father passed away when she was like 13. She met her highschool boyfriend soon after and lost her virginity to him in 8th grade. She has told me how her dad was an alcoholic and used to spy on her and her little sister when they were taking showers and stuff like that.

So I told her that I didn't care how many dudes she'd slept with, the only thing that bothered me was that she had lied to me about it. She apologized and said she didn't tell me because she was ashamed and didn't want me to think less of her. It took me about 6 weeks to get in her pants...she said I was "different" because she "really liked" me and didn't want to mess it up.

I found out some info about borderline personality disorder and a couple things stuck out in my mind.

-She has a victim complex, it seems like she blames other people when she has problems (never me, mainly her mom or sister).

-She always talks about how she looks to please other people before herself and how she "cares too much".

-She's scared of being alone. She said one time she cried when I left her apartment at the end of a weekend I spent with her (we live 1.5 hrs apart)

-All her exes are either obsessive creepers or *******s. According to her, they either ended up breaking her heart for no reason or becoming too infatuated with her, leading to her dumping them. She has told me that i am unlike every guy she's ever dated because I am neither.

- She is very judgemental and is quick to call out other girls for being sluts, when she obviously went through a slut phase of her own


The reason I was wondering about BPD and how long it took to notice is because right now things seem too perfect, but that just doesn't fit together when I consider her past and the rocky relationships she has had. I have read where BPD girls usually hide the signs until they feel 'comfortable'with their partner, but we have gotten comfortable around each other very quickly and I don't see any signs of her changing on me.

For those of you who have dealt with BPD, does this sound familiar at all?

 

[DJDamage]

For those of you who have dealt with BPD, does this sound familiar at all?

It sounds very familiar. I think at this point you shouldn't be looking for "hate stage" because there are enough signs, lies and manipulations that have already been presented to you on what this girl is capable of and what she is going to do. Make no mistakes about it, this cycle is going to repeat itself with you.

All her exes are either obsessive creepers or *******s. According to her, they either ended up breaking her heart for no reason or becoming too infatuated with her, leading to her dumping them. She has told me that i am unlike every guy she's ever dated because I am neither.

You are eventually going to find yourself in either of her "obsessive creepers" or "*******s" catagories based on how you handle yourself starting today. The so called obsessive creepers are the guys she totally manipulated and had strong oneitis for her but alas she dumped/cheated on them with the "*******s" who end up dumping her short while afterwards (after they discover how fvcked up she really is).

Basically whatever she told you or going to tell you in the future could be all made up. Do you really want to hang on to this girl?!

 

[neil27264]

My own experience

I took me some time to realise the woman i was seeing had borderline personallity disorder. Please please please listen, she will screw your head up too, she does not have any capacity to care about you, please get the hell away now, before it is too late.

 

[usscrum]

I took me some time to realise the woman i was seeing had borderline personallity disorder. Please please please listen, she will screw your head up too, she does not have any capacity to care about you, please get the hell away now, before it is too late.

i understand man, but BPD isn't like the flu or something. its a serious mental disorder. i'm not going to assume that my girl is BPD just because our relationship is going very well, even though she lied about how many guys she's been with. she could just be your typical insecure girl with daddy issues who has typically been attracted to various types of douchebags. doesn't automatically mean she is borderline.

the reason i made this thread is so i could keep my eye out for any traits or behaviors that may change or pop up over the next couple months. i'm confident enough to believe that i will be able to drop her like a bad habit if i begin to truly suspect she may have some kind of problem.

 

[Bible_Belt]

There is a long thread in the archive you should check out. I posted a lot there:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=134717

BPD women view everyone as either completely good or completely evil. Right now you are on the good side. Wait until you fight. Then you will see her ugly side. And it will likely be very ugly. She will view you as 100% evil, so that means there is no restraint in her words or actions. Don't take it personally when she tells you things like her ex boyfriend was much better in bed and she was faking it with you the whole time. It's the disorder talking; don't get upset or offended - that is what she wants.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

i understand man, but BPD isn't like the flu or something. its a serious mental disorder. i'm not going to assume that my girl is BPD just because our relationship is going very well, even though she lied about how many guys she's been with. she could just be your typical insecure girl with daddy issues who has typically been attracted to various types of douchebags. doesn't automatically mean she is borderline.

the reason i made this thread is so i could keep my eye out for any traits or behaviors that may change or pop up over the next couple months. i'm confident enough to believe that i will be able to drop her like a bad habit if i begin to truly suspect she may have some kind of problem.

BPD or not....WTF are you thinking getting into a serious relationship with this train-wreck?? These signs below are your warning signs to NOT get involved with her; just fuvk her and stay emotionally unattached:

-Slept with 16 guys and she's only 19?? Not to mention she was in a LTR for 4 of those years?? LOL She definitely wasn't faithful

-Dad was an alcoholic! Can someone say abandonment issues!! She fuvks guys in hopes of them taking care of her like her daddy should've. However all she knows is destructive behavior from her father, so if your too nice....you'll get burned.

-Victim complex: Damn this byatch is the poster child for issues!


I could go on, but you get the point. Your gut is trying to tell you brain to stop ignoring it and your intution is even telling you to drop this chick; BUT your still ignoring it. If you stay with this girl all her issues will soon become yours......








PIMP

 

[prairiedog24]

Biblebelt and others, this thread (and the other one) has me thinking. Some of my girl's behavior is rather similar to the stuff you guys are talking about. I def want to be careful.

In the other thread a guy made a list of red flags. Some seem similar, but I think she's probably ok.

1. If you hear her history as one of stormy relationships.(of course she will always portary herself as victim)

She's had two or three relationships. One sounds pretty textbook BPD. It was serious for 8 years, he supposedly treated her beyond terribly. The other was a guy who wanted her once when she broke up with the main one, and she said she loved him, but she never slept with him and went back to the main one and told him not to call her. But she obviously respects him and thinks well of him. I took that as a good sign.

2, Past relationships in which she was fawned over or adored by a man but eventually abandoned by him ( this is the outworking of HER compulsive need to destroy relationships BEFORE they destroy her)

She was abandoned by the 8 year guy. She claims she's been expecting it for years, and she never tried to find him again. She doesn't even know where he lives.

3. Hypervigilance - a generalized fear of all things -especially men.

Hmm, not really.

4. Promiscuity or infidelity by her within her previous relationships.( she will justify these )

Yeah there has been some of this. She doesn't talk about it much. But she's told me a little. She's alluded to cheating at times when her ex left her (he'd always come back.) I don't know if it was technically cheating, or just felt like cheating to her since she loved him.

5. She acts initially like the girl next door - all things sweet and nice. Then she rapidly offers herself sexually to create a bond with you.

Pretty much. At least my read as a conservative sort of guy. I declined at the time and she began to loose interest. This was before I really consciously decided to abandon my AFC ways, so I was a bit nutty for her.

Anyway, what do you think. A lot of what I'm reading sounds like her. She has a bad past, she certainly can have moodswings on me, but she seems to have empathy. She has a great relationship with her mother and sister (probably what saved her), but a fairly lousy one with her father, although he never left. He's just a dud.

 

[countermart]

Mate you are sleeping with a “tamed” tiger, who will soon enough revert to her wild nature and rip your heart out. Believe me. Get away while you still can.

Countermart

 

[Dannyrt34]

Ok I have experience with a BPD girl and let me tell you it sounds like you are in the clear. Yea she has issues, but doesn't sound anywhere close to BPD.

I guarantee that you will KNOW if she has BPD. It's a pretty extreme disorder in my experience. Girls with BPD have no control over themselves if you upset them.

Example - We went to the mall one day with her brother. I had to go to the bathroom, she was in the fitting room. So I just told her brother that I'll be right back. Next thing I know I come out of the bathroom and she's screaming at me and slapping me just because I didn't tell her where I went. And she accused me of checking out girls on my walk to the bathroom. Wow what a bvtch.

I'm outta that relationship, didn't last too long. But things are much better for me now.

 

[KontrollerX]

"i'm confident enough to believe that i will be able to drop her like a bad habit if i begin to truly suspect she may have some kind of problem."

usscrum you have the buffer of this site and the fact that you know about BPD beforehand that makes it so that I have no doubt you will be able to drop her if things get really bad.

The thing is though the reason these guys are advocating so strongly for you to get rid of her sooner rather than later is because even when you know all about BPD beforehand and have that buffer of knowledge you will still not escape the relationship with them emotionally unscathed even if you are the one to end it because the damage they do is subtle and incremental like a frog slowly boiling to death starting with cool water then gradually slowly moving to hot.

Mental Health Professionals that deal with them regularly for example go to see their own doctor on the side to keep themselves sane and to make sure the BPD is not subtley manipulating them out of the proper therapist role.

So if a doctor who has been specifically trained to deal with BPD's has a hard time dealing with them how much more do you think you an untrained person will have a hard time dealing with them?

In fact most Mental Health Professionals refuse to treat BPD's at all they are so difficult and damaging.

Pimp cicle pointed out the rest of the reasons she is a BPD and how you are fooling yourself to reason otherwise.

You are already rationalizing her horrid behavior to justify staying with her.

Go watch the Lord of the Rings and see what happens to Frodo and everyone who has to deal with "The Precious" for any length of time.

The Precious ie the one ring and the BPD have a lot in common.

A person becomes obsessed by it and then eventually gets destroyed by it unless they find the strength to rid themselves of it and just like with BPD's its always better to get rid of them sooner rather than later.

 

[deathfromabove]

Ha. I thought all chicks had bipolar for some odd reason.
At least, those are the ones I'm most attracted to. Crazy chicks
But it really is unhealthy.

 

[Onlyliveonce]

Usscrum, It took me quite a few months to extricate myself from the pile of shyt I had myself in emotionally nine months ago. My mental health began to improve day by day the further I got away from her. This is how I did it I CUT OFF ALL CONTACT WITH HER FOREVER, it is the only way. I am now back to my confident self. You see, they attach themselves to you by building up your ego. You think they are great. Once they know your guard is down and you trust them, they strike. A cruel word, snide remark, planting seeds of doubt (Is she fvcking my friend?) it is all designed to take your manhood away. Fvck them! Get on with your life and find a prettier woman with a healthy father figure. Rub it in her face and show her what she missed out on, nothing wrong with striking back in this way. They are trying to take something from you that you can never get back, time.

 

[jophil28]

You see, they attach themselves to you by building up your ego. You think they are great. Once they know your guard is down and you trust them, they strike. A cruel word, snide remark, planting seeds of doubt (Is she fvcking my friend?) it is all designed to take your manhood away.

Yes, that is typically BPD behavior and it gets worse until you are in a bewidered bloodied mess.
That 'sweeter than sweet' woman who adored you and fukked you like a porn star in the first six to eight weeks slowly becomes Lucifer's daughter.
The change typically happens after you tell her, or show her, how much she means to you. Then her fangs strike. Mood swings for no apparent reasons, unfounded accusations of you cheating, demands on you to not associate with other women, picky criticisms, perhaps flaking on dates or being unavailable..
Sex becomes rationed or erratic..she starts to flirt or see other male "friends" behind your back. Eventually,she will cheat and rub those guys in your face while claiming total innocence..
She will become hostile and snarly , all the while creating drama but accusing YOU of being possessive, controlling or abusive. You will find yourself breaking up every few weeks for reasons that you do not understand in a sea of confusion and dark resentment, but unable to cut yourself loose.

I could go on, but if you have a BPD woman, or even a woman with BPD traits, you will know that something is very wrong. She may be successful in convincing you that YOU are the problem.. The relationship just feels 'different" - in another dimension - passionate and exciting but unlike any other that you had.
.
If any of you guys experience the behaviors above, be ready and willing to eject because you are on the CLuster B downward spiral.

 

[Blown5.0]

HOLY HELL...wtf have i been doing all this time with my girl..... this thread fit her to a T!!!

 

[Captain]

Whether or not she has it does not matter. Treat her exactly like any other woman. If she screws up, leave her, don't give her any second chances or special treatment. Respect yourself.

 

[Accension]

Wow who cares how crazy the girl is.
This is a solid opportunity to try make something chaotic, tranquil and enjoyable.

Dam I'd love this challenge.

 

[COD]

Dating Someone Who Is Bi Polar Is Not A 3 Some