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Q: Dude snapchatting my GF...

Barrister

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To everyone who is worried about the guy snapping her: How many guys have successfully stolen someone’s girl, or slept with her, by spamming her repeatedly on social media without any response from her? I’m not worried about that guy at all.

Girls are anti-confrontational. To them, blocking is a confrontation. Most women will just ignore a guy they aren't interested in - not read the messages and/or not respond to the messages. In OP's case, his girl isn't even opening the messages. I don't see how this is some big deal. Guys can snap anyone they want. What if a girl snapped OP and he didn't open it or respond? Is that automatically his fault and means he's about to bang her and his girl should be really worried?

As far as why does she have snapchat, because people use it to communicate. It's social media. That's like saying, "Why do you have Facebook or Instagram or text-messaging if you are in a relationship?"
I don't think my own concern in this situation is about THIS guy in particular. The girl clearly doesn't give a sh1t about him. However, the way OP stated this happened just comes off like a chick who really likes a lot of attention. Sure, maybe it isn't an issue right now in the honeymoon phase of their relationship, but I would be a little concerned about long-term that she is going to start enjoying the attention more than she should once she gets "bored" with the relationship -- which can ultimately lead to problems.
 

samspade

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[she] even asked me if I wanted her to block him. I said I didn't care about blocking the dude. But I'm not sure why a few days later this is still in my mind.
I've gotten much better results just being honest - without attempting to control anyone but WITH respect for my own boundaries.

That is, if I didn't want her chatting with him, I'd say it: "My preference is that you not talk to him." This is much more effective than phony alpha postures or clever DHV lines, as long as you are willing to back up what you say with a willingness to leave. If it's something you haven't covered before, it's a good time to make it clear what you won't tolerate.

She's going to do what she's going to do - but so are you.
 

CAPSLOCK BANDIT

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Interesting philosophy. You run with that. The OP is never going to say no or walk away. I merely told him how he could put some control in his situation. Interacting with women is the way to go. Always. Women are fun and cool. Just not relationship material.
For a guy who whines about derailing you sure end up doing a lot of it.
 

TheFinalLine

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For a guy who whines about derailing you sure end up doing a lot of it.
is that what you get from my posts? Are you able to see anything outside your own thoughts? LMAO

Show even one post depicting Me whining. My god you’re a mentally immature man. Show my whining post or shut up and go back to your video games.
Are you going to ask who hurt me next?
 
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BackInTheGame78

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is that what you get from my posts? Are you able to see anything outside your own thoughts? LMAO

Show even one post depicting Me whining. My god you’re a mentally immature man. Show my whining post or shut up and go back to your video games.
Are you going to ask who hurt me next?
This post?? :p
 

17 shots

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Isn't that a little extreme? Why?

I dated someone who was constantly apologizing for everything even when she did nothing wrong...it might seem like high interest but what it really means is that she is sort of putting on an act to make sure you don't leave her, and her apologies don't really mean anything if they are not tied into actual contrition for wrongdoing....
She's playing chess...The next time she does something he doesn't like, she'll say "omg, I deleted my snap for you, what else do you want from me, you're so insecure, I can't do this anymore"

And then she'll live happily ever after with snapchat guy
 

TheFinalLine

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This post?? :p
It was educational. I’m the the last man to whine. I don’t want them to change because we want them too. I think it’s important for men to get wrecked, bring things to their attention, then let the individual man sort it out for himself. I like them the way they are. I don’t care if you ever procreate and your DNA dies with you. :)
 
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TheKid

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It's a tricky one. If you react with anger/jealousy then you'll seem like a b!tch and she will lose attraction. If you don't react then she may take further liberties and eventually cuck you.

If it were me then I'd just calmly state my standards for the relationship = no communicating with other guys (she will pretend the guys are "just friends" or she has "no interest" or whatever - total horsesh!t, don't fall for it).

After calmly stating my standards, I would abruptly distance and make her squirm (hopefully you don't live with her. This makes distancing a lot easier). If she doesn't squirm then I'm outta there for good. You only want to be dealing with a woman who is desperately afraid of losing you.

TBH, I've only ever had this problem once in my life, when the LTR was already failing. When your LTR begins entertaining other men, even if it seems totally innocuous, then you're at the early stages of relationship collapse where she is sh!t testing to see how you react. If you fail this test, then the next stages are increased nagging and emotional/physical distancing.

Your girl is showing you that she's not responding to his Snaps because she wants to take the moral highground and appeal to your purity fantasy. It's a lie. If she was serious then she'd block his ass. She shouldn't even be on SllutChat if she's serious about you.

When a girl's attraction/interest is sky high for you, then other guys don't even exist to her. If you've experienced this level of interest from a woman before, then you'd know that a woman entertaining her orbiters is a symptom of her falling attraction for you. A girl who has super high interest is so terrified of p!ssing you off and losing you that she maintains best behavior at all times. She knows better than to risk the relationship with stuff like this.
2nded somethings up
 

2Rocky

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From a 4 year history with a woman who had a fairly active Facebook account, and numerous orbiters, I saw this happen:

When we became Facebook official ( about a year after meeting her) she did a post announcing that she was "grateful for having met a great guy"etc.etc. with a half dozen pictures of me or the two of us together. Neither one of us put anything in the relationship field the whole time we've been in each other's orbit.

Three years ago was the last "solo selfie" she ever had as her profile picture. Since then it has been a photo with me in it with those that weren't being with her son or mother.

Up to that point it was Selfies and Memes on her page with thirsty comments from a variety of admirers. I only remember one of them trying to get in a dig about me in a comment. But overall her friends were very supportive and complimentary.

The male commenters seem to have dropped from he FB page gradually over time. Have no Idea how many of them still message her. There was one creepy individual who would make awkward comments on her pictures in the early days. She mentioned him to me. I told her I didn't think he was a threat to her safety but if it bothered her she should block him. "But don't block him for my benefit."

I NEVER "like" her posts EVER. When she mentioned that to me I told her I will tell her in person my feelings and support. that If I did anything online it was showing off, and I wasn't going to do that.


During the early months of our relationship I was definitely checking out her Social media for more clues about who she was as well as who she portrayed herself to be. Later on I saw her "brag point" was our relationship. Not thirsty pictures of herself. This seems to correlate to what I'd seen other devoted women do.

Hope that gives perspective on what a social media presence within a COMITTED relationship looks like...
 

death_wish. .

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Why does she have snapchat? Does she need to have it? I find the entire concept as stupid and dangerous to relationships as MySpace was back in the day. Does she need to have snapchat? Is she posting pics of herself trolling for attention?

That said, she sounds like a keeper and I wouldn't be too worried just yet.

I was fortunate enough to find a woman who has ZERO interest in having a social media presence, you have no idea how amazing it is until you experience it.
still looking for that
 

death_wish. .

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Not sure how tight your thing is with her. Take this at face value, no need to read anything into it. What you can see is some guy is approaching her and somehow got her address. She is accepting the approach, she may not be responding you do not know. If she did not want the guy to approach her she would block and delete, and never bother you about it. The only time she should show you a guy hitting on her is if the guy does not take no when she tells no, then you have to tell him. Now she has been told that it is ok for her to get attention from guys that are hitting on her, at least in this app, and also however he got the address. It is the, don't want to sound jealous trap and her playing on that. If you are living in separate places, she can do anything the same as you. If she is living in your place, she should have blocked and delete without ever bother you about it or even letting you know, and she should not have given an address to him. He might have gotten it some other way, but if he is persistent he probably got it from her. How does it show respect to you to let you know and at the same time force you to accept it by playing the jealousy trick? the result, you really would prefer she would block and delete. she has gotten her way on this and forced you to accept it.

not a huge deal like others have said, but it bothers you for a reason.
straight up, real life factuals.
**** test where you should be jealous arent talked about only the ones where you shouldnt
 

death_wish. .

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This kind of thing, and the resulting angst that comes along with it, is the result of the couple not verbally agreeing beforehand how to handle issues like this.

So now it’s all about “What does SHE think? What is SHE going to do?” And the man just sits around and awaits his fate based on her behavior.

Early in the relationship (when things get serious), two people should discuss expectations. This is where the idea of “setting boundaries” comes in. The man sets the tone. Although the conversation is ostensibly a two way discussion, the woman will always follow the man’s idea of what he expects, because her little brain needs to hear the “suggestion” of what is reasonable. These expectations that you set apply to both her and you. You both agree to them.

Set your expectations early in the relationship, men, and this kind of thing will be avoided. The last thing you want is to be in a position where you’re wondering what she’s going to do and what she’s thinking, all because you didn’t set mutual expectations.
i highly agree , BUT genuine desire cannot be negotiated
this is the reason why ltr's are dangerous because if you are going to entertain one, this boundary discussion is indeed important.
this SHOULD have blown over easy but if he's on here asking us, his gut is saying something and he needs help translating it.
 

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death_wish. .

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Sounds like she isn't a problem. She isn't replying to him or entertaining him so it appears as though she just has a thirsty b@st@rd looking to try to get her attention. You have her attention.

Just say this "if he is annoying you then block him." Then leave it be.
i admit this is a cool reframe, if you not already really diggin her.
any sign of a man trying to enter a woman im in love with or that i take seriously
my masculine side reads that as a potential threat, if it is not immediately shot down by ''my lady'' it can get dangerous, i could get hurt or the other guy could get hurt, her feminine enrgy should be kickin in and tellin hear to dead this before **** gets REAL.
 
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