Q: Dude snapchatting my GF...

[jaymbrs]

So you have a desirable woman who doesn't pay attention to other guys hitting her up. That sounds like a positive thing to me. You're overthinking this.

 

[Focal core]

Excellent post and the most important point here.

If she, like most women nowadays has used social media her whole life and no specific boundaries were set at the beginning of the relationship regarding social media presence, then how can you fault her for enjoying free attention?

I think she acts transparent and i wouldn't worry about this guy at all. Probably just a random horny orbiter who's sending her d1ck p1cs by the looks of it. He showed his hand by spamming her everyday. Now if i would have gotten the feeling that she tries to hide something or gets confrontational about this, then alarm bells would go off.

Didn't @logicallefty have a thread about his ex-gf doing something similar a couple of months ago?

My few good girls who happened to be my gf previously would never do such a thing, the only thing she would do are story telling me their orbiters were hitting on her when things were good between us.. They will made sure of it clear as a day they had been shut closed and were meant that way.. Cos theyre afraid if anything happened to the relationship that would risked it demised. Well when thing go south shes saying shes taking a ride in a car with other dude.. Thats how it works.

I wouldnt trust someone who blatantly rub my nose with other dude to be in a relationship.

 

[stringpuller]

So I have an interesting one, been dating this girl for 8 months, was spinning plates at the time and we just ended up clicking so we went for it. Everythings been great, she buys me stuff, cooks, cleans, our sex drives both line up ( aka a lot of sex). Shes told me and shows me she is in love with me, words and actions here. She backs up what she says. However, somthing weird has come up. Some dude has been bombing her with snapchats for the past week. Like multiple every single day. She doesn't open them or opens them and doesn't reply. I brought it up and said, "Is that your new man?" as a joke.

This turned into a more serious conversation and she asked me if it bothered me, I said "would it bother you if I had a girl snapping me like that?" She said "yes". She dove into tell me how she doesn't reply, has no interest in replying, she did not start he randomly started blowing her up, reassured she loved me and even asked me if I wanted her to block him. I said I didn't care about blocking the dude. But I'm not sure why a few days later this is still in my mind. It doesn't seem like shes trying to cheat or even keep this dude around as an orbiter. Just seems like unsolicited snapchats for whatever reason.

What would you guys do in this situation?

I should add she doesn’t do sketchy **** with her phone either. We know each others passwords, we both go into each others phones to change songs, nav etc. she leaves her phone out in front of me and doesn’t do the sketchy tbings you’d expect

OP how did he get her snapchat? Did he just randomly find her? Dont they need her number?

 

[stringpuller]

reply/hangout (obviously) and that is when she told me she hasnt done any of that, but she may test me to make sure i hold my ground and im not jealous,

Who gave you the idea that Jealousy is a turn off to women? (the normal kind a man should have as in boundrues)
I don't care WHAT she says look at her actions. DUDE IS IN HER PHONE.

and she asked me if I wanted her to block him.

There is 2 ways to handle this.

1. Yea that would be a great idea to block him. Better yet let me text him a reply and shoot the guy a message. Thats a boundry of mine(she should already know this if you are exclusive)

2. Ya know I must gave been mistaken I thought we were exclusive. Maybe i misread the situation. I'm going to have to take some time and think this over.
Proceed to grab your coat and spend some time away from her.

Again some dude is trying to get in her pants and she has a "discussion" with you if it bothers you? Lol
She should have already told this dude to quit texting and or blocked without having to ask you.
Her asking is a fcking shyt test man. And you probably failed as another smart poster said.
The shyt test was to feel you out to see the masculine side of you.

When a woman tells you she hates jealous men. Laugh at her because thsts not what she means....what she hates is creepy stalker tool types...not real men watching out for there own interests.

Frame is in her corner OP.

 

[stringpuller]

You being in a relationship with a woman you don't trust to the point where you have her password makes sense to you?

Trust is earned. Never ever fully trust anyone especially a modern woman. The naive man blindly trusts an emotional volatile human female

 

[BackInTheGame78]

To everyone who is worried about the guy snapping her: How many guys have successfully stolen someone’s girl, or slept with her, by spamming her repeatedly on social media without any response from her? I’m not worried about that guy at all.

Girls are anti-confrontational. To them, blocking is a confrontation. Most women will just ignore a guy they aren't interested in - not read the messages and/or not respond to the messages. In OP's case, his girl isn't even opening the messages. I don't see how this is some big deal. Guys can snap anyone they want. What if a girl snapped OP and he didn't open it or respond? Is that automatically his fault and means he's about to bang her and his girl should be really worried?

As far as why does she have snapchat, because people use it to communicate. It's social media. That's like saying, "Why do you have Facebook or Instagram or text-messaging if you are in a relationship?"

The fearmongering on this site is out of control at times. Literally anything you bring up will have 1/3 of the posters saying to dump her or that it's the beginning of the end.

 

[stringpuller]

The fearmongering on this site is out of control at times. Literally anything you bring up will have 1/3 of the posters saying to dump her or that it's the beginning of the end.

BS keep telling yourself that. I just got a PM today reiterating why men need to be this way today. Hopefully he updates his story.
Guy friends are a myth

 

[dude99]

So I have an interesting one, been dating this girl for 8 months, was spinning plates at the time and we just ended up clicking so we went for it. Everythings been great, she buys me stuff, cooks, cleans, our sex drives both line up ( aka a lot of sex). Shes told me and shows me she is in love with me, words and actions here. She backs up what she says. However, somthing weird has come up. Some dude has been bombing her with snapchats for the past week. Like multiple every single day. She doesn't open them or opens them and doesn't reply. I brought it up and said, "Is that your new man?" as a joke.

This turned into a more serious conversation and she asked me if it bothered me, I said "would it bother you if I had a girl snapping me like that?" She said "yes". She dove into tell me how she doesn't reply, has no interest in replying, she did not start he randomly started blowing her up, reassured she loved me and even asked me if I wanted her to block him. I said I didn't care about blocking the dude. But I'm not sure why a few days later this is still in my mind. It doesn't seem like shes trying to cheat or even keep this dude around as an orbiter. Just seems like unsolicited snapchats for whatever reason.

What would you guys do in this situation?

I should add she doesn’t do sketchy **** with her phone either. We know each others passwords, we both go into each others phones to change songs, nav etc. she leaves her phone out in front of me and doesn’t do the sketchy tbings you’d expect

Sounds like she isn't a problem. She isn't replying to him or entertaining him so it appears as though she just has a thirsty b@st@rd looking to try to get her attention. You have her attention.

Just say this "if he is annoying you then block him." Then leave it be.

 

[dustmuffin]

I'm sure I can bring it up again and have her block him but that is just going to put me in a bad situation and make me look jealous.

This is a respect issue. She should have have volunteered to block him. If you bring it up again take the respect angle.

 

[Andy Dufresne]

Wait 24 hrs before making any rash decision that ur gonna break it up w/ her. Sit her down explain the options or just sweep under the rug for now, my man. Good luck.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

The fearmongering on this site is out of control at times. Literally anything you bring up will have 1/3 of the posters saying to dump her or that it's the beginning of the end.

I agree it is sometimes unwarranted, but at the same time, her behavior will not improve.

You are right, where it is now is totally fine, but this is the very beginnings of things not being fine and unfortunately it is passed correction.

The password thing is a major issue in relationships, like the point is to trust, you don't entertain a middle ground, you either trust or don't... I have said in the past, on other forums, that auditing trust is OK, but I have come to recognize the audit as insecurity over time, it's just silly.

The emotional attachment is the bigger issue here and she exposed him with her test.

Snap Chat is an innately deceptive application, it is intended to be deceptive... We will all have our opinions on it, some are OK with it, others are not, but it's undeniable that Social Media makes maintaining orbiters easier, but again, if we try to impede orbiters, it can come off as insecure, so we make that conversation about her behavior, the guys will orbit regardless, but if her behavior goes unchecked, then OP is just coasting on his SMV or his provisions, maybe a bit of both and he can do that with plates.

But anyways, my point has been made, I don't want to derail into what is good and bad in relationships all that much because if it works for you, that is great; relationships are anecdotal, but OP came for a reason and he'll ultimately have to make that choice and if he lets us influence him into a bad choice, it's still on him.

 

[flowtheory]

OP; have their been any other signs or weird vibes which you have gotten?

Remember this: YOUR internal alarm went off due to this situation - how she conveyed the circumstance to you, her body language and all context of your relationship which none of us are privy to.
Flags are present, yes, but I’m sure even before this situation given the fact you’re posting - so this isn’t the first weird vibe you’ve gotten, I bet.
The thing is to be honest with yourself and us, so we can help you. There is a bit of denial in the way you write. Self reassurance that you’re not being played...

In my most recent relationship I was in denial. And the red flags were there. That guy snapping her? To you it’s a boundary of yours which has been crossed, and an unmet standard. She’s pushing the boundary and taking away a small piece of your power; you feel it; we see it. That’s why you’re here in this thread.

we can give you objective advice from our experienceS if you’re able to be very truthful with other parts of the relationship.

Because if she REALLY cared about you, why would she tell you about the guy who is continuously snapping her? And WHYYY would you use the words ‘is that your new boyfriend?’ Those words came from your Insecurity. But that also denotes that there are things she is doing which are making you insecure in THIS relationship to make you think she isn’t as committed as you are...

 

[Mazer]

I told my current gf, when we first started dating, that I wont ever have to tell my girlfriend what to do when a guy hits on her, because if she doesn’t know to respond, then she isn’t my girlfriend. Just like that.

 

[flowtheory]

I told my current gf, when we first started dating, that I wont ever have to tell my girlfriend what to do when a guy hits on her, because if she doesn’t know to respond, then she isn’t my girlfriend. Just like that.

Crisp.

 

[Romanemp22]

My few good girls who happened to be my gf previously would never do such a thing, the only thing she would do are story telling me their orbiters were hitting on her when things were good between us.. They will made sure of it clear as a day they had been shut closed and were meant that way.. Cos theyre afraid if anything happened to the relationship that would risked it demised. Well when thing go south shes saying shes taking a ride in a car with other dude.. Thats how it works.

I wouldnt trust someone who blatantly rub my nose with other dude to be in a relationship.

And I bet she told OP about the guy who's snapping her with a smirk smile on her face. That type of girls enjoy power play making OP insecure about another guy, that she thinks she's desirable and he's not.

 

[JohnChops]

OP; have their been any other signs or weird vibes which you have gotten?

Remember this: YOUR internal alarm went off due to this situation - how she conveyed the circumstance to you, her body language and all context of your relationship which none of us are privy to.
Flags are present, yes, but I’m sure even before this situation given the fact you’re posting - so this isn’t the first weird vibe you’ve gotten, I bet.
The thing is to be honest with yourself and us, so we can help you. There is a bit of denial in the way you write. Self reassurance that you’re not being played...

In my most recent relationship I was in denial. And the red flags were there. That guy snapping her? To you it’s a boundary of yours which has been crossed, and an unmet standard. She’s pushing the boundary and taking away a small piece of your power; you feel it; we see it. That’s why you’re here in this thread.

we can give you objective advice from our experienceS if you’re able to be very truthful with other parts of the relationship.

Because if she REALLY cared about you, why would she tell you about the guy who is continuously snapping her? And WHYYY would you use the words ‘is that your new boyfriend?’ Those words came from your Insecurity. But that also denotes that there are things she is doing which are making you insecure in THIS relationship to make you think she isn’t as committed as you are...

@stringpuller heres your update:

Update: she deleted snapchat.

@BackInTheGame78 I agree there is some fear mongering, but I do believe it's warrented sometimes. However, I think theres an age disconnect somewhere on this site making it worse.

This is actually the first weird vibe ive gotten, other than that, the relationship has been super awesome. She is lovey towards me all the time. The reason it felt weird to me is because I guagued her interest being high via her signs/way she is towards me but then this happened so it made me question her interest level. After she decided to delete snapchat, on her own I did not bring this up anymore, she said she cared more about the relationship than a dumb app that is causing problems. I took everyones advice here objectivley and weighed the options, but I have to weigh them against what I am experiencing, no one is experiencing it first hand like I am, hence why things aren't always so black and white.

I only used that line because I like to fvck around. On the comitted note, shes asked me to move in with her in March, I have no job yet and she said she doesn't care, once again making me think her interest in me and the relationship is high.

At the end of the day, it could've just been me overthinking or over-analyzing as some of us do here, still going to be on the look out for more red flags and keep my eyes open. I'm in no rush to move into anything serious (e.g. moving in together).

 

[JohnChops]

And I bet she told OP about the guy who's snapping her with a smirk smile on her face. That type of girls enjoy power play making OP insecure about another guy, that she thinks she's desirable and he's not.

She did not have a smirk on her face, more like a face of disgust.

@Mazer That is actually solid. Gonna use that.

@dustmuffin She did, but ultimatley she ended up deleting snapchat

@dude99 ya man, thats what im feeling, however solid points in this thread from everyone.

 

[JohnChops]

@stringpuller see those would have been good ways to deal with that, and yeah I realized I failed a **** test, it happens. Now I know and I learned from it. I’ve never been in that situation but hell now I know.

many advice on regaining frame,I know it isn’t fully out of my corner just yet.

 

[stringpuller]

@stringpuller see those would have been good ways to deal with that, and yeah I realized I failed a **** test, it happens. Now I know and I learned from it. I’ve never been in that situation but hell now I know.

many advice on regaining frame,I know it isn’t fully out of my corner just yet.

Of course you can regain the frame. If it is honestly a boundary of yours back off. Really consider what you want from a girl.
Take some time to reflect on the situation.
Take no shame in telling a woman what your boundaries are. If she has a problem with it well then thats her problem.
Again I'm going to say it again. Guy friends are a myth. Frog in the boiling water

 

[LARaiders85]

Update: she deleted snapchat.

Isn't that a little extreme? Why?

I dated someone who was constantly apologizing for everything even when she did nothing wrong...it might seem like high interest but what it really means is that she is sort of putting on an act to make sure you don't leave her, and her apologies don't really mean anything if they are not tied into actual contrition for wrongdoing....