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Q: Dude snapchatting my GF...

JohnChops

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So I have an interesting one, been dating this girl for 8 months, was spinning plates at the time and we just ended up clicking so we went for it. Everythings been great, she buys me stuff, cooks, cleans, our sex drives both line up ( aka a lot of sex). Shes told me and shows me she is in love with me, words and actions here. She backs up what she says. However, somthing weird has come up. Some dude has been bombing her with snapchats for the past week. Like multiple every single day. She doesn't open them or opens them and doesn't reply. I brought it up and said, "Is that your new man?" as a joke.

This turned into a more serious conversation and she asked me if it bothered me, I said "would it bother you if I had a girl snapping me like that?" She said "yes". She dove into tell me how she doesn't reply, has no interest in replying, she did not start he randomly started blowing her up, reassured she loved me and even asked me if I wanted her to block him. I said I didn't care about blocking the dude. But I'm not sure why a few days later this is still in my mind. It doesn't seem like shes trying to cheat or even keep this dude around as an orbiter. Just seems like unsolicited snapchats for whatever reason.

What would you guys do in this situation?

I should add she doesn’t do sketchy **** with her phone either. We know each others passwords, we both go into each others phones to change songs, nav etc. she leaves her phone out in front of me and doesn’t do the sketchy tbings you’d expect
 

billtx49

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Single girls don’t usually delete an online presence depicting such immediately after they get involved. It’s likely only a random guy hitting on a preexisting online profile she had up. I’ve known two married women that didn’t change their fbook and email names until about a year after the blessed event…
Not time to worry about Anything unless you see some escalation.
 

LARaiders85

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My guess is he's an emotional tampon type and/or someone she has some minor interest in as a backup. I would not do anything bc he is not a direct threat most likely, but don't be surprised if the relationship gets rocky or she gets bored and she ends up with him.

Exception is if he is a guy that cold/warm approached her and she gave him her snap.
 

Kotaix

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Why does she have snapchat? Does she need to have it? I find the entire concept as stupid and dangerous to relationships as MySpace was back in the day. Does she need to have snapchat? Is she posting pics of herself trolling for attention?

That said, she sounds like a keeper and I wouldn't be too worried just yet.

I was fortunate enough to find a woman who has ZERO interest in having a social media presence, you have no idea how amazing it is until you experience it.
 

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logicallefty

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Seems like a decent dude. Next time I go out on the hunt for tail and need a wingman I might invite him along”
 

Cappo Yung

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Analyzing your post Mr Chops, I suggest you flush this down the toilet immediately. You dont seems angry or worried- even though you brought it up here.

As Kotaix mentioned above- I too- think youre in the clear.
She sounds like a good one my friend.
 

Pan87

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So I have an interesting one, been dating this girl for 8 months, was spinning plates at the time and we just ended up clicking so we went for it. Everythings been great, she buys me stuff, cooks, cleans, our sex drives both line up ( aka a lot of sex). Shes told me and shows me she is in love with me, words and actions here. She backs up what she says. However, somthing weird has come up. Some dude has been bombing her with snapchats for the past week. Like multiple every single day. She doesn't open them or opens them and doesn't reply. I brought it up and said, "Is that your new man?" as a joke.

This turned into a more serious conversation and she asked me if it bothered me, I said "would it bother you if I had a girl snapping me like that?" She said "yes". She dove into tell me how she doesn't reply, has no interest in replying, she did not start he randomly started blowing her up, reassured she loved me and even asked me if I wanted her to block him. I said I didn't care about blocking the dude. But I'm not sure why a few days later this is still in my mind. It doesn't seem like shes trying to cheat or even keep this dude around as an orbiter. Just seems like unsolicited snapchats for whatever reason.

What would you guys do in this situation?

I should add she doesn’t do sketchy **** with her phone either. We know each others passwords, we both go into each others phones to change songs, nav etc. she leaves her phone out in front of me and doesn’t do the sketchy tbings you’d expect
It's a tricky one. If you react with anger/jealousy then you'll seem like a b!tch and she will lose attraction. If you don't react then she may take further liberties and eventually cuck you.

If it were me then I'd just calmly state my standards for the relationship = no communicating with other guys (she will pretend the guys are "just friends" or she has "no interest" or whatever - total horsesh!t, don't fall for it).

After calmly stating my standards, I would abruptly distance and make her squirm (hopefully you don't live with her. This makes distancing a lot easier). If she doesn't squirm then I'm outta there for good. You only want to be dealing with a woman who is desperately afraid of losing you.

TBH, I've only ever had this problem once in my life, when the LTR was already failing. When your LTR begins entertaining other men, even if it seems totally innocuous, then you're at the early stages of relationship collapse where she is sh!t testing to see how you react. If you fail this test, then the next stages are increased nagging and emotional/physical distancing.

Your girl is showing you that she's not responding to his Snaps because she wants to take the moral highground and appeal to your purity fantasy. It's a lie. If she was serious then she'd block his ass. She shouldn't even be on SllutChat if she's serious about you.

When a girl's attraction/interest is sky high for you, then other guys don't even exist to her. If you've experienced this level of interest from a woman before, then you'd know that a woman entertaining her orbiters is a symptom of her falling attraction for you. A girl who has super high interest is so terrified of p!ssing you off and losing you that she maintains best behavior at all times. She knows better than to risk the relationship with stuff like this.
 
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JohnChops

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Why does she have snapchat? Does she need to have it? I find the entire concept as stupid and dangerous to relationships as MySpace was back in the day. Does she need to have snapchat? Is she posting pics of herself trolling for attention?

That said, she sounds like a keeper and I wouldn't be too worried just yet.

I was fortunate enough to find a woman who has ZERO interest in having a social media presence, you have no idea how amazing it is until you experience it.

I also have snapchat, we send eachother pics and such. She doesn't post anything to her story and she really doesnt use social media that much.

I was also thinking the same, she feels like a keeper and I feel like im overthinking for some reason.

@Pan87 She isn't entertaining him at all though, not even bothering and she asked me if I wanted her to block him. I'm sure I can bring it up again and have her block him but that is just going to put me in a bad situation and make me look jealous. It doesn't seem like the relationship is ending either, reading her interest level it seems pretty high just from how she texts me, wants to see me, hows touchy/feely she is when shes with me etc.

@LARaiders85 Seems like he might be, but once again, she hasn't said a word back. Maybe an old hook up? Who knows really.

I think my game plan is just to leave it alone. She knows how it makes me feel and I told her it wasn't okay to reply/hangout (obviously) and that is when she told me she hasnt done any of that, but she may test me to make sure i hold my ground and im not jealous, which im not. It isnt a jealousy thing, its more of a I dont want to invest time and emotion in someone who is talking to other guys. I dont think any good will come of bringing this back up, I think I have to squash it, and just put her on a probation period for a little bit to see what unfolds. I really just wanted reassurance that I am basically overthinking, but it seems like most people agree with that sentiment.

If im remembering correctly this happened with another ex girlfriend of mine, and nothing really came of it. That girlfriend was also pretty in love with me , like my current one, and never stepped out.
 

Pan87

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I also have snapchat, we send eachother pics and such. She doesn't post anything to her story and she really doesnt use social media that much.

I was also thinking the same, she feels like a keeper and I feel like im overthinking for some reason.

@Pan87 She isn't entertaining him at all though, not even bothering and she asked me if I wanted her to block him. I'm sure I can bring it up again and have her block him but that is just going to put me in a bad situation and make me look jealous. It doesn't seem like the relationship is ending either, reading her interest level it seems pretty high just from how she texts me, wants to see me, hows touchy/feely she is when shes with me etc.
You're in denial, my man.

She's asking you if she should block him? Haha. What kind of manipulative bullsh!t is that? What next? "Should I fuk him John? Would that make you mad?"

She should have already blocked him.
 

CAPSLOCK BANDIT

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An argument can be made that it was a missed spur of the moment opportunity to reaffirm that boundaries were in place after being together 8 months. Other than that, it’s no big deal…
Lol are you joking dude? REAFFIRM BOUNDARIES? What are you talking about? That is a crossed line, boundaries do not get reaffirmed, they get broken and set, that is it.
 

CAPSLOCK BANDIT

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An argument can be made that it was a missed spur of the moment opportunity to reaffirm that boundaries were in place after being together 8 months. Other than that, it’s no big deal…
I should clarify, before I have said that boundaries need to be reinforced, but what that means is calling the little things out, voicing concerns... But this is beyond all of that, the boundary is broken, now consequences applied and boundary redrawn... Like you can't run with the same boundary after its been broken, that beats the purpose of the boundary
 

backseatjuan

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We know each others passwords
Babe give me your password and I give you mine, sounds like a dude who likes checking on the girl. What do you achieve in the end?

A) All mystery about you is removed.
B) You don't get sht in return.

It's snap chat idiot! She can delete conversation. Even without snap chat, I had a girl experience, when after reading stuff, she deletes conversation. As if nothing ever happened. Tail tail sign, is when there is no conversation history. No call history, etc. That's how woman operate in a relationship.

Why would a guy message her out of the blue? At that to snap chat. How could he get her snap chat? And message over and over again? That means she is replying. Reading and deleting. The fact that she telling you she does not reply, well that's how women manipulate according to The Rules. Guy does most of messaging.

Sorry to say it, I'd be suspecious.

A) Improve your SMV, more gym, get a tattoo, up the clothing style, make more money, go out with your boys.
B) Change your password and stop going through her phone.
 

oldmanofthesea

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Based on everything you’ve said, I don’t see any reason to do anything about it. She is honest and open with you and clearly doesn’t seem to be into this guy and since we all know here what makes women wet and that it isn’t guys who bomb the F out of them on Snapchat despite not getting a response, I seriously wouldn’t worry about it.

I wouldn’t have made the “is that your new man” comment because it is insecure. I might have asked, “Who’s blowing up your phone?” Or something along those lines.

You didn’t mention how he got her snap. How does she know him? How did they meet?
 

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metalwater

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Not sure how tight your thing is with her. Take this at face value, no need to read anything into it. What you can see is some guy is approaching her and somehow got her address. She is accepting the approach, she may not be responding you do not know. If she did not want the guy to approach her she would block and delete, and never bother you about it. The only time she should show you a guy hitting on her is if the guy does not take no when she tells no, then you have to tell him. Now she has been told that it is ok for her to get attention from guys that are hitting on her, at least in this app, and also however he got the address. It is the, don't want to sound jealous trap and her playing on that. If you are living in separate places, she can do anything the same as you. If she is living in your place, she should have blocked and delete without ever bother you about it or even letting you know, and she should not have given an address to him. He might have gotten it some other way, but if he is persistent he probably got it from her. How does it show respect to you to let you know and at the same time force you to accept it by playing the jealousy trick? the result, you really would prefer she would block and delete. she has gotten her way on this and forced you to accept it.

not a huge deal like others have said, but it bothers you for a reason.
 

JohnChops

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Babe give me your password and I give you mine, sounds like a dude who likes checking on the girl. What do you achieve in the end?

A) All mystery about you is removed.
B) You don't get sht in return.

It's snap chat idiot! She can delete conversation. Even without snap chat, I had a girl experience, when after reading stuff, she deletes conversation. As if nothing ever happened. Tail tail sign, is when there is no conversation history. No call history, etc. That's how woman operate in a relationship.

Why would a guy message her out of the blue? At that to snap chat. How could he get her snap chat? And message over and over again? That means she is replying. Reading and deleting. The fact that she telling you she does not reply, well that's how women manipulate according to The Rules. Guy does most of messaging.

Sorry to say it, I'd be suspecious.

A) Improve your SMV, more gym, get a tattoo, up the clothing style, make more money, go out with your boys.
B) Change your password and stop going through her phone.
First off, we have each others passwords just because what if we have to use each others phones, change a song, I don’t have my phone she doesn’t have hers. You’re blowing things out of proportion.

however, you are right, she could be deleting the conversation. And if you’re right, then I have 0 trust in her now, which means the relationship may be done.
 

CAPSLOCK BANDIT

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First off, we have each others passwords just because what if we have to use each others phones, change a song, I don’t have my phone she doesn’t have hers. You’re blowing things out of proportion.

however, you are right, she could be deleting the conversation. And if you’re right, then I have 0 trust in her now, which means the relationship may be done.
The Password thing is nonsense, it's a ploy to keep you complacent... The second she offered her password to you, it was the biggest Red flag... Couples should not have each other's passwords.
 

JohnChops

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The Password thing is nonsense, it's a ploy to keep you complacent... The second she offered her password to you, it was the biggest Red flag... Couples should not have each other's passwords.
she didn’t offer it? I wanted to look up a song on Spotify and didn’t have my phone so I asked her and she gave it lol. Couples shouldn’t have each others passwords? That makes no sense at all.
 

CAPSLOCK BANDIT

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she didn’t offer it? I wanted to look up a song on Spotify and didn’t have my phone so I asked her and she gave it lol. Couples shouldn’t have each others passwords? That makes no sense at all.
You being in a relationship with a woman you don't trust to the point where you have her password makes sense to you?
 
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