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Providing for Women

Modern Man Advice

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"Providing" is an integral part of masculinity/manhood. However, it does not always have to be in tangible form. An integral part of a man is to provide leadership, guidance, support, safety, and resources for his community (be that large scale aka society, or small scale aka close circle).

If you are providing some type of trade for a woman's attention, love, and affection then you are simply weak. And yes women will lose their respect for you faster than a drop of a dime.

The bottom line is providing should be something natural for men. And it should come from a place of inner gratification and desire, not external gratification or reward.
 

The Duke

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"Providing" is an integral part of masculinity/manhood. However, it does not always have to be in tangible form. An integral part of a man is to provide leadership, guidance, support, safety, and resources for his community (be that large scale aka society, or small scale aka close circle).

If you are providing some type of trade for a woman's attention, love, and affection then you are simply weak. And yes women will lose their respect for you faster than a drop of a dime.

The bottom line is providing should be something natural for men. And it should come from a place of inner gratification and desire, not external gratification or reward.
So what should we expect out of women? She has some value if she raises our kids, but what is the expectation for a woman in a relationship with no children? Truly, the mans role doesn't change.
 

DreamAgain

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The reason why providing is natural for men is because we men have other purpose in this life we create. We naturally create value and feel fulfilled by doing so, be it building a house, providing a service, inventing something, etc.

By extension we share what we reap with someone who can help us with this goal. A woman taking care of domestic aspects frees up a lot of time in theory for you to work further on whatever purpose you have for yourself. Similarly, she can help the mental side on taking your mind off of your work/purpose on other aspects of life, so you are well rounded and not a robot. She can be there to support you when doubts/challenges appear for your purpose. These are all valuable things.

Women can also pursue a purpose, but objectively speaking, I have not seen many with the inherent interests in many things that men have. So perhaps their inherent purpose is different than ours. Most, not all. There are always exceptions.
 

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Mertz09

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For a woman it should always be the following priority list:

1. Wife/lover to husband
2. Partner/friend to husband
3. Parent

Why? Because assuming you get married for life, your spouse is the single most important person and relationship in your life. More important than her parents, his parents, more important than the children.

The sexual chemistry and lover interaction between husband and wife is top priority for a reason. That's the glue that keeps you attracted.

Out of that sexual attraction & intimacy grows the partnership & friendship that gets the couple through thick & thin times.

Parenting is the 3rd priority for two very good reasons. First, being a parent should be temporary relative to being a spouse (often now however that is no longer the case.) Secondly, children need to learn what a healthy marriage is supposed to be by observing their parents' connection and commitment to each other.

When parenting/children are given the number 1 priority that creates many problems, and choosing a spouse based on sexual desire as top priority is the best way to keep those priorities straight.

Very well said Be E!

When can we see you publish wisdom such as this so that more women (especially young women) will understand this???? :)
 

Dr.Suave

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Very well said Be E!

When can we see you publish wisdom such as this so that more women (especially young women) will understand this???? :)
Sooner rather than later, we already have the title: "A conversational narcissist: How to monopolize every conversation and make it all about you" Available soon in your nearest bookstore!

Ah Im just messin with you @BeExcellent . Mertz09 totally set it up for me on a silver platter.

Joking aside, I think the world would be a better place if more girls from the younger generations had more in common with BeE than the average 304. Maybe at some point the pendulum has to start swinging in the other direction.
 

Modern Man Advice

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So what should we expect out of women? She has some value if she raises our kids, but what is the expectation for a woman in a relationship with no children? Truly, the mans role doesn't change.
Support, respect, trust in our leadership (once it's rightfully earned), and above all peace of mind and lastly good sex. The same goes for relationships with children plus the nurturing and raising of our children.

In both instances, yes the man's role does not change.
 

RickTheToad

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Having done a ton of remodeling myself I agree with @The Duke. But I also know women who will roll up their sleeves and work. I am one of those women.

Nobody does plaster or drywall repair better than me for example. I'm also good at taping, floating & painting & used to do all my tile installs and granite installs, including using a grinder and a large wet saw. I've planned & built drystsck retaining walls, installed landscaping (relocated full size trees) and so forth.

I've stained & poly'd many wood floors, I've done roofing & flashing repairs. I've floated walls & hung wall paper.

My first husband did always end up sanding or buffing the wood floors. Those huge sanding machines were too big for me to handle safely at 115 lbs. Ditto pneumatic jack hammers on the few occasions where those were needed. Those weigh 60+ lbs. I was too little to operate those safely.

While very pregnant with my son I took a large sledge hammer and busted up a 1930's concrete and metal lathe tile set floor. It was 4 inches thick. We needed to reconfigure a bathroom before the baby was born and needed access to the tight crawl space from inside the house to redo the plumbing, wiring & fixtures.

Good times.

My first husband never complained and he knew I was willing to work my butt off.

I've also taken down mature trees with a chainsaw all by myself. Like 12 feet up a big tree sawing it at the first major biforcation after taking down the major branches.

And once we got a bit better off I'd hire the subs, figure out the design/build and serve as GC/project manager. Once the guys working for me realized I knew what I was talking about and that I was going to work alongside them at times, the respect level went way up.

Nothing quite like working off frustrations with the exertion of manual labor.

But plenty of women bat their eyes and expect the husband to be the beast of burden. I always thought that unfair.
I'm a horrible painter. Looking for a job?
 

RickTheToad

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I agree. This is what I see as well.



I know a guy with solid automotive skills (non-mechanic) and a solid notch count who has come to the same conclusion. He has struggled with the concept of fixing girlfriends' cars. He has the automotive skills to do it but has gotten frustrated with certain women he's dated and their approach to automotive maintenance.



Most married men are beta males who are plow horses for their wives. This is true of both white collar and blue collar men. These provider males become engrossed in being provider males and lose their own identities and hobbies.

I am a recreational tennis player, as I have played in both amateur leagues and friendly matches with men of a similar skill level. I've lost a number of recreational tennis playing partners due to men becoming the white collar beast of burden for their wives. These men are poor at setting boundaries. This typically gets worse when men become new fathers, as these types of tennis players tend to disappear.

In league play, I've rarely seen married men with younger children. There are some men with children over 8 or so, but men with younger children disappear from leagues.



Rollo has often said that men cannot negotiate genuine desire.

A lot of longer term relationships and marriages are transactional interactions.
 

Scaramouche

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Giovanni SouthSide

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Men want to have it all, the best of all worlds. We want a girl to act like a whxre and a slvt to us, a decent wifey material and like a prude to everyone else; sometimes this can even be achieved in reality when you get a girl young, lock her down and train her right.

In sane traditional societies, these functions were somewhat separated; there was a reservoir of marriageable "good girls" that at least kept up appearances of being modest and chaste, and a reservoir of slvts and whxres to fool around with before, while, and after chasing and marrying the good girl.

And that is as it should be; that strikes the right human balance. Never mind that some of the "good girls" would be the ones sneaking out at night to suck off the village thug in the hayloft, or else be actual prudes and harridans once they've secured the ring; or that some few of the sluts and whxres really do have the proverbial heart of gold as well as the choice luscious bubble popping out of their skirts or more recently jeans. The whole setup was never easy and never guaranteed anyone's happiness in either the short or the long term, no matter what the would-be "patriarchy" nostalgia mongers would like to claim. But it had some basic sanity and that is all one can ask for.

Now, the reservoir of marriageables in the West has appeared to shrink to almost nothing; and too many of the slvts are inked up, either fat or masculine/excessively athletic, lack and get repulsed by doing any homemaker skills and absurdly can’t and available only to pinnacle alphas and bad boys. That is not a recipe for male happiness or sanity. It is also true that through the miracles of superior nutrition and American dentistry percolating through the rest of the world, there is more luscious young pvssy, especially the deliriously succulent white/black, latina and white/Asian blends, than ever before; but for your typical guy that is only a case of water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink. And now it's getting so even looking at this pvssy is borderline criminal or makes you a "creep" unless of course you are the kind of alpha or natural who just takes it as a matter of course.

None of this is changing anytime soon, and none of it signifies the end of the world or of Western civ, either. The world in almost every way is a more interesting, exciting, various and lively place than it's ever been; but the sexual marketplace in the west is in a funny and unfortunate state, and the men who bemoan it are not wrong to do so.


We never chose the player life. The player life forces itself on us.

I bet my fvckin car that the majority of men here would be willing to shake off the player's lifestyle if they manage to find one such feminine traditional girl and they have society's insurance and reward/punishment system to encourage her fidelity.

But because that's a dream long lost, we are left with the only choice of pumping and dumping slvts until we run into such a girl or die alone till the white lights take us.

And then there's no insurance that the girl will not leave you at a moment's notice. People vastly more skilled than me can attest to this. So to keep your skills honed and your insurance plan ready you also have no choice but to game girls on the side, ready for that moment when your "feminine" girl goes werewolf and monkey branching out.

Dating/LTR/marriage is a fvcking game of prisoner's dilemma these days. Both side wants to protect his/her own ass and are afraid the other will squeal. So they squeal first to keep their options open.
 
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Giovanni SouthSide

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For a woman it should always be the following priority list:

1. Wife/lover to husband
2. Partner/friend to husband
3. Parent

Why? Because assuming you get married for life, your spouse is the single most important person and relationship in your life. More important than her parents, his parents, more important than the children.

The sexual chemistry and lover interaction between husband and wife is top priority for a reason. That's the glue that keeps you attracted.

Out of that sexual attraction & intimacy grows the partnership & friendship that gets the couple through thick & thin times.

Parenting is the 3rd priority for two very good reasons. First, being a parent should be temporary relative to being a spouse (often now however that is no longer the case.) Secondly, children need to learn what a healthy marriage is supposed to be by observing their parents' connection and commitment to each other.

When parenting/children are given the number 1 priority that creates many problems, and choosing a spouse based on sexual desire as top priority is the best way to keep those priorities straight.
Choosing a patterned, cultured, intelligent woman to breed with is crucial as well.
When it comes to choosing the mother of your children then you need to remember that she's going to be providing half of their DNA, not just being a caretaker to them.

This goes toward not only looks and health but behavior and predispositions too. It is definitely a mix of nature and nurture but genetics are the ace of trumps.
The apple does not fall too far from the tree, as they say.

Women described as "having gotten their sh1t together" once they became mothers are a long bet to gamble your future and the future of your children on. How long will it take for your children to "get their sh1t together"?
That is for another potential striking thread though.
 
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Giovanni SouthSide

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Women (and men) aren't raised like this anymore. My mother and father are also as you describe and are still together. There was a working relationship on top of the romantic one. These days, most women are highly self-centered and think the man should just be bending over backwards to make her life a cakewalk. And most men (not here at SS of course) are blue-pilled and thirsty enough to do everything they can to oblige. What we saw in childhood doesn't really exist too much anymore - unfortunately.
I have thrown this around before and I will say it again for the members who didn’t catch it.

“Women are only going to be brought to heel when our societal systems no longer subsidise their financial ability to be independent. When men can legally be hired preferentially, when welfare is no more, when divorce courts go from white-knight to black knight and when whxres have to pay for their own abortions, women will fall in line with no shackles and beatings required”
 

BeExcellent

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I have a meeting and then will comment. Let's just say sitting around eating
Choosing a patterned, cultured, intelligent woman to breed with is crucial as well.
When it comes to choosing the mother of your children then you need to remember that she's going to be providing half of their DNA, not just being a caretaker to them.

This goes toward not only looks and health but behavior and predispositions too. It is definitely a mix of nature and nurture but genetics are the ace of trumps.
The apple does not fall too far from the tree, as they say.

Women described as "having gotten their sh1t together" once they became mothers are a long bet to gamble your future and the future of your children on. How long will it take for your children to "get their sh1t together"?
That is for another potential striking thread though.
Well the kids thing is on the parents. You do have to raise them right. No small task.
 

LTG71

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30 years? D@mn, bro! Any tips for married men?
Must have life goals that are matched and work together to achieve them. Also an agreed division of responsibilities and backup the other when needed. Becoming parents will test the sh!t out of your partnership. You either become stronger or flaws get amplified. Luckily we both wanted kids and performed like a team when the kids were born. We had twins the second time around so we were out numbered. Also expect to work things out and find a solution. Spend time together but also apart. As much as my wife and kids can drive me crazy sometimes, I don‘t know what I would do without them. This realization hits harder once you get older and have to deal with aging parents and kids growing up.
 

LTG71

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I have thrown this around before and I will say it again for the members who didn’t catch it.

“Women are only going to be brought to heel when our societal systems no longer subsidise their financial ability to be independent. When men can legally be hired preferentially, when welfare is no more, when divorce courts go from white-knight to black knight and when whxres have to pay for their own abortions, women will fall in line with no shackles and beatings required”
In the past there were more imposed consequences. Like familial and/or religious shame. You were a shame to the family if you were a 304 or purposeless man. Also “doing the right thing” in the face of whatever god you believed in. I’m not overly religious but it did instill morals and rules to follow that seemed to serve a good purpose. Once it became public that priests were molesting kids in the thousands, people lost faith in that system. I‘ve always found it a ridiculous idea when a priest would giving out marriage advice and he’s not even allowed to sleep with women, talk about the ultimate armchair quarterback.

Women seem to have far less consequences than men in terms of financial safety nets. Love when I hear female celebrities having to pay husbands in divorce proceedings. Then they start crying unfairness. Welcome to the circus ladies, you screamed equality and here is a taste of it. Abortions are another safety net for women. Gives them an out for making bad choices and being irresponsible. How many women do you personally know that have been raped or had
incestuous situations, for me, ZERO. Gives them the freedom to fool around, but for men you are financially responsible for 18 years If you made a mistake. This equality experiment still favors women and nothing is going to change until the scales truly become balanced.
 

DJ Novice

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Women are only useful for men for three things:

1. Raising children and being a good mother to them. If like me you are divorced and have kids of your own then this no longer applies.

2. Companionship. This only applies to guys who are needy and have nothing else going on in their life. Yourself, your kids and your mates provide better companions than any woman ever will. Excluding sex, you can do pretty much every activity that you to with a woman by yourself.

Most things women enjoy doing in their spare time I do not. I enjoy my own company. Freedom and independence trumps everything. Once you get used to and enjoy living by yourself there’s no going back to a live in relationship or craving the company of a woman. Loneliness only comes from a lack of intimacy and connection which is where most relationships end up in the long run. Women are only good company in small amounts. Then they give me the sh*ts.
The companionship aspect from women really isn’t important to me.

3. S*x. Most women don’t want to hear this but truly this is the only universal thing men want from them apart from 1. above. I’m no different. Unfortunately the frequency and/or quality of s*x declines over time due to many reasons including hedonic adaptation, familiarity, predictability, lack of competition anxiety, lack of variety which all men crave, selfishness and laziness. It’s not a matter of if, it’s a matter of when and how long it takes. The law of diminishing marginal returns in s*x is indisputable. You can limit the rate with which it declines but it will happen. Most men will put up with a mediocre bedroom life due to limited options or the threat of financial ruin arising from divorce. It’s sad.
 

Gamisch

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Men want to have it all, the best of all worlds. We want a girl to act like a whxre and a slvt to us, a decent wifey material and like a prude to everyone else; sometimes this can even be achieved in reality when you get a girl young, lock her down and train her right.

In sane traditional societies, these functions were somewhat separated; there was a reservoir of marriageable "good girls" that at least kept up appearances of being modest and chaste, and a reservoir of slvts and whxres to fool around with before, while, and after chasing and marrying the good girl.

And that is as it should be; that strikes the right human balance. Never mind that some of the "good girls" would be the ones sneaking out at night to suck off the village thug in the hayloft, or else be actual prudes and harridans once they've secured the ring; or that some few of the sluts and whxres really do have the proverbial heart of gold as well as the choice luscious bubble popping out of their skirts or more recently jeans. The whole setup was never easy and never guaranteed anyone's happiness in either the short or the long term, no matter what the would-be "patriarchy" nostalgia mongers would like to claim. But it had some basic sanity and that is all one can ask for.

Now, the reservoir of marriageables in the West has appeared to shrink to almost nothing; and too many of the slvts are inked up, either fat or masculine/excessively athletic, lack and get repulsed by doing any homemaker skills and absurdly can’t and available only to pinnacle alphas and bad boys. That is not a recipe for male happiness or sanity. It is also true that through the miracles of superior nutrition and American dentistry percolating through the rest of the world, there is more luscious young pvssy, especially the deliriously succulent white/black, latina and white/Asian blends, than ever before; but for your typical guy that is only a case of water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink. And now it's getting so even looking at this pvssy is borderline criminal or makes you a "creep" unless of course you are the kind of alpha or natural who just takes it as a matter of course.

None of this is changing anytime soon, and none of it signifies the end of the world or of Western civ, either. The world in almost every way is a more interesting, exciting, various and lively place than it's ever been; but the sexual marketplace in the west is in a funny and unfortunate state, and the men who bemoan it are not wrong to do so.


We never chose the player life. The player life forces itself on us.

I bet my fvckin car that the majority of men here would be willing to shake off the player's lifestyle if they manage to find one such feminine traditional girl and they have society's insurance and reward/punishment system to encourage her fidelity.

But because that's a dream long lost, we are left with the only choice of pumping and dumping slvts until we run into such a girl or die alone till the white lights take us.

And then there's no insurance that the girl will not leave you at a moment's notice. People vastly more skilled than me can attest to this. So to keep your skills honed and your insurance plan ready you also have no choice but to game girls on the side, ready for that moment when your "feminine" girl goes werewolf and monkey branching out.

Dating/LTR/marriage is a fvcking game of prisoner's dilemma these days. Both side wants to protect his/her own ass and are afraid the other will squeal. So they squeal first to keep their options open.
Absolutely. I'd even say that providing for a man is just as natural as bearing a child for a woman.

We were born to basically sacrifice ourselves so our offspring can have a "better life".BUT , due to all of this modern dating bs most men are reluctant to invest in a woman. And ive noticed that when a woman senses your hesitation you are already on borrowed time. She is here to pick a man from the BOYFRIEND STORE, and she's NOT gonna accept a man who is second guessing her.
 

Gamisch

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A while back you stated that you couldn't understand why a man would want a LTR or gf. I totally get where you are coming from now. Makes a lot of sense for a guy that wants a family.
He keeps saying this and he has a great point.

At first I was like, "isn't that a little bit...over exaggerated. But yeah, years of ltrs and running through women left me nothing but a child with a problematic woman and oke, many sweet memories.

This whole hookup culture thing is a dead end for everyone. People make better choices when their options are limited .
 
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