Proposal Etiquette

[eyedogg]

One thing you NEVER want to do is this:

http://www.break.com/index/valentines-day-proposal-goes-wrong.html

 

[iqqi]

OK, guys, I'd first like to thank Colossus for his mature answer that stuck to the topic. Secondly, I think that a lot of you guys are bitter. Lol.

I NEVER said anything about a ring, sure that is usually part of the procedure. I really don't want a discussion about rings and western women are materialistic b!tches who should BEG you to marry them. Lol.

I am more asking about the MOMENT. Suppose you on a whim propose one really romantic evening where you are both just really feeling it, and you have talked about it before but nothing cement, and you just decided to be spontaneous, you guys are on top of MT friggin Everest, or somewhere (once in a lifetime thing) (yes that is an exaggeration), and she is pretty sure she does but isn't very sure... should she say yes! And keep the moment alive, or should she say "well I'm not sure hon, lets talk about this later?"

Even if her reaction first was crying out of joy... but she wasn't SURE just then... should she say yes? And bring up her concerns or fears later? Or NOT SURE, darling. And ruin the $500 meal you treated the two of you to for your 1st anniversary?

 

[Latinoman]

Here is the thing:

I never bought an engagement ring. I bought a relatively low priced wedding ring, which I picked right after we married by the judge. She was very happy because of the way things took place. We were married for over a decade and a half and she always showed respect for me.

In our 10th anniversary, I proposed to buy an extremely high quality (platinum with a nice rock on it) ring to illustrate how much I appreciated the fact that she was a loyal wife and great mother to my children. And she declined. She simply wanted a gold band that matched mine.

Am I cheap? Nope. I bought her a nice house...that almost quadrupled in value...and when I left, I told her to keep it.

I would NEVER married a woman that is expecting an engaging ring from me. I would NEVER married a woman that shows some level of dispointment after I buy the wedding band.

My advice to men is that if he truly wants to buy the engagement ring...is to buy a cheap zirconia and don't tell her it is a zirconia. If she goes to the jewerly store to get it assess (or find out its value)...then dump her.

 

[Latinoman]

I am more asking about the MOMENT. Suppose you on a whim propose one really romantic evening where you are both just really feeling it, and you have talked about it before but nothing cement, and you just decided to be spontaneous, you guys are on top of MT friggin Everest, or somewhere (once in a lifetime thing) (yes that is an exaggeration), and she is pretty sure she does but isn't very sure... should she say yes! And keep the moment alive, or should she say "well I'm not sure hon, lets talk about this later?"

Even if her reaction first was crying out of joy... but she wasn't SURE just then... should she say yes? And bring up her concerns or fears later? Or NOT SURE, darling. And ruin the $500 meal you treated the two of you to for your 1st anniversary?

If a man asks a woman to marry him...and he is asking a woman that has doubts...then that man is not equiped to be in a marriage with that woman as he has difficulty judging her character and desires. In fact, the marriage will fail. Sh+it...one of the things they should have talked WAY BEFORE he proposes is what they would do on issues such as having children and careers and pre-nups to see if there is an agreement.

If a man fails to sense she is not as excited...then he is a fool too. And in my case...I would KNOW if she has doubts or not.

 

[MacAvoy]

I am more asking about the MOMENT. Suppose you on a whim propose one really romantic evening where you are both just really feeling it, and you have talked about it before but nothing cement, and you just decided to be spontaneous, you guys are on top of MT friggin Everest, or somewhere (once in a lifetime thing) (yes that is an exaggeration), and she is pretty sure she does but isn't very sure... should she say yes! And keep the moment alive, or should she say "well I'm not sure hon, lets talk about this later?"

The problem with your hypothetical question is that its tailored to women and it has ABSOLUTELY no bearing on the male psyche. The things you describe, a man could care less about. Your describing a female fantasy, something that wouldn't enter the mind of a rational male.

 

[iqqi]

The problem with your hypothetical question is that its tailored to women and it has ABSOLUTELY no bearing on the male psyche. The things you describe, a man could care less about. Your describing a female fantasy, something that wouldn't enter the mind of a rational male.

I see what you are saying, but this scenario is actually what happens ALL THE TIME.

 

[MacAvoy]

Ok the problem with your scenario is the way you described it, you said on a whim, thats they way women like to fantasize things happening. But in actually whenever a man actually makes said scenario happen (ALL THE TIME by your admission), there is a tonne of planning and analyzing that goes into said scenario before it happens and is thought out for months.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

LOL

The guy looks as if he was dressed up to look like a sperm!

 

[iqqi]

Ok the problem with your scenario is the way you described it, you said on a whim, thats they way women like to fantasize things happening. But in actually whenever a man actually makes said scenario happen (ALL THE TIME by your admission), there is a tonne of planning and analyzing that goes into said scenario before it happens and is thought out for months.

You are right, I agree with that part. That is what I originally was thinking of in my scenario, honestly. So back to the original question.

If you planned something out like that, and proposed, and she just wasn't sure at that crucial moment, but it was a most likely yes, should she say yes? Or should she ruin the moment with a "I need to think about this"?

 

[iqqi]

BY THE WAY FELLAS,

this isn't a trick question!

I really want to know how you'd feel about this. Should she be considerate of the moment and your feelings? Or brutally honest no leeway?

 

[cordoncordon]

If the couple is alone she should be as brutally honest with him as she can be.

With a group? Accept the proposal and talk later.

 

[##17]

My understanding is that by the time you've "proposed", you should be pretty sure already that the answer is yes. Meaning you've already discussed where you're heading, life goals, ect., and you both agree that you'd like to spend the rest of your lives together.

 

[Mr.Positive]

She should let the guy know beforehand that she does not intend to marry him. Usually this is somewhat discussed, or hinted at...the "talk" of future plans together, or different directions in life..different goals. (EDIT: You beat me to the punch ##17)

If the guy completely drops the bomb on her, I think she should say no, even if it's in front friends/family.

I don't think women can fake a yes response, if they aren't sincere about it. Their emotions and body language show the truth.

 

[ketostix]

If the couple is alone she should be as brutally honest with him as she can be.

With a group? Accept the proposal and talk later.

Why does iqqi keep changing the scenario back and forth? First it was an elaborate proposal, now a private one. Either way she got her answer earlty on page one of the thread.

 

[RedPill]

BY THE WAY FELLAS,

this isn't a trick question!

I really want to know how you'd feel about this. Should she be considerate of the moment and your feelings? Or brutally honest no leeway?

this isn't a trick answer!

If your super-long-term future with her is not clear - if your life goals are not aligned and your plans with each other are not blatantly obvious, then one really shouldn't be proposing to a woman.

Call this stance bitter if you will, but this whole concept that a marriage proposal is even appropriate when the answer to the proposal is not a sure thing is immature at best and retarded at worst.

The proposal itself should be a formality, the answer a foregone conclusion.

Iqqi if you're looking for a response here which fits your narrow parameters I'll go with "brutally honest" because it's the integrity thing to do. Feigning interest to save face is not classy; it's weak. That said, the truth can be stated with tactful consideration for the feelings of another.

 

[iqqi]

this isn't a trick answer!

If your super-long-term future with her is not clear - if your life goals are not aligned and your plans with each other are not blatantly obvious, then one really shouldn't be proposing to a woman.

Call this stance bitter if you will, but this whole concept that a marriage proposal is even appropriate when the answer to the proposal is not a sure thing is immature at best and retarded at worst.

The proposal itself should be a formality, the answer a foregone conclusion.

Iqqi if you're looking for a response here which fits your narrow parameters I'll go with "brutally honest" because it's the integrity thing to do. Feigning interest to save face is not classy; it's weak. That said, the truth can be stated with tactful consideration for the feelings of another.

I don't think your response is bitter, that was more in reference to all the engagement ring talk. About that, if you are worried that your chick is going to deny you due to a ring, why would you want to marry her in the first place?

Anyways, back to your response. Thanks for your view! A vote for honesty.

I am not looking for one narrow set answer. I am getting a myriad of answers here, and it is interesting.

 

[wjh]

If she accepts and then says "never mind" can I have the ring back?

I don't want her to use the "I didn't want to embarrass you" excuse to take the ring and pawn it.

 

[Señor Fingers]

i bet thats why we havent heard from you for long time, ehe senor fingz!! anyway where is the book you promised to release after WMS?

I'm working on it now

 

[Latinoman]

My understanding is that by the time you've "proposed", you should be pretty sure already that the answer is yes. Meaning you've already discussed where you're heading, life goals, ect., and you both agree that you'd like to spend the rest of your lives together.

Exactly. That's how a DJ would do it.

It is discussed...then the information and data is collected...then the DJ analyze it...and then and ONLY then, the DJ makes a decision (a decision made under his own time frame)...and if the decision is to propose (as he can change his mind and never propose)...then he does it at a later day...hopefully after close scrutiny of her actions.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

BY THE WAY FELLAS,

this isn't a trick question!

I really want to know how you'd feel about this. Should she be considerate of the moment and your feelings? Or brutally honest no leeway?

So, you're planning on proposing to your girlfriend?

:nervous: