Please help with this club/bar situation

[BackInTheGame78]

I think when a bouncer gets involved, it must be really serious!
He seemed genuinely respectful towards you, which is surprising.
I remember when bouncers used to strong-arm people at the club.

Nah. Bouncers get involved for a lot of reasons and many times they are not serious.

Coming from a house club DJ for many years and someone who has lots of friends that were bouncers and talked with them regularly and listened to the stories after closing of what happened that night.

 

[Plinco]

There's a lot of context that's missing that we cannot realistically understand: your body language, tone of voice, what you're doing when you're not approaching, etc.

I felt good and confident. I was a bit wired, So I was walking around a bit. I played pool with a group for a maybe around 20-30 minutes and hung out in that area for a good 45 minutes. I do move around a lot though.

When I used to go to bars years ago, I always went with other people. I rarely went by myself, so I always had things to do. Going by myself is a challenge because I'm hanging out there like a sore thumb.

 

[L3git]

I felt good and confident. I was a bit wired, So I was walking around a bit. I played pool with a group for a maybe around 20-30 minutes and hung out in that area for a good 45 minutes. I do move around a lot though.

When I used to go to bars years ago, I always went with other people. I rarely went by myself, so I always had things to do. Going by myself is a challenge because I'm hanging out there like a sore thumb.

Hey I feel yah. Dating now is a lot worse than it use to be. I’m m going out myself tonight and seeing what I can do. Pretty much just trying to vibe with the place and approach a couple girls I think are nice looking. We’ll see.

 

[Plinco]

Hey I feel yah. Dating now is a lot worse than it use to be. I’m m going out myself tonight and seeing what I can do. Pretty much just trying to vibe with the place and approach a couple girls I think are nice looking. We’ll see.

Good luck! Don't let the bad apples intimidate you. A life walking on eggshells isn't worth living.

 

[Plinco]

For context, the girls I'm hitting on, look like them:

- YouTube

Enjoy the videos and music you love, upload original content, and share it all with friends, family, and the world on YouTube.

www.youtube.com

@BPH @The Duke @characternote @Scaramouche @Divorced w 3 @Clockwerk50 @BaronOfHair @Tilex @sevbucmash

 

[Bible_Belt]

When I get there again next Thursday, I'll tip the staff 50 dollars and mention that to the bouncer who told me to leave.

This is more cringe, supplicating behavior. It's great to tip well for a drink or service, but don't pay them for nothing.

And I'm trying to think of a single time in my life that I have told a girl she was pretty, but I am drawing a blank. I don't think it has ever happened. I might think it, but I would certainly never say it. Of course you think she's pretty, that's why you are talking to her. You don't have to tell her what she already knows.

 

[Plinco]

And I'm trying to think of a single time in my life that I have told a girl she was pretty, but I am drawing a blank. I don't think it has ever happened. I might think it, but I would certainly never say it. Of course you think she's pretty, that's why you are talking to her. You don't have to tell her what she already knows.

I think I know where you are coming from, as in giving away a compliment like that is like giving your power away.

The way I see it, simping is submissive behavior. Being direct with your intentions (mode 1.5) is not submissive and not simping. Whereas being indirect is submitting to bs social 'norms.' Please feel free to let me know if I'm missing anything. I appreciate the input. And I also like a good challenge as long as it's not sabotage.

This is more cringe, supplicating behavior. It's great to tip well for a drink or service, but don't pay them for nothing.

I don't think so in my case. I don't drink, and I think it's fair that they make money with my presence. I prefer outcomes where everyone wins.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Big picture time. You are a 41 y.o. dude at a club where the average age is probably around 20. You are not buying drinks (i.e. the bar is not making any money on you). Instead, you are circling the dance floor and hitting on girls (at least one of whom must have complained to the bouncer). It's not surprising that you were asked to leave.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Hey I feel yah. Dating now is a lot worse than it use to be. I’m m going out myself tonight and seeing what I can do. Pretty much just trying to vibe with the place and approach a couple girls I think are nice looking. We’ll see.

Better or worse is all relative.

Like anything else, adapt or die.

 

[Plinco]

Better or worse is all relative.

Like anything else, adapt or die.

It's not relative, it's contextual.

Big picture time. You are a 41 y.o. dude at a club where the average age is probably around 20. You are not buying drinks (i.e. the bar is not making any money on you). Instead, you are circling the dance floor and hitting on girls (at least one of whom must have complained to the bouncer). It's not surprising that you were asked to leave.

Yes, but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop hitting on the girls I'm attracted to. Ever since having a near death experience ten years ago, I've learned to be more and more intelligently selfish, and happier.

 

[justaroundthecorner]

Man, why you do it to yourself. Why.

Cold approaching is about being "in tune" with person you are cold approaching pretty much from the start. There's no chance to be in tune when you make circles around dancing floor like hungry shark or stare at chicks at the bar or dancing floor. Add the age difference, the fact that you don't even order yourself a beer and a creep tag is ready for you.

You would first need to sit at the bar & order, try to make some eye contact, first, second and third time and eventually be prepared to approach, having in mind that making girl smile does not guarantee she is that interested.

When it comes to dancing, building sexual attraction on dance floor is based on your looks and how good you are at making alpha-moves on the floor (dancing in cool, dynamic way, with whole body, using arms properly, no robot dancing, no waving hands like dork etc.). It is also about social proof (who is with you in the club, what do you wear, is there anyone approaching you in front of other women to make eye contact etc.).

Now, taking under consideration that you are introverted, that kind of sucks at reading through social clues, you would first need to learn how to dance - attending dancing lessons would give you access to some 5/10 to 7/10 looks tops women and they would be forced to train with you - and you could talk to them too (it could be a game changer for you). If you don't want to learn how to dance, then bar game is all that is left.

You also need to take under consideration that all women now use dating apps, therefore chances that lone attractive girl sit at the bar and wait for hou to make eye contact is pretty slim. There are places where women sit at the tables or at the bar alone, and they look "doable", but they are mostly hookers.

Take also into consideration your type of character - you don't seem to be a type that is easily, naturally in tune with other ppl - it's a form of vice (I know how it is because I have similar issue alas in my case it is that I generally don't find "feeling" female types interesting when I listen to them and they are often looking and moving better than "thinking" types which I much more prefer when it comes to interaction, but I often don't find them attractive and I really don't like making new connections at all whether with men or women, I fake being nice in convos all the time) and social game in bar/dance club is about being in tune - first with yourself, then with environment, with other ppl - bartender included.

Chances that you will be in tune with college girls at bar/in dance club are almost non-existant - because you don't get any IOI's from them, therefore this social group considers you being old already and your behaviour weird (Z gen and snowflakes gen is all about childish approach to life mixed with stupid equality bs thrown at their heads in schools, they are also raised to be more than aware that creeps are around prone to exploit them - if you give even a bit of a creep vibe (and from what I read, you do) then any success chance with that group is off the table for you unless you want to play sugar daddy.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

It's not relative, it's contextual.



Yes, but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop hitting on the girls I'm attracted to. Ever since having a near death experience ten years ago, I've learned to be more and more intelligently selfish, and happier.

Oh but it is relative.

For some people it may be easier than it used to be, for others harder.

Also it may be easier to get one type of relationship versus another.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Yes, but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop hitting on the girls I'm attracted to. Ever since having a near death experience ten years ago, I've learned to be more and more intelligently selfish, and happier.

I'm not saying that you should. I'm just pointing out the obvious flaws in your tactics.

 

[tksniper]

Back when I was in California, someone came up with a pretty fun way to get good at cold approaching (it wasn't me). It was called "100 set Saturdays." Basically every Saturday, the entire Pickup community would gather up, break up into groups, and spend the entire day cold approaching women in coffee shops, book stores, the mall, grocery stores, the streets, etc. The goal was not to get laid. The goal was to make it to 100 approaches. Ironically, most guys never made it to 100 approaches. They would end up pulling a woman way before they got anywhere close.

Basically we made it a rule to not focus on results. We were focused on the bigger picture - calibration. And of course, nothing calibrates you faster than the field itself. And instead of just showing up to night clubs, we thought it would be better to practice doing "day game" and develop some social momentum. If you work a 9-5 and have no social life, it could be daunting to show up at a random club on a Saturday night and put all the pressure on yourself to create a connection with a woman.

Women can easily sense desperate energy. So instead of framing what we did as "seducing women", we would frame it as "practice". As a result, the guys were way more comfortable approaching women anywhere, anytime, and any place. Guys were more relaxed and had more fun once there was no pressure to get laid. And guys were getting way better results, including myself.

OP- My advice is start early on Saturday (Like 3 PM). Frame cold approaching during the day time as "practice." The first 10 approaches are going to suck. Just get used to showing intent without feeling weird or creepy. At some point you are going to hook a set (unless you are super ugly). Practice vibing with women. Practice escalating. And if the window is there, practice closing. Opening, vibing, escalating, and closing - that's pretty much all there is to it. And as a bonus, when you finally make it to night game ( bars, clubs, parties), you would have developed social momentum. You would be out of your head acting more natural in the night clubs because you've just spent all day vibing with women.

@Plinco - I've seen guys improve at warp speed using this "process oriented" approach of focusing on developing social skills instead of results. This is why I am not going to give you calibration tips. There's millions of different nuances in the seduction game. If you don't have a working process of continuous improvement, you'll just keep running into more situations where you need someone to calibrate you.

P.S. This was in the 2010's and in San Francisco and L.A., two of the biggest tourist cities in the U.S. where you can literally approach women all day in a city block radius and noone would notice. I understand not everyone lives in a location where pickup can be done religiously without anyone ever noticing you.

 

[DonJefe19]

I think it's pretty straightforward here - the vibe you were giving off was that of a lost puppy and the girls got "creep'd" out. When you just wonder around, with barely any interaction with groups of people in the bar nor doing any activity, people tend to keep you on their radar as an avoidance.

Although, I don't think age has anything to do with it. Younger chicks are looking for "energy" and if you can match it and have enough style that you can blend in, she's not going to care if you're 20+ years her senior. But that's the trick, you have to morph into that type of guy. And to be honest, everything you described doesn't really tell me you're that guy. This is something I suggest discussing with @BPH because he has all the attributes that would attract younger, attractive women. His game is quite solid.

Personally, I don't like bars or nightclubs unless I am with a group of girls. The loud music or ambience makes conversation impossible. Not to mention most of the patrons are drunk and are not exactly bringing out their best qualities. If I'm going to go solo anywhere, I prefer actual nightclubs - a club where people are there to actually dance. The chicks are better quality and you're going to have an easier time talking to them because they want to dance. And even if you suck, the hot ones are still going to like you because you're one of the few dudes who stuck himself out there and danced with her.

But again, personal opinion. My sh*t holds no weight and can be ignored.

 

[Clockwerk50]

For context, the girls I'm hitting on, look like them:

- YouTube

Enjoy the videos and music you love, upload original content, and share it all with friends, family, and the world on YouTube.

www.youtube.com

@BPH @The Duke @characternote @Scaramouche @Divorced w 3 @Clockwerk50 @BaronOfHair @Tilex @sevbucmash

They look barely legal…

 

[Plinco]

They look barely legal…

That's at a university in south Florida, they are over 18.

I think it's pretty straightforward here - the vibe you were giving off was that of a lost puppy and the girls got "creep'd" out. When you just wonder around, with barely any interaction with groups of people in the bar nor doing any activity, people tend to keep you on their radar as an avoidance.

Although, I don't think age has anything to do with it. Younger chicks are looking for "energy" and if you can match it and have enough style that you can blend in, she's not going to care if you're 20+ years her senior. But that's the trick, you have to morph into that type of guy. And to be honest, everything you described doesn't really tell me you're that guy. This is something I suggest discussing with @BPH because he has all the attributes that would attract younger, attractive women. His game is quite solid.

But again, personal opinion. My sh*t holds no weight and can be ignored.

Thanks for the input. I pretty much agree with you. The vibe thing is something I'm going to work on the next time.

It was called "100 set Saturdays." Basically every Saturday, the entire Pickup community would gather up, break up into groups, and spend the entire day cold approaching women in coffee shops, book stores, the mall, grocery stores, the streets, etc. The goal was not to get laid. The goal was to make it to 100 approaches. Ironically, most guys never made it to 100 approaches. They would end up pulling a woman way before they got anywhere close.

Basically we made it a rule to not focus on results. We were focused on the bigger picture - calibration. And of course, nothing calibrates you faster than the field itself. And instead of just showing up to night clubs, we thought it would be better to practice doing "day game" and develop some social momentum. If you work a 9-5 and have no social life, it could be daunting to show up at a random club on a Saturday night and put all the pressure on yourself to create a connection with a woman.


OP- My advice is start early on Saturday (Like 3 PM). Frame cold approaching during the day time as "practice." The first 10 approaches are going to suck. Just get used to showing intent without feeling weird or creepy. At some point you are going to hook a set (unless you are super ugly). Practice vibing with women. Practice escalating. And if the window is there, practice closing. Opening, vibing, escalating, and closing - that's pretty much all there is to it. And as a bonus, when you finally make it to night game ( bars, clubs, parties), you would have developed social momentum. You would be out of your head acting more natural in the night clubs because you've just spent all day vibing with women.

@Plinco - I've seen guys improve at warp speed using this "process oriented" approach of focusing on developing social skills instead of results. This is why I am not going to give you calibration tips. There's millions of different nuances in the seduction game. If you don't have a working process of continuous improvement, you'll just keep running into more situations where you need someone to calibrate you.

Yes I agree with this too. Improvement of the approach process has also been a focus of mine too.

Oh but it is relative.

For some people it may be easier than it used to be, for others harder.

Also it may be easier to get one type of relationship versus another.

It's not relative, it's contextual. Each person has their own context because of the abstract nature of each person's existence. Anything of value is contextual; it begs the question, who is it valuable for, and for what reason. An electrician needs his equipment more than you would if you had possession of it for whatever reason.

Man, why you do it to yourself. Why.

You are inclined to be a conformist, and I think you value the perception of harmony more than logical principle. That's the person you strike me as. You have the ability to p!ss me off. The problem is that you are too nice. Any time someone p!sses me off enough, I get focused on whatever result I'm trying to achieve because I get that added motivation of having to prove the whole world wrong. My vision, is to change the epistemological mode of humanity to use reason in every aspect of a person's life and to discard nihilism and mysticism. My enemies, regardless of whatever I'm doing, are always the blind conformists and the control freaks who disregard and attack the individual mind.

Now, taking under consideration that you are introverted...

Believe it or not, I'm actually an extrovert. I'm just different.

 

[sevbucmash]

but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop hitting on the girls I'm attracted to

Get yourself in their shoes. They don't want to be labeled by their friends as sluts. A 40+ year old dude hitting on them and they being reciprocal to advances diminishes their social value.

 

[Plinco]

Get yourself in their shoes. They don't want to be labeled by their friends as sluts. A 40+ year old dude hitting on them and they being reciprocal to advances diminishes their social value.

That's a good point and I've thought about this before. Causal sex is not my intention however.

 

[Divorced w 3]

That's a good mindset except I wouldn't even drink redbull. I've been to this place at least seven times in the last three months and haven't spent more than five dollars total, which is not a very nice thing to do. I think tipping the establishment 50 bucks next time I go there would be appropriate considering.

Then you fill it with club soda and a lime.

Don’t just throw $50 down, do it incrementally with $5 a drink over the course of your evening. You shouldn’t come anywhere near that number.