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Once the respect is gone is there any way to get it back?

BackInTheGame78

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He’s being abused by a woman? That’s some weak masculinity right there.

if you’re a man blaming women for relationships you choose to enter, it’s never going to look right .

OP should be bollocked and he deserves it. It’s the only way men learn.
Not in the physical sense but in the emotional sense...she knows she has him in the palm of her hand and can do whatever she wants with him. Those type of women seek out men like that and are experts at finding them.
 

Bigpapa

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Not in the physical sense but in the emotional sense...she knows she has him in the palm of her hand and can do whatever she wants with him. Those type of women seek out men like that and are experts at finding them.
people with mental problems have a keen sense in finding someone to have a toxic relationship with

usually men simp and women have borderline or bipolar problems

I think that now days there more problems like this mainly because women can get away with it , compared to other times when women would have been marginalized

healthy women hate simping
 

Foe

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He’s being abused by a woman? That’s some weak masculinity right there.

if you’re a man blaming women for relationships you choose to enter, it’s never going to look right .

OP should be bollocked and he deserves it. It’s the only way men learn.
So its this kind of advise that keeps me going actually. If I rationalise that all woman are like this and that its my fault I can keep this thing going to eternity, because deep down Im not a quitter and do take responsibility for my beta'ness with a aim to improve. This girl is straight up ruthless in her expectation of alpha, which I can fudge 90% of the time but still have beta tendency which is immediately and ruthlessly acknowledged by her and rejected.

As a learning ground to what it takes to be alpha this girl is a cutting edge teacher with swift and brutal results. She will immediately show the hypergamious result of not being the man she wants. Every fight, every outcome is my responsibility and again if I dont take it I will get punished with some kind of rejection.

But then you have to ask, what do you tolerate......should it be like this?
 

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Bigpapa

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So its this kind of advise that keeps me going actually. If I rationalise that all woman are like this and that its my fault I can keep this thing going to eternity, because deep down Im not a quitter and do take responsibility for my beta'ness with a aim to improve. This girl is straight up ruthless in her expectation of alpha, which I can fudge 90% of the time but still have beta tendency which is immediately and ruthlessly acknowledged by her and rejected.

As a learning ground to what it takes to be alpha this girl is a cutting edge teacher with swift and brutal results. She will immediately show the hypergamious result of not being the man she wants. Every fight, every outcome is my responsibility and again if I dont take it I will get punished with some kind of rejection.

But then you have to ask, what do you tolerate......should it be like this?
try to be extremely dominant in bed , and then try to tell her that you do not like when she is rough with you and it would be great if she could temper it down
 

Slowhandluke

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Women have been put on this earth to challenge men......
“Women are chaos” is wisdom older than the Bible.

In general, women are here to breed. They are emotional because we are rational. They make babies and we protect the family. They are not here to challenge men. We are here to reign in their stupidity. Woman are here to submit to a man. If a woman doesn't understand this, you should not be involved with her. In societies where women submit to their men, everyone is happier - even the woman. Women and men are built differently. We are suppose to complement each other. Neither one of us is "here" to "challenge" eachother.
 

LARaiders85

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Very true, but the fact the OP allows it, allows her that power, THAT is where weak masculinity comes into play.

That's on him and as Pan87 said, he deserves to get 'bollocked' (new word I just learned today, thanks Pan!). Lol
Calling a weak man weak does nothing to help. His subconscious says "I know." You need to point out the truth of his relationship rather than appeal to things he might not possess.
 

Gamisch

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So its this kind of advise that keeps me going actually. If I rationalise that all woman are like this and that its my fault I can keep this thing going to eternity, because deep down Im not a quitter and do take responsibility for my beta'ness with a aim to improve. This girl is straight up ruthless in her expectation of alpha, which I can fudge 90% of the time but still have beta tendency which is immediately and ruthlessly acknowledged by her and rejected.

As a learning ground to what it takes to be alpha this girl is a cutting edge teacher with swift and brutal results. She will immediately show the hypergamious result of not being the man she wants. Every fight, every outcome is my responsibility and again if I dont take it I will get punished with some kind of rejection.

But then you have to ask, what do you tolerate......should it be like this?

Billy just wrote a beautiful song about a BPD monster of a woman. I believe only via art a man can capitalize on female behaviour like this. Could be you who wrote this imo.

C'mon op ,you are rationalizing her ****ty behaviour...

You are playing with fire, using her as a "practice case", for more then 1 reason:
- you already set yourself to meet women like this in the future, so this toxic cycle will only continue.
- at some point your self esteem might take a big hit
-her respect lowers more and more for you.

Even pablo Escobar had his beta tendencies , we are only human. Dont use a psycho as a teacher.

Sounds like you like to be tight up naked and whipped with a ball in your mouth.

Freaking leave her OP.
 

LARaiders85

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I thought I did that by saying he is allowing her that power over him, is that not the truth of their relationship, their dynamic?

I think it's important for him to hear that so he can begin taking the necessary steps, whatever it takes to claim his power back.

He may not even realize that's what's happening (i.e. denial).

You even said his "subconscious" knows but it's his "conscious mind" that needs to know.
im responding to Pan as well, the issue is the way the message is presented.
 

Foe

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Billy just wrote a beautiful song about a BPD monster of a woman. I believe only via art a man can capitalize on female behaviour like this. Could be you who wrote this imo.

C'mon op ,you are rationalizing her ****ty behaviour...

You are playing with fire, using her as a "practice case", for more then 1 reason:
- you already set yourself to meet women like this in the future, so this toxic cycle will only continue.
- at some point your self esteem might take a big hit
-her respect lowers more and more for you.

Even pablo Escobar had his beta tendencies , we are only human. Dont use a psycho as a teacher.

Sounds like you like to be tight up naked and whipped with a ball in your mouth.

Freaking leave her OP.
Damn dude that song is on point. I think Ive heard it before but it spoke to me in this instance. All your advise is sound and I really appreciate it I just have to find the balls to say no when the phone rings. In the meantime Im working on the frame that this relationship is over and putting my ducks in a line.

Its hard to not take responsibility for my part though, Ive put on a bit of weight, started drinking more since being with her etc etc. I can lose the weight within the month and the drinking is less of a issue then what she wanted it to be. Still I did get comfortable and loose in that relationship. For whatever reason when I go single I get this mad drive, start working out more, start drinking less, put more into my work.

I dont know why I cant keep that momentum going in a relationship, its like once your balls are drained so is your ambition. I wish I could be more narcisistic (which ironnically she thinks I am) and not give two ****s about her or her position but I keep going back to my problems, how I took the relationship for granted and what else I can do to fix it.

I think someone on here said to be a true alpha you need at least some form of sociopathy which I guess the beta's need to learn? Not exactly easy when you have been conditioned to "care". I know redpill theory and agree with it but thats more to the nature of the woman rather then the need for the man to adopt or mirror the same solipsism woman seem to naturally exude.
 

BackInTheGame78

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Very true, but the fact the OP allows it, allows her that power, THAT is where weak masculinity comes into play.

That's on him and as Pan87 said, he deserves to get 'bollocked' (new word I just learned today, thanks Pan!). Lol
Yes...that's what she senses about him and why she is with him. That's what I meant when I said she looks for guys like that.
 

Slowhandluke

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Women submit to worthy men. Women don’t just submit to men by default and I don’t support any man who thinks women should just submit to men automatically.

Most men are absolute dogsh1t. They don’t deserve to have any woman submitting to him.

I do however agree that women are happiest in submission. As long as it’s the right guy (99% are not right manginas in 2022).

That mentally is how feminism started to take hold. In general women should submit to men. That is how it has been throughout history. 50 years ago when a woman got married she was expected to submit to her husband (sex whenever he wanted, get dinner ready, don't talk back, etc.); if she didn't do those things society looked down on her.

The man was also expected to treat his wife lovingly/protector her or else other men/society would punish the man (jail; relatives of the wife would beat the man up if he was a wife beater, etc...) This is almost the same mentality in Asia right now. Heck even in societies that practice arranged marriages, the woman would submit. And I dare say, the majority of women submit to their men in these societies and they have one of the highest rates of happiness IN THEIR MARRIAGE even though both the husband and the wife didn't choose who their spouses would be. This is the same mentality in religious sects like the Amish, the Mennonites, LDS, etc... and there are scientific studies that say religious women are more happy than unreligious ones.

Most men are NOT "absolute dogsh1t"; most men are average and the average man is not a bad person. Just like how the average woman is not a bad person. However, men and women in general are NOT built the same. Men are built to be protectors. Women are built to submit. For most of human history, this was the way it work. Heck, the majority of societies in the world works like this. Remember there are Islamic societies, Buddhist societies, hindu society, etc.. Western ideology is not the major ideology. In those societies, women submit.
 

Gamisch

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Damn dude that song is on point. I think Ive heard it before but it spoke to me in this instance. All your advise is sound and I really appreciate it I just have to find the balls to say no when the phone rings. In the meantime Im working on the frame that this relationship is over and putting my ducks in a line.

Its hard to not take responsibility for my part though, Ive put on a bit of weight, started drinking more since being with her etc etc. I can lose the weight within the month and the drinking is less of a issue then what she wanted it to be. Still I did get comfortable and loose in that relationship. For whatever reason when I go single I get this mad drive, start working out more, start drinking less, put more into my work.

I dont know why I cant keep that momentum going in a relationship, its like once your balls are drained so is your ambition. I wish I could be more narcisistic (which ironnically she thinks I am) and not give two ****s about her or her position but I keep going back to my problems, how I took the relationship for granted and what else I can do to fix it.

I think someone on here said to be a true alpha you need at least some form of sociopathy which I guess the beta's need to learn? Not exactly easy when you have been conditioned to "care". I know redpill theory and agree with it but thats more to the nature of the woman rather then the need for the man to adopt or mirror the same solipsism woman seem to naturally exude.
I may sound kinda harsh, bit I feel you and I are much alike, I recognize myself in your situation. In my language they say , even a donkey doesn't hit the same stone twice. The English equivalent is something like fool me once shame on you..

Problem is at this moment your motivation seems external, while it should be internal. Like someone who only gets a job when he's broke , vs stacking money to prevent going broke.

And yeah, the thing about being a sociopath, is its just an ingredient of being so called "redpill" . The nature of women is ruthless, so when they recognize ruthlessness within you they somehow respect you more..good and funny example:


I firmly believe that when you find internal motivation to hit the gym, drink less ect, and even tell her you messing with other women her behaviour will drastically improve. But then you might have a better woman who goes through the same turmoil you went through, which will make you feel like a sociopath.

I start noticing that the issue with( us?) Is we try to restore our personal honour through Jezebel- ish women like this, instead of just taking the L and move the f on. (L = learning lessons life love ,not necessary Lose). So yeah you right, you are guilty as well for not cutting her off.
 

Striker_93

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The nature of women is ruthless, so when they recognize ruthlessness within you they somehow respect you
Someone gets it.....

Most men are too soft to deal wit these women of today, glad I don't have that issue.
 
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Slowhandluke

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In societies where women submit, what are the consequences of not submitting? Usually pretty severe.
Some religious sects, they will kick the woman out of their society -- the amish, the menonites, etc.. Some countries, they will put the woman in jail.. and obviously worse. If a norm of society is broken, expect there to be consequences. In our society, if you kill your neighbor, or possess child pornography, we would expect there to be grave consequences. That being said, in some countries not submitting to men, the consequences are small. Women who do not submit are just ignored by society and shun. Men don't want to date them. This is relatively true in parts of SE asia.

is it real desire for submission to all men that these women have, or threats of extreme violence?
At the end of the day, threats of violence keeps people in check. While most people don't want to commit murder, those that do know that there will be grave consequences i.e., threats of extreme violence by society if they do (death sentence, long jail time, etc.). At the end of the day, it doesn't matter. The fact is women living in societies where they are submissive are more happy and content then those that don't. There have been numerous studies on this. If these women were worried about "threats of extreme violence" and that is the only reason they were submissive, their happiness would be lower, but that is not the case.

I can tell you right now. Women hate being controlled by men they don’t like. They will naturally rebel. It doesn’t turn them on. Women get turned on the most when they are dominated by a man she respects.

Women only submit to worthy men. Like it or not. If you want women to submit to all men then you can only do it through enforced violence.

Men have always been trying and failing to control women. It started with Adam and Eve and the forbidden fruit. Eve couldn’t even submit to God. Satan came along (player) and Eve switched to what she considered a more worthy man.

This allegory is very important in understanding that women are not all-round submissive. Only to certain men. To the men she is not submitted to then she is chaos.

Unworthy men, who have failed in their burden of performance, demonstrating they can’t even master themselves. These men should not be controlling anything, let alone women.
The average man is worthy of the average women. Don't buy into the propaganda that the average man is bad and only a small percent of men are good. For as long as man is alive; woman is the more "agreeable" sex.. the more feminine sex. For the most part, they did not fight wars, they did not build roads, they did not innovate or bring new technologies to MANkind. They were the passive gender, and men were the active one. Only within this generation have we had women trying to act like men and not be submissive.. not be feminine.


Throughout history, agree or disagree if it's a bad thing, but women were treated and acted more like how the Taliban treated their women. And for the most part, the women didn't mind.

 
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TB24

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Once the respect is gone is there any way to get it back?
Wrong question. Respect vanishes because of missing competence and wrong decisions. If you don't gain competence and make right decisions, priorities, etc. why should someone suddenly react in a different way (=respect you)?
Thus, work on your skills. Your body, mind, habits, you name it. It may take months, or sometimes years. Consistency is crucial. This is no 2-week-makeover.
If you do that, you may probably not even want that particular person back. You probably won't care about her anymore. But that's the place where you want to be. If you stay where you are, your next relationship will probably be similar to this one.
 

Bigpapa

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The average man is worthy of the average women. Don't buy into the propaganda that the average man is bad and only a small percent of men are good. For as long as man is alive; woman is the more "agreeable" sex.. the more feminine sex. For the most part, they did not fight wars, they did not build roads, they did not innovate or bring new technologies to MANkind. They were the passive gender, and men were the active one. Only within this generation have we had women trying to act like men and not be submissive.. not be feminine.


Throughout history, agree or disagree if it's a bad thing, but women were treated and acted more like how the Taliban treated their women. And for the most part, the women didn't mind.

You have a point , but also men till recently had a very low life expectancy as there were a lot of wars for example

We should stop glorifying the average guy . The average guy does a lot of stupid things and usually never learns from his mistakes

the only way forward is for the average guy to improve , not to become vaginized and complain ( like most guys here )

things are how they are , good or bad this is the life . You can go above the problems ( like your predecessors did in time of great need ) , or you can complain and become bitter ( like women do ) . There is no middle path

if women do not like you it is more a problem with you than with them

guys perform and women choose . This is the Circle of life
 

Slowhandluke

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You have a point , but also men till recently had a very low life expectancy as there were a lot of wars for example

We should stop glorifying the average guy . The average guy does a lot of stupid things and usually never learns from his mistakes

the only way forward is for the average guy to improve , not to become vaginized and complain ( like most guys here )

things are how they are , good or bad this is the life . You can go above the problems ( like your predecessors did in time of great need ) , or you can complain and become bitter ( like women do ) . There is no middle path

if women do not like you it is more a problem with you than with them

guys perform and women choose . This is the Circle of life
Lets agree to disagree. Men are not bad. When I say "men" we are taking about the average man. He's not perfect, but than the average woman isn't perfect. However, society demonizes "men" while the average woman gets a pass. That's not fair or a good thing to do. We have to demonize ALL people -- the average man and the average woman; or we don't demonize anyone.

It's not ok for the average woman to tell the average man: "you average guys suck. See that top 10% guy? Be more like him".

What makes the average woman so much better than the average man? Some of these women ***** around; blames everyone except herself for her decisions; she hits "the wall" and then, and only then, finally decides to give the average man a chance...etc... I could go on and on; people are not perfect.

Average women who think they deserve the top tier men, this is bound for failure. In societies where arranged marriages exist, people (both women and men) are happier in their marriages. What women think they want, doesn't necessary mean that is what will make them happy. There has been research that a lot couples in arranged marriages did not initially love their spouses (they were mostly ambivalent). However, as time passes, they fell in love with each other. They had a higher rate of marriage satisfaction compared to spouses who chose their own mates. Those are the facts. I'm sure if a lot of these women had to choose their spouses, they would not have chosen the man that they were arranged to get married to because he was "too poor"... "too ugly"... "didn't make her laugh"... etc... etc...

I see nothing that would say the average man is not qualified to date the average woman. They are both flawed and they are both awesome at the same time.
 

mrgoodstuff

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Wrong question. Respect vanishes because of missing competence and wrong decisions. If you don't gain competence and make right decisions, priorities, etc. why should someone suddenly react in a different way (=respect you)?
Thus, work on your skills. Your body, mind, habits, you name it. It may take months, or sometimes years. Consistency is crucial. This is no 2-week-makeover.
If you do that, you may probably not even want that particular person back. You probably won't care about her anymore. But that's the place where you want to be. If you stay where you are, your next relationship will probably be similar to this one.
You can do all right and someone can CHOOSE not to respect YOU. Another person can behave as you do and that person can choose to respect them. So it's not as cut and dry as you do x y and z and always on point and everyone will "respect" you, everyone will not "respect" you, but some will.
 
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