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On the topic of MANOSPHERE

Modern Man Advice

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It is perplexing that we are all here with the intent (or at least I hope so) to improve in some capacity. Whether that is your game, growth, health, etc, etc. But more often than not, we end up calling each other out and getting into insult wars, I myself included. Not going to lie or deceive as I've gotten into petty arguments. And I have been trying to improve in that regard and try not to be too defensive about my ideas understanding I could be wrong and I could learn from a different perspective.

If I am being honest, I didn't know what to expect from the 'Manosphere' community when I joined with the goal to improve how I coach my clients through Modern Man Advice and me, myself, grow in the process, and it is hard to find a lot of toxicity. So much it makes me wonder and give it a hard analysis on where we, as men, stand. We are all passionate about what we believe, and that is a good thing. And I guess that is what makes us men, we conquer other men. We simply conquer. It is our nature.

But that was back when we actually had the courage to fight and die for what we believed.

Would this happen exactly as it does if we were all face to face or do we have more courage because we are all typing on a keyboard? Would we disagree to such an extent if we were sitting down in a circle discussing these topics?
Are we learning anything of value through insults and petty arguments?

I am not by any means trying to be a mediator here, but something you should all give a thought and reflect on why you are here. I thought we were, at least I am, to uplift and guide future generations. To make men more aware of their masculinity and stop feeling ridiculed for it. To walk alongside each other with the same goal to be better men.

My two humble cents.

Cheers,
Jim

Modern Man Advice
 
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FuzzX

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I hate to break it to you but ya'll aren't part of the Manosphere. You are the last dude I would recommend to coach a man.

Hank, the fact that you reported on a user for hurt feelings speaks volumes about your character.
 

FuzzX

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This is a serious thread. Please don't intentionally sidetrack.

Asking nicely.
Why, you gonna report me now?

Modern Man, you went on about being a feminist before, your posts are in lockstep with their virtues. If the mods here are in favor of this.

well old Admiral Akbar said it best.
 
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lost_blackbird

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I wonder why I'm here sometimes. I think it's to try and figure out whether or not I wish to remain
celibate permanently. I have opened up a number of times on here about my difficulties after
my marriage ended in 2019, largely because I struggle with real life interactions with others and as
the user name suggests, I feel lost in my life. For me finding the motivation to continue with females
is the biggest difficulty as I have literally zero impetus to put myself through the complete nightmare
of stress trying to find another one that can put up with my odd ways.

I haven't had a ton of advice that's very helpful (low T gets mentioned a lot) and I do get that my
parameters are far from typical so generic advice often falls short of the mark. I've tried making
sense of this stuff on autism groups/forums but getting those guys to open up and speak
honestly is like getting blood from a stone.
 

Atom Smasher

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It’s a fact of life in our modern age. Typing behind a monitor tends to embolden us to be much more direct, non-empathetic and even downright nasty. Just look at the comments in virtually any YouTube video. Someone says something that a person disagrees with, and he or she is likely to react with vitriol that they would never exhibit if they were face-to-face.

Somehow this medium strips away certain social mores and causes us to assume a stance of omniscience and judgment. It’s a “special” place where we think we can safely dispense with interpersonal self-control. When I say, “we”, I mean all of humankind.

We here should be better than that. We should have more awareness, at least enough to rise above this reactive habit. I’ve always tried to check myself and respond to people as I would if I was face to face, especially when I was modding.

Human nature is reactive and ego-driven. All it takes is a conscious decision to rise above the automatic response by remembering there are real people behind the words on the screen. This is especially important when dealing with the noobs and greenhorns that come in.

This place serves as a hospital for men who have been shattered and are about to swallow the red one. We should act as elder statesmen, correcting and guiding them with the understanding that most of us were in that same position at one point in our lives.

Some of the more obstinate guys need a little tough love thrown their way, but that should come about only after a brotherly attempt to advise and correct fails, unless the guy is arrogant.

All the people I ever banned had these things in common: Reactiveness. Ego investment. Inability to control anger and frustration. In other words, weakness.
 

DonJuanjr

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I wonder why I'm here sometimes. I think it's to try and figure out whether or not I wish to remain
celibate permanently. I have opened up a number of times on here about my difficulties after
my marriage ended in 2019, largely because I struggle with real life interactions with others and as
the user name suggests, I feel lost in my life. For me finding the motivation to continue with females
is the biggest difficulty as I have literally zero impetus to put myself through the complete nightmare
of stress trying to find another one that can put up with my odd ways.

I haven't had a ton of advice that's very helpful (low T gets mentioned a lot) and I do get that my
parameters are far from typical so generic advice often falls short of the mark. I've tried making
sense of this stuff on autism groups/forums but getting those guys to open up and speak
honestly is like getting blood from a stone.
You have to realize that you need a connection with another human being, even if it's for a short time(during sex). I had a celibate streak longer than you. Once I had sex again after such a long period of volcelity?... I realized that the need for human bonding(even if only during the act of sex) is such an important part of life... I don't think it's low testosterone, it's just, you haven't had a positive enough experience to realize the importance of it.... I'm not interested in any type of relationship outside of plate spinning. I still realize the emotional importance of having one night stand sex. YOU ARE ON THIS SITE BECAUSE YOU CRAVE DESIRE! Realize this and make positive change to actualize it.
 

bat soup

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It is perplexing that we are all here with the intent (or at least I hope so) to improve in some capacity. Whether that is your game, growth, health, etc, etc. But more often than not, we end up calling each other out and getting into insult wars, I myself included. Not going to lie or deceive as I've gotten into petty arguments. And I have been trying to improve in that regard and try not to be too defensive about my ideas understanding I could be wrong and I could learn from a different perspective.

If I am being honest, I didn't know what to expect from the 'Manosphere' community when I joined with the goal to improve how I coach my clients through Modern Man Advice and me, myself, grow in the process, and it is hard to find a lot of toxicity. So much it makes me wonder and give it a hard analysis on where we, as men, stand. We are all passionate about what we believe, and that is a good thing. And I guess that is what makes us men, we conquer other men. We simply conquer. It is our nature.

But that was back when we actually had the courage to fight and die for what we believed.

Would this happen exactly as it does if we were all face to face or do we have more courage because we are all typing on a keyboard? Would we disagree to such an extent if we were sitting down in a circle discussing these topics?
Are we learning anything of value through insults and petty arguments?

I am not by any means trying to be a mediator here, but something you should all give a thought and reflect on why you are here. I thought we were, at least I am, to uplift and guide future generations. To make men more aware of their masculinity and stop feeling ridiculed for it. To walk alongside each other with the same goal to be better men.

My two humble cents.

Cheers,
Jim

Modern Man Advice
Welcome to the internet.
 

lost_blackbird

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You have to realize that you need a connection with another human being, even if it's for a short time(during sex). I had a celibate streak longer than you. Once I had sex again after such a long period of volcelity?... I realized that the need for human bonding(even if only during the act of sex) is such an important part of life... I don't think it's low testosterone, it's just, you haven't had a positive enough experience to realize the importance of it.... I'm not interested in any type of relationship outside of plate spinning. I still realize the emotional importance of having one night stand sex. YOU ARE ON THIS SITE BECAUSE YOU CRAVE DESIRE! Realize this and make positive change to actualize it.
My longest was 7 years, between 21-28 years old. This is not my first (non) rodeo. :D
I'm 48 years old, my wife (18 years together) was very attractive and sexy, also she is a pole
dance instructor (stripper style) so as you'd imagine, she's very body confident and tuned
into her feminine energy. Hell, we even had a purpose built pole dance studio, in our back
garden with everything from coloured lights, strobes and laser lighting effects, soundsystem,
mirrored walls floor to ceiling. Worked my ass off building that for her, never once did I think
about taking her in there and banging her. I just don't get an urge to 'take' a woman like that.
None the less, for a large part of our relationship we had sex about once a week and some of
it was pretty good. Probably had the most sex when we were on holiday, and we did see a lot
of the world so I certainly have had some positive sexual experiences. I've never really been with
unattractive girls and I've had sex with a few stunners over the years before meeting my wife.
The problem is, I crave companionship far more than sex. My wife and I were like housemates
for the last 4 years of our marriage, separate bedrooms throughout. Sex maybe once every
4-6weeks which she initiated 100% of the time during this period. To be transparently honest,
I maybe initiated sex 5 times in our entire relationship, all very early on.

Now my weird behaviour has inevitably ruined my marriage and now ultimately driven my wife
into the arms of another man, crushing me emotionally in the process, I am keen to learn a new
way to do things because mine doesn't work. I don't have many friends, even fewer that I socialise
with so I can't ask anybody else their advice. I read a lot more than I post and am trying to pick up
some information, but without feeling any real sex drive at all, part of me wonders "What's the point?
What is this leading to?" I am for the time being, still married with the actual divorce planned for October
which is then 2 full years since the breakup. The last time I had sex was summer 2019, maybe June/July?
So I still haven't been with anyone but my wife in about 20 years now, even though for the last two years
I had her full blessing to go and bang whomever I choose, I haven't and haven't had a single experience
even though I go out a lot, that has led to anything sexual or romantic with a female. I sometimes wonder
if it would be less painful and complicated overall if I just sacked the whole idea, got a dog, bought a little
house somewhere and tried to enjoy a mainly solitary life. I don't know, I'm so confused. Without a natural
sex drive to compel me to pursue women, I have to force it? That somehow feels kinda... forced.
 
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Grinderman

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The original title was...."on the topic of RESPECT" (yes respect in capital letters). Then after some consideration the op was edited.

I am not by any means trying to be a mediator here, but something you should all give a thought and reflect on why you are here.
...and that's exactly what you are doing here. It's like when someone says "I don't mean to be rude, but........." you can be sure there will be something the perceive as rude coming from their cake hole next.

Again I will state, I am a proponent of men fixing their INNER GAME issues as I believe that whatever "success" (whatever you define as success) man has be it with women, money, career .....man will surely fvck it up if there are holes in his inner game. Be it boundary issues......a big one....which the likes of Robert Bly addresses in seminars (see: a gathering of men. In fact I will post it) and his fantastic book (highly recommended ) Iron John. A lack of strong masculine boundaries often results in the man falling into what Bly calls "the ashes" (Jordan Peterson calls this the underworld). The ashes maybe a cocaine addiction, prison, the hell of allowing a God-less women wreck havoc in your life. Falling into the ashes can be a gradual process that comes about due to glaring holes in the man's boundaries. Not saying no when no needed to be said for example. Not saying yes to the right things. Having boundary walls too high because of past hurt or the extreme opposite boundary walls too low where anyone can just walk in an steal your soul. Literally robbing your life force.

Bly also points out the importance of having older men in one's life as mentors or role models. The elders of the tribe. The elders of the tribe will assure the younger members have their boundaries shored up usually by initiation ritual processes which is no longer evident in today's culture. Unfortunately, that hole that is often evident in the youngster is often filled up with gangs, drugs, cults, resentment and mistrust of older men (often very evident in the boy raised by a single mother)

Men will often have INNER GAME issues due to childhood trauma. If the trauma is not cleaned up (addressed and software updated) the patterns of the past are often perpetuated in a non stop cycle in which the man (the inner boy) does not fully understand why he is constantly repeating the same mistakes (repetitions compulsion, Freud).

Now, here's the thing: when you point out a possible inner game issue with certain posters......rather than examine the information to decipher if there is any gold to be mined (are we not helping a man if he has codependent issues and we point that out) too often......he takes it as a slight .....as an insult......jumps on the defensive and lashes back (which in a cruel and ironic way proves the point of the boundary issue....)

I would say that rather than get upset that the person speaking to you is "sitting behind a keyboard and wouldn't dare speak to me that way face to face" , remember the fact that you are behind a keyboard, nobody is trying to hurt you, you are in the safety of your own home and can evaluate the information whether it has value to your or not, without feeling the need to feel offend. In other words, this is a "safe space" for you to examine INNER GAME (possible) issues. This is the perfect space to address them.

Remember: if you have HOT BUTTONS. Bullies in the REAL WORLD will tear you apart. They will go after you and take advantage of you. or just wind you up for fun. If you observe nature documentaries, the lions are not really that brave; they go after the WEAK: the young (not strong), the pregnant, the old.............They do not attack those who can defend themselves. Why do some men say they don't tolerate or don't even see so called "****e tests" from women while other men talk about failing a ****e test? difference win boundary issues. Was it David Daida in the way of the superior man who said "women want to feel secure with you, so will test to see what your made of". Women and children probe around looking for your limits like a blind man searching for the wall.

but something you should all give a thought and reflect on why you are here.
You see (and I am trying to word this diplomatically, as I am aware the op has a tendency to take offence) I see traits of codependence in the op. Whenever the word should is used, especially when it refers to other's behavior which is outside of our control, there is boundary issues going on. When someone says what others should do, they are trying to control the boundary of the other person. Control issues. Not a surprise in this culture.

A gathering of men

Iron John

Repetition compulsion

For laughs:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-oxgWZKyyc
 

manfrombelow

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I said this once and I am going to say it again:

As true men as we claim ourselves to be, we should help raise one another up, not belittling and dragging each other down, just to make our fragile ego feel good.

It's disgusting to see "true alpha men" keep bragging and looking down on young inexperienced guy who came here for help.
 

SirBigBell

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I agree with everything the OP said and commend him for his refreshing honesty about his own shortcomings.

My default setting is to always maintain an open mind to things, so that I can give balanced advice if invited to do so. I have at times found it disappointing that some people here are so broken by life that they are permanently angry, negative, pessimistic and self-appointed troll hunters. Everyone who disagrees with them becomes a troll instantly.
They see their own shadow and jump in fear.
Very sad
 

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mikedee

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It is perplexing that we are all here with the intent (or at least I hope so) to improve in some capacity. Whether that is your game, growth, health, etc, etc. But more often than not, we end up calling each other out and getting into insult wars, I myself included. Not going to lie or deceive as I've gotten into petty arguments. And I have been trying to improve in that regard and try not to be too defensive about my ideas understanding I could be wrong and I could learn from a different perspective.

If I am being honest, I didn't know what to expect from the 'Manosphere' community when I joined with the goal to improve how I coach my clients through Modern Man Advice and me, myself, grow in the process, and it is hard to find a lot of toxicity. So much it makes me wonder and give it a hard analysis on where we, as men, stand. We are all passionate about what we believe, and that is a good thing. And I guess that is what makes us men, we conquer other men. We simply conquer. It is our nature.

But that was back when we actually had the courage to fight and die for what we believed.

Would this happen exactly as it does if we were all face to face or do we have more courage because we are all typing on a keyboard? Would we disagree to such an extent if we were sitting down in a circle discussing these topics?
Are we learning anything of value through insults and petty arguments?

I am not by any means trying to be a mediator here, but something you should all give a thought and reflect on why you are here. I thought we were, at least I am, to uplift and guide future generations. To make men more aware of their masculinity and stop feeling ridiculed for it. To walk alongside each other with the same goal to be better men.

My two humble cents.

Cheers,
Jim

Modern Man Advice
A lot of people here lie about their dating and sex life, they won't admit that they suck sometimes, like anybody else. Lot of people here are really narrow-minded: it works like this and not like that, if this happens it's because of that, don't do this because it will causes that, every women are the same, Tinder is sh!t, cold approach is sh!t.
Dating is not a recipe

I always try to be as transparent as possible, I don't lie. People are quick on judging: "you live in scarcity, you don't have respect for yourself, find a purpose in life, you're a nice guy" when they don't sh1t about you.

Lot of testosterone and insecurity.
 

Hank Moody

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A lot of people here lie about their dating and sex life, they won't admit that they suck sometimes, like anybody else. Lot of people here are really narrow-minded: it works like this and not like that, if this happens it's because of that, don't do this because it will causes that, every women are the same, Tinder is sh!t, cold approach is sh!t.
Dating is not a recipe

I always try to be as transparent as possible, I don't lie. People are quick on judging: "you live in scarcity, you don't have respect for yourself, find a purpose in life, you're a nice guy" when they don't sh1t about you.

Lot of testosterone and insecurity.
Human communication in the 21st Century is basically just one person waiting for the other to stop talking so they can say what they wanna say. Active listening is a thing of the past.
 

Bigpapa

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Human communication in the 21st Century is basically just one person waiting for the other to stop talking so they can say what they wanna say. Active listening is a thing of the past.
that is mainly due to the self development books that appeared which let people believe that now they understood everything and experts in giving out advices ... or how hank moody in californication puts it “ everyone is a f8ckiny critic this days “

M
 

Hank Moody

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that is mainly due to the self development books that appeared which let people believe that now they understood everything and experts in giving out advices ... or how hank moody in californication puts it “ everyone is a f8ckiny critic this days “

M
Finally!! A fan of the show.
 

Modern Man Advice

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Thanks to all the fine men that replied and shared their input on this thread. It really does take greatness and strength to be humble and honest.

All that we should ever ask is to walk alongside each other and try to build each other up in a world that is constantly ridiculing masculinity and trying to weaken men. If we don't hold each other accountable and uplift each other, we are in for further discord.

Simply be aware when you respond to other members' threads that your opinion does not automatically make you right or even worse put you in a higher position. Humble yourself that maybe you are wrong and can learn something of value, and if you disagree, disagree with class and allow for space for others to share because while their perspective might not suit your reality, it might suit someone else's.

And to you, @lost_blackbird, there is nothing anyone here can say that will truly help you. Everyone's path is different and will never reflect yours. And that is for a reason. You need to figure this out on your own, but we can sure walk alongside you. But if I had one recommendation, as an avid reader, is to check out The Surrender Experiment by Michael. E. Singer. And if you have the chance, take a trip to Uganda, or Sudan, or Nicaragua, or Palestine, to put things in perspective for you.

Modern Man Advice
 
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