"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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Observations on this forum

Plinco

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I'm sure I'm not the only one who has noticed this. Whenever people complain about about something, people generally agree on what the problems are. Whenever members give newbies basic advice, people generally agree on basic concepts. However, whenever an abstract solution gets hammered out, that's when some members get at each others throats. Is this a result of different philosophies? Different cognitive preferences?

Is there a way to solve this problem or is this a permanent feature of this forum?
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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jimwho

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Describe a hammered out abstract solution, << Oxymoron. I think?
 

Willie Naylor

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I'm sure I'm not the only one who has noticed this. Whenever people complain about about something, people generally agree on what the problems are. Whenever members give newbies basic advice, people generally agree on basic concepts. However, whenever an abstract solution gets hammered out, that's when some members get at each others throats. Is this a result of different philosophies? Different cognitive preferences?

Is there a way to solve this problem or is this a permanent feature of this forum?
I say all the time, even to my real-life friends, when people ask for advice, they're looking for 'advice' that aligns with how they feel about the situation.

People are only interested in what they WANT to hear. Nobody's interested in hearing what they NEED to hear.
 

Plinco

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Describe a hammered out abstract solution, << Oxymoron. I think?
Explained by the poster, not always clear to the reader. Maybe hammered out is not the correct term.
 

Plinco

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I say all the time, even to my real-life friends, when people ask for advice, they're looking for 'advice' that aligns with how they feel about the situation.

People are only interested in what they WANT to hear. Nobody's interested in hearing what they NEED to hear.
This is true in many cases
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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mjb3617

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I think the problem stems from the fact a lot of men don't want to do the hard work of really looking at themselves and making a change. Believing that a change needs to happen and taking action is much harder than asking for advice to make themselves feel better.

Accepting the true reality of the world we live in and doing the deep work of improving oneself is the hardest pill to swallow for a lot of guys.
 

Plinco

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I think the problem stems from the fact a lot of men don't want to do the hard work of really looking at themselves and making a change. Believing that a change needs to happen and taking action is much harder than asking for advice to make themselves feel better.

Accepting the true reality of the world we live in and doing the deep work of improving oneself is the hardest pill to swallow for a lot of guys.
This is true in many cases.

People also have a tendency to project themselves when giving advice too. I'm guilty of that.
 

Zimbabwe

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This is human nature and you can't really change that, this forum has a lot of really good advice you just need to do some digging.
 

Epicenter

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I'm sure I'm not the only one who has noticed this. Whenever people complain about about something, people generally agree on what the problems are. Whenever members give newbies basic advice, people generally agree on basic concepts. However, whenever an abstract solution gets hammered out, that's when some members get at each others throats. Is this a result of different philosophies? Different cognitive preferences?

Is there a way to solve this problem or is this a permanent feature of this forum?
There might be many ways to solve the issue. For example you only are allowed to post if you meditated 20 minutes already.

Mostly we post to rant not to make reasonable contributions.

Another approach is to get at things scientifically and artistically. That way the post does not come from a egoistical standpoint.

Emotional control and humor can help.

So improve yourself and you will improve the forum or so.
 

mjb3617

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This is true in many cases.

People also have a tendency to project themselves when giving advice too. I'm guilty of that.
So am I. I've only been on my RP journey for about 8 months so I'll still freshly unplugged. I was BP for all of my life and unplugged late in life. I'm 35.

However, in that span of time, I've learned a lot about myself and what I need to work on. It's not easy and the goal is to be better than you were yesterday. Slow progress is better than no progress at all.

I'm by no means an expert on the subject, but I can confidently say the deep work required to truly improve yourself is the most critical to success.
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Bokanovsky

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Explained by the poster, not always clear to the reader. Maybe hammered out is not the correct term.
I think you've answered your own question. Abstract points are unclear by definition and thus subject to multiple interpretations.
 
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