So first off, the reason I titled this thread "military husbands" is because I was referring to being married, 800 miles away from the wife, having her misbehave, and not being there in person to handle it. I was not implying that military guys are the only ones who go through this sh|t.
In talking to my wife's father, I learned that she actually has a diagnosed mental disability that resulted from a very hard fall she took as a child. She has a lot of health issues that I did know about. But when it comes to mental health she has never disclosed this to me. She has specifically said "People have told me I was mental but I do not have any mental problems at all". I've seen her act like a typical woman before but according to her dad, her issues are much deeper than typical. He said "She had never been a happy person". She seemed happy with me a lot of the time, but from what he said, I really don't know if she was really happy or faking it. Another part of this is that my wife is not a heavy drinker. She loves her weed but rarely drinks any alcohol. Well, I heard from the wife of one of the band members that the night the sh|t went down she had drank multiple bottles of wine all herself. Bottom line is I think the wine unleashed the monster she had been hiding from me. When I told her we needed to talk about a brain injury she had from childhood, her response when I said "Brain injury" was "You talked to my dad, didn't you?". She knew at that point that the beans had been spilled. She tried to say "I told you about it" but I found some texts where she has specifically said "I do not have any diagnosed mental problems".
Lucky for me, we do not have any joint bank accounts. The only thing we share is there is a car in my name 100% but she pays for the insurance and drives it. My plan is to stay on her good side until I get back home, and then start the divorce process. I haven't said a single nasty thing to her over this, not a single cuss word. This way she can't accuse me of being the monster that she is.