Not sure how to play this one

[CaptFinnBad]

Not long out a relationship, not ready for another. Although I do want to start seeing women casually. Been talking to a few and have some potentially lined up, they don't really matter though.

So there is this women, I keep bumping into her. We got talking when I was with my ex.

I work with dogs and so does she's, that's how we met in a carpark. We bump into each other in the same carpark a couple times a week.

She's ridiculously enthusiastic when she sees me. We either talk for half hour or sometimes we just walk together if we see eachother at the beach.

She's always messing up her schedule and making herself late for clients, because she never wants to leave when I pull up as she's getting ready to go.

She's always hinting we should hang out. She's really attractive, got ridiculous amounts in common, the weirdest most random stuff too.

I keep blowing her off, not in an obvious way just saying yeah that would be cool but not pursuing it.

First time she did it , was when I told her I broke up with my ex (she didn't even know I had a girlfriend at that point ).

Today she was hinting for my number, also asked me if I'd like to start actually schedule meeting in the day instead of leaving it to random encounters. Which I said it's definitely something we should do. I just left it at that.

All sounds awesome right.... Heres the problem, I'm totally into her.

There is definitely attraction both ways, connection is there, and desire. I'm pretty sure if we hooked up it would not end up being casual though.

So it feels like I could be monkey branching from one relationship potentially straight into another.

Which wouldn't be great but .... You know.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Get her # and lead towards sex. If she resists and pushes for a relationship, cite the fact you just got out of one.

Try to avoid/limit talking about dogs, they are a symbol for emotional attachment. Unless you do it briefly to segue into sex via a "doggy style" dropped comment. Lol.

If she doesn't respond well to the sensual talk/sexualized innuendoes then cut bait, it's not worth going against what you want. That being said, don't let her use sex talk as a trap for her to transition into a relationship frame, I get the sense she might try to do this. She may be targeting you because you seem to her to be a "nice guy" given the fact you work with dogs and you haven't gotten your sexual vibe back (from what I gather).

tl;dr if she doesn't let you lead with a sexual frame then let her go as a prospect.

 

[CaptFinnBad]

Get her # and lead towards sex. If she resists pushes for a relationship, cite the fact you just got out of one.

Try to avoid/limit talking about dogs, they are a symbol for emotional attachment. Unless you do it briefly to segue into sex via a "doggy style" dropped comment.

If she doesn't respond well to the sensual talk/sexualized innuendoes then cut bait, it's not worth going against what you want.

The more we hang out , the more I get to know her , the more I'm starting to see her in that regard.

I'm starting to catch feelings. i could potentially be Caught before I've end left the gate!!!

I'm kinda still missing my ex, so yeah a lot of what you said is on point.

 

[Clockwerk50]

If you like her, why haven't you asked her out? If you wait too long, she might think you're not interested, or worse, another man might cut in line.

Lastly, remember that having abundance is the easiest way to avoid catching feelings.

 

[CaptFinnBad]

l

If you like her, why haven't you asked her out? If you wait too long, she might think you're not interested, or worse, another man might cut in line.

Lastly, remember that having abundance is the easiest way to avoid catching feelings.

Because I was thinking it might have been a bit soon. I still think about my ex quite a bit.

When I see her next I'll get her phone number.

 

[CaptFinnBad]

New problem. A day or so ago I signed up to a dating site, so I had a look online dating site this evening. Got matched with a women , decent looking teacher.

I could read her pretty easy straight away. She lives a lil far away. So was going to use that as a reason to bail from the conversation.

I even said to her she lives too far away, because something felt off. Told me she wouldn't take offence if I didn't want to continue talking to her.

Then she said something that drew me in. She reacted to something I said and it escalated FAST!, she gave me her number, we went into this weird sexual fantasy world, led by yours truly.

Then talk about all her sexual fantasies, telling me everything, really kinky stuff, her deepest fantasies, naturally it went into things we were going to live out together.

Then video chat, her basically getting off on camera, with this ownership theme, saying she belongs to me as she's cumming e.t.c.

I've kinda been down this road a few times before, I'm kinda predicting it won't be long before I break and she's over at mine for a weekend or something .

Sound like a good thing. I'm not so sure it is.

I'm kinda getting the bpd type vibe from her. Although I'm not certain yet.

I think I'll probably do because it will be mind blowing but i'll also set something up with the dog girl too so it'll ground me a bit.

 

[Clockwerk50]

I read from someone here, can’t remember who, that before you start dating after a breakup or divorce, you should have all your ducks in a row.

Not sure what stage of the process you’re in, but if you’ve taken care of your responsibilities, a rebound or another conquest could be the perfect way to take your mind off your ex.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Brother you are a man that's 40 years of age talking as though you are 14

Get her number , invite her on date , have sex with her

theres no need to over complicate it

 

[BillyPilgrim]

New problem. A day or so ago I signed up to a dating site, so I had a look online dating site this evening. Got matched with a women , decent looking teacher.

I could read her pretty easy straight away. She lives a lil far away. So was going to use that as a reason to bail from the conversation.

I even said to her she lives too far away, because something felt off. Told me she wouldn't take offence if I didn't want to continue talking to her.

Then she said something that drew me in. She reacted to something I said and it escalated FAST!, she gave me her number, we went into this weird sexual fantasy world, led by yours truly.

Then talk about all her sexual fantasies, telling me everything, really kinky stuff, her deepest fantasies, naturally it went into things we were going to live out together.

Then video chat, her basically getting off on camera, with this ownership theme, saying she belongs to me as she's cumming e.t.c.

I've kinda been down this road a few times before, I'm kinda predicting it won't be long before I break and she's over at mine for a weekend or something .

Sound like a good thing. I'm not so sure it is.

I'm kinda getting the bpd type vibe from her. Although I'm not certain yet.

I think I'll probably do because it will be mind blowing but i'll also set something up with the dog girl too so it'll ground me a bit.

Good work man. The video chat with her cumming shows she's invested. I'd keep the (sexual) fire burning, mix in some getting-to-know-you stuff, and sometime soon I'd randomly drop that I'll be in her area in the near future so as to meet up. The key is if she can host, and I'm assuming that's the case.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Brother you are a man that's 40 years of age talking as though you are 14

Get her number , invite her on date , have sex with her

theres no need to over complicate it

Clinging behavior, which is on the forecast of the scenario in the OP, will complicate things. Stoicism and detachment is the ideal but not always the reality.

 

[CaptFinnBad]

Clinging behavior, which is on the forecast of the scenario in the OP, will complicate things. Stoicism and detachment is the ideal but not always the reality.

This.

I read from someone here, can’t remember who, that before you start dating after a breakup or divorce, you should have all your ducks in a row.

Not sure what stage of the process you’re in, but if you’ve taken care of your responsibilities, a rebound or another conquest could be the perfect way to take your mind off your ex.

And this. Way too early for a relationship, the ducks in my head definitely NOT in a row.

The dog women there is definitely a mutual draw there. Out of all the options I'm creating (I think to fill the void) this one is actually the purest and genuine only one.

She's quite into niche stuff that I'm into, so I'm thinking of approaching her as just someone to do do things with. No expectations. Just potentially go on hikes. adventures, camping, road trips and **** with. If nature takes over, it is what it is.


The video chat girl. This one is completely opposite of wholesome.

Good work man. The video chat with her cumming shows she's invested. I'd keep the (sexual) fire burning, mix in some getting-to-know-you stuff, and sometime soon I'd randomly drop that I'll be in her area in the near future so as to meet up. The key is if she can host, and I'm assuming that's the case.

It's much easier than this. Been down this path before with various women. I recognised it almost instantly in her and where it could go, she wants to get lost, I can do that with her. No way will I be travelling to her though, she would come to me.

I think I will pre warn her and make it clear my intentions, expectations. As in no relationship, it will probably be intense , we can do it regularly but that's as far as it goes and she needs to understand that. Which I think would be fair.

The distance would also help enforce those boundaries.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

I think you stress yourself to much out over (these) women.

Escalate both of them, before you fvck, tell them (again) you just dropped out of a relationship recently and are not ready to right NOW enter a commited relationship, but if she is okay with enjoying time together and see where it goes, you are ready to go with her.

In a couple of months you will bite yourself in the ass for missed opportunities, i promise.

 

[jhonny9546]

if she doesn't let you lead with a sexual frame then let her go as a prospect.

What's wrong with going with the frame that OP currently has?
What OP says reminds me a lot of my past where there were 2 women who did exactly that. One even continued to court me for 4 or 5 years, but I wasn't interested in her.

I still wonder today why, without having had sex, a woman can be interested and prolong her interest in a man for all this time. Female oneitis?

 

[CaptFinnBad]

I think you stress yourself to much out over (these) women.

Escalate both of them, before you fvck, tell them (again) you just dropped out of a relationship recently and are not ready to right NOW enter a commited relationship, but if she is okay with enjoying time together and see where it goes, you are ready to go with her.

In a couple of months you will bite yourself in the ass for missed opportunities, i promise.

I probably am. The women I was in a relationship with had various conditions, over the last couple years I've been through a rollercoaster. I swear I have some mild form of PTSD from it ( I honestly wish I could say that was joking).

Just trying to find me feet again. Actually starting to feel like myself lately. Going decent with both, still holding at arms length though, there are also a few others in the picture.

But trying to not over do it. Just in the background. Last thing I want is complications as I'm building myself up. At the moment I think I'm mostly using them for validation.

That will start changing soon enough. I really want a bit of a wild summer, so I'm keeping focused on that as a goal.

Another complication is my ex, she has been sending me messages putting her feelers out. I need to avoid that like the plague.

Hopefully around may/june I'll be full steam ahead!

 

[ThisIsSparta]

I probably am. The women I was in a relationship with had various conditions, over the last couple years I've been through a rollercoaster. I swear I have some mild form of PTSD from it ( I honestly wish I could say that was joking).

Just trying to find me feet again. Actually starting to feel like myself lately. Going decent with both, still holding at arms length though, there are also a few others in the picture.

But trying to not over do it. Just in the background. Last thing I want is complications as I'm building myself up. At the moment I think I'm mostly using them for validation.

That will start changing soon enough. I really want a bit of a wild summer, so I'm keeping focused on that as a goal.

Another complication is my ex, she has been sending me messages putting her feelers out. I need to avoid that like the plague.

Hopefully around may/june I'll be full steam ahead!

You got this brother, you will do whats right for you.

 

[BaronOfHair]

l


Because I was thinking it might have been a bit soon. I still think about my ex quite a bit.

You're doing an immense amount of (over)thinking, and not taking nearly enough action... As others have said, you clearly want this chick, so make your desires known

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I don't see what the problem is?

It's like you are intentionally trying to sabotage yourself

 

[CaptFinnBad]

This is a train wreck waiting to happen.

First, you need to ask, what do I want?

1. Forget my ex
2. Get plates
3. Jump into another relationship

IMO, you are doing things out of order, you want to skip stages of grief trying to avoid the pain. How long ago did you two split up? How long did you guys last?

This... Split around a month ago. Were together just under three years.

I don't see what the problem is?

It's like you are intentionally trying to sabotage yourself

I potentially am.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

The more we hang out , the more I get to know her , the more I'm starting to see her in that regard.

I'm starting to catch feelings. i could potentially be Caught before I've end left the gate!!!

I'm kinda still missing my ex, so yeah a lot of what you said is on point.

Many on this forum are against ‘catching feels’. But. I think falling hard for a girl is a great experience. Even if it doesn’t, ultimately, work out. It is an amazing experience that I wouldn’t trade for anything. Enjoy it!!!

 

[Vanderdonck]

I probably am. The women I was in a relationship with had various conditions, over the last couple years I've been through a rollercoaster. I swear I have some mild form of PTSD from it ( I honestly wish I could say that was joking).

Just trying to find me feet again. Actually starting to feel like myself lately. Going decent with both, still holding at arms length though, there are also a few others in the picture.

But trying to not over do it. Just in the background. Last thing I want is complications as I'm building myself up. At the moment I think I'm mostly using them for validation.

That will start changing soon enough. I really want a bit of a wild summer, so I'm keeping focused on that as a goal.

Another complication is my ex, she has been sending me messages putting her feelers out. I need to avoid that like the plague.

Hopefully around may/june I'll be full steam ahead!

I totally feel you, have been there. I disagree with others who say just go for it (though I respect their opinion here, it makes sense).

If you're fresh off of a relationship with PTSD to boot, and there's a girl you like a lot coming on strong and you want to be out tearing through new a$$, it makes perfect sense to avoid her. Just because you can fukk a girl doesn't mean you should. In the end you gotta do what's best for you.

However, it's important you also don't place any narratives on this girl and her intentions either. For all you know she might just want a romp in the hay or something casual. It's very easy to build a girl you like up to be a princess when in fact she's got a vagina and wants it filled like any of them.

But in the end this is about where you are at and what you can handle. If you don't have the headspace to keep this girl as just a plate (assuming it goes that way) then give yourself a break. There will be PLENTY of women, dog. Abundance is abundance.