Need help with changing my dating life

[Sisphyus]

Hey all, I'm new to this thread. I have a problem and I need some advice from those who are SUCCESSFUL with women. If you're not, please learn from replies ; I'm just like you know all about theory but seems applying it is not working. so I need a practical solution.

So I'm a 33 year old ( foreign born, moved to the US 13 years ago) , went to med school and now a specialist in my field and making a good living. Until I graduated at 31, I considered women as a distraction and was actually shy/reserved anyway. I only had 2 relationships before that. Both lasted a couple of years. No hookups / short term relationships. Anyway for the past 2 years, I felt I'm ready to meet women (online and in person). I'm 5'7, average looks, thinning hair. Nightclubs / bars did not work for me because I don't think I'm attractive enough for that scene, I have a slight accent and I hate yelling so I avoid that. I socialize a lot and go to parties but end up with 33+ women ( with kids, not good looking, etc) only showing interest and I'm looking for younger women with less package or at least someone who still want to live life and not get kids/get married tomorrow. When I ask an attractive girl out she does give me her number but never reply back or ghost me after a couple of texts. Online dating sucks likely because of my looks/height. I'm a little lost on what to do next. I don't want to do cold approaches in the street/coffee shops, etc. ( I feel I'm old for that ?). I own my clinic so I have only a few employees and I won't risk having a relationship with any of them / their friends or my patients (ethical reasons). I tried going out with women from my background ( country of origin ) but there are very few people of my background in my city and usually they want to get married on their 2nd or 3rd date!!! What am I supposed to do ? I do like the company of fun good looking women but I'm not good at attracting them ? I consider myself funny (sometimes at least), well read /educated, worldly (travel a lot, speak 3 languages), have some cool hobbies, go to the gym frequently ( 166 lbs: for my height isn't too bad) ?. I admit that I'm confident in a lot of things but not when it comes to women ; I feel a little insecure. I'm even contemplating having a sugar baby but I want some "real" or "raw" attraction and not someone to pay to hangout with me ( although I can afford it).

 

[cola]

Whatever you do, keep it a secret that you are a doctor for months of dating to keep away gold diggers.
Keep looking man, and in the mean time don’t feel ashamed to grab an escort from time to time.

 

[RickTheToad]

Whatever you do, keep it a secret that you are a doctor for months of dating to keep away gold diggers.
Keep looking man, and in the mean time don’t feel ashamed to grab an escort from time to time.

@cola, docs do not make as much as they they did back in the day. I know one doc that has nearly a million dollars in student loan debt. Interest alone is 60k a year; and his b itch doesn't even work. #sad.

@Sisphyus, that height and thinning hair is going to hurt you. You need to get on some finasteride and minoxidil like yesterday. What State are you in? Might be worth checking out a dermatologist for some suggestions. You can temp fix the height by using some lifts to bring you up to 5'8 - 5'9. 166lbs for a dude that's 5'7 is overweight (https://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/educational/lose_wt/BMI/bmicalc.htm). Cut eating the crap out. Eat healthy... You're a doctor for Christ's sake.

How's your style? Many ladies in their early to mid 30s have completed their fun days and are looking to settle down. Perhaps, knock yourself down to a Physicians Assistant if they ask what you do. Though, they make some good money too. Joke around with them.. Say you are a proctologist and smirk. You need to be light hearted, funny an easy going. Just by judging by your post, you are very tight lipped, serious, and analytical. A lady is an emotional being. This doesn't work. Need to loosen up, relax. Have you considered joining meetup groups? How about yoga classes?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

F minoxidil. VERY serious side effects can occur and if you get them there is a real risk they will not go away even if you get off it. Its hair, I'm almost bald up top and it doesn't hurt me. Wear a hat if it bothers you so much. The fact you are worried about hair shows you simply lack confidence in yourself.

If you think hair is holding you back its not. Just a convenient excuse. On a list of things that are causing lack of interest its pretty low.

Also add 2 inches to your height and make sure you only match with women your height and lower. I have dated women that are the same height that I was supposed to be 2 inches taller than and they never said a word. If they like you they don't care. Its only when they think about it when trying to decide if they are interested in meeting you that they care.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Here's an option that will provide better options than on line personals and better quality than the bar girl.
Try meetup dot com
I speak form experience.
Basically, you find groups that either you find interesting, or groups you could tolerate. By joining and attending various groups, you get the benefit of interacting with various new women. 90% of these women are single and not the ones you see on every on line dating site.

When you interact with them, their guard is down because it's not a bar setting or an on line date meeting. If you make the right impression, they will not remember you as the guy with thinning hair or height. They will remember their comfort level or how you made them feel.

My general practice is if I see someone interesting, I'll exchange casual conversation (not as if I'm hitting on them). A few days later, I'll drop them an e-mail and reference something unique about her or the conversation. Depending on how well the in person interaction went, I'll either suggest meeting for coffee on the first e-mail.. or gauge their e-mail response and proceed from there.

At these meetups, you'll find all walks of life. Typically, you're not going to find a lot of "9's" or "10's" but 7's or 8's are fairly common. Personally, I consider the avenue a sweet-spot because you're meeting women that aren't typical bar or club girls and also not women that reside on the on line personals. Give it a shot. You have nothing to lose and if played correctly, plenty to gain.

 

[thinker]

@Sisphyus from what I can tell as far as your height and weight you have a regular skinny fat body. If you are not lifting then you need to start lifting, build muscle so that you look athletic and able to manhandle a women. As far as your hair loss I would just shave it. As for your height wear some boots. I am 5'5" and bald, when I started loosing my hair I tried a few things but finally just said to hell with it and shaved my head the reaction from women was unreal. Women will often times rub my head and tell me how sexy I am. Another thing is I have a good amount of muscle, you want to be the short guy with muscles not the scrawny manlet. I don't bother with clubs and bars, it is a huge waste of time and money. I just stick to talking to women in real life. Since your a doctor tell them that you are a gynecologist and give them a playful smirk.

 

[CaptainNotSoObvious]

Hey all, I'm new to this thread. I have a problem and I need some advice from those who are SUCCESSFUL with women. If you're not, please learn from replies ; I'm just like you know all about theory but seems applying it is not working. so I need a practical solution.

Shave your head, get lean and learn to have confidence in yourself for f*cks sake.

If you carry that defeated point of view of yourself, no wonder you are being rejected because you are probably acting the way you feel.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Hey all, I'm new to this thread. I have a problem and I need some advice from those who are SUCCESSFUL with women. If you're not, please learn from replies ; I'm just like you know all about theory but seems applying it is not working. so I need a practical solution.

So I'm a 33 year old ( foreign born, moved to the US 13 years ago) , went to med school and now a specialist in my field and making a good living. Until I graduated at 31, I considered women as a distraction and was actually shy/reserved anyway. I only had 2 relationships before that. Both lasted a couple of years. No hookups / short term relationships. Anyway for the past 2 years, I felt I'm ready to meet women (online and in person). I'm 5'7, average looks, thinning hair. Nightclubs / bars did not work for me because I don't think I'm attractive enough for that scene, I have a slight accent and I hate yelling so I avoid that. I socialize a lot and go to parties but end up with 33+ women ( with kids, not good looking, etc) only showing interest and I'm looking for younger women with less package or at least someone who still want to live life and not get kids/get married tomorrow. When I ask an attractive girl out she does give me her number but never reply back or ghost me after a couple of texts. Online dating sucks likely because of my looks/height. I'm a little lost on what to do next. I don't want to do cold approaches in the street/coffee shops, etc. ( I feel I'm old for that ?). I own my clinic so I have only a few employees and I won't risk having a relationship with any of them / their friends or my patients (ethical reasons). I tried going out with women from my background ( country of origin ) but there are very few people of my background in my city and usually they want to get married on their 2nd or 3rd date!!! What am I supposed to do ? I do like the company of fun good looking women but I'm not good at attracting them ? I consider myself funny (sometimes at least), well read /educated, worldly (travel a lot, speak 3 languages), have some cool hobbies, go to the gym frequently ( 166 lbs: for my height isn't too bad) ?. I admit that I'm confident in a lot of things but not when it comes to women ; I feel a little insecure. I'm even contemplating having a sugar baby but I want some "real" or "raw" attraction and not someone to pay to hangout with me ( although I can afford it).

Chech Tates phd program. Buy it or find it online.

Learn game. Approach. Chat up girls. Sure, use hinge tinder bumble but its cucked.

Lift. Get paper right. Travel. Explore consciousness.

 

[KindredSpiritzz]

Start banging some less than attractive women for awhile, it'll get you in the groove and then you can up your game from there.

 

[Sisphyus]

@RickTheToad @cola being a doctor does not mean you're rich anymore. It's decent living though. I do tell I'm a doctor because girls may trust me more not necessarily to brag or show money. I agree I had skinny fat for a long time and despite going to the gym 4 times/week I still have it. If I lower my BF to below 10%, I look like I'm sick! I have sunken eyes and kinda big nose.

@BackInTheGame78 I do tell that I'm 5'8 and wear 1/2-1 inch lift. Not sure it makes a difference but make me feel a tad taller. I don't want to use medications so I went for hair transplant and that helped a little bit.

I definitely need to work on my inner game and confidence. The problem is confidence is a term used loosely. I have a lot of confidence in my job and my daily dealings with life but I lack it when it comes to women. I see how women treat my friends ( better looking or more dominant) and how they treat me ( respectful but sexually invisible) and that is frustrating. I certainly don't do many approaches : average once every 2 weeks and rely mostly on online dating and that's one of my problems.

Part of my education /training is to be nice, kind and agreeable. I tolerate a lot of **** from patients and people but I'm very empathetic. I think that does not work when it comes to attraction. I know I can't change my looks much but I wonder if a personality change is doable.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

@RickTheToad @cola being a doctor does not mean you're rich anymore. It's decent living though. I do tell I'm a doctor because girls may trust me more not necessarily to brag or show money. I agree I had skinny fat for a long time and despite going to the gym 4 times/week I still have it. If I lower my BF to below 10%, I look like I'm sick! I have sunken eyes and kinda big nose.

@BackInTheGame78 I do tell that I'm 5'8 and wear 1/2-1 inch lift. Not sure it makes a difference but make me feel a tad taller. I don't want to use medications so I went for hair transplant and that helped a little bit.

I definitely need to work on my inner game and confidence. The problem is confidence is a term used loosely. I have a lot of confidence in my job and my daily dealings with life but I lack it when it comes to women. I see how women treat my friends ( better looking or more dominant) and how they treat me ( respectful but sexually invisible) and that is frustrating. I certainly don't do many approaches : average once every 2 weeks and rely mostly on online dating and that's one of my problems.

Part of my education /training is to be nice, kind and agreeable. I tolerate a lot of **** from patients and people but I'm very empathetic. I think that does not work when it comes to attraction. I know I can't change my looks much but I wonder if a personality change is doable.

It doesn't work when it comes to women I can tell you that much. I can tell you that changing your personality in terms of how you interact with women will get you much farther than any physical changes you make over the long haul, unless you are a fat slob that's like 150 lbs overweight and then lets not be obtuse about things, OF COURSE that is going to be a huge problem. However it is also much harder to do and be congruent with it since you have been like that your whole life.

To be clear I am not saying to totally change who you are. That's impossible and it wouldn't work. I am saying to make multiple small changes, each of which has the effect of a multiplier so that the sum of the changes is much greater than the whole.

In effect simply treat a woman like a child at first and like you would your bratty little sister. It's not quite that simple but it is a good point to start and a good frame of reference as to how you should act in the beginning. Acting like this will get you much farther than the way you are currently acting and then you can work on individual aspects from there.

Looks will get you in the door but it won't let you stay there long with a crappy personality. Personality will take you a lot farther over time. The longer a woman knows you the less looks matter and the more other things matter.

And FYI two of the biggest natural players I knew growing up was my good friend and his brother...he was 5' 6" and his brother 5' 3" and they used to get more hot chicks from the clubs than anyone I have ever seen. Obviously these women were relatively short but they knew their market and they killed it.

 

[biggoal]

@cola, docs do not make as much as they they did back in the day. I know one doc that has nearly a million dollars in student loan debt. Interest alone is 60k a year; and his b itch doesn't even work. #sad.

@Sisphyus, that height and thinning hair is going to hurt you. You need to get on some finasteride and minoxidil like yesterday. What State are you in? Might be worth checking out a dermatologist for some suggestions. You can temp fix the height by using some lifts to bring you up to 5'8 - 5'9. 166lbs for a dude that's 5'7 is overweight (https://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/educational/lose_wt/BMI/bmicalc.htm). Cut eating the crap out. Eat healthy... You're a doctor for Christ's sake.

How's your style? Many ladies in their early to mid 30s have completed their fun days and are looking to settle down. Perhaps, knock yourself down to a Physicians Assistant if they ask what you do. Though, they make some good money too. Joke around with them.. Say you are a proctologist and smirk. You need to be light hearted, funny an easy going. Just by judging by your post, you are very tight lipped, serious, and analytical. A lady is an emotional being. This doesn't work. Need to loosen up, relax. Have you considered joining meetup groups? How about yoga classes?

A lot of doctors are overweight due to the stress and long hours. 166 if its pure muscle I wouldn't consider overweight. Brad Marchand of the bruins is really like only 5 6 and weighs that because hes pure muscle.

 

[RickTheToad]

A lot of doctors are overweight due to the stress and long hours. 166 if its pure muscle I wouldn't consider overweight. Brad Marchand of the bruins is really like only 5 6 and weighs that because hes pure muscle.

The BMI is 29.9, it's overweight, not muscular. Who works at a hospital and is an EMT again? You or me?

 

[RickTheToad]

@RickTheToad @cola being a doctor does not mean you're rich anymore. It's decent living though. I do tell I'm a doctor because girls may trust me more not necessarily to brag or show money. I agree I had skinny fat for a long time and despite going to the gym 4 times/week I still have it. If I lower my BF to below 10%, I look like I'm sick! I have sunken eyes and kinda big nose.

@BackInTheGame78 I do tell that I'm 5'8 and wear 1/2-1 inch lift. Not sure it makes a difference but make me feel a tad taller. I don't want to use medications so I went for hair transplant and that helped a little bit.

I definitely need to work on my inner game and confidence. The problem is confidence is a term used loosely. I have a lot of confidence in my job and my daily dealings with life but I lack it when it comes to women. I see how women treat my friends ( better looking or more dominant) and how they treat me ( respectful but sexually invisible) and that is frustrating. I certainly don't do many approaches : average once every 2 weeks and rely mostly on online dating and that's one of my problems.

Part of my education /training is to be nice, kind and agreeable. I tolerate a lot of **** from patients and people but I'm very empathetic. I think that does not work when it comes to attraction. I know I can't change my looks much but I wonder if a personality change is doable.

Trust and sexual attractiveness does not necessarily go hand and hand. That can actually backfire and you can become the gay best friend to the ladies (I.E. biggoal). The skinny fat could be your diet. Give some examples on what you eat. Have you tested your vitamin levels? How's your stress levels? It could be a build up of Cortisol in your gut.

Need to quit being nice all the time. The ladies you want to lay are not your patients. As for confidence, you should start with baby steps. Approach five different ladies a day and just strike up a random conversation. Fat, skinny, ugly, hot, whatever. It's just to help exercise your conversational skills on a social level.

You can do this. You just need to do a little work on yourself.

 

[biggoal]

The BMI is 29.9, it's overweight, not muscular. Who works at a hospital and is an EMT again? You or me?

Then how do you have pro athletes weighing this range who're short but skate up the ice then like him. If you're mostly muscle if you went by BMI just by weight then a lot of athletes would be considered fat when that's not the case.

 

[RickTheToad]

Then how do you have pro athletes weighing this range who're short but skate up the ice then like him. If you're mostly muscle if you went by BMI just by weight then a lot of athletes would be considered fat when that's not the case.

The OP is 5'7, not an issue and he disclosed that he's skinny fat. He just needs to lose around 10 LBS of fat with cardio and gain some lean muscle with resistance or weights. Not hard, but takes dedication and discipline.

 

[biggoal]

The OP is 5'7, not an issue and he disclosed that he's skinny fat. He just needs to lose around 10 LBS of fat with cardio and gain some lean muscle with resistance or weights. Not hard, but takes dedication and discipline.

Emmitt Smith who also isn't a big guy like the OP was listed at 210Lbs during his career and is not a tall guy. Even if they fudged up his weight a few lbs that still a lot of weight. Again, hardcore training though and diet and pure muscle.

Most of us on here could not be that muscular and don't have the time to train like a pro football player and diet like that.

Notice how these pro athletes who have the big muscles and weight a lot when they retire and quit working out hardcore they quickly become fat slobs.

Keith Tkachuk of the Blues had this problem. He was always a big guy, but when he retired literally must have ballooned up to 350lbs and he did it pretty quick. I'm mean in like less than two years time.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

@RickTheToad @cola being a doctor does not mean you're rich anymore. It's decent living though. I do tell I'm a doctor because girls may trust me more not necessarily to brag or show money. I agree I had skinny fat for a long time and despite going to the gym 4 times/week I still have it. If I lower my BF to below 10%, I look like I'm sick! I have sunken eyes and kinda big nose.

@BackInTheGame78 I do tell that I'm 5'8 and wear 1/2-1 inch lift. Not sure it makes a difference but make me feel a tad taller. I don't want to use medications so I went for hair transplant and that helped a little bit.

I definitely need to work on my inner game and confidence. The problem is confidence is a term used loosely. I have a lot of confidence in my job and my daily dealings with life but I lack it when it comes to women. I see how women treat my friends ( better looking or more dominant) and how they treat me ( respectful but sexually invisible) and that is frustrating. I certainly don't do many approaches : average once every 2 weeks and rely mostly on online dating and that's one of my problems.

Part of my education /training is to be nice, kind and agreeable. I tolerate a lot of **** from patients and people but I'm very empathetic. I think that does not work when it comes to attraction. I know I can't change my looks much but I wonder if a personality change is doable.

My mates a amateur bodybuilder 1st year residency. I have told him to not knock up skanks or tell women. You have status, edu, and resources down but, dunno what you have in the bank, assets to liability ratio?

Let's assume that you have a liquid million in assets. You are still beta providers male status.

Do a toddV boot camp. Check rsd. Learn game. Lift, diet, travel, playboy Lifestyle. Its funny. I am no doctor. I have a day job + solo-preneur side hustle. I came from poverty but I hustle.


Susphyus mate, even when I didnt have a pot to piss in I'd stunt on far more wealthier men. Game, looks max, etc. Its then led to rotation erosion due to my inability to commit and women hypergamy + predisposition to nesting.

Spam approach but calibrate and stop mentioning status. Its cuck. Learn game. Given my humble beginnings, coming from poverty, living around projects, and drive by in junior high, that sort of scarcity bleeds into other areas of life.


I have gone full retard to adjust that area. You need to fix game or follow the beaten path of beta cuck provider. Do a BC. Approach. Have other areas of expertise beyond "I'm a doctor." women will marry and divorce rape you plus get skull ****ed by Tyrone while you are working.

Grind and eat **** playboy. The play always is the following. Purpose > health > game!

 

[Julian]

BROTHER what is your ethnicity and country of origin and i will tell you the problem @Sisphyus

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Emmitt Smith who also isn't a big guy like the OP was listed at 210Lbs during his career and is not a tall guy. Even if they fudged up his weight a few lbs that still a lot of weight. Again, hardcore training though and diet and pure muscle.

Most of us on here could not be that muscular and don't have the time to train like a pro football player and diet like that.

Notice how these pro athletes who have the big muscles and weight a lot when they retire and quit working out hardcore they quickly become fat slobs.

Keith Tkachuk of the Blues had this problem. He was always a big guy, but when he retired literally must have ballooned up to 350lbs and he did it pretty quick. I'm mean in like less than two years time.

People like myself and other athletes with a lot of lower body musculature will always be considered fat according to BMI. Its a garbage method of assessing health. Use bodyfat percentage.