Myths, half truths and lies of ommission of the community

touma.akagi

Senior Don Juan
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About nine months ago, I roughed a doc outlining some principles that are common on here and on other sites in the attraction community that just aren't as true/applicable as people make them out to be. Don't know who needs to see this, but it could be useful to newbies here, so I'll share. Let's get into it.
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If you’re a beginner – or, have been trying to learn for years but still struggle – just, do yourself the favor of saving this page. I recommend “save page as,” or Instapaper, because if you simply Bookmark it, you might forget about it. In fact, print it if you can. Printed material works wonders for memorization. I’m going to explain some of the common points that the attraction/seduction community throws around.

If you’re on this site, chances are you’ve read so many things both here and other websites (or books) that claim to be ‘laws’ and things that ‘must happen’ for attraction to happen. Today I want to run these principles down and do them some justice that frankly, other articles don't do.

Disclaimer: You're free to disagree with anything and everything on this guide. DJs of all walks are reading this. Nitpick about the word count and sentence structure if it makes you happy. Healthy discussion is encouraged on this thread as long as we don't murder or embarrass anyone in the process.

I’ll also remind you that there are guys that break most or all of these rules weekly yet still get more pus sy than you do. Not all AFCs are created equal.

1. “Being a nice guy” is guaranteed to land you in the friend zone (or worse).

The fact of the matter is, that yes, most of the time, ‘just being nice’ isn’t sexy, won’t get dates, and doesn’t put angels in the bed. If you’re here because you’ve been doing that, then yes, you should STOP being a Nice Guy™. But the fact of the matter is, that the reason so many moms, teachers, just women in general, say this so much, is because some naturally Nice Guys have decent success. “just be nice” is great advice for people who don’t need it. . I think I should tell you that not everything works the same for the same man. This is one of them. But a lot of girls expect you to be nice, so, be the guy that they’re not expecting!

If you're wanting to get rid of a girl who's obsessed with you, you can just start doing AFC mode around her. You can get her to stop liking you, if you want.

2. The hotter the girl, the more difficult she is to obtain.

Visual appeal and hotness can be a helpful gauge in how attainable a girl in a bar is. It's not that simple though, it works like this:

Many sexy women know all too well that they are beautiful. And it gets to their head. Their self-esteem, and a lot of times their ego, gets ballooned by this. Oh, and popularity (be it in school, or overall) is huge for this too. That’s why ugly girls don't win prom queen.

But guess what: not every woman works that way. There are good looking women (as there are men) out there who have abysmal self-esteem, low confidence, and a myriad of other factors out there. Men built like twigs get beautiful girls that without a doubt weigh more than they do. Quite frustrating when you’re big and muscular, huh? So if women are willing to date average height twigs, then who’s to say there isn’t a beautiful woman out there who would date a 4’2 fat man too? Appearance ain't everything.

word of caution though: it works the opposite way, too. A woman you think to be less attractive may have rock solid self-esteem too. A newb might try going for what seems like an easy lay, only to get exposed to the same mind games, text messages and other frustrating behaviors that you have probably already encountered.

3. Making the rest of your life perfect will solve all your woman problems.

Eric Edgemont states in his book Friends Into Lovers, that the number of women in your life is improved by the quality of the life you make yourself, not the other way around. But neither is fully true.

You should be improving yourself and your lifestyle. Always, always always. You’re doing it for you, not your mom, dad, grandma. You should be becoming more confident and more self-respecting, and growing your self-esteem. This does include working out, too, so if you're too skinny, go build some mass, ya spooky scary skeleton.

When I was in eighth grade, I thought I was getting serious about getting better with the girls around me. It was tough – but in part because I was chasing the wrong thing! I was obsessed with finding a girlfriend, but before this becomes a tangent, I’ll just say that by junior year of high school I decided that my time and effort was just best spent elsewhere. I stopped giving a sh it about people who don't give a sh it about me.

Crap from women comes and goes, but self improvement will make you happy

A good portion of posts stress neediness, and when that’s not the problem anymore, but every google search seems to bring you back to that, it can get a little frustrating . Sure, some men start out doing this stuff just for women, but by the time they’re halfway through the process, many realize that their other activities make them feel good, make them have fun – all with no involvement from women! As for me, I know damn well I sure feel good having self-respect I didn’t have five years ago. And it’s not contingent on women. I just like myself, period. end of story. Anyone who doesn’t like it is a loser and can leave the room.

Self esteem and self image are a priority investment. You won't get far without those.

4. If you can’t get women, you’re doing something wrong or are a bad man.

This is one of the most dangerous ones out there, especially for a newbie.

I know I said at the beginning of this thread that I didn't like 'laws,' but there is one that I do believe to be true. And it's this:

10% of people will always hate you, and 10% will always like you. 80% can, to a point, be persuaded.

You’re probably not a bad man if you’re coming to this site for the first time because you struggle with women. The fact is, that a lot of losers, abusers, and criminals apparently make themselves super attractive to women somehow. Many of these men are uglier than you are. If those men aren’t enough evidence to rule out being a bad man, then what is?

Men come to sites like this (or buy a book) because they’re a good man who’s had so much trouble with women that he realizes he needs some assistance. And it's good of you to recognize that you have a problem!

Women reject men for more reasons than just being too nice and ****ing things up. Reasons beyond your control. Even if you **** nothing up, a woman could reject you for reasons that have little or nothing to do with you as a man. Maybe because she just ate and feels fat, maybe she’s 1 month pregnant and isn’t showing yet, maybe her best friend(s) is telling her not to do it. Whichever the case may be, sometimes you just have to move on to someone else. Either the woman will contact you later or she won’t. Don’t be needy and worry about something else. To quote a teacher of mine: "Don't overcook it."

People have lives of their own, better to live yours well rather than dwell on someone else's.

5. The friend zone exists.

So many men keep ending up as “just friends,” usually because they either wait too long to make their move or are too nice. In fact, even men who seem to do everything right sometimes get told this, by a woman he wasn’t even that friendly with (“I was flirting, but you missed it.”).

Most women, particularly the ones with an enlarged ego, that tell you that, want you to act like their friend, only to use you. By being their friend, you’re playing into her hand. She’s going to ask you for favors and not give you jack **** in return. Except maybe a big black rubber jelly dil do to mock you. You're essentially an orbiter. Now, this does not mean that her cat definitely dries up every time you come around, or she doesn’t like you at all. It just means she’s otherwise playing the ljbf game with you. For all you know she could be fingerblasting herself to you each night, but none of that matters if she’s not doing what needs to happen for you to be together.

(Some women don't bother with the friend zone at all, though. They'll just ignore you. In which case, great.)

The friend zone exists, if you let it continue to exist.

Fire needs oxygen to survive, we learned that in 7th grade. So smother your friend zone. Put the jar on the lid and cut yourself off completely.

What I do now, is that if a woman tells me that, I just tell her that “I’m not interested in that kind of relationship right now. So call/let me know when you change your mind.”

But what if I told you that I never get told that anymore?

You can screen LJBF out (almost) completely, guys. You can stop women from telling you so by simply not giving them an opportunity to do so. That means, no more confessing your feelings, be it in person, some embarrassing email (the AFC Bobby Rio way), or otherwise, and not pursuing girls who aren’t responding as well as you want. Avoid those with every woman, all of them, religiously. I’ve had at least two in the past two months text me that they didn’t want to talk to me (one directly, one more indirectly) but neither told me LJBF because we weren’t friends – I didn’t give them a friendship.

Don't keep LJBF girls in your life unless you're getting benefits. One of the major tenants of being a man is not keeping people around who belittle you or value you less than you yourself. So do yourself a favor and give them the boot. Maybe you'll even grow a chest hair or two while you're at it.
 

touma.akagi

Senior Don Juan
Joined
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Location
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6. Absence makes the heart grow fonder

A bit shorter point than the rest, but it needs bringing up. For the most part, you want to give women time without you to either miss you, come to you, or both. The hard pill is that some women just won’t contact back after two weeks of no-contact. If she goes 30 days without texting you, consider her flown into the sun. Nothing wrong with reaching out on your own, though, but if you've done so twice to no avail, reconsider.

7. “Oneitis” is a bad thing

Oneitis refers to, a condition a man has when he’s focusing on just one woman in his dating life. “So what?” you’re asking. “Does my Uncle Tom have Oneitis because he’s been married to Aunt Sarah for 20 years? Does my grandma have oneitis because she keeps Frenching the urn containing grandpa?”

The rationale behind Oneitis’s bad rap in the attraction community, is that when you’re focusing on just one woman, you’re missing out on all the others. The fact is that when you’re going on dates with multiple women, you get to decide quicker which ones to keep and which ones to not. Furthermore, if you’ve been going out with five women, and one dumps you for a dil do, then great, you still have four women who would rather have you in them than some toy that makes her the laughing stock of airport security.

In and of itself, oneitis isn’t bad. It's the mindset that gets you into it that's hurting you. Look, if you want to make just one woman your girlfriend, then fine. But esp as a beginner, you’ve got to find multiple women, and start there before narrowing it down. A pyramid doesn’t start with its pinnacle, no, it starts with a wide base and gets narrower as you go up. So get a wide base of numbers in your phone! Not every number turns into a date, but obviously the more you get, the more ones will. Oneitis can easily be a gateway to obsession if you aren’t careful. And if you're a newbie, you haven't been.

(A little bonus: if you don't wanna be in a relationship with someone anymore? Tell 'em. Break it off. Don't go cheat and make all three of you look bad (unless that's your intent, which, by all means go ahead.)

8. Attraction is Black and white

“She either likes you or is disgusted by you.” A lot of men seem to push that either a woman is interested or isn’t. Is it really that simple? Womens' thoughts and emotions are all over the place. It's a miracle that she can have five logical conclusions in an hour. Just because a woman seems disinterested doesn’t always mean she is or will stay that way, and vice versa. Even if a woman tells you to her face that she loves you, insert other creative verb here, if she's not willing to do what needs to happen for you to be together, she's best ignored. In dating, actions > words.

Don't obsess too much about whether someone likes you or not. That's Beta.

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This list is by no means exhaustive. This was a pretty long post, so I did my best to make it a bit shorter and to the point. There’s just so much that I touched on that’s beyond the scope of this post (texting, etc), so cut Google open and, keep reading, keep keep reading. I think my job here is done today. Look up things like the ‘law of least investment’ and kissing, and for fu ck’s sake, learn how to number close before you turn 18.

Want a place to start with women? Just get their number, ask her to go to coffee or a movie like three days afterwards, and go on. Have some guts. Don’t be the gay friend. Play rough every now and then. Bend over in front of her if you’ve got a nice ass. Introduce your friends to her if you have them, a group hanging out might be a good start instead of just a 1 on 1 date. And remember that these women will say one thing and do the opposite, so if you find that she’s trying to play a mind game or something with you, don’t play it. Some men stated that they intend them as ‘tests’ but more often than not, it’s just melodrama. If she’s playing too many games, then stop contacting for a while and find someone else.
 
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