My wedding is two months away and I'm still not sure she is the right one!

[CobraGT]

Re: Cobra, you've got nads

Originally posted by WestCoaster
I'd move out ASAP.

It seems like this is the only way we can move forward based on what I've said in my previous replies. She's to bitter to live with me. She hopes that subsides.

CobraGT

 

[CobraGT]

Originally posted by Eileen
I I hope you can realize how special she is and how commited she is to you. She deserves someone who will return that completly.

If you are not that guy, do her a favor and cut her lose. Let her find a man who can love and appreciate her as much as she is capable of loving and appreciating.

I know...I'm the man of her dreams. Just have to see if she is the woman of mine.


CobraGT

 

[CobraGT]

Originally posted by Falcon Eye
You probably fear that you may cut her loose only to realize later on in life that she was truly a great woman and that you should have kept her. That's the chance you have to take though; and you HAVE to take the chance because otherwise you'll always be wondering, and that isn't fair to her or to yourself.

Correct! The gospel of dating!

I know of people who have got burned. I'm trying exhaust all avenues before moving on.

CobraGT

 

[CobraGT]

Originally posted by NewMan
Why are you trying to rationalize all of this?

Your day and your theory changes nothing.

My theory changes everything! Knowledge changes everything! My understanding of commitment changes everything!

I'm going to try this theory, no guarantees that it will work. At least I'll know it didn't work and I can move on.


CobraGT

 

[CobraGT]

Originally posted by CLOONEY
Sorry man, you just shot yourself in the foot! Taking a stand is TOTALLY different to taking a half azzed wimply little stand that makes her insecure about the relationship.

You and her agreeing she should give you more space, she shoudl be more independent, and you two should have a little time apart are HUGE red flags.

You have planted the seed of doubt into her mind, now watch it bloom into a giant tree!!

The path I chose beyond my half assed stand made me secure. It put me at peace with myself. I wouldn't do it any other way if I had it to do over. I didn't wuss out. I just wasn't ready to break it off completely. This path put me in an amazingly resolved and excited state because it felt right. Not because she was less crushed, but because I finally learned the meaning of commitment. Nothing has ever felt right before than moment. It was the first time I didn't say "I just don't know babe" or "I don't know what to say to make this better." The first time I could say confidently this is the direction we should take. I finally understood why I was so, so, horribly confused!

Like the Geico commercials....I learned man, doesn't that mean anything to you?


CobraGT

 

[Jay Fiedler]

No offense to you Cobra, but the really funny thing that strikes me is how confused you really are. Its like you are trying to talk yourself into whatever appeals to you for that day.

I will lay a million dollars that if she called you up right now and DUMPED YOU...that you would fall to pieces and become the biggest afc in history in trying to get her back. You would go from being obsessed with other women to being obsessed with her. I honestly think you wouldnt know what to do with yourself. The reason why you feel so comfortable trying these tactics on her right now is because you know that she will stick by you while you go through all of this. So in other words, you have hand in the relationship. You feel like she wont dump you no matter what.

Its just how it is when people dont know what they want or have....the grass is always greener on the other side so they say. Until you get to that other side.

I would say your best bet is to step back from all of this for a few days, dont talk to her or anyone. Go with your feelings. If after that time you still have the urge to date others, then by all means do it. IF you are misssing your girl and couldnt stand to be without her another day, then go ahead with the marriage. But I really think the long dissertations you are writing aren't doing you anything except convincing yourself that what you are doing at the time is justified.

 

[NewMan]

Exactly.

He believes she will always be there for him.

That could blow up in his face - then he would be trying everything he could to get her back.

To little, to late.

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by CobraGT
The path I chose beyond my half assed stand made me secure.

Like the Geico commercials....I learned man, doesn't that mean anything to you?


CobraGT

Refer to Jay Fiedlers post. I too think you are justifying and convincing yourself. Tell me you still learned about the meaning of committment and still feel at peace with yourself in a couple of months..............

In all seriousness, I am not trying to be rude, I really do sincerely hope everything works out for you man. I know these relationship things can be REAL hard and cause more trouble than good.

Jay, just a quick question, does "Fiedler" have anything to do with the great researcher who created the contingency approach to leadership?

 

[CobraGT]

Originally posted by Jay Fiedler
I will lay a million dollars that if she called you up right now and DUMPED YOU...that you would fall to pieces and become the biggest afc in history in trying to get her back. You would go from being obsessed with other women to being obsessed with her. I honestly think you wouldnt know what to do with yourself. The reason why you feel so comfortable trying these tactics on her right now is because you know that she will stick by you while you go through all of this. So in other words, you have hand in the relationship. You feel like she wont dump you no matter what.

IF you are misssing your girl and couldnt stand to be without her another day, then go ahead with the marriage.

I'm less obsessed with other women now that I understand. I see how it works. Not completely there, but can appreciate it now. If she dumped me right now it would be my out. I will not lie...it will hurt. I felt it this weekend. To see her so upset affects me, but be guaranteed that if this doesn't work out.....watch out! The good times will roll.


Think I should move out? It is hard to miss her when you see her daily. Ofcourse being ambivalent...you can go long stretches without seeing your partner anyway.


She has proved she will there for me. I'd like to try and see if I can be there for her.

Time is key. I know this. Time and a dedicated effort will determine whether I've been simply justifying all this or not. I must live in this relationship with my new understanding a while longer to make sure which path I'm comfortable taking.
CobraGT

 

[thissucks003]

Originally posted by CLOONEY
Jay, just a quick question, does "Fiedler" have anything to do with the great researcher who created the contingency approach to leadership?

I always thought he used that name from the Miami Dolphins quarterback Jay Fiedler.