CobraGT
Senior Don Juan
I've jumped without looking...here's my story...
I popped the big question about 10 months ago. Never have been too excited about wedding talk (it started on the way back from our destination). Two months before the wedding and I still don't like to hear about it. Mostly because I've been uncertain all along. When I asked her to marry me, my heart raced. I wasn't sure, but thought I would sort through it and determine marrying her was right. She's got the great family, we seldom argued, she laughed at my jokes, she’s pretty and lovable. I suppose I’ve never felt the electric of a kiss some would describe when kissing the partner they love or desire. She’s my first girl friend. First long term relationship (almost 2 yrs now). I dilligently played the part of the romantic boyfriend. Wooed her. Had a good time. Realized I was an incredible natural and that if I’d been less shy meeting women I could have had lots of good times. I was amazed that she could love me so much and fall so hard for one CobraGT. Sex is good, but she’s my first and only partner. I vowed not to have sex before getting married, but that went down hill incredibly fast once the bra came off.
I have great respect and care deeply for her, but I’m still not sure how much I love her. During our relationship we’ve been to several weddings. Our friends looks so happy on their special day. I think about my special day and doubt I can be as happy as those couples seemed. Calling off the wedding so close will be a huge deal. It will really be the biggest decision I’ve ever had to make, not to mention the worst. Laugh all you will, but it's true. When you get involved for so long it's like your already married. Her family, who also has mad love for me, will be irate. My family will understand. My friends and their wives have grown to love her as a friend. Likewise she considers them great friends and gets along with them great. We live together…would never recommend this unless you are VERY sure. All those things make this difficult.
On a personal level, I’ve never considered her to be a knockout. She’s attractive, but not intensely attractive to me. She’s a size 10, and I’m a skinny guy at heart although I’ve packed on the pounds from weight training. I never envisioned myself with someone who was over like a size 6. I’ve tried not to get caught up on such a thing though as it is a little petty since true love is not entirely based upon looks. She works hard to stay trim, but she will always be able to whoop up on a size 6 girl.
My biggest dilemma is my intense urge to study attractive women wherever I go or whomever I’m with. This causes me the most guilt. She knows and can deal with it, but it truly make me think something is wrong with us. I mean I’m checking out the ladies like I’m a single man. Single and getting married in TWO months. Having this need to look troubles me the most. In my girls presence, I have the attention span of a gnat. About 20 percent of my time is spent looking and listening to her. I’ll give you a moment to guess where the rest of my attention is focused. Yes that is correct! Survey says I spend 80 percent of my time scanning the horizon for beautiful women. Once I’ve discover them, I feel the need to study them for as long as I can get away with it and not be too obvious. Big pervert is the way I feel sometimes. I study the breasts, the butt, or how pretty she is among other things. It’s like you can’t fully wrap your mind around the beauty of some breasts, a fine ass, or a perfect face. I’ve always said my looking is innocent, but I wonder if I feel like I’ve missed out. A friend of her said no one marries the first person they date and she’s my first.
I read a book on when to stay in a relationship or get out. The books great, but it didn’t have a specialized chapter for me beyond the chapter on relationship ambivalence. I was in disbelief. Turns out I’m ambivalent in my relationship. The book defines relationship ambivalence as: “when the bulk of your attention shifts from being in your relationship to trying to figure out whether to stay in it or leave.” Then it goes on to ask direct questions that help develop a conclusion about whether to stay in it or get out. I’m preoccupied with this decision. Anyway, while reading the chapter I got myself worked up and started picturing myself single. It was kind of a revelation, here I was checking out hot beautiful women all around and I no longer felt guilty. I started thinking about what they would be like to date. Then I calmed down, came home and started thinking about all the good stuff I’d be leaving behind, including all the great stuff I mentioned previously about her, the house, finding a new place, meeting new women I could relate with. I feel like the book gave me a moment of clarity, but coming home put me back into ambivalence.
The first thing I would have to deal with would be loneliness. I’m an independent person, but have grown to enjoy not having to go every where alone. The second, overcoming my shyness of meeting beautiful women, finding some who I enjoy being with and are not as flaky or snobby as they are beautiful. The third, putting this whole checking out women while in a relationship. Will it diminish once I find the next Mrs. CobraGT through expanding my dating experience from 1 to X number of women?
There are others but I’ve pretty much got what I wanted to say out. I’d really appreciate some critical feed back. I’m two months away from the wedding date, but have ONE WEEK before the gifts start rolling in. Yipes!
Thanks taking the time to help!
CobraGT
I popped the big question about 10 months ago. Never have been too excited about wedding talk (it started on the way back from our destination). Two months before the wedding and I still don't like to hear about it. Mostly because I've been uncertain all along. When I asked her to marry me, my heart raced. I wasn't sure, but thought I would sort through it and determine marrying her was right. She's got the great family, we seldom argued, she laughed at my jokes, she’s pretty and lovable. I suppose I’ve never felt the electric of a kiss some would describe when kissing the partner they love or desire. She’s my first girl friend. First long term relationship (almost 2 yrs now). I dilligently played the part of the romantic boyfriend. Wooed her. Had a good time. Realized I was an incredible natural and that if I’d been less shy meeting women I could have had lots of good times. I was amazed that she could love me so much and fall so hard for one CobraGT. Sex is good, but she’s my first and only partner. I vowed not to have sex before getting married, but that went down hill incredibly fast once the bra came off.
I have great respect and care deeply for her, but I’m still not sure how much I love her. During our relationship we’ve been to several weddings. Our friends looks so happy on their special day. I think about my special day and doubt I can be as happy as those couples seemed. Calling off the wedding so close will be a huge deal. It will really be the biggest decision I’ve ever had to make, not to mention the worst. Laugh all you will, but it's true. When you get involved for so long it's like your already married. Her family, who also has mad love for me, will be irate. My family will understand. My friends and their wives have grown to love her as a friend. Likewise she considers them great friends and gets along with them great. We live together…would never recommend this unless you are VERY sure. All those things make this difficult.
On a personal level, I’ve never considered her to be a knockout. She’s attractive, but not intensely attractive to me. She’s a size 10, and I’m a skinny guy at heart although I’ve packed on the pounds from weight training. I never envisioned myself with someone who was over like a size 6. I’ve tried not to get caught up on such a thing though as it is a little petty since true love is not entirely based upon looks. She works hard to stay trim, but she will always be able to whoop up on a size 6 girl.
My biggest dilemma is my intense urge to study attractive women wherever I go or whomever I’m with. This causes me the most guilt. She knows and can deal with it, but it truly make me think something is wrong with us. I mean I’m checking out the ladies like I’m a single man. Single and getting married in TWO months. Having this need to look troubles me the most. In my girls presence, I have the attention span of a gnat. About 20 percent of my time is spent looking and listening to her. I’ll give you a moment to guess where the rest of my attention is focused. Yes that is correct! Survey says I spend 80 percent of my time scanning the horizon for beautiful women. Once I’ve discover them, I feel the need to study them for as long as I can get away with it and not be too obvious. Big pervert is the way I feel sometimes. I study the breasts, the butt, or how pretty she is among other things. It’s like you can’t fully wrap your mind around the beauty of some breasts, a fine ass, or a perfect face. I’ve always said my looking is innocent, but I wonder if I feel like I’ve missed out. A friend of her said no one marries the first person they date and she’s my first.
I read a book on when to stay in a relationship or get out. The books great, but it didn’t have a specialized chapter for me beyond the chapter on relationship ambivalence. I was in disbelief. Turns out I’m ambivalent in my relationship. The book defines relationship ambivalence as: “when the bulk of your attention shifts from being in your relationship to trying to figure out whether to stay in it or leave.” Then it goes on to ask direct questions that help develop a conclusion about whether to stay in it or get out. I’m preoccupied with this decision. Anyway, while reading the chapter I got myself worked up and started picturing myself single. It was kind of a revelation, here I was checking out hot beautiful women all around and I no longer felt guilty. I started thinking about what they would be like to date. Then I calmed down, came home and started thinking about all the good stuff I’d be leaving behind, including all the great stuff I mentioned previously about her, the house, finding a new place, meeting new women I could relate with. I feel like the book gave me a moment of clarity, but coming home put me back into ambivalence.
The first thing I would have to deal with would be loneliness. I’m an independent person, but have grown to enjoy not having to go every where alone. The second, overcoming my shyness of meeting beautiful women, finding some who I enjoy being with and are not as flaky or snobby as they are beautiful. The third, putting this whole checking out women while in a relationship. Will it diminish once I find the next Mrs. CobraGT through expanding my dating experience from 1 to X number of women?
There are others but I’ve pretty much got what I wanted to say out. I’d really appreciate some critical feed back. I’m two months away from the wedding date, but have ONE WEEK before the gifts start rolling in. Yipes!
Thanks taking the time to help!
CobraGT
