My girlfriends ex is begging for her back

[mr. kennedy]

You're in a no win situation in the short-term. If he continues hassling her, it will annoy you. If he goes NC, she might start thinking about him more.

 

[BigSmooth]

I think some of the people here have a distorted image of what NC really is.


If she truly is annoyed at the guy, and sincerely does not like him...him going NO CONTACT is not going to change that. If anything, it's going to be the biggest relief to her. Him going NO CONTACT is not automatically going to foster some type of deep attraction in her mind. It's not.


If there is a glimmer of hope for the guy and the girl still has little pieces of attraction for him and then he goes NO CONTACT, THEN we start worrying.


Sounds like the OP's girl is girl #1.

 

[corrector]

That's a weird question. When you're in the bad relationship, rarely do you realize that it's a bad relationship. Only afterwards do you take time to think, "Wow. That was f**ked up."

Either way...it doesn't really matter why she broke up with her ex. That doesn't play into any of this. It just doesn't.

Okay, it is one of those 20/20 hindsight things. He already explained why they broke-up and she doesn't appear to raise any reg-flag on that issue.

As the OP is planning to marry her down the road, he needs to know her character. You aren't going to learn a person's true character on a Honeymoon phase of a relationship because they are putting on their best face and act. It is when the ring is on the finger that this comes out.

To say a woman's past is irrelevant in assessing her character is naive and silly. Prior relationships and break-ups are part of her past.

 

[topmanbarry]

She was devastated. Her sister called me and asked me what happened. She told me her sister has been acting weird since yesterday,that she has not gotten any sleep, she would barely eat and was overall depressed.

I feel so bad now that i let my insecurities cloud how much this woman cares about me. It really is not her fault that this dude is crazy. She did not ask for any of this. I am trying to call her but her phone is off. I am going to try and rekindle things.

 

[topmanbarry]

Why two years if it was such a bad relationship?

I'm guessing because she is a loyal woman. when things are going sour she would rather try to fix things than to just up and leave like that. This kind of shows that she is a committed person and really puts her all into making things work.

 

[BigSmooth]

Get back with her chief. Sheesh.

 

[mr. kennedy]

I think some of the people here have a distorted image of what NC really is.


If she truly is annoyed at the guy, and sincerely does not like him...him going NO CONTACT is not going to change that. If anything, it's going to be the biggest relief to her. Him going NO CONTACT is not automatically going to foster some type of deep attraction in her mind. It's not.


If there is a glimmer of hope for the guy and the girl still has little pieces of attraction for him and then he goes NO CONTACT, THEN we start worrying.


Sounds like the OP's girl is girl #1.

Of course the girl is going to make the OP believe that it's #1. She would never admit that she still has feelings other than to her girlfriends.

 

[devilkingx2]

OP overreacted like crazy

but hey, atleast now he has an idea of how much this girl likes him and what kind of girl she is

I'd say the fact that she hasn't immediately gotten into a gangbang at a club or keyed your car and molotov'd your window means you've got a keeper

 

[BigSmooth]

Of course the girl is going to make the OP believe that it's #1. She would never admit that she still has feelings other than to her girlfriends.

So basically every girl on the face of the planet who has an annoying, stalkish, creepy ex-boyfriend actually still likes/loves them?


Oh please.

 

[Skyline]

Hey guys i'm a long time lurker and i really like what this forum is about.

I have a problem though. My girlfriend and i have a pretty smooth thing going on. I can tell she has super strong feelings for me and has done a lot for me. Thing is her ex has been literally begging to get back with her. She tells me she does not talk to the guy and is only cordial with him because they attend the same church. So she has to be mature about it.

This guy is texting her everyday begging her and calling her from blocked numbers. She says shes over him and does not want anything to do with him. Her actions also matches her words. Shes often told him she has a boyfriend and shes happy with him. Of course the guy does not listen and continues bothering her.

Today now she told me that he contacted her mom and her mom asked her if she wanted to know what he said she said no. To me this was getting too far and i felt uneasy with him orbiting our relationship. and i broke it off with her. She started to cry and told me don't go because shes loves and will do anything for me to be comfortable in this relationship.

She even said she would report him or change her number if it meant for me to stay with her. Thing is i really like this girl a lott and have not felt this way for another girl before but her ex just wont stop. There is really nothing i can do,i cant control him. I even texted him,but he was being a smart ass so i am guessing this is going to continue. What should i do guys? The relationship is going oh so good but her ex bothering her trying to get back with her is the only problem. Do i officially end things or just put up with it until he decides to stop?

I agree with The Exception's post. There was some bad advice. :trouble:

You overreacted and you basically dumped her out of fear of you "loosing" her to an AFC. HE'S AN AFC MAN HE AIN'T GETTIN ANYWHERE ESPECIALLY STALKING THE LIVING SH*T OUT OF HER :crackup:

I would man up to this situation and tell her flat out that you got worried and it's just been really stressful for you.

Once she told you that it started to get out of hand, You of should of taken action(Filed a report, told him off, told your girl to contact her cellular carrier and block his number etc.) Especially since she is YOUR woman and he IS harassing her, you should have DEFENDED her not run away what the f*ck man? :box: Obviously you want her back and even if she doesn't take you back, you have to man up to your actions and the fact you acted just like that AFC ex.

Also, by you doing this, that AFC ex got EXACTLY what he wanted. :kick:

 

[mr. kennedy]

So basically every girl on the face of the planet who has an annoying, stalkish, creepy ex-boyfriend actually still likes/loves them?


Oh please.

The odds increase the longer the relationship lasted.

 

[casaanova]

Today now she told me that he contacted her mom and her mom asked her if she wanted to know what he said she said no.

That was a lie

If you guys think it's this common for girls "trying to ignore" guys trying to contact them, try to find a twitching omega trying to contact a HB8+. She wouldn't be playing any of that "he keeps texting me" junk, she would just call the police.



That being said, I think OP should stay with her. If he's literally begging her, he's still in a subservient position and he'll eventually weed himself out. Demand respect in your relationship as you've been doing and you guys should be fine

 

[mikey2012]

The OP fvcked up and showed he was beta by dumping her . Unless she was secretly wanting to communicate with him then this showed the OP is very insecure. The OP should have just shrugged it off.

I don't think the OP can go back to her now since he already pulled the ripcord and showed his insecurity . Going back to her would only confirm his AFC status and she will probably dump him down the road.

Chalk it up as a lesson and move on.

 

[mikey2012]

My and casanova's advice comes from actual experience. The rest of you white knight keyboard jockeys are thinking in the abstract based on the logical possibility that there is a stalker. High-il women would not tell you about an ex. Why? Because []they[] KNOW that it sets off serious red flags. They will not risk scaring you off. In this case, we are not dealing with a mere sh1t test, she is making this guy a part of the OP's life. OP already talked to the freaking guy. On the contrary, low quality girls love to create drama, jealousy,and love triangles. You white knights suggesting that OP get involved with the police over some girl that his Gut SCREAMED was up to something and not worth the trouble need a reality check.

Yes true. Low quality girls love drama. As said op should move on.

 

[MrNiceGuy23]

I too have experience with this as the girl I'm currently seeing had a similar situation with her ex.

She broke up with him and stopped speaking to him, after a week he called her upset saying he couldn't do it anymore and "got them back together." So he basically declared them still together and wouldn't accept that she didn't want to date him anymore. This went on again for a month or so and she told him again that she wants to be single and doesn't want to date him again, to which he said he'll do whatever it takes to win her back, she just isn't thinking logically etc and that she'll understand she wants to be with him.

Now I come into the picture (me and the girl had been FBs before so it didn't bother me too much that he was being AFC towards her but once things started getting more serious and I found out he was still going to see her / trying to win her back, I told her it was disrespectful and I'm not going to deal with any of that drama. She told him once and for all that she was pursuing other interests and would not be talking to / meeting with him again. It's been almost a month now and he hasn't come up since.

If your girl really wants to be with you, telling her that her lack of handling the situation with the ex is disrespectful to you and something you won't stand for. If she proceeds to permanently end the nonsense, then you know he IL for you is high and she really does want you. But if she lets it keep stringing out then she obviously has feelings for the ex and is trying to decide whether she wants you or to go back with him. In that scenario you should just leave her because nobody wants to be in competition with some beta ex for a girl who most certainly isn't worth it.

 

[pinkfl]

It's not her fault her ex is acting in this way. She has no control over his behavior. She can ignore his calls and texts, she can block him on Facebook, but if he wants to find a way to get in touch with her he will. What matters is how she handles it. So let's be rational here.

Confiding in the current boyfriend that an ex is harassing/bothering her isn't a bad thing. It's called "Hey, I have a problem, I respect your advice, what should I do to make this stop?" Now, if she were constantly bragging about the ex talking to her, or entertaining his behavior, that would be something to worry about. That doesn't sound like it's the case here.

Sometimes it's difficult to call the police on someone. I mean, he's not threatening her. He's just bothering her. So it's not really a life or death situation, which is why calling the police can sometimes feel like overkill. Especially if the person isn't drama oriented.

Being in a relationship for several years and having it end doesn't mean that the relationship was perfect. If the relationship were healthy, ideal, and perfect; then it would not have ended. Long term relationship girls will do whatever it takes to make a relationship work until it starts damaging their careers, academic life, or health. In fact, if he was the first guy she was ever intimate with, she may have stayed in that relationship longer out of a sense of obligation.

Here's the thing: If she ended that relationship, and didn't have a single romantic prospect lined up before she did so, that means she did it out of a sense of self respect and self worth. She was not afraid to be single. She didn't know when or if she was going to find anyone else.

You basically screwed up. You just demonstrated that you are insecure, cannot take control of a situation, and act on your insecure feelings.

Either get over yourself and your insecurities and handle the situation (tell her how to make him stop calling, block on social media, block texts...in fact if she has an android phone you can block calls easily), or look for a girl that has no exboyfriends for you to be insecure about.

 

[bluenorther]

I had a cougar who worried about me dumping her for someone my age, so she picked out a lawyer dude from her bicycle club. Things went back and forth between us, and he turned into a total creepazoid stalker, harassing me on the phone at work, he broke into her upstairs apartment, until he finally made a death threat against me. We had it on tape, so she went to the city attorney and got a restraining order for him.
Then she went off to Lake Tahoe and married him.

Your girl needs to bring the hammer down on her ex and make it clear that he's out of line and looking for a restraining order. If she won't do it, that's your answer.

 

[The_411]

It's very simple if she respects you and is afraid of losing you she will get as far away as possible. Dumping her was good because A man of quality does not put up with drama. I would would go as far to even tell her that when breaking up by saying handle your business otherwise this is going nowhere. Otherwise you DLV yourself by allowing this crap to continue.

 

[Mr. Bond]

Your girl needs to bring the hammer down on her ex and make it clear that he's out of line and looking for a restraining order. If she won't do it, that's your answer.

This. Any quality woman will have exes trying to get back with her. How she handles them determines the proper response from you. Best case scenario, she is looking to you for support and guidance in protecting herself from this guy. Worst case scenario, she's not over him and she's a cheating drama queen you need to drop asap. We cant know those details from a message board.

 

[topmanbarry]

Update guys: We got back together. I told her that i overreacted and i let my insecurities get the better of me . I apologized and said it would not happen again. But i sternly told her that this has to stop or else i will leave permanently. She sent him a long text explaining that this has to stop and that she has no intentions of getting back with him.

She is happy with and and wants to leave the past in the past. He replied "wow um ok". She then proceeded to tell me that she would not want to take legal action because it is not like her life is in danger but if i wanted her to she would go to the police.