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My girlfriend thought meeting up with her ex was a good idea

manfrombelow

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I'm an an LTR right now. I suggest all men clear this shvt about exes before agreeing to exclusivity with a woman. As a condition to being my girlfriend, I went through her social media inboxes and all her text messages, scouring them for ex flames. Any male in either, she had to explain who they are and what their history is.
Sorry buddy but this is beta and controlling move and definitely not alpha, at all.
 

EyeBRollin

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I completely agree with you about setting clear boundaries before entering a LTR, but I wouldn't expect even the most interested girl to tell me about every single guy she still keeps in contact with.

If she has, say, 5 totally platonic male friends, you wouldn't expect her to completely cut them off before entering a LTR with you.
I expect and demand it.

The way it works, these plates are auditioning to lock me down. I only bring up exclusivity when they press me down for it. That's when the ex-boyfriend / fling conversation takes place. If her answer is insufficient, I state directly "You're going to have to get rid of those guys." For anything other than compliance, I say "Cool. Let's just keep things the way they are then."
 

Barrister

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I'm an an LTR right now. I suggest all men clear this shvt about exes before agreeing to exclusivity with a woman. As a condition to being my girlfriend, I went through her social media inboxes and all her text messages, scouring them for ex flames. Any male in either, she had to explain who they are and what their history is. This was done in the heat of the moment so she couldn't plan for it.

The OP should have known about this guy before even agreeing to an LTR with her. She obviously has deep feelings for him. This relationship is going no where positive. It's best to cut her lose before things get ugly.
Most women I know would never let you do what you did there and be okay with that. There is a difference between setting good boundaries, which we all agree should be done, and demonstrating insecure behavior. Demanding to go through all of her texts and social media and asking exactly who every single guy is makes you look very insecure. I think long term that is not going to have the desired effect you’re going for.
 

FuzzX

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Sorry buddy but this is beta and controlling move and definitely not alpha, at all.
If Alpha is banging some dirty broad, count me out. EyeBRollin is on the money man, you need to vet the hell out of any b1tch you come into contact with. You never know what she might be carrying around in her drawers. Also male friends are a deal breaker, no male friends and you shouldn't have any female friends. Keep it simple, whats good for the goose is good for the gander.
 

EyeBRollin

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Sorry buddy but this is beta and controlling move and definitely not alpha, at all.
Most women I know would never let you do what you did there and be okay with that. There is a difference between setting good boundaries, which we all agree should be done, and demonstrating insecure behavior. Demanding to go through all of her texts and social media and asking exactly who every single guy is makes you look very insecure. I think long term that is not going to have the desired effect you’re going for.
Ok then. Enjoy divorce court.
 

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manfrombelow

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You want this girl to respect you? Dump her.
If you dont ditch her, you will come across as needy, desperate and weak, and she will bob along with you for a while and then dump you herself. Women struggle to be attracted to someone they dont respect. I would dump this sloot and move on. She will forever respect you and consider you “the one that got away”.
I agree.

Women only cheat on men who they don't respect. So by walking away immediately, she'll learn her lesson the hard way (good for her though), and forever respect OP as the the one that got away, as beautifully put by @SirBigBell here.

If you stay with her after this incident, sooner or later she'll cheat on you, because by staying with her and agreeing to "move on" like she demanded, you're subconsciously communicating to her that her action was in fact OK. And like a dog that was not punished, she'll subconsciously believe that her action was OK and continue to do it again.
 

Jake_Gyllenhaal69

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I agree.

Women only cheat on men who they don't respect. So by walking away immediately, she'll learn her lesson the hard way (good for her though), and forever respect OP as the the one that got away, as beautifully put by @SirBigBell here.

If you stay with her after this incident, sooner or later she'll cheat on you, because by staying with her and agreeing to "move on" like she demanded, you're subconsciously communicating to her that her action was in fact OK. And like a dog that was not punished, she'll subconsciously believe that her action was OK and continue to do it again.
So what happens when you are having an off month and she decides to buck. Playing games with Zebras is a full time job. There's a reason Pimps look old af and Chads and Tyrones die earlier than most men.
 

zinc4

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As you may see, I am new here so I'm ready for the full treatment.
I have been with my girlfriend for the past 6 months and things were going great.
Until I found out that there was this guy she had a one night stand with 2 years ago. They were still keeping in touch and she was planning to go and visit him (he lives a 100 miles away) after lockdown because she says they are friends.
I put my foot down and said that's highly suspicious behaviour and that I was not having it. She now says she is sorry and wants us to move on.
My question is, is this just straight up grounds to dump her or should I continue the relationship because she listened to me?

Either keep downgrade her to a FWB only or dump her completely. No point in considering a serious relationship with a girl like this.
 
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manfrombelow

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So what happens when you are having an off month and she decides to buck. Playing games with Zebras is a full time job. There's a reason Pimps look old af and Chads and Tyrones die earlier than most men.
I'm sorry I can't answer this stupid question.
 

B80

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Seriously, trvaelling 100 miles to meet someone from a one night stand 2 years ago and mentioning it to you, her boyfriend of 6 months?

How do you think she'd react if you told her you were going that distance to visit someone from a one night stand 2 years ago.

Whats the point in going that far to see someone. Most people I know wouldn;t travel that distance unless visiting family, really close friends, long distance g/f etc. Not some guy from a ONS 2 years ago, whilst in a relationship- who has the time or enhusiasm to do something like that. I barely have time to see close friends/family who live in the same town. Has she clarified why she needs to see him person? I'm assuming they're not best friends, so can;t she just chat over video - even that would be frowned upon by many.

Very odd behaviour. What's she like usually with people (not just men)? Pretty dozey, naive etc?
 
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BackInTheGame78

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Sorry what? Are you nuts? That's not a check positive, that's her broadcasting a spinning, running up the wall, to which none can defend kick to the balls before she makes it. If my wife of 10 years told me that, I would have the house up for sale today and I'd be on the next flight out of the country the day after..




Lol, is this for real? Why haven't you kicked her out yet?
She isn't his wife of 10 years, she is his GF of 6 months. Big difference.
 

BackInTheGame78

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Ok then. Enjoy divorce court.
Enjoy having her do it behind your back. One day you might found out Stephanie was really Stephen.

That behavior will do 0 to actually stop it, all it does it make you look insecure and controlling so she will be extra careful to hide it from you.
 

LARaiders85

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Cold Hard Truth: Sounds like OP needs to check his game. If he were checking all or most of her boxes, she wouldn't be tempted to connect with an ex.
That is just ridiculous... Women are not monogamous to the point where when they act polyamorous you assume that it's because of one man's fault... I know women believe that about themselves often but it just isn't true
 

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Mazer

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Every woman I have been serious with know not to test me. I am a man with options and they know one mistake on their part and I walk. They do their best to keep me happy and in return, I do the same. You lost frame somewhere in those six months. I would put her on ice and start looking for a replacement because it looks like she already has a head start on you. Good Luck
 

Georgepithyou

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I put my foot down and said that's highly suspicious behaviour and that I was not having it. She now says she is sorry and wants us to move on.
My question is, is this just straight up grounds to dump her or should I continue the relationship because she listened to me?
Thank God you did not allow her, but you already know the answer to the question. The fact that she is even thinking about this guy still after 2 years is a mjaor red flag.

Traveling 100 miles to "meet a friend". What does girl think you are?
 

EyeBRollin

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Enjoy having her do it behind your back. One day you might found out Stephanie was really Stephen.

That behavior will do 0 to actually stop it, all it does it make you look insecure and controlling so she will be extra careful to hide it from you.
We get what we negotiate. If she wants to keep seeking validation from thirsty dudes, she can stay a plate. Not being forced to do anything she doesn’t want to.
 
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Dash Riprock

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That is just ridiculous... Women are not monogamous to the point where when they act polyamorous you assume that it's because of one man's fault... I know women believe that about themselves often but it just isn't true
It's hardly ridiculous but disagree if you want.

Women are not biological cheaters concerning their DNA because, as the weaker sex, it put themselves and their offspring at risk to "sneak around." They're programmed to find a solid strong male for breeding and have and nurture kids. That why they're attracted to certain traits, we all know in men. Men are programmed to spread their DNA, women are not. 99% of the time when a woman leaves a man she once chose and was once committed to, it's because his game got weak and sloppy and she's no longer attracted to him and no longer sees him as a dominant male. I've seen it 100x.
 
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