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If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

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And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

MY BPD EXPERIENCE/DILEMMA (LONG READ)

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PokerL

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Hi, I am new here. I have spent the last few weeks browsing various forums for some insight into BPDS, and found the best stuff here so I figured I would post my story ... and hope for the best?

To give you some insight into my life without going into too much detail I am a 21 year old semi professional poker player who lives at home and has very very few friends and very limited romantic experience.

Anyway lets jump right into this, around 6 months ago I received a friend request from quite possibly the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen, she was mutual friends with 2 guys I went to school with so I snap accepted and didn't think too much of it, although I did regularly stalk her profile and occasionally send her a flirty message - I didn't get very far, she didn't seem interested and I was wondering why she added me.

This went on for about 2-3 weeks, until one night we started snap chatting, we were talking for like 4 hours straight about sex, life, being lonely etc. I honestly felt so good just talking to her on a personal level for the first time. I remember that night telling her I had to go away for a week which seemed to make her upset but we agreed as soon as I was back we'd meet up - I was pretty excited! During the next 4 days, we spoke every day via text, snapchat etc. I'd wake up to messages from her and it felt so so good, it was like she was my girlfriend already and we'd not even hung out!

Then in my eyes, the first red flag appeared - she just vanished, no warning nothing. I just did not hear from her again for the next few days. I was confused, and hurt naturally I mean I had been ghosted before, but this seemed different. For the 4 days we spoke she seemed literally obsessed with me, then she was gone. I spent a couple of days thinking about this, then I decided to contact one of the 2 mutual friends we had on Fb who I went to school with to discuss.

The friend almost instantly told me that he had been best friends with her for years, then they had an awkward one night stand where she started crying half way through thus asking him to stop and after that things were never the same, but what he did tell me was that she was currently in a relationship with the other friend and had been for the past 6 months ... the plot thickens!

I agree to go on a night out with this friend and after we had both consumed out body weight in beer and cheap spirits I decided to snapchat this girl, basically calling her a ***** and a bunch of other mean things that may or may not have been true. Surprisingly that night when I stumbled through my front door around 3am, she asked if she could call me, I said sure and we chatted on the phone for a bit. She explained how when we were talking she had been single but got back with her BF, shady I know but I was drunk and didn't want to fall out with her so I let it go.

Over the next couple of weeks we chatted more in a friendly way, until one night she tells me she's ended things for good with her boyfriend. I didn't take this too seriously but the next day she asked to meet for drinks. We meet at a local bar and I explain I can't be long as I have my driving test the next morning. We hit it off straight away and chat for hours, with constant make out sessions. she was so absurdly passionate I just wanted to **** her there and then ... Anyway we eventually parted ways that evening and she wished me luck for my driving test.

That night she was all I could think about but the next day I managed to pass my test and already had a pretty nice car ready. My test was on a Thursday and we agreed id pick her up from work on the Saturday evening, we drive around for a bit then stop in a car park facing the sea to chat ... I say chat within what felt like seconds my jeans were down and she performed the most incredible ******* id ever felt, instantly I was hooked.

The next couple of days she's quite distant, we meet for a drink but things seem different. She's cold and explains she might get back with her ex, also started randomly talking about an abortion she had, idk kinda creeped me out but whatever. That night she texts me asking for some space which I reacted badly too but in the end just accepted, figured it was what it was.

I'd still sometimes hear from her on the phone, and one night she explained to me she had BPD, how it had destroyed all of her relationships. Told me some long story about how she got kicked out when she was 18 for a year and her mother had only just let her back, generic sob story stuff. I didn't really take the whole BPD thing in until one day she rang me just being very angry and mean, bare in mind I'd not seen her in about a month, after the call I decide to google BPD Girls, and Jesus Christ was I scared.

I decided I had to confront her about what id read and told her we probably couldn't be friends and then in the calmest voice after flaking me non stop for a month she said "Aww I was hoping maybe we could hang out tonight" Obviously being the sucker I am. I jumped at the chance, picked her up, took her for dinner, proceeded to take her to the nearest car park. Amazing head follows, and she begs me to **** her I mean seriously begs but I just could not do it, idk why but that night we did not ****.

Over the next week we hang out practically every day, Id pick her up from work, we'd chat, it was fine but id say it lacked romance. Anyway one night we went for dinner and half way through she blurts out " Would you mind driving me to my exes after this please" I could not believe this. I of course refuse and she starts crying, asks me to take her to the beach where she sobs uncontrollably, punches the walls non stop, tries to smash multiple windows but fails, it was a scary experience honestly.

We still chat every day after this and I basically ignore it as I was going away with my father for a week and did not want to leave on a bad note. Whilst I'm there she calls me nonstop, says im her best friend, she misses me so much etc. When I get back I pick her up from work, and as always she keeps me ****ing waiting in the car park whilst flirting with the cooks, it annoys me so much as I'll get a text "hey im ready now can you get here in 10 minutes" I arrive and she still takes all the time in the world. As always though, she makes it worth the wait and blows me in a car park before letting me blow my load on her tights.

The drive home was very depressing, she often tells me that things with her won't last and I should always be prepared for her to vanish for good at any time. Not what I ideally want to hear after having my balls drained, but it is what it is. I'm an emotional person so constantly hearing this from someone I like so much is very hurtful.

A couple of days after this is when things get really quite strange, I agree to pick her up during the day to hang out and she is just in the worst mood possible. Regardless we had an ok day together and at the end of it we go back to my place, I sneak her in past midnight as my parents are sleeping and she performs the works on me. AMAZING HEAD, even let me record a solid 3 minutes worth. Then she rides me, then I get on top and eventually end up cumming inside her. She did not seem to mind at all and the next day I take her to get the morning after pill which was fine. On the drive home she says "Btw I dont need you to pick me up on friday as im going home with one of the chefs, I wont sleep with him though" This was the ultimate dagger in my heart, we had literally just spent the night together and she was already planning to see another guy in just a day or 2.

It bothered me so much, for the next 24 hours it was all I could think about, the day came and she asked if i could take her to work as she was running late. I agreed and on the drive there she assured me she would not sleep with him that night. The next morning she rang me, assured me nothing happened between them, they just drank a little then called it a night. She swore on her life, you name it. It actually made me feel pretty good, anyway we went for breakfast, i uploaded a picture of the food where you can see maybe the tips of her hair / hands ( this becomes relevant later ) whatever anyway we have a nice day. That night I get a text around 11pm asking me to pick her up which I do, as she gets in the car she tells me she feels bad as she did sleep with the cook that night and he cuddled he to sleep ... A ****ING DAGGER IN THE HEART. 2 days after having my *** inside her she ****s another guy after promising not to and having sworn on her life that very morning she didn't.

I drive us to mcdonalds to get some food but she isnt hungry so I just have an ice cream whilst she cries, we argue a little nothing major. Then on the way back we somehow get on the topic of my relationship with my father, which isn't great. She strokes my hair constantly and when I drop her home gives me a very loving hug.

The next day I pick her up from work and as I arrive she starts shouting at me for apparently talking to her ex boyfriend ... I had not. What had happened was I logged in to my other facebook account where I am friends with that ex to chat to someone and happened to scroll through my newsfeed and saw he had made a pretty funny post about virtual currency, which without thinking I liked. It turns out then he went on to my main facebook and saw the picture of her hair and lost it at her etc despite them being broken up for well over a month. Anyway she was super upset with me and I had to take her home. I feel like if anyone should be annoyed it's me after what she did with that cook then lied about it ... but no I'm the bad guy for uploading a picture where you can see her hair and liking a FB status.

That's where im at anyway guys ... any advice / comments would be grearly appreciated.
 

El Payaso

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You know you're playing with fire yet you keep sticking your hands in it.

You're not one of those guys who doesn't know she has BPD or doesn't even know what BPD is. Hell, she's even told you.

But you're so desperate for any form of attention or sex that you'll continue to mess with a mentally deranged person.

You're asking for all kinds of trouble with this one especially when she doesn't get her way with you or isn't happy.

Do the logical thing and cut all ties with her. Also, develop a backbone.
 

PokerL

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You're not one of those guys who doesn't know she has BPD or doesn't even know what BPD is. Hell, she's even told you.

But you're so desperate for any form of attention or sex that you'll continue to mess with a mentally deranged person.

You're asking for all kinds of trouble with this one especially when she doesn't get her way with you or isn't happy.

Do the logical thing and cut all ties with her. Also, develop a backbone.



I suppose without her I'm quite lonely, it's as if my life revolves around picking her up from work, talking to her on the phone, and just generally hoping she's happy with me. Whilst knowing she doesn't want to be in a relationship with me. God this is depressing to write.
 

PokerL

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I'm desperate to **** her again, but I feel as if I've almost been friendzoned by her, which makes sense to some degree. Especially with her ****ing someone else within 3 days of me. Any tips for that ?
 

Julian

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go buy a teddy bear and a card and ask her to meet you at sunset and give her the items and tell her you love her bro...let your heart out man just be real with her tell her how you feel and you wanna be her white knight
 

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PokerL

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Cutting her off just seems impossible atm, is there nothing else ? I'm still rather new to this
 

billtx49

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Leave her orbit or be happy being only one of her plates. It's that simple.
I don't reccomend staying. You're starting to catch feelings and she's banging anyone she wants.
 
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PokerL

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I guess in an ideal world we'd be madly in love and be happy forever? Idk I have super bad oneitos for her. I've jerked off to the video we made together pretty much every night since we slept together. It hurts so bad that practically seconds after swallowing the pill she's telling me about spending the night with another dude in a couple of days, then the rollercoaster she put me on. "Don't worth I won't sleep with him" Don't worry I didn't **** him I swear on my life " just to dump the final blow that she did. I ended up driving her to work this evening, as I wanted to make sure she ate beforehand otherwise she just does not eat at all. And I asked if she'd like to go to dinner tomorrow or something and she said she would. It just feels so weird. I so badly want to just disappear and cut my losses. I mean I got to sleep with her, have a video of her sucking my ****, in many people's eyes I could walk away a winner. But I crave her. I just want her to want me. I feel one of the problems is she knows I'm always there and have no one else apart from her. I just don't know, anyway thank you so much for the replies guys. I'd appreciate more. It feels good just to get this out
 

billtx49

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If she is BPD like she told you, she sounds like a low functioning one. Walk away, cut your losses, and feel good about it. No BPD survivor on this forum would recommend that you stay in contact with her.
 
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PokerL

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She is reasonably high functioning in the sense she's held down a 4 day a week job at a bar for approx 6 months. Everyone she meets seems to really like her, and she's very aware of what she has. I just always seem to get the worst of her. Though she'll often make comments about how she loves her days with me so much, and it's just like we're a couple etc. But it just somehow doesn't feel real
 

PokerL

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I can't face the reality of this ending or her cutting me off because without her I have nothing, but without me she still has plenty
 

wolf

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Welcome to addiction!

pokerL "I burned my hand in the fire even though i was told it would burn me. What shall i do?"

Sosuave "Don't touch it again. It will burn you!

pokerL "But i like how warm it feels before my skin begins to burn and blister. How can i stay warm without burning?"

Sosuave "DON'T TOUCH THE FIRE!! IT WILL BURN YOU!!!!!!!"
 

PokerL

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Sigh, I know this is true. She's just all I think about, it's like everything else matters significantly less. I hadent slept with anyone since my 3 year long relationship ended about 9 months ago. So I guess I've latched onto her even harder than someone normally would, and she knows this.
 

wolf

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Sigh, I know this is true. She's just all I think about, it's like everything else matters significantly less. I hadent slept with anyone since my 3 year long relationship ended about 9 months ago. So I guess I've latched onto her even harder than someone normally would, and she knows this.
You have something that i didn't... knowledge! You know she has BPD hell just knowing what BPD is should give you enough to get out. All i had was a gut instinct that i ignored right from the 1st date and the belief that i had to fix something in order to make things go back to the way they were. Why are you still entertaining the idea of seeing this Woman again? Use the experience to grow you before you run into a not so obvious Cluster B who will tear you to shreds!

Source : Experience
 

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soulforge

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Sigh, I know this is true. She's just all I think about, it's like everything else matters significantly less. I hadent slept with anyone since my 3 year long relationship ended about 9 months ago. So I guess I've latched onto her even harder than someone normally would, and she knows this.

Ok here it is poker... you have no self respect... you would rather be used and treated like dog chit on her shoes, for the sake of a 10min *******b...

She does not give a two bit fuk about you, and she knows very well, that you are weak and addicted.. this is why she does not care about telling you about fuking other dudes..

She does not give a chit about you.. because you don't give a chit about you...

When this is all over, and she has completely discarded you... the fog will clear...

You know what will hurt you the most??

The fact that you had such little respect for yourself, and you let a bich treat you like this..

You need to walk away from this chit asap!
 

PokerL

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I read the above article and **** it gave me shivers, Soulforge you're right. She knows im trapped and going nowhere. She's thrown me the occasional bone and in exchange ive given her everything. I almost think I would've been the same if not similar with a non BPD girl. I almost find it sorta tough to be too mad at this girl, as despite being kinda sneaky at points she's actually been very upfront about her condition, her sexual exploits, etc. I think she views me more as a friend, but the other day she seemed so desperate for me to fall in love with her. She sent me messages while i was away saying she sprayed my cologne on her as the smell comforted her, how she missed me and wondered what it would take for me to finally fall in love with her etc, then the next minute it's major friend zone.
 

billtx49

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wondered what it would take for me to finally fall in love with her etc, then the next minute it's major friend zone.
It's how they operate due to their disorder. Here one hour, day, week, or month, gone the next. Then the cycle starts again and again until you are totally mindfvcked and in a mental fog.
A good way to tell yourself what functioning level she is at concerning you is the time duration between her emotional shifts.
 
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Infern0

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1. Cut contact

Trust me, trust me, trust me there is NO happy ending with BPD's, and the longer it goes you are just setting yourself up for more failure down the line.

2. Work on yourself. You need to, there's tons of bad form from you in the opening message too.
 

Infern0

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I can't face the reality of this ending or her cutting me off because without her I have nothing, but without me she still has plenty
You will GAIN back some self respect.

If you have that you can build off it.

If you stay you will truly end up with nothing.

I stayed until my ex BPD who i had oneitis for got pregnant to a fat, tattoo'd thug

yeah, dream girl, little 5'6" 110lb cutie from a nice family...

Trust me get out on your terms.
 
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