My best friend is flirting with my girlfriend and she subtly reciprocates

[vato]

Just broke up with her… I feel nothing but not in a good way. Just feels empty. ****!

 

[vato]

This is my plan.

Feel like **** for the first couple of weeks and allow myself to feel the pain. Cry if I have to, self-pity if I must. Will watch some “letting go” videos from Julien so I can process the break-up instead of using other outlets to escape my thoughts. I’ll also write down the mistakes I made during this relationship and how I can avoid them in the future.

But after those two weeks I’ll stop with all the b*tchass-ness and get back to work: I’ll start with taking boxing seriously again, back to the gym. Start making music again.

Focus on reading, traveling, socializing and getting sh*t done. Build up my Instagram profile to make it easier get ho*s. Tinder will be downloaded again.

Most importantly, I will start cold approaching and doing day game. 3 approaches daily and 10 during the weekends. I’ve missed this so much so it’s back 2 business.

This sh*t won’t be easy, there will be days where I want to break NC, but if I stick to NC and to my plan then know I’ll come out stronger in a couple of months. I’ll keep you guys updated on how things are going. At the moment I feel f*cked!

 

[holidayad_]

This is my plan.

Feel like **** for the first couple of weeks and allow myself to feel the pain. Cry if I have to, self-pity if I must. Will watch some “letting go” videos from Julien so I can process the break-up instead of using other outlets to escape my thoughts. I’ll also write down the mistakes I made during this relationship and how I can avoid them in the future.

But after those two weeks I’ll stop with all the b*tchass-ness and get back to work: I’ll start with taking boxing seriously again, back to the gym. Start making music again.

Focus on reading, traveling, socializing and getting sh*t done. Build up my Instagram profile to make it easier get ho*s. Tinder will be downloaded again.

Most importantly, I will start cold approaching and doing day game. 3 approaches daily and 10 during the weekends. I’ve missed this so much so it’s back 2 business.

This sh*t won’t be easy, there will be days where I want to break NC, but if I stick to NC and to my plan then know I’ll come out stronger in a couple of months. I’ll keep you guys updated on how things are going. At the moment I feel f*cked!

keep strong, dude.

 

[soulforge]

In light of your decision to dump, I re read this and you’re right for doing it OP. She’s a cvnt.

play stupid games win stupid prizes. It’s why I kicked a friend to the curb for the very same issue.

it’s for their own benefit. Thankfully my wife did not reciprocate but the dude is extremely attractive. If anything did happen the dude would be going to hospital and me to jail. Nobody wants that.

25 years of friendship I had with this guy, 25 years he threw away. I had his back multiple times. And he chose for a little ego flex at my expense. He just doesn’t get it. Any old girl it’s fine, we are all competing. Wife’s - long term GF, hit the road pal.

It’s the worst thing you can do as a man. I have a friend whose wife has dumped him and I’m really close to the wife. I never would on principle - even if I was single. There are tons of others out there.

why do they do it? Simple. It’s power. Power over you, they get off on it.

the thing is with your “friend” and mine and your ex GF. This is the bit you saw. 99% sure there 80% of shyt you never knew anything about

Thing is she dumped OP not the other way around.

 

[zekko]

Most importantly, I will start cold approaching and doing day game. 3 approaches daily and 10 during the weekends. I’ve missed this so much so it’s back 2 business.

Yeah, you're going to have to do something like this. Women recover easier because they tend to fall into dates and relationships easily, because men will come to them. As a male, you have to go out and take what you want, you have to make things happen.

 

[Barrister]

Total 100% disrespect dude.

Never be afraid to cut toxic people out of your life & your mate is definitely not your mate, he is a snake.

At this point and don't see how your girlfriend can be trusted either.

Might be an idea to cut them both out.

OP - this post by soulforge at the beginning of this entire thread is 100% spot on. Not only is your "friend" a POS that should immediately be cut out of your life and discarded into the rubbish pile, you also need to set down some very clear boundaries with your girlfriend now and if she gives any resistance to that, she gets the boot out of your life as well (I think an argument could be made to just boot her now without any further chances, but I am not clear on what has been said to her in the past).

This guy has absolutely zero loyalty to you. And it is clear if he thought he could get away with fvcking your GF he would do it without a moment's hesitation.

EDIT: Now that I am reading on looks like you gave her the boot already. Definitely not a bad decision either.

 

[Divorced w 3]

C'mon now. You did nothing few month go but you advice other men to get a criminal record AT BEST over some unholy woman that would be gone either way..

Better advice is to simply leave them both.

Dont advice other men to use violence against people for the sake of a woman.

Let’s get a couple of things straight here, the first of which is that I am finally getting around to you; i see you, you’re one of my biggest fans on this board next to the former catsmeow, who I had to declaw about six months ago, and she was a lot hotter than you are.

Anyway, back to the point here. This situation is not apples to apples but I am going to elaborate on my lessons from the situation for OP as well as following up with a situation not long after related to my own best friend and then close it out with how things are now.

I was her plus one at a wedding 100 miles upstate, I was five years older than her, the wedding party, and the couple, my girl is very attractive and my mere being there with a childless woman given my lot in life and position made me an object of high SMV, so it was my position to lose and make no mistake I did lose it out of purely being rusty. Secondly, I was still
In divorce litigation, everything was under a microscope, and my kids were mine to lose. She never cheated on me and before the night ended I did the right thing and stayed in my room and did not go down to the after party and she stayed there too, despite the crying and protesting. So at the end of the day I handled my business. What went wrong there for me? One, a month prior I got absolutely blasted on a solo run in midtown manhattan on a Saturday morning by like 10am, I think by 5pm and a 15 mile walk later I was 15 drinks in. I was going in hard on my girlfriend on some stuff that was building up under my skin, it was totally uncalled for and should have been handled totally differently. I suspect part of her actions at the wedding were a natural response to that, we were off our balance and the only person I could control is myself, and in doing that I lost the high ground. I lost more ground by getting hammered at that wedding. I lost even more ground on my birthday a couple months later when I got wasted and threw like 8 bouncers around at the bar on my birthday in front of her bc my other boy was being put in a chokehold and I threw all sense, caution and responsibility as a single dad out the window. I almost got arrested. Since then, I noticed that pattern and I reeled it in. Since then, she is here almost all the time, it’s a massive pain in the ass for her including relating to her professional issues beginning to suffer and she powers through it anyway on account of seeing me. My frame is rock solid. Take it or leave it. Secondly, on that issue with the bouncers, our other friend was the most sober of the three of us and gave my girl his number so that she could let him know that we got back safely (bc I am an idiot and I drove home). I texted him that night we made it back and then the next day, called my friend, and this is my oldest closest friend, and I asked him what that was about, and he explained why, and I said you can ask me directly next time, explained in no mistaken terms that I can and will handle my business with my girl directly and honestly my buddy who is never at a loss for words was found with very few words. Last night as a matter of fact we all got together and there was no doubt who my girl was there with. In other words, Op can and should tell same to this guy and OP should do it directly in this guys doorstep bc he will feel fantastic doing it.

I will tell you how that wedding would play out for me moving forward if it ever happened again, but the pretenses would obviously be different as I would not have drunkenly gone in on her, and i would not have been hammered at the wedding. First of all I would probably realize what was going on, realize I did nothing wrong and then accept what was going on. If it was absolutely eggrgious I would not take photos with her, dance with her etc I would actually start befriending other groups and slowly I would just look to enjoy myself and if I started flirting with another woman so be it. If it was absolutely egregious I would let her pass out, pack my crap and I would bounce that evening. If the guy had come to my door knocking like he did at 12 midnight I would open the door this time and put him up against the wall in the hallway by his throat and make him regret coming by, you can’t do that in mid wedding but you can absolutely do that after.
Take it or leave it, I live and I learn.

 

[BoomToTheMoonAlice]

 

[bat soup]

Hi,

I've been close friends with one of my best friends for over 20 years. Two years ago, I introduced my girlfriend to him and his girlfriend. This marked the first time I officially introduced a girl to anyone, as I generally keep my life private. However, I liked her and thought it was time to involve her with my friends.

During a dinner at his place, my friend started making disrespectful jokes about me, questioning her choice, and continued throughout the day. “you could chose anyone and you chose HIM?! Are you blind?”, “I’m just curious, wtf did you see in him?” This pattern of disrespectful behavior persisted during subsequent visits, with him bringing me down at every opportunity.

After three meetings with her, he told me that if I broke up with her, he and his girlfriend would still maintain contact with her, even though I hadn't mentioned breaking up. This, combined with flirty comments and actions between him and my girlfriend, raised concerns. Comments like “I’m the only one who flirts in this room” while looking at her, and her reaction being getting shy and starting to play with her hair.

Fast forward two years, and during a recent visit to his place, he made her cook while they’re laughing and giggling while cooking together. When the food was done my friend asked her to tighten the table leg (you have to rotate the leg), he then asked her in a flirty tone “is it tight?” And she responded “I would say it is tight”, - all this was done with a flirty undertone. When I expressed my feelings to my girlfriend, she denied any issue.

She is not innocent, she has subtly reciprocated his advances by flirting back by not shutting it down by being cold and dismissive of his attempts.

I feel betrayed by both my friend and my girlfriend. He acts flirtatiously only with her, and she hasn't shut down his advances.

I need advice on what to do. Should I cut them both from my life?

I should also mention he has a girlfriend.

I'd immediately chop this guy out of my life and I'd start looking for this girls replacement.

 

[zekko]

Okay seriously, has no one read War Brides?

I haven't read it, but I've heard the theory discussed. Quite interesting, and explains a lot.

 

[vato]

Posting this here as a reminder for myself and other guys that are going through the same thing. Found this in my old hard drive from way back. Written by Tyler from his RSD days:

"Welcome to hell.

I got dumped this year as well.

She wanted to come back but had changed so drastically after that there was nothing to return to.

My game is the best it's ever been but no other girl can replace what you lost.

It comes down to being happy in solitude. Letting time work it's magic, which it will.

Go out and socialize. There will be a hole in your heart that makes every day nearly impossible to get through, but you must carry on and become stronger from the experience.

Do lots of dates but don't **** them as you will feel horrified and disgusted. I made that mistake repeatedly til I admitted to myself I needed time to heal.

I now have multiple new hotter girls who are gaga over me but I just do dinners with them and hang out. This is healthy as it doesn't paint over the pain.

When you are truly happy in complete solitude again and no longer miss her, you will be ready to be with someone else.

For now go out daily and keep it super low pressure. Talk to tons of girls and date them but no need to close.

There is no "rejections" at this phase. You are raw and hurt. It's not "you" at full strength being rejected.

You will bounce back like a phoenix rising from the ashes 10x more powerful, while she will mask the pain with a rebound and likely not grow at all.

Be thankful for the gift of the pain.

Tyler"

 

[soulforge]

Posting this here as a reminder for myself and other guys that are going through the same thing. Found this in my old hard drive from way back. Written by Tyler from his RSD days:

"Welcome to hell.

I got dumped this year as well.

She wanted to come back but had changed so drastically after that there was nothing to return to.

My game is the best it's ever been but no other girl can replace what you lost.

It comes down to being happy in solitude. Letting time work it's magic, which it will.

Go out and socialize. There will be a hole in your heart that makes every day nearly impossible to get through, but you must carry on and become stronger from the experience.

Do lots of dates but don't **** them as you will feel horrified and disgusted. I made that mistake repeatedly til I admitted to myself I needed time to heal.

I now have multiple new hotter girls who are gaga over me but I just do dinners with them and hang out. This is healthy as it doesn't paint over the pain.

When you are truly happy in complete solitude again and no longer miss her, you will be ready to be with someone else.

For now go out daily and keep it super low pressure. Talk to tons of girls and date them but no need to close.

There is no "rejections" at this phase. You are raw and hurt. It's not "you" at full strength being rejected.

You will bounce back like a phoenix rising from the ashes 10x more powerful, while she will mask the pain with a rebound and likely not grow at all.

Be thankful for the gift of the pain.

Tyler"

Thanks for this, it's a good read.

For dudes it can take quite a long time to get over a significant break up. But eventually we all get over it, and often look back and laugh, with the question. What the fuk was I thinking?

 

[Divorced w 3]

Posting this here as a reminder for myself and other guys that are going through the same thing. Found this in my old hard drive from way back. Written by Tyler from his RSD days:

"Welcome to hell.

I got dumped this year as well.

She wanted to come back but had changed so drastically after that there was nothing to return to.

My game is the best it's ever been but no other girl can replace what you lost.

It comes down to being happy in solitude. Letting time work it's magic, which it will.

Go out and socialize. There will be a hole in your heart that makes every day nearly impossible to get through, but you must carry on and become stronger from the experience.

Do lots of dates but don't **** them as you will feel horrified and disgusted. I made that mistake repeatedly til I admitted to myself I needed time to heal.

I now have multiple new hotter girls who are gaga over me but I just do dinners with them and hang out. This is healthy as it doesn't paint over the pain.

When you are truly happy in complete solitude again and no longer miss her, you will be ready to be with someone else.

For now go out daily and keep it super low pressure. Talk to tons of girls and date them but no need to close.

There is no "rejections" at this phase. You are raw and hurt. It's not "you" at full strength being rejected.

You will bounce back like a phoenix rising from the ashes 10x more powerful, while she will mask the pain with a rebound and likely not grow at all.

Be thankful for the gift of the pain.

Tyler"

I agree with this to a point… the pain is where you learn, for sure. But out of a 14 year relationship there was something really fulfilling about putting a tinder page together for the first time ever and getting a girl to invite me over within like a week. I think different people handle things differently but you absolutely should sit with your pain at some point. Hang in there bro. You’re in the right spot. Keep coming.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Can't relate to that, but maybe I'm just callous.

Kid needs to go listen to Vampire by Olivia Rodrigo

 

[soulforge]

Wait. Who ended the relationship?

Did OP end it, or did she end things.

 

[vato]

Wait. Who ended the relationship?

Did OP end it, or did she end things.

She ended it

 

[Divorced w 3]

She ended it

OP, sorry to hear about the pain, happy to hear about your opportunity to grow. That sounds like crap but it isn’t. When you’re ready, tell us how this went down, it’ll help you to write it out and it’ll help us down the line.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Oof this gave me the shivers. Total disrespect from both sides.

The truth: You DO NOT need people like this in your life. Get rid of both. Better to be alone than with negative/detrimental company.

 

[soulforge]

Darn, I got here too late. The fact that she is the one who ended it added insult to injury. Sounds like she wanted to eject from the plane to avoid dealing with the consequences of crashing it.

I would have offered this advice:

1. Do not "discuss" what is happening between her and your friend nor should you "talk it out." It's obvious what's going on. If you try to discuss it, you'll get the same answers you did ("I wasn't! I was just tightening the table..." etc.).

2. Since it's obvious, you need to issue a direct order to her to not see or talk to this guy again. Do this on the grounds that you are saving the relationship (you actually are) and offer her zero compromise or negotiation power. She was tempted to be disloyal and has shown you disrespect, so she has no say in the manner anymore.

3. You are taking charge here and you're the one keeping who's things together, so don't let her get her word in. If she says her side of the story, let her speak to see how she presents it (for your own information) but if it's really that obvious, then you should make it clear that you don't believe her, you don't intend to talk it out, and the order has already been issued to halt all activities with this person. Don't make an issue out of not believing her because she can use that to make a fork of the original issue at hand. A silent look of disapproval and a reminder of what the deal is will suffice. Don't let her squirm out of it by making the talk about something else. "Don't speak to him ever again" is the single point to focus on and for her to understand. Anything else is off-topic. This needs to be communicated effectively in one, and only one, conversation in a single setting. No reminders.

4. If it stops, carry on as usual. Your relationship was in danger, so you solved the problem. Good work. She will remember that and respect you for it. If she sees you're willing to defend what you have (her) then she will be more loyal to you in the long run. Women will never say it openly, but they want their men to do this. She'll see your willingness to take charge and accept no BS from her (she knows she's in the wrong) as a sign that you care about her (which it actually is).

If it doesn't stop, end the relationship. You've already proven your willingness to defend it to the maximum legal degree you could. By issuing the order on the grounds that you're keeping the relationship together, you basically gave her a referendum on you as a lover and she decided to reject it. So there's nothing left to salvage out of it anymore.

As far as your friend goes, that's a really complex case. I don't know what you should do about it. He did try to betray your 20 year friendship just for an extra girl, so... yeah.

This is good advice, however in OPs situation its pretty much irrelevant.

Firm boundaries should be set at the beginning of the relationship. She should already be familiar & acustomed to the no nonsense type of guy, who won't stick around if serious boundaries are violated.

If you have been weak with implementing boundaries from the offset, because you feared losing her, then all of a sudden, some years down the line, you decide to come down hard on her with conditions & boundaries, she will resent you for it, or simply will not take you seriously.

It's unfortunate that not only did OPs Girlfriend treat him with little respect, but to add insult to injury, she managed to dump him too.

That's got to fvcking sting.

OP did your ex display disrespectful behaviour in any other scenarios or incidents, apart from this situation with your snake freind?

Surly there was a pattern developing here.

 

[Baibars]

Posting this here as a reminder for myself and other guys that are going through the same thing. Found this in my old hard drive from way back. Written by Tyler from his RSD days:

"Welcome to hell.

I got dumped this year as well.

She wanted to come back but had changed so drastically after that there was nothing to return to.

My game is the best it's ever been but no other girl can replace what you lost.

It comes down to being happy in solitude. Letting time work it's magic, which it will.

Go out and socialize. There will be a hole in your heart that makes every day nearly impossible to get through, but you must carry on and become stronger from the experience.

Do lots of dates but don't **** them as you will feel horrified and disgusted. I made that mistake repeatedly til I admitted to myself I needed time to heal.

I now have multiple new hotter girls who are gaga over me but I just do dinners with them and hang out. This is healthy as it doesn't paint over the pain.

When you are truly happy in complete solitude again and no longer miss her, you will be ready to be with someone else.

For now go out daily and keep it super low pressure. Talk to tons of girls and date them but no need to close.

There is no "rejections" at this phase. You are raw and hurt. It's not "you" at full strength being rejected.

You will bounce back like a phoenix rising from the ashes 10x more powerful, while she will mask the pain with a rebound and likely not grow at all.

Be thankful for the gift of the pain.

Tyler"

I agree that one needs time to heal. I had sex with 2 girls after my ex and I honestly felt really bad spending time with them.
Having sex was ok but what made me feel bad was going out with them and just spending time. I felt so fcking bad and disgusted I can’t describe it.
Being alone is better for me.
right now there is a girl that wants to spend time with me but I can’t even text her back.
All I can do is Setting up dates once every 1-2 weeks and bang her.

If you had an attachment with a girl it’s not easy like some people here say. „ go out and bang hotter“ probably works when you just got dumped by some girl you knew for some weeks/months or it was just superficial af.

we should take our time. That’s not a damn competition about who has more sex than the ex. Detaching means not caring anymore.