My best friend is flirting with my girlfriend and she subtly reciprocates

Divorced w 3

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This guy isn’t your friend.

I personally can’t understand what would cause you to ever be in this persons presence again, and that thought has nothing to do with it being a threat to your relationship. You are clearly hurting for a good social system and I am truly sorry to hear that. You can deepen other relationships with people or forge new ones.

As for your relationship, next time your girlfriend intimates that she’s seeking out someone else’s attention, if it were me, I would very simply mention that to you personally, this is not the behavior you have in mind for your relationship, do it while you’re dropping her off that evening, don’t accept any sort of excuses or rationale, and then you simply take a few days off in complete radio silence. Don’t tell her you’re going silent, just do it. Freeze her ass out like an Eskimo. You will get feedback in her reaction. I can’t promise the outcome will make you feel better but you will be better off for it.

Alternate option, get a side chick asap, and then just run this a little longer and you can move on to your side piece and that will smooth it over. I think the harder way is more fulfilling because you’ll grow but no harm on this either.
 

Gamisch

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By the way: subtly..LOL

This guy isn’t your friend.

I personally can’t understand what would cause you to ever be in this persons presence again, and that thought has nothing to do with it being a threat to your relationship. You are clearly hurting for a good social system and I am truly sorry to hear that. You can deepen other relationships with people or forge new ones.

As for your relationship, next time your girlfriend intimates that she’s seeking out someone else’s attention, if it were me, I would very simply mention that to you personally, this is not the behavior you have in mind for your relationship, do it while you’re dropping her off that evening, don’t accept any sort of excuses or rationale, and then you simply take a few days off in complete radio silence. Don’t tell her you’re going silent, just do it. Freeze her ass out like an Eskimo. You will get feedback in her reaction. I can’t promise the outcome will make you feel better but you will be better off for it.

Alternate option, get a side chick asap, and then just run this a little longer and you can move on to your side piece and that will smooth it over. I think the harder way is more fulfilling because you’ll grow but no harm on this either.
Nah fam. That's why we say never ever put H0ES over BROS. If you have to choose you'd pick the h0e????

You would delete your friend and stay with a woman who already showed you her true colors??

I am sorry but that's not the way to go. I geuss what you mean is DUMP BOTH. But ditching a friend for a disloyal woman...

Learn from this comment. Its constructive criticism rather than a personal attack on you.
 

vato

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Well. Nothing new to see here. That's why I always say that once you've been around the block and got your fair share of women, it's almost impossible to go back to being a bluepilled beta bytch.

Having said that, after some time " the clock passes the 12 mark again ". What do I mean by that? that I'd might even reach a point where I wouldn't mind her doing this shyte. Once you ACCEPT female nature for what it
is, you stop worrying about shyte like this.


Any woman can flirt with any man at any given moment. Your 72 y.o mother, your 12 y.o daughter , your 32 y.o seemingly loyal wife ect. That's why i say the position of a bluepilled beta bf is the WEAKEST one on the spectrum .
I agree with you that you can't avoid female nature. But my friend and my gf flirting in front of everybody at the dinner table is not something I will let slide. She wants to get married, pressures me every other month and then does this ****. I can't marry someone with this behavior or who subtly flirts with my friends, that's a no-no in my book.

I'm neither blue-pilled or red pilled. I have had my experience with women. I know female nature and that's the reason her actions pisses me off even more.

You can argue that your friend is the "more alpha " person between the two of you, but even that thesis isn't always true. I.o.w: you CAN try to threat/fight him, but let me tell ya: both prison and the graveyard are full of men who went through this..on the other hand: if it's CLEAR that you can't defend yourself against your "friend" you're also fecked..that's why unfortunately the bluepilled man is almost always the loser..
Agree with this point as well. He sure did out-alpha me and I was aware that this was the case. But why should I be in competition with one of my so-called bestfriends who I've known since 20 years? If he wants to act alpha let him, and if my girl wants that energy she can go to him. I'll lead the way for her. But I will be out of the picture and in a couple months I'll probably have a hotter girl beside me. Playing alpha games with your friends is a weak mindset for me.
 
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Gamisch

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I agree with you that you can't avoid female nature. But my friend and my gf flirting in front of everybody at the dinner table is not something I will let slide. She wants to get married, pressures me every other month and then does this ****. I can't marry someone with this behavior or who subtly flirts with my friends, that's a no-no in my book.

I'm neither blue-pilled or red pilled. I have had my experience with women. I know female nature and that's the reason her actions pisses me off even more.
Hmm

I dont wanna get into a fight with you.

But unfortunately we can't always choose as what "pill" the particular woman in case views us. Its clear as day that one of the issues that MIGHT be at play is the fact she views you as blue and your friend as red... or you as blue anyway. Extreme example, but do You think pablo Escobar his wife would do this??

You have to look at this with a helicopter view: what do you call a man whose:

-has a gf ( doesn't give it a hard NO)
-who contemplates marriage (doesn't give it a hard no)
-has his friend flirting with her ( doesn't give it a hard NO)
-in front of family????? N#gg4 whuuut??

This woman cannot be trusted. On top of that she showed the ULTIMATE for of disrespect. She gets her cake and eats it too because she has you as her bf...

I'd DEFINITELY reduced her to a cumbucket . As that's impossible due to the emotional connection, it's DEFINITELY time to ditch her TODAY.
 

MtmVaott

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I agree with you that you can't avoid female nature. But my friend and my gf flirting in front of everybody at the dinner table is not something I will let slide. She wants to get married, pressures me every other month and then does this ****. I can't marry someone with this behavior or who subtly flirts with my friends, that's a no-no in my book.

I'm neither blue-pilled or red pilled. I have had my experience with women. I know female nature and that's the reason her actions pisses me off even more.



Agree with this point as well. He sure did out-alpha me and I was aware that this was the case. But why should I be in competition with one of my so-called bestfriends who I've known since 20 years? If he wants to act alpha let him, and if my girl wants that energy she can go to him. I'll lead the way for her. But I will be out of the picture and in a couple months I'll probably have a hotter girl beside me. Playing alpha games with your friends is a weak mindset for me.
I fully agree, it seems like you already know what you have to do...
The good thing here is that they showed you their cards, now you won't marry this user GF and you will cut off a snake friend.
 

Divorced w 3

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By the way: subtly..LOL


Nah fam. That's why we say never ever put H0ES over BROS. If you have to choose you'd pick the h0e????

You would delete your friend and stay with a woman who already showed you her true colors??

I am sorry but that's not the way to go. I geuss what you mean is DUMP BOTH. But ditching a friend for a disloyal woman...

Learn from this comment. Its constructive criticism rather than a personal attack on you.
The only color we have is on the guy who is obviously no good but we have very little on the woman. Disloyal is a stretch. Has she flirted back yes, is that bad yes, is that the end of the world no. I had something like this happen around six months ago and honestly I am better off for it. I had to take ownership of myself, I had to take a step forward in how I manage my relationship and I also had to be fair about what got us both there and what my limits were on that situation. Maybe this girl is for the streets who knows, but there is only one clear cut loser here and that’s the friend.
 
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Nah fam. That's why we say never ever put H0ES over BROS. If you have to choose you'd pick the h0e????

You would delete your friend and stay with a woman who already showed you her true colors??
@Gamisch fair point but in this case, he's NO "bro." And there is no evidence that OP's girl is a "hoe."

Bros don't disrespect their fellow bro by overtly flirting with your girl right in front of your face, making flirty suggestive comments about your girl being "tight" and other flirty suggestive comments. That is beyond disrespectful.

From my read HE was the initiator of those flirtatious interactions so hell yeah, I very much agree with @divorced about this, he's no friend and should be ditched.

"Choose Wisely" isn't only intended for choosing the right women to date, it's for choosing the right mates as well.
 
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Hamurabimbi

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Hi,

I've been close friends with one of my best friends for over 20 years. Two years ago, I introduced my girlfriend to him and his girlfriend. This marked the first time I officially introduced a girl to anyone, as I generally keep my life private. However, I liked her and thought it was time to involve her with my friends.

During a dinner at his place, my friend started making disrespectful jokes about me, questioning her choice, and continued throughout the day. “you could chose anyone and you chose HIM?! Are you blind?”, “I’m just curious, wtf did you see in him?” This pattern of disrespectful behavior persisted during subsequent visits, with him bringing me down at every opportunity.

After three meetings with her, he told me that if I broke up with her, he and his girlfriend would still maintain contact with her, even though I hadn't mentioned breaking up. This, combined with flirty comments and actions between him and my girlfriend, raised concerns. Comments like “I’m the only one who flirts in this room” while looking at her, and her reaction being getting shy and starting to play with her hair.

Fast forward two years, and during a recent visit to his place, he made her cook while they’re laughing and giggling while cooking together. When the food was done my friend asked her to tighten the table leg (you have to rotate the leg), he then asked her in a flirty tone “is it tight?” And she responded “I would say it is tight”, - all this was done with a flirty undertone. When I expressed my feelings to my girlfriend, she denied any issue.

She is not innocent, she has subtly reciprocated his advances by flirting back by not shutting it down by being cold and dismissive of his attempts.

I feel betrayed by both my friend and my girlfriend. He acts flirtatiously only with her, and she hasn't shut down his advances.

I need advice on what to do. Should I cut them both from my life?

I should also mention he has a girlfriend.
 

vato

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Same buddy?


I build relationships for my career and personal life, I’m happy with being a giving person and sometimes you might be taken advantage of. That’s fine, it happens. I give them a second chance to fix it, if not, I walk away. It’s more difficult to make genuine friends as you get older, I think that’s why you may be still friends with this guy. He is taking advantage of the tenured friendship and you.
My guy, this post is older than hugh hefner. I deaded that friendship long time ago...
 

vato

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Talked to my girl and she's denying that she's flirted with my friend and that "she was just talking about tightning the table". But when you playfully hit each other laugh and giggle then it's flirting at that point. I told her I'll talk to my friend and confront him and she said "don't let your friends action dictate what I'm doing". But I told her that her response is her responsibility. Anyway, I also told her I have to reconsider our relationship and I have to think about where to go from this point on and she said that if I dump her because of this then it's my problem not her and I will have to live with it afterwards of letting her go.
 

Divorced w 3

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Talked to my girl and she's denying that she's flirted with my friend and that "she was just talking about tightning the table". But when you playfully hit each other laugh and giggle then it's flirting at that point. I told her I'll talk to my friend and confront him and she said "don't let your friends action dictate what I'm doing". But I told her that her response is her responsibility. Anyway, I also told her I have to reconsider our relationship and I have to think about where to go from this point on and she said that if I dump her because of this then it's my problem not her and I will have to live with it afterwards of letting her go.
Good for you. Now, under no circumstances do you say a word to her for at least two days. If you want to post into this thread on her texts etc for feedback you can use us as a sandbox for how it’s going. Somehow I think you’re going to manage just fine if you decide to move forward on your own too.
 

MtmVaott

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she said that if I dump her because of this then it's my problem not her and I will have to live with it afterwards of letting her go.
She seems to be a real sweetheart.

Honestly, why do you even try to talk to her? Dump that ***** NOW. Tell her it was all a mistake, you overreacted, you're sorry. Then prepare your exit ASAP and cut the ties once your assets and so on is safe from her.
Also, why are you referring to this **** as your friend? He's a piece of ****. You don't owe this guy a thought, just decline meetings. He is the one who should come with his tail between his tails to you and beg you for a second chance.
 

Divorced w 3

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She seems to be a real sweetheart.

Honestly, why do you even try to talk to her? Dump that ***** NOW. Tell her it was all a mistake, you overreacted, you're sorry. Then prepare your exit ASAP and cut the ties once your assets and so on is safe from her.
Also, why are you referring to this **** as your friend? He's a piece of ****. You don't owe this guy a thought, just decline meetings. He is the one who should come with his tail between his tails to you and beg you for a second chance.
He should absolutely go tell the guy that their friendship is over and that if he says another word to her he’s going to crack his teeth into the back of his throat. He will feel so much better about himself. Just be prepared to do it.

As for the advice about his girl, are you reading what you’re saying here? Backtrack and then cover himself and then throw her out? What do you think he’s got himself into here, that’s crazy. Just play it cool, he made his move, he is going to look like he is anxiety ridden and nuts if he doesn’t just stick to the course.
 

Baibars

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I don’t want to attack you personally but ask yourself why you didn’t instinctively react the right way and straightened your „friend“ out?

I come from a very strict and traditional family and we have a hierarchy. If someone disrespects me in front of my wife I instantly react a certain way.
If I disrespect my older brother in front of everybody he puts me in my place etc.
you’re missing something within you that should force you to act a certain way when a friend disrespects you like this.
of course you can just go and act the right way now but ask yourself why you didn’t do it initially
 

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BoomToTheMoonAlice

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Hi,

I've been close friends with one of my best friends for over 20 years. Two years ago, I introduced my girlfriend to him and his girlfriend. This marked the first time I officially introduced a girl to anyone, as I generally keep my life private. However, I liked her and thought it was time to involve her with my friends.

During a dinner at his place, my friend started making disrespectful jokes about me, questioning her choice, and continued throughout the day. “you could chose anyone and you chose HIM?! Are you blind?”, “I’m just curious, wtf did you see in him?” This pattern of disrespectful behavior persisted during subsequent visits, with him bringing me down at every opportunity.

After three meetings with her, he told me that if I broke up with her, he and his girlfriend would still maintain contact with her, even though I hadn't mentioned breaking up. This, combined with flirty comments and actions between him and my girlfriend, raised concerns. Comments like “I’m the only one who flirts in this room” while looking at her, and her reaction being getting shy and starting to play with her hair.

Fast forward two years, and during a recent visit to his place, he made her cook while they’re laughing and giggling while cooking together. When the food was done my friend asked her to tighten the table leg (you have to rotate the leg), he then asked her in a flirty tone “is it tight?” And she responded “I would say it is tight”, - all this was done with a flirty undertone. When I expressed my feelings to my girlfriend, she denied any issue.

She is not innocent, she has subtly reciprocated his advances by flirting back by not shutting it down by being cold and dismissive of his attempts.

I feel betrayed by both my friend and my girlfriend. He acts flirtatiously only with her, and she hasn't shut down his advances.

I need advice on what to do. Should I cut them both from my life?

I should also mention he has a girlfriend.
He ain't your friend, buddy.
 

ThisIsSparta

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Talked to my girl and she's denying that she's flirted with my friend and that "she was just talking about tightning the table". But when you playfully hit each other laugh and giggle then it's flirting at that point. I told her I'll talk to my friend and confront him and she said "don't let your friends action dictate what I'm doing". But I told her that her response is her responsibility. Anyway, I also told her I have to reconsider our relationship and I have to think about where to go from this point on and she said that if I dump her because of this then it's my problem not her and I will have to live with it afterwards of letting her go.

There you go again..... you are still in the loop.

Talking to the chick, getting denials, letting yourself be gaslighted instead of you telling her what she has to do or else.

Next thing you will be talking to your "friend" instead of telling him to fvck off and delete him from everything and everywhere.

They will both be "talking" to you until you think you are the problem and begging both of them for forgiveness.
 

CornbreadFed

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I've been close friends with one of my best friends for over 20 years. Two years ago, I introduced my girlfriend to him and his girlfriend. This marked the first time I officially introduced a girl to anyone, as I generally keep my life private. However, I liked her and thought it was time to involve her with my friends.
All I really need to read. There's a reason you kept women private from your friends. Whether you cut off your friend is your decision, but I wouldn't definitely bring your partners around him again.
 
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