Married and having women friends

Ricky

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One of the women i work with is one of my best friends now and she is leaving our company to move back to her home town and i am fairly sad about it. She is also married and we have bonded over stress at work, our mutual love of her hometown since i used to live there and have talked about life philosophies and joked alot.

In any event, i made the mistake of posting this in a guitar forum i read and half the guys think i am on the verge of cheating etc. Its a platonic relationship for sure and my wife knows about my friendship with her.

At the end of the day, i want to keep in touch because i enjoy talking to her. Is it really such a dangerous path to take? I feel the guitar page take is just from some unenlightened AFC types (not sure if they still use the AFC term on so suave).

We work in a small industry so she will be working with a group of people i used to work with as well when she moves to her hometown.
 
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Julian

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You are disrespecting your wife and your marriage. What kind of cuck keeps female platonic friends anyway. This is leading down the path of cheating. Congratulations, you about to play yourself.
 

LARaiders85

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Nothing wrong with it, but if you have more in common with her and she is more attractive then yes you are putting yourself in danger of cheating.
 

Robert28

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Platonic female friends are a no go for me. May work for some but every time I’ve tried it it’s been torture for me. More trouble than it was ever worth.
 

Barrister

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The danger is that right now there is nothing wrong with it, but get in the wrong situation and it can quickly in the blink of an eye become a problem. Late night at work with only two of you in the office, the two of you at office party and each have been drinking, etc. Those "non-sexual" feelings you have can quickly turn sexual given the right (or maybe you'd say wrong) circumstances. And to be honest, your wife if she knew you were posting this here, would likely already say you were having an emotional affair.
 
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Atom Smasher

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A so-called “platonic” friend is actually filling the gap of something missing in your marital relationship.

You both have developed an emotional/spiritual attachment that is very dangerous. You both are simply suppressing the actual sexual bond that exists between you.

If I were you I would let this girl go and seek to manage my relationship with my wife in order to fill in the aforementioned gap and create a stronger bond with wifey.

I’ll bet dollars to donuts that you’re absolutely obsessed about her leaving. That’s why you’re seeking advice about it here. This relationship is entirely inappropriate and as others have said, is an insult to both your spouse and her spouse.

I question why your wife is so perfectly fine with you having a female “best friend”. Either she is monumentally naive, or she has a “friend” of her own. Even if not, she certainly has an implied green light to make a new “friend”.
 

Kotaix

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Atom is correct. People rarely keep friendships that don't have a sexual element to it in my own experience. I have married friends at work that are openly flirtatious with me, but I wonder how much of that has to do with the seemingly inescapable fact that people are not capable of being satisfied.
 
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AttackFormation

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This is a ticking cheat bomb that will happen sooner or later, if you don't manage it like @Atom Smasher said.
 

Ricky

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She is moving so any risk is probably low of something happening even if we werent platonic.

We genuinely enjoy working together and i will miss her. I am fairly surprised to see similar responses to the other forum.

Maybe we are in an era where friendships with the opposite sex are rare. I mean this is a tinder on demand society now
 

AttackFormation

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She is moving so any risk is probably low of something happening even if we werent platonic.

We genuinely enjoy working together and i will miss her. I am fairly surprised to see similar responses to the other forum.

Maybe we are in an era where friendships with the opposite sex are rare. I mean this is a tinder on demand society now
People don't necessarily plan to cheat, that's the thing. Ask most people and they will say they wouldn't or couldn't cheat, and in that moment, they really will mean what they say. The problem is that we humans are not rational. Their limbic brain compels them to do it when the moment arises, and then they rationalize "what I'd never do" or "what couldn't happen" afterward. That's why quarantine should be the first line of defense and management only the second.
 
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Spaz

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The lies men and women tell the world when they say 'platonic' but misses each other.

OP, if u identify urself as gay then I will believe you, that it's platonic.

There is no such thing as male-female platonic relationship.

And I don't believe that ur wife is okay with it unless she's also has another man.
 

Atom Smasher

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She is moving so any risk is probably low of something happening
Maybe we are in an era where friendships with the opposite sex are rare.
They're supposed to be rare. Male/female platonic relationships are a myth. There is always a sexual component.

Does your use of the word, "probably", tell you anything?
 

Ricky

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Thanks guys. I think there is some wisdom in this. While the situation itself warrants that we are platonic and i wouldnt want to cheat, if all barriers were removed its possible the feelings could develop into more. Although honestly even from that standpoint i am probably the one that is more attached.
 

Ricky

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And i also agree that the relationship may be filling in something that is missing. I love my wife and things are nice at home. I think sometimes the day to day life can impact intimacy and deep conversations.
 
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samspade

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And i also agree that the relationship may be filling in something that is missing. I love my wife and things are nice at home. I think sometimes the day to day life can impact intimacy and deep conversations.
It might not even be something that's "missing," other than variety.

Someone mentioned above that if she's more attractive than your wife, it's dangerous. But she could be a notch or two below your wife and you might still want to fukk her, simply because she's different. Either way it's normal. And of course if she's "cool" and you get along, it makes it hard not to think about. Especially if she's moving away.

Here's a little mental test. I read this somewhere on SoSuave. Imagine you're in a situation where she walks in on you jerking off. She unbuttons her blouse a bit and says "don't stop, Ricky, I want to watch, keep going." No one else around. What would you do?

It's a good litmus test because you're not sticking it in her and are only doing what you were doing. But if she were truly "platonic" you'd be embarrassed and turned off, just like if it were a guy friend, an elderly woman, etc.
 

Medina

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Moral stance is admirable but you ARE all fooling yourselves

Women are so sneaky about this you wouldn't have a CLUE

It's in a woman's nature to connect emotionally with males
It's in a man's nature to connect visually with females

While you are watching p0rn, they are initiating 80% divorces

They don't just up and leave, they have your replacement ready

And you had no idea
 

metalwater

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This is exactly what we do not want our wife to do.

The way you explain it and rationalize it sounds a little like hamster talk.

If you and your wife are in a rough patch.. and your out with this girl, and she is so sweat and understanding., and you haven't had any for a few weeks..
 

Spaz

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I think OP gets it.

However this case is unique, since OP is a man as this is normally the same bullshiet women the world over tries to bullshiet their naive husband's or boyfriend's with their male bff's story.

An acquaintance of mine once proudly introduced his 'good family friend' that was actually his wife's boyfriend, unbeknownst to him but a known fact by the rest of us.

Don't be a cuck.
 
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