LTR - Not sure how to handle this issue.....

[ThisIsSparta]

Thanks everyone for the help. I need to work on myself quite a bit. I'm in sad shape when I should't be. I've never been like this in my life.

I guess these are my options....

1. Like Cyrus mentioned - Explain to her that this trip is a breach of my boundary and I'm are not ok with it. Leave it at that and see what she does. If she goes I can decide to tell her have a nice life or mentally detach and continue sleeping with her while I cultivate new prospects. I'd like to maintain at least a sexual partner while I improve but I know that it may be damn near impossible given my personal issues here. Basically plate her and see if she accepts it.

2. Just openly tell her that the relationship will not work out and wish her the best. This is the best option given myself and the improvements I need to make coupled with the person I'm dealing with.

I know 2 is what I probably should do for my mental sanity but I know I'll probably wind up doing 1 due to what I said there.

Thanks everyone

Keep in mind that option 1 will potentially open up a whole new set of issues for you.

If you tell her not to leave and not offer any immediate(!) consequenzes she will lose (even more?) respect for you.

Also, you will openly have to settle with being a cuck. You know, she knows, "gay" friend knows and god knows who else.

If you dont have a clear cut, this will eat up your soul.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Should I just confront her and tell her that it's unacceptable and say I don't date women who go off to party islands with other men

Yes.

and see if she falls into line or just demote and keep as plate?

She will not fall in line. She is a 36 year old woman that doesn’t respect her boyfriend. She wants to do whatever the fvck she wants to do. Cut her loose and close the door on her.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Bro cut her loose. Even if she doesnt go on the trip, you stil have 8-10 more red flags. Not worth it.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Thanks everyone for the help. I need to work on myself quite a bit. I'm in sad shape when I should't be. I've never been like this in my life.

I guess these are my options....

1. Like Cyrus mentioned - Explain to her that this trip is a breach of my boundary and I'm are not ok with it. Leave it at that and see what she does. If she goes I can decide to tell her have a nice life or mentally detach and continue sleeping with her while I cultivate new prospects. I'd like to maintain at least a sexual partner while I improve but I know that it may be damn near impossible given my personal issues here. Basically plate her and see if she accepts it.

2. Just openly tell her that the relationship will not work out and wish her the best. This is the best option given myself and the improvements I need to make coupled with the person I'm dealing with.

I know 2 is what I probably should do for my mental sanity but I know I'll probably wind up doing 1 due to what I said there.

Thanks everyone

She will still go on the trip

If there's one thing i've learnt about women in my time is that 9/10 they will not refuse instant gratification under any circumstances

They are expert at justifying their actions to themselves and others stupid enough to believe them

Option 1) will not work you are already invested in her so trying to backstroke that into non committal sex at this stage will end in disaster

Option 2) is the tougher decision but the one your future self will thank you for

 

[Barrister]

Thanks everyone for the help. I need to work on myself quite a bit. I'm in sad shape when I should't be. I've never been like this in my life.

I guess these are my options....

1. Like Cyrus mentioned - Explain to her that this trip is a breach of my boundary and I'm are not ok with it. Leave it at that and see what she does. If she goes I can decide to tell her have a nice life or mentally detach and continue sleeping with her while I cultivate new prospects. I'd like to maintain at least a sexual partner while I improve but I know that it may be damn near impossible given my personal issues here. Basically plate her and see if she accepts it.

2. Just openly tell her that the relationship will not work out and wish her the best. This is the best option given myself and the improvements I need to make coupled with the person I'm dealing with.

I know 2 is what I probably should do for my mental sanity but I know I'll probably wind up doing 1 due to what I said there.

Thanks everyone

Number 1 really isn't an option. You are far too invested to "mentally detach" while you continue sleeping with her. Especially when she drops the inevitable bomb on you before you have "detached" that the relationship isn't working out. This will not end well for you. Do yourself a favor and listen to everyone in this thread telling you to abort NOW. It may sting, but YOU are in control in this scenario instead of her.

 

[TimothyPrice]

Guy may or may not be gay but she's bound to f**k someone on the trip. The whole proposition is a massive s**t test.
I would not try to tag along. Just tell her you two are over if she goes.

 

[CyrusTheGreat]

Thanks everyone for the help. I need to work on myself quite a bit. I'm in sad shape when I should't be. I've never been like this in my life.

I guess these are my options....

1. Like Cyrus mentioned - Explain to her that this trip is a breach of my boundary and I'm are not ok with it. Leave it at that and see what she does. If she goes I can decide to tell her have a nice life or mentally detach and continue sleeping with her while I cultivate new prospects. I'd like to maintain at least a sexual partner while I improve but I know that it may be damn near impossible given my personal issues here. Basically plate her and see if she accepts it.

2. Just openly tell her that the relationship will not work out and wish her the best. This is the best option given myself and the improvements I need to make coupled with the person I'm dealing with.

I know 2 is what I probably should do for my mental sanity but I know I'll probably wind up doing 1 due to what I said there.

Thanks everyone

Just to clarify, I did not say that stay with her. I said draw your boundaries and completely drop her NOW if she doesn't comply.

If she complies, mentally demote her to a plate (without telling her) while you cultivate new women. Then get rid of her as soon as you have enough new women.

In the second scenario, don't tell her at all that you're downgrading the relationship to plate, FwB, etc. She is not gonna accept that, and it's gonna backfire.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yes.



She will not fall in line. She is a 36 year old woman that doesn’t respect her boyfriend. She wants to do whatever the fvck she wants to do. Cut her loose and close the door on her.

Guys don't understand that women will often do this stuff BECAUSE they want you to break up with them due to lost respect. Will increase more and more until they realize you won't break up with them and then they do it for you once they lost ALL respect for you.

 

[The Duke]

Guys don't understand that women will often do this stuff BECAUSE they want you to break up with them due to lost respect. Will increase more and more until they realize you won't break up with them and then they do it for you once they lost ALL respect for you.

Yep, the man is always expected to do the dirty work and thats fine by me.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

IMO?

Unacceptable, if you have the ability to do it invite yourself but otherwise tell her that you guys can’t see each other if she goes. You have to put your foot down.

Also realize that she’s gonna be sleeping in the same room as her “gay” friend, possibly in the same bed “to save money”.

NFW this is ok. Sanse is a lot of fun, if you can tag do it.

 

[Free_Agent]

IMO?

Unacceptable, if you have the ability to do it invite yourself but otherwise tell her that you guys can’t see each other if she goes. You have to put your foot down.

Also realize that she’s gonna be sleeping in the same room as her “gay” friend, possibly in the same bed “to save money”.

NFW this is ok. Sanse is a lot of fun, if you can tag do it.

Part of me wanted to ask her some questions about the trip. Whose idea was it. Who's paying for what? 1 or 2 rooms?

I'm just going to tell her that I'm not cool with it. Her traveling to a party island on the biggest party of the year is the behavior of a single woman. I've thought about the possibly she inviting me. Not sure how I would respond. I could go.

I need to have this conversation this week when I get back. She supposed to leave in 2 weeks.

I have tix for us to go to Costa Rica for 5 days in mid Feb and if she continues on the path to go to PR, obviously I'll have to cancel the CR trip.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Part of me wanted to ask her some questions about the trip. Whose idea was it. Who's paying for what? 1 or 2 rooms?

I'm just going to tell her that I'm not cool with it. Her traveling to a party island on the biggest party of the year is the behavior of a single woman. I've thought about the possibly she inviting me. Not sure how I would respond. I could go.

I need to have this conversation this week when I get back. She supposed to leave in 2 weeks.

I have tix for us to go to Costa Rica for 5 days in mid Feb and if she continues on the path to go to PR, obviously I'll have to cancel the CR trip.

Take another girl to CR

 

[Pedrito0906]

Hey Cat - Appreciate this. I really appreciate you taking the time to help a stranger. I know I'm dealing with a terrible case of oneitis here and I can't break it. I've been reading / watching a lot of material and I understanding it all but I'm still not able to walk away. And it boils down to putting myself in a situation where I have no options and the all too common from what it seems scarcity mindset. I have low confidence when I should have high.

I agree with you on all this. The ex and this trip. When I caught her going to dinner with the ex I explicitly told her it was unacceptable to me for someone I'm with to maintain contact with exes and people they've slept with. She usually gaslights me and has all kinds of excuses - you weren't divorced yet ( I had a long and protracted divorce and custody battle with my ex wife ).

When we discussed the Bahamas trip her response was " We weren't together - did you expect me to stay home and be miserable? I needed to go on with my life and live it" . Very telling that 2 weeks after we break up she does this.

I've come to th realization that this woman I'm dealing with is my problem. Listening to Rick Coopers Unplugged Alpha where he lays out 20 red flags, I count 8 SOLID ones and 2 partial ones. Thats a lot and then we have all her actions here laid out. It's quite funny because she has confided to me in the past that her parents, whose marriage was a wreck, her mother was continually online seeking out other men. Her dad was an alcoholic and was present but absent. Mother has serious untreated psychological problems.

All the writing is on the wall I'm just to damn oblivious to it all. Fear of being alone. Fear of not having a companion. Fear of not having a lover I enjoy. Having to deal with the dating marketplace - I've basically been out of it for almost 20 years.

I've spent too much time worrying about it. Stressing. Reading and watching videos. It has affected my sleep.

Bro, no woman has no red flags, everyone has red flags. I know a girl super smart, caring, but she's single at 33, never had a bf, she's a career woman, parents still live together, everyone has trauma from the past, there are worse woman tha others of course.

However, she's a reflection of your actions and behaviors, you allowed her to be that way, when you found out she went to dinner with her ex and still texting, you didn't drop her, then the disrespects kept coming subconsciously, in her monkey brain she kept testing you with disrespect and you allowed it. You reap what you sow.

Now you're wondering why she's that way, why she's doing everything she's doing, simple you allowed it. Women will act as $hitty as you let them.

There is not respect for you, learn from this and walk away. I suffer from that as well, we all are here learning to become better men.

 

[The Duke]

Part of me wanted to ask her some questions about the trip. Whose idea was it. Who's paying for what? 1 or 2 rooms?

I'm just going to tell her that I'm not cool with it. Her traveling to a party island on the biggest party of the year is the behavior of a single woman. I've thought about the possibly she inviting me. Not sure how I would respond. I could go.

I need to have this conversation this week when I get back. She supposed to leave in 2 weeks.

I have tix for us to go to Costa Rica for 5 days in mid Feb and if she continues on the path to go to PR, obviously I'll have to cancel the CR trip.

I'm not trying to beat you down, but I asked you earlier about these questions you needed to ask. You need to ask yourself why you are afraid to ask them.

The more you post, the more I see this chic has all the power. Its why she elected to go on the trip and didn't give two fuhks about you. Women that respect and value your leadership would never have entertained this trip idea.

I sense you might not be leading this relationship enough to maintain control and keep her respecting you. And I'm not going to discount her lack of etiquette/respect either. Just explaining the dynamics.

Get those Costa Rica tickets cancelled. Get some new talent lined up.

And for everyone reading, always get the woman to buy the trip tickets. If she wants you to pay your portion, then pay right before you leave. That way when things go bad, its on her dime not yours if you don't end up going. A woman is more likely to fuhk up trip plans than a guy.

 

[Free_Agent]

Bro, no woman has no red flags, everyone has red flags. I know a girl super smart, caring, but she's single at 33, never had a bf, she's a career woman, parents still live together, everyone has trauma from the past, there are worse woman tha others of course.

However, she's a reflection of your actions and behaviors, you allowed her to be that way, when you found out she went to dinner with her ex and still texting, you didn't drop her, then the disrespects kept coming subconsciously, in her monkey brain she kept testing you with disrespect and you allowed it. You reap what you sow.

Now you're wondering why she's that way, why she's doing everything she's doing, simple you allowed it. Women will act as $hitty as you let them.

There is not respect for you, learn from this and walk away. I suffer from that as well, we all are here learning to become better men.

you’re absolutely correct. I didn’t start reading red pill stuff until well into the relationship when I began seeing behaviors from her, that just didn’t seem right, that I never saw with my ex-wife or any girl before that.

I totally messed up from the get-go. It actually started way before that dinner maybe a few months into the relationship.

It all started with the innocent “I’m gonna have lunch with the ex boyfriend “. I know a lot of guys on all the various forums and channels tell you not to mate guard and just say “have a good lunch” .

Maybe very early on I should’ve just said I’m not cool with that to correct the bad behavior or I should’ve just use it as a sign that it wasn’t gonna work out.

 

[Free_Agent]

I'm not trying to beat you down, but I asked you earlier about these questions you needed to ask. You need to ask yourself why you are afraid to ask them.

The more you post, the more I see this chic has all the power. Its why she elected to go on the trip and didn't give two fuhks about you. Women that respect and value your leadership would never have entertained this trip idea.

I sense you might not be leading this relationship enough to maintain control and keep her respecting you. And I'm not going to discount her lack of etiquette/respect either. Just explaining the dynamics.

Get those Costa Rica tickets cancelled. Get some new talent lined up.

And for everyone reading, always get the woman to buy the trip tickets. If she wants you to pay your portion, then pay right before you leave. That way when things go bad, its on her dime not yours if you don't end up going. A woman is more likely to fuhk up trip plans than a guy.

I hear you man. I can handle constructive criticism pretty well, and I know I’ve totally screwed this up. Like I mentioned in another reply, I’ve always dated pretty stable woman, and there was never really any drama. I didn’t start reading/learning about red pill until I was a few weeks into this relationship and started seeing things I never saw before.

Tickets are always booked on ward miles and I’m able to cancel and recover the miles back to my account versus if I paid for them then she would get issued a trip credit in her name which obviously I would never want that.

Bottom line is I need to get out of this situation and work on myself when it comes to relationships for about one or two years. Everything else in my life I feel is complete. Success. Freedom. Money. Friends. Family.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Everything else in my life I feel is complete. Success. Freedom. Money. Friends. Family.

F0ck her then bro. You dont need her. You can easily pull a better girl eventually if you are doing that good in every other area of your life.

 

[startstrongtoday22]

It’s unacceptable. If a woman goes with another guy who is gay or not, without you, then end it. If this not a plate and even in fact an LTR end it quick. She wants a break from you and chances she will come back and say she is done or found another guy blah blah.

This girl I was briefly saying said she wanted to go to a bachelorette party in another city to party and she didn’t invite me, I immediately told her if she goes then it’s over. She went and it was over. Never been happier ever since. A hoe will always be a hoe.

 

[startstrongtoday22]

Agree.

My take is @Free_Agent the reason you're having difficultly extricating yourself is because in all likelihood you're addicted to the sex. I have been there myself with one of my long term ex's.

It's a serious addiction and if you don't kick it, it has the potential to destroy you.

As stated almost ad nauseum, this girl is a liar. She enjoys all the trips and other perks you offer, as well as she enjoys the perks her ex offers her as they've taken a few trips together as well, fully funded by him.

My guess is she is playing him as well.

I have a very strong sense she is taking the upcoming trip with him.

I wouldn't even confront her about it, there is no reason to think she would be honest as she has lied to you previously.

Take whatever is left of your self-respect, wish her well and walk.

I really hope you do that. This entire thread saddens me to no end, how one woman has the power to affect a man's mental processes in such a profound way.

Good luck mate.

You are 100% when the sex is good it becomes addicting and when they want to leave you feel
Panicked and an afc. I’ve been there but learned my lesson. I went no contact and she started chasing and I stopped responding and she stopped contacting. Women who can have emotional sex and the leave in my opinion are the biggest hoes

 

[LTG71]

The tone of this relationship was set from the very beginning. She didn’t have to fully commit while you were getting a divorce and it sounds like she still doesn’t. Jet setting with her ex and now going to party with a “gay” friend? Have you even met this “gay” friend? Since she lied about connecting with the ex before and deleting things, I’d put my money on her lying about this “gay” friend. And if she is with you, why would she travel to a party place without you? Like saying, “I’m going to an orgy, everybody will be naked and fvcking but I‘m only going to watch, wink wink.” She sounds free to do whatever she wants. She has no respect for you, huge red flag.

Men love complicating their lives, then justifying why they do it... - Richard Cooper.